Accidental Atonement
by IdPattThat
Summary: Leah Clearwater considers herself a lost soul and happiness a lost cause. Will community service with the new youth pastor show her that even she deserves a second chance?
1. In a Handbasket

**A/N: This is a repost because the first post was a huge CF. Apparently I need to learn a few tricks about editing in Word. **

**Disclaimer: Stephenie owns all things Twilight, as usual.**

**So, this is my first foray into non-canon couples and I'm kind of scared.**

**Eternal thanks to killerlashes and IAmToWait for letting me take a drunk idea and run with it. And promising to hold my hand.**

**Yeah... here you go.**

* * *

I'm not a God person.

What I mean is, I'd never gone to church as a kid. When my father died I swore off anything spiritual. When my mother remarried, well… things turned upside down fast.

I would never have guessed that a night out in La Push would have landed me in such a fucked-up situation.

Everything in La Push had been going fine until Paul grabbed my ass. Well, maybe everything was fine until I decked him and stormed out to my car; the night was pretty much fuzzy all around. I _did _remember that the blue lights were nearly blinding in my side view mirror. Did they really have to be that bright? And the siren, _God_. It was three in the morning, for fuck's sake, was it really even necessary?

I tried to straighten my shirt as the officer neared my car. Pulling it down to show a little cleavage seemed like a good idea, so I pushed my tits up to my chin, grabbed my license and registration, and rolled down my window. Did they not check my plates? Do they not know my last name, that my mother was married to the chief?

"Is there a problem, officer?" I asked, my voice so saccharine it made me nauseated.

"Do you know how fast you were going, ma'am?" He leaned into the window of my car and I moved back against the seat.

"Uh… 55?" I replied stupidly. _Do you know Chief Swan is my stepfather?_ I didn't ask, though I really wanted to. The fact that my mother found it necessary to marry the chief of police had to have some kind of pull in this shitty town.

"45. You were going 45 in a 65. And you were swerving. Have you had anything to drink tonight?" The officer eyed me. He was close enough for me to smell his Old Spice aftershave, the same kind my dad used to wear. Thinking about my dad and smelling the aftershave made my stomach turn more than trying to be polite did.

"Just one?" came my weak reply. The officer opened my car door and I stumbled out. Oh, the chief would _not_ be happy about this.

I went through the whole spiel: I touched my nose, said the alphabet backwards, and attempted to walk in a straight line.

Then I threw up on the officer's shoes.

Twice.

He didn't seem to think the handcuffs were necessary and I don't remember the drive to the police station.

I do remember how the police chief's brown eyes stared down at me between the metal bars with disappointment. He opened the door and I trudged out, knowing that my mother's face would be wearing the same look as Chief Swan's.

We drove home in silence. My stepfather didn't say anything until we reached the driveway of the modest two-story home we'd all moved into last year.

"You'll have to go to court. They'll probably revoke your license, seein' as your blood alcohol level was well over the legal limit."

"Great," I muttered and leaned my head back against the seat.

"I'll see what I can do about your sentence; maybe get you some community service."

"I don't want your help!" I cried as I yanked off my seatbelt and flung open the door.

"It's better than jail!" he called as my foot touched the top of the stairs. I turned slowly, trying to hate my stepfather, but finding it hard to.

"Fine," I answered before opening the door. My mother was sitting at the bottom of the stairs, her eyes wet, the corners of her mouth turned down. "I'm sorry," I whispered as I passed her on my way to my room. I couldn't look at them anymore. I didn't want to think about how I was the cause for their disappointment.

xXx

"Hey, you new here?" A tiny blond girl in skinny jeans and a Hollister t-shirt came to where I'd been leaning against the wall.

"Uh, no… I'm supposed to be helping out."

"Oh, you're our new volunteer?" She eyed me up and down and smirked. "Good luck. I'm sure Edward will fill you in on all of us." She walked away.

I frowned and fixed myself against the wall. It was months after my DUI; despite Charlie's intervention, the judge had been less than merciful, and I had been sentenced to two hundred hours of community service.

Two.

Hundred.

Hours.

Chief Swan didn't have much pull when the judge is trying to crack down on drinking and driving. Maybe he should have slipped the judge a six pack; that probably would've helped more than his puppy-dog eyes.

So, that's how I found myself leaning up against the fellowship hall of Forks United Christian Church, watching twenty-five kids kick two soccer balls around. It was a bit unnerving to see and the kids clearly knew nothing about personal boundaries. I almost got hit five times with a fucking ball and witnessed hugs that came close to groping (I was pretty sure _that_ was inappropriate).

I really wanted to bail, but _duh,_ I didn't have a driver's license, and I didn't feel like having my kid brother come and pick me up. So here I was, waiting to meet the youth pastor, Edward Cullen, and to find out how I would be helping the community. Apparently I would be helping out with the kids, servicing the youth of Forks, but you know, not like _that._ He was the fourth youth pastor at Forks United within the span of two months, and he'd supposedly inherited a bunch of kids with personal problems more serious than anyone had ever imagined.

Or so Charlie had said. I wouldn't have known. I didn't go to church.

But then again, we were in Forks and everyone had their secrets.

From what little Charlie had told me about the kids, I gathered that they were worse off than anyone really knew. Eating disorders and suicide attempts were at the top of the list. Apparently promiscuity and drug use littered the group, too. And then there were the ones who were fine, who just needed a place to go and someone to talk to.

I watched a girl whose clothes were too big for her body sit alone at a round table and watch the group play, wondering how _she_ was getting comfort here, what this place and this new guy were doing for her. A few of the other kids just looked ragged with dirty clothes and hair, like they had to take care of themselves.

I almost felt bad for them but at the same time… I didn't get what was wrong with kids these days. Were they really that stupid? Or maybe the word was _impressionable_. I didn't know, or really care. I wanted to do my time and get out. I needed out of my house, the town, state… out of all of it.

"Kind of crazy, huh?" A soft voice came from beside me.

"Um… a bit." I gave a shaky laugh and turned toward the voice. "Is there any kind of structure here?"

"Sometimes." He laughed.

I had to remind myself that I was at a _youth group_ meeting and that he was probably underage. Really, _really_ underage. Like, _jailbait_ underage. And I was _way_ too pretty to go to prison.

But… _damn._

His eyes jumped out at me, vivid pops of green against clear pale skin. The hair that hung across his forehead was a coppery color, as if he'd dipped his head in a thousand little melted pennies. Faded jeans and a ratty pocket tee clung to his lean body and I could feel my blood warming just looking at him.

"Maybe this new guy will be able to do some good?" I said. I figured I had to make nice with the kids if I was going to spend _two hundred hours_ with them.

The kid laughed and ran a hand through his hair. My eyes followed his hand and I wondered if his hair was as soft as it looked, and maybe if he could tell me what kind of conditioner he used.

"Hopefully." He pushed himself off the wall. "Excuse me." He squeezed my arm softly and made his way over to the stage at the front of the hall.

My eyes were trained on him as he threw one leg over an amp and jumped to the top of the stage. I watched as he slung an electric guitar over his shoulder and adjusted the microphone on the stand in front of him.

What surprised me was not the way the kids automatically stopped kicking the damned ball around the moment his fingers touched the strings of his guitar. It wasn't how they all sat, mesmerized, when he began to sing. The thing that shocked me was how _I _felt. How the music and his voice seemed to radiate through my body. His voice was clear and warm, like a summer day that would never end.

His eyes closed as he sang, not needing any sheet music, and his fingers moved as flawlessly across the instrument as if it were a part of his body. The kids began to sing along and I felt goosebumps rise on my flesh.

I listened to this kid sing three songs about faith, hope, and grace. I listened to the words, but all I heard was his voice and all I could see was his face, eyes closed and lips moving like he was pouring out his soul.

When the songs were finished, the kids cheered and I looked around for this Edward guy and frowned. I assumed there would be _some_ kind of adult supervision with a group of such rowdy kids. He may have gotten them all settled down with his performance, but a ruckus would definitely ensue if someone didn't come to keep order. The kid set the guitar in its stand and took a seat on the edge of the stage, his feet crossed in front of him and hands folded in his lap.

My jaw dropped as he spoke.

_Oh. Shit._

"All right, guys, let's get started. If this is your first time here, I'm Edward Cullen, the youth pastor."

I was _so _going to hell.


	2. Don't Put Jesus on Food

**Disclaimer: Stephenie owns all things.**

**Thanks to killerlashes and IAmToWait for reading/beta'ing/fixing/working magic and all around cheerleading. **

**Thanks to all of you for reading and reviewing! Hopefully updates will be more frequent now.**

* * *

He was the youth pastor.

The fucking _youth pastor? _

Not that I would have _minded_ fucking the youth pastor, but –

_No, Leah. Just no._

Christ on a _cracker_.

He was gorgeous: high cheekbones and clear skin that any girl would kill to have. I noticed the sharp, defined jaw covered in a five o'clock shadow and realized that he was much older than I'd initially thought. Early- to mid-twenties at least.

I couldn't keep my eyes off him while he did devotions and small group activities with the kids. After the initial chaos had died down, some of the kids were put into groups according to age, and Edward would spend a few moments with each group. They would talk and then pray. A few of them cried and I wished I was closer so I knew what was going on. I wanted to know what made kids cry these days.

My brother never cried. Not when Dad died; not when our mom married Charlie.

Maybe he was broken.

Fuck, maybe I was broken, too.

Watching the way they blatantly poured out their hearts and told their problems to Edward made me wonder how it could be so easy for them. This guy was practically a complete stranger to these kids and they completely trusted him. Teenagers are notorious for not trusting adults.

I didn't even talk to my mother the way they talked to Edward. I surely wouldn't have talked to someone I hardly knew like that. Edward deserved a medal for getting them to open up like this.

It reminded me of how my mom tried to get me to go to therapy when Dad died. I didn't want to talk about it, especially to some nutcase that was supposedly qualified because they had a degree hanging on their wall. I'd found plenty of other ways to clear my head.

I'd become a regular at the little hole-in-the-wall bar that Quil owned in La Push. I'd been there the night of my DUI. Sam used to take me there all the time. That is, before he started fucking my cousin behind my back. Things changed after Emily got pregnant. Sam married her and they spent their nights at home wrapped up in their little family. It was disgusting, really. I'd never seen the kid, though my mom told me it wasn't totally unfortunate looking if you could look past its giant head.

I didn't think too much about Sam and Emily; neither one of them were worth it to me. Besides, after Sam and I split up I got "custody" of our friends. Paul and Embry were fun to hang out with most of the time. Paul could get handsy sometimes (hence the decking), but that was where it ended. He knew that if I were going to wake up in anyone's bed after a night out it was Embry's. Embry and I both knew that what went on between us was strictly casual. Neither one of us were looking for, nor were in the position to be in, a serious relationship. Embry made me feel wanted, something I'd stopped feeling when Sam and Emily started fucking around.

I hadn't seen much of the guys since my DUI. That mostly had to do with my not having a driver's license. And the fact that Charlie had gotten me a job working dispatch at the police department. The job was mainly because he and my mother didn't want me lying around the house all day, seeing as I'd stopped taking my journalism classes in Port Angeles when I refused to ride the bus. It was also convenient to work in the same place since he could drive me while my beautifully restored Camaro sat unused in the garage.

I refocused my attention on the kids in front of me and was surprised to see them moving around again. I watched Edward pull the kids into a kumbaya kind of circle and take out an old, leather-bound book. Oh, it was a Bible. He opened it and started reading and, though I didn't listen to the words or quite care what they meant, listening to his voice sent a weird, warm shiver through my body.

_Shit,_ I thought. _I really am going to hell._

Edward talked about the scripture he'd read, then reminded the kids about a meeting they were having on Tuesday regarding the group camping trip. He closed in prayer before letting them go.

I bowed my head with them and picked at my nails while he prayed. I hadn't heard many people pray, but the way Edward did it was different than the ones I _had_ heard. There was nothing glamorous about it; he wasn't doing it to let people know that he _knew_ how to pray. His voice was quiet as he spoke, asking for forgiveness of sins and guidance throughout the week.

There was a chorus of "amens" and the group dispersed. They pushed out the door beside me and spilled into the parking lot. Some got into cars while others took off walking in different directions. I watched Edward talk to parents and give high-fives to the kids until no one was left but the two of us and a small black-haired girl who looked like a little gothic version of Snow White.

"Oh, hey! You're still here." He smiled when he saw me. His teeth were too straight, too perfect. I wanted to lick them, to curl up into that pretty mouth of his and feel his voice vibrate through me.

"Where else would I be?" I questioned and fought against my eye roll. _Be nice, be nice, be nice_, I chanted in my head. Well, my mother chanted in my head. Then I really did roll my eyes.

"I thought you might have run out on us." Edward stepped around me and went back into the hall where he started cleaning up soda cans and candy wrappers off of the floor. No fucking wonder the kids were acting so damn crazy earlier. Maybe I should clue him in about some healthy snack ideas.

The black-haired girl climbed up onto the stage and gently removed the electric guitar from its stand. She sat on the edge of the stage like Edward had done earlier and plucked at the strings. Only a soft twang could be heard as she went through different chords.

"Be careful, Alice," Edward warned. The girl, Alice, rolled her eyes but nodded before carefully packing the guitar in its case. She hopped down from the stage and helped him with the last bit of trash before he turned off the lights and led us out the door. She brought the guitar with her and he laughed softly because it was nearly as big as she was.

"Thanks." He took it from her and opened the door. I stepped out first and Alice quickly followed. Edward locked the door behind us.

"Do you need a ride home?" Edward asked me as the three of us began to cross the parking lot. Great, he knew I didn't have a license. Of course he knew. I hated this town.

"No thanks. I'm sure the Chief will make sure I get home safe and sound." I tried to keep the annoyance from my voice, but not really. I _was_ annoyed. I was annoyed and angry at Charlie's… _perfection_. Everyone in the surrounding area practically worshipped the ground the guy walked on. Even Seth. I hated it. I hated that he'd been my dad's best friend and now he was fucking my mother. My poor father was probably rolling over in his grave.

"He's a nice guy." Edward smiled again. I was pretty sure I was the only person in the world who felt the way I did about Charlie.

If I were completely honest with myself, Charlie wasn't_ that_ bad. He loved my mother, was a good solid male figure for my brother, but… for me? He wasn't my dad. I missed my dad. I missed him even more when Charlie came to pick me up with Seth. In my car. With my fifteen-year-old brother behind the wheel.

"Oh, you have _got _to be fucking kidding me!" I cried. Edward coughed lightly beside me. I turned to him, slightly embarrassed and ready to apologize. Alice looked at me with a wide smirk, her dark hair covering most of her face and her big blue eyes lined with dark eyeliner. I noted the curve of her cheekbones and how the slope of her perfect nose was similar to Edward's and assumed they were related somehow.

"Sorry," I mumbled. Alice rolled her eyes but Edward shrugged.

"Not like we haven't heard swearing before," he explained with a smile. "Hey, Chief!" Edward greeted my stepfather with a smile and a handshake while Seth lingered behind him, his eyes locked on the skinny, dark-haired girl beside me. Alice glared at my brother for a moment before holding her hand out to Edward. He sighed and reached into his pocket, handing her a set of keys.

"I'll be right there," he told her as she walked away toward a newer-looking sedan across the lot.

"How are things going so far?" Charlie asked. Edward shoved his hands in his pockets and shrugged.

"Not bad. Kids are okay. Seem to be warming up just fine." I couldn't help but notice the small smile he wore. It wasn't smug. In fact, it was the complete opposite. He seemed generally surprised that the kids were being cooperative and opening up to him.

"You'll do fine." Charlie patted his shoulder and turned to me. "Ready?"

I didn't answer. Instead I stalked past him and slid into the backseat of my car in silence. Seth climbed in the passenger seat and turned to me tentatively.

"I just wanted to practice a little. And Charlie said it's not good for a car to just sit around…" He trailed off at my icy glare.

"I don't give a fuck what Charlie thinks. The next time I see you _practice_ in my car I rip your fucking hands off." Seth sighed but didn't respond because Charlie opened the driver side door.

"Finished practicing?" he asked Seth.

"I didn't want to upset Leah," my brother mumbled. I scoffed. By "upset me" he clearly meant "I want to keep my limbs."

"Oh, I'm sure your sister doesn't care. It's not like she can drive the car. It needs to be used." Charlie reached over and mussed Seth's hair.

"No, I don't care. I don't care that you let a fifteen-year-old drive the car that I saved for years to buy. The car that I helped Jake restore and that I buy the gas for and pay for the upkeep. No, I don't care at all," I muttered under my breath and seethed in the backseat, glaring at Charlie in the rearview mirror.

The rest of the drive was silent. Once we were inside I went right past my mother and to my room. I dialed Embry's number quickly. I needed to get out of the house.

xXx

"Ugh. C'mon. I'm not in the mood." I pushed Embry off me for what felt like the hundredth time.

"Then why did you call me?" he asked as his hand traveled up my thigh and under the hem of the jean skirt I'd thrown on.

Okay, _fine_. There was a reason why I'd called him. And a reason that I'd put on a tiny piece of denim and no underwear. But then I changed my mind.

"Just take me to Quil's. I wanna dance." I slid farther away from him and crossed my arms in front of me.

"You sound like Dane Cook." He snorted as he turned his truck back on.

"What?" I asked as he pulled back onto the road and headed for the bar.

"He has this skit where he makes fun of girls because they always say things like that. _I just wanna dance_." He imitated me with a nasally voice and a lisp.

"It's a good thing you have a nice dick." I shook my head and looked out the window as we drove. I missed La Push, especially now that I didn't have a way to get out here. The streets I used to drive down with my dad, my old school, our old house. Everything was so easy before Dad's heart attack.

"What are you thinking about?" Embry reached over and I moved even closer to the door. He continued to hold out his hand, palm up, with his eyes still on the road I reluctantly took his hand, lacing my fingers with his. It was nice to pretend that we were more than we were sometimes.

"How fucked up everything is," I admitted just as he pulled into the gravel parking lot of Quil's.

He turned my palm toward him and kissed it softly. I closed my eyes and pretended again.

"Let's go. There's some new guy playing tonight and Quil said he's awesome."

I followed him up to the bar, the smell of stale beer and smoke recognizable from the parking lot. Quil had an amazing ear for music. He had a ton of local artists coming in and out of the bar each week. It was one of the main reasons the place was still open.

"Damn," I breathed as we walked in the door. The place was packed. The guy _must_ be good if the crowd was that big on a Sunday night.

"Right? Quil said he's some kid from Chicago. Had like, classical training or some shit and likes to play in dive bars. How crazy is that?"

"Crazy," I muttered and led the way to the bar. I ordered us a couple of beers and Embry found a table with Paul and his flavor of the week. Paul gave me a noncommittal nod, not meeting my eyes, and I smirked, remembering the way his face felt when it collided with my fist. I looked around and noticed the crowd was… not normal.

"From what I heard, this guy is something else to look at." Paul's date leaned across the table after noticing my confused look.

"Is that why all the whores are out?" Embry asked as he slipped an arm behind my chair.

We laughed but Paul scoffed.

"I saw him earlier. He's nothing special. Kind of weird looking."

"Not your type?" I asked him and he glared at me. "Oh, come on. I thought we were friends again." I pouted and he rolled his eyes.

"Just don't fucking punch me again."

"Keep your hands to yourself then, sweetheart." I patted his cheek and took a sip of my beer. Paul flinched away but didn't have a chance to respond because the sound of an acoustic guitar filled the dingy bar and everyone's attention turned to the little stage up front.

Then his voice came and the crowd parted in front of me, like the fucking Red Sea or something. I choked on my beer and coughed loudly. Of course I would think something biblical because there, slouched on the ratty old stool in _my_ hole-in-the-wall bar, looking like an angel who'd been kicked out of heaven, was the youth pastor.

Edward _fucking_ Cullen.


	3. Hell or High Water

**Disclaimer: Stephenie owns all things Twilight. I also don't own any song lyrics or you know, anything else. **

**Thanks to killerlashes and IAmToWait. You're just super special to me. **

**HM4 gave me the song, she's pretty. So are all of you. I mean it. Let's make out later. **

* * *

Edward Cullen was in my bar. _My bar. _He was in my bar where my friends and I hung out and he was singing. Holy hell. What was he singing? Jesus songs? No, not Jesus songs. Definitely not. Real songs. Not that Jesus songs weren't real songs, but you know – stuff that real people listened to.

I leaned forward, my hand gripping Embry's thigh as I did, and listened. His voice was different than what I'd heard at church. There it was soft and reverent, but here… here it was deep, husky even, raspy with heartache and desire.

Well, maybe that's just what he made _me_ feel.

The crowd was silent as he sang, just like the kids had been earlier. They gave him their full attention and hung on his every word. Well, every word of Johnny Rzeznik's, but _still_. Edward closed his eyes as he sang, just like at the church. I watched, mesmerized along with the rest of the women in the bar. He was like a fucking backwards siren, a man luring women instead of a woman luring men. By the chorus of the song I would have believed anything he'd said to me and done anything he'd asked.

_Get a grip!_ I mentally yelled at myself and sat up straight. Embry glared at me and removed his arm from the back of my chair and crossed them in front of his chest.

"_And I don't want the world to see me, _

'_cause I don't think that they'd understand._

_When everything's made to be broken – _

_I just want you to know who I am _

_I just want you to know who I am_

_I just want you to know who I am."_

As he sang the last line his eyes met mine, unreadable under the poor stage lighting. He gave me a quick nod of acknowledgement and transitioned smoothly into another song. What it was though, I had no idea because I was being pulled by the arm across the room to an empty spot at the bar.

"What the fuck was _that_ about?" Embry practically yelled.

"First of all, lower your fucking voice. Then get your hands off me." I yanked my arm away from him and he took a step back. "You aren't my boyfriend."

"No, but you let me fuck you six ways to Sunday, so when I see some other guy making eyes at you, I think I have a right to know what the fuck is going on!"

"Nothing! I don't even know him!" I lied. Embry eyed me beadily, then turned back to the stage where Edward was still singing and playing. He had the audience captivated again with a slow, melancholy country song. "And like I said, you aren't my boyfriend. So, no, you don't have _any_ right to know what is going on, understand?"

"Whatever, Leah," he muttered as he turned away from me and took a long pull from his beer. We continued to listen to Edward's set, though Embry only did so grudgingly and with many beers. I matched his drinks tit for tat and even threw in a round of shots just to be nice. Besides, he was my way home. His home preferably, so I could get him out of his pants and into mine. I had to laugh on the inside; his jealousy over someone neither one of us knew was hilarious to me. All Edward had done was look at me; it was an acknowledgement of my presence and nothing more. By the time Edward was finally finished, Embry's hand was in the front pocket of my jean skirt and I was ridiculously horny.

"Take me home." I leaned into him and he cupped my ass with both of his hands.

"I thought you weren't in the mood," he reminded me, his breath hot in my ear.

"Maybe I'm not then!" I pushed him away and stumbled back into the closest warm body.

"Careful there." The voice was quiet in my ear, the arms resting lightly on my hips to steady me. "You okay?" Edward's worried gaze made my stomach twist with a thrill of awareness.

"Fine, Edward. Thanks." I removed myself from his arms and took a step toward Embry. "Ready?" I held my hand out to him in an attempt to get him away from Edward as quickly as possible. Embry's temper was worse than mine and when he was drunk… there was no reasoning with him.

"I thought you didn't know this guy." He glared at Edward, who was still standing behind me.

"I don't. I mean, not really. I just met him today," I explained and cast a glance over my shoulder. Edward was watching me, a strange expression on his face. Embry ran a hand down my arm and grabbed my ass again before smirking at Edward over my shoulder and leaning in to kiss me. It was rough, not like he usually kissed me. His hand fisted in my hair and pulled hard and his teeth scraped over the skin of my lips.

"Ow!" I cried and tried to shove him away.

"Let's go." Embry grabbed my arm and started to pull me toward the door.

"No!" I yelled and yanked my arm from his grasp. The people around us turned to see what the commotion was. He took a step toward me and I held up my hands ready to defend myself. "Don't fucking touch me again."

"Leah. I said let's go." He stared at me, his eyes dangerously dark. Did he forget who I was? Forget that I didn't belong to him?

"Go fuck yourself, Embry, because you sure won't be fucking me tonight." I turned away from him.

"Fine. I was getting tired of Sam's sloppy seconds anyways," he called as I stalked away.

Anger froze me in my tracks. I felt like my skin was on fire, like I was on the brink of an explosion – and not a good one.

"Really?" I whipped around, my hair flying out around me I could vaguely make out the other faces in the crowd. Quil behind the bar, Paul behind him, Edward still there, only closer than before. "Because you've been picking up his leftovers all your life."

"Well, maybe this last one left a bad taste in my mouth." He smirked at me and I felt my hands clench into fists at my side. "You know how hard it is to get rid of the taste of whore?"

He barely got the last word at before I lunged at him.

The impact I was looking for never came. Those arms were around me again, too familiar for my own good, and holding me tight against a lean body and lifting me a few inches off the ground.

"Chill, girl. You're going to hurt yourself." Edward's voice was in my ear again, soothing and calming me at the same time.

"No, I'm going to hurt him," I growled, and tried to free myself from his arms, but he held fast. He was definitely stronger than his lean body had led on. I'd ask him if he worked out later. After I killed Embry.

"Embry, get out of here!" I heard Quil's voice over the rushing in my ears and watched the coward leave.

"Stay out of this, Quil!" I screamed as Edward set me down on the ground with one arm still around me.

"Oh, c'mon, Lee-Lee. Just give him a head start." Quil grinned at me and I grabbed a mug off the bar to throw at him. It smashed against the wall and he frowned.

"Let's get out of here." Edward loosened his hold on me and I made a move to grab another mug. Before I could get anywhere, he'd hoisted me over his shoulder in a fireman's carry.

"Put me down!" I shrieked, slapping at whatever I could reach with unsteady hands, but he continued walking. I watched the floor change from dirty hardwood to gravel; a car door opened and I was being turned right side up in the passenger seat.

"Stay there," Edward said as he closed the door. I glared at him through the window and contemplated my escape but he was already back, his guitar case in hand. He opened the back door and carefully laid it down before slipping into the front seat. "Put your seatbelt on."

"Eat me," I spat.

"Tempting." He leaned across from me and buckled my seatbelt for me. "But you didn't ask very nicely."

"Where are you taking me?"

"Barton's Field. I need to make a sacrifice and they only accept incredibly beautiful and bitchy women," he explained. I didn't laugh.

"Christians don't make sacrifices."

"No, we do make burnt offerings, though. Haven't you ever read the Old Testament?" He glanced at me, the glow of the dashboard doing odd things to his features.

"Did you just call me bitchy?" I turned to him too quickly and my seatbelt locked up and cut into my collarbone.

"That would be the word you heard," he mumbled as I sat back in my seat and massaged my tender collarbone. "So, was that guy your boyfriend?"

"In his dreams," I scoffed.

"He didn't like that I knew you."

"Well, he doesn't like that I bite during blow jobs either. He'll get over this, too." I crossed my arms in front of me and hoped that was the end of the conversation.

"Who's Sam?" he asked after a moment.

"Jesus _Christ_ - you're nosy."

"Now really, Leah, what does Jesus have to do with this?" He smirked, green eyes sparking at me in the dark, and I sighed loudly.

"Sam's an ex. End of story. Please take me home." I closed my eyes and willed the car's interior to stop spinning.

"I don't think the Chief will be too happy if you come stumbling in smelling like a three day dead hobo."

"Goddammit." I hit the dashboard with an open palm.

"You can stay at my place."

"No way, you creepy fuck!" I glared at him in the dark and he scrubbed his face with the heel of his hand.

"You can stay in my guest room. And I live with my sister, so get your mind out of the gutter."

"That little emo kid is your sister?" I asked as we reached Forks' city limits.

"Yes," he said curtly.

"Do you take care of her?"

"Mmhm."

"Why can you be intrusive and nosy and I can't?" I said as I slipped a hand across the center console and down his thigh. He removed it quickly and cleared his throat.

"You didn't answer my questions either," he pointed out, then continued in a quiet voice, "I'm her guardian. End of story." Edward used my own words against me so I sat back in my seat and stayed silent the rest of the drive home. Edward pulled up to a modest two-story home a few streets over from my own and turned off the car. "Alice will be asleep so please try to be quiet."

"Fine." I struggled to get out of my seatbelt as he opened his own door. I followed him up the front steps and enjoyed the way the faded jeans hugged his hips and ass.

"I'm not wearing underwear," I blurted out as soon as he had the door open. In the pale light of the porch I could see his face turn bright red.

"Oh, uh… that can't be comfortable," he muttered and moved aside so I could open the door.

"Actually, it's kind of amazing." I put a hand on his chest and pushed him against the wall. "You wouldn't believe the freedom, how amazing it feels to have nothing on my -"

"Edward!" We both turned to the voice and he groaned.

"Alice! Go to bed!"

"You said you'd be back by eleven!" She stuck her hands on her nearly non-existent hips and glared at me.

"Leah was in trouble. I had to bring her home," he explained. I sighed and stepped away from him so she didn't think I was trying to hump him. I wasn't… I didn't think.

"You should really stop bringing strays home." She smirked and skipped upstairs. I turned to Edward, shocked.

"What the fuck did she just say?" I asked in a loud whisper.

"Don't mind her. She's a teenager. It's what they do. At least, that's what the shrinks tell me." He began walking upstairs and I followed him, completely perplexed.

"Why does she need a shrink?"

"Never mind. I shouldn't have said anything." He ran a hand through his coppery hair and opened a door on the right side of the hall. "You can sleep in here. I'll grab you something to wear."

Edward disappeared into a door across the hall and I looked around the room. There was a twin bed with a chest at the end of it. A small desk sat in the corner with a Tiffany lamp on top of it. I clicked on the lamp and picked up the picture that sat next to it. It was a wedding photo, at least thirty years old, of a gorgeous man and woman. He was blond with bright blue eyes and her caramel hair was long and flowing down her shoulders with eyes as green as grass. Edward's eyes.

"Here you go." Edward's voice startled me and I nearly dropped the picture, juggling it around in my hands like some kind of cartoon until he finally snatched it from my grasp. He inspected the picture briefly before setting it back on the desk.

"Are those your parents?" I asked dumbly as he turned his back on me and stalked out of the room.

"Don't touch anything else," he instructed as he closed the door behind him.

I sat on the bed and stared at the door, half expecting him to barge back in.

Youth pastor, bar singer, knight in shining armor, surrogate father…

One thing was for sure: Edward Cullen was an enigma. Come hell or high water, I was going to figure him out.


	4. The Morning After is Always Weird

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or The Craft. Or any lyrics here. Or much of anything.**

**Thanks to killerlashes and IAmToWait for reading/beta-ing/trusting. Hugs.**

* * *

I woke up to Jesus' face.

Not in the spiritual sense, because then I'd be dead. Jesus was literally staring at me when I woke up in the guest room of Edward's house. I thought people who owned paintings of Jesus only existed on television. Where did one even get a picture of Jesus? And how did people know what he looked like to paint the picture?

"You're going to miss the bus!" I heard Edward's voice down the hall, interrupting my stare-off with JC. That's what I nicknamed him. He had seen me undress, after all.

"I don't care!" Alice's voice was louder and shriller. I dragged a fluffy pillow over my head and groaned.

"Do you _want_ to live in a foster home?" Edward yelled back. I heard the door slam and feet stomping down the stairs, then another door. I took a few minutes to get dressed. Edward had been right the night before - I smelled like a hobo. Thankfully it was still early and I had time to get home and shower.

"Hey, creep." I tried to be nonchalant as I entered the kitchen. Edward was leaning against the counter staring at his feet. He smiled when he saw me and my stomach did weird non-hangovery things that I was not expecting. I discreetly smoothed my hair down and adjusted my top when he turned away.

"Coffee?" Edward held out a mug and I shook my head.

"I actually need to get home."

"Oh, right, no problem," he nodded and reached for the car keys on the kitchen counter.

"No, it's ok, I can walk. It's only a few blocks. Thanks for everything, Edward." I offered a rare smile as I walked toward the front door.

"Wait," Edward called from behind me. I turned to see he had his keys and a travel mug in his hands. "I have to head out to the church anyway. I might as well just give you a lift."

I played with the radio while he drove the few minutes to Charlie's house.

"I was surprised to see you last night," I said once I'd settled on a 90's station.

"Why's that?" Edward asked without looking at me.

"You're like, a man of the cloth… or something. Should you have been in a bar? Wouldn't hell freeze over?" He laughed loudly at my explanation and I scowled at the dashboard. _Made sense to me._

"I'm not a priest; I'm a youth pastor. It's perfectly acceptable for me to go to a bar. You know what? I can even drink!" Edward's eyebrows went up in mock surprise.

Edward was kind of an ass.

"I don't, though," he said after a quiet moment.

"Don't what?"

"Drink. I don't drink."

"You should try. Maybe it'll loosen you up a bit," I muttered as we pulled into my driveway. "Thanks for the ride!" I called as I hopped out of the car. I looked back to see Edward watching me with an open mouth.

I pushed through the front door and up the stairs to my bedroom, running into Charlie on the way up. He frowned seeing me in the same clothes I'd been wearing the night before and I rolled my eyes.

"I'll be ready in twenty," I snapped as I stepped around him.

"Sure thing," I heard him say. I showered and dressed quickly, knowing that Charlie was waiting. While I did loathe the guy most of the time, I also understood that he was the boss and he had to get to work.

I grabbed a muffin as I walked through the kitchen and Charlie handed me a travel mug of coffee as we walked out the door. A wave of guilt rushed through me and I tried to shake it off. Sometimes Charlie made me really want to like him.

Work was uneventful as usual. The town of Forks was seriously lacking in crime, and that made things a bit boring when you had to sit behind a desk and answer phones all day. Thankfully, I had things like filing, alphabetizing, and organizing to keep me busy. I tried not to think about how my dad would react seeing me working in a dead end job at the station. He'd always pushed me to do my best in school and was so proud when I'd decided to go to college. Dropping my classes was a tough decision, but I knew it would be difficult to finish them without a dependable way to actually get to school. Plus, I fully intended to re-enroll as soon as I got my license back.

"Oh, if only you could see me now," I muttered to myself, and bent down to open the bottom drawer of the filing cabinet.

"You know, talking to yourself is a sign of insanity," a quiet voice said behind me. It startled me and I opened the drawer too far, scraping the edge of it over the top of my foot.

"Motherfucker!" I gasped and fell back into my chair. Panicked green eyes stared down at me.

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to scare you!" Edward rushed around the counter and knelt down in front of me.

"Ha!" I forced a laugh and pushed his hands away from me. "You don't scare me."

"Are you okay? It might be broken," he frowned.

"It's fine. Just a bruise," I told him as I slipped off my shoe and massaged my foot. "What are you doing here?"

"I just came by to talk to Charlie," he said as he stood up.

"About…?"

"Police stuff, Lee." Charlie sidled up behind Edward and clapped a hand on his shoulder.

"Donuts and coffee? Or beer and strippers?" I asked. Charlie rolled his eyes and walked away but Edward laughed softly.

"Neither. Just an issue with one of the youth kids." He winked as he followed my stepfather into his tiny office around the corner from my desk. I tried not to be nosy, but not really. I wanted to know what they were whispering about. When I'd finally inched my chair over to where I could almost hear their conversation perfectly, I heard their footsteps instead.

"Thanks for your advice, Chief." Edward shook Charlie's hand as I discreetly rolled my chair back to its spot.

"Leah, why don't you take a lunch break?" Charlie turned to me and I nodded before quickly grabbing my things.

"Want anything?" I asked, though grudgingly.

"No, but thank you." He smiled a genuine smile, one where his eyes crinkled at the corners and he looked ten years younger. Hello again, guilt.

"See you, Edward," I muttered as I brushed past him.

"Hey! Wait up!" Edward called, following me into the parking lot.

"What?" I spun around to face him. He recoiled slightly at my annoyed expression. I had an hour for lunch and I liked to make the most of it, and being held up by Edward wasn't exactly "making the most of it."

"I was just going to see if you wanted a ride somewhere, or if youwantedtogotolunchwithme?" Edward mumbled the last part and kicked at a rock in the lot.

"What was that?" I asked, smirking.

"Do you want to go to lunch with me?" he asked again, slower this time, and I fought my own smile.

"Fine." I tried my best to be complacent and hoped that he couldn't see that I was kind of excited. Kind of. But only a little.

"Sweet. There's this little deli I found…" He chattered on excitedly while he drove down the street. It was funny to watch him talk about things. He seemed excited about everything, like a kid cut loose in a candy store.

"How old are you?" I asked once we'd received our food and taken a seat.

"Twenty-five," he answered before taking a huge gulp of soda.

"And how old is Nancy Downs?" Edward choked on his drink and nearly spit it across the table at me.

"Her name is _Alice_. She's fifteen, and not a witch, thank you." He wiped the moisture from his eyes and the soda from his chin.

"I'm surprised you knew what I was talking about. You saw _The Craft_?" I grinned and took a big bite of my turkey on rye.

"You act like I'm some sort of freak because of what I do." Edward crossed his arms in front of his chest and glared at me. His gaze made me uneasy, only in really dirty ways.

"Well, aren't you?"

"What, a freak? Well, maybe a _Jesus_ Freak." He smirked and I fought the urge to wipe the look off his face with my own mouth.

"You're not funny."

"You laughed."

"At you, not with you." I picked the lettuce off my sandwich and felt his eyes on me again. "You're staring, creep."

"You're very beautiful when you aren't trying to beat the shit out of people."

"Did you just say _shit_?"

"Again with the selective hearing. If I told you your butt was too big for those jeans you'd hear me," he grumbled.

"Are you calling me fat?" I tossed a slice of lettuce at him.

"You're more concerned that I'd call you fat than the fact that I was looking at your ass?"

"Did you just say _ass_?"

"Oh, for the love of all that is _holy_." He threw up his hands and I laughed. "Are you finished? I can't take anymore."

"I'm just getting started." I winked and took a sip of my drink, wrapping my tongue around my straw suggestively and meeting his eyes, piercing green and dangerous. My girly parts tingled. They fucking _tingled_.

"On second thought – let's go." I tossed my napkin down on the table and led the way out the door. Edward practically had to jog to keep up with me.

"How long do you have for lunch?" he asked when he started the car. I checked my watch and realized that we hadn't been gone for very long.

"About thirty more minutes."

"Good. I want to show you something," he said as he drove in the opposite direction of the station.

"You were kidding about that burnt offering thing, weren't you?" I thought about how far away my cell phone was and if he would notice me take it out.

"What?" He laughed loudly and shook his head. "I can't believe you remember that. Sure, I was joking. We haven't done burnt offerings for years."

"Oh. Good." I went back to watching the road. We pulled into the church parking lot a moment later. "Uh…"

"Oh, just come on." Edward opened his own door and ran around the car to open mine. He grabbed my hand and I felt a weird jolt where our skin touched. I tugged my hand from his but he didn't release me. "Hurry or we'll miss it."

"I'm coming, I'm coming," I grumbled as he towed me swiftly into the main building of the church.

"This is the sanctuary. Have you ever been in here?" He asked when he finally let go of my hand. Edward walked a few steps ahead of me, his eyes toward the stained-glass cross that hung in the front of the church.

"No. No, I've never been. What are we doing here?" I questioned and watched him sit down in the middle of the aisle.

"It's my favorite time of day." He smiled from his spot on the floor. Edward Cullen was fucking crazy.

"Edward… you're being a weirdo. And you're kind of freaking me out."

"Shut up and come here," he said, and I raised an eyebrow at him. "Please?"

I took a seat next to him and looked at him expectantly.

"Sometimes when the sun comes through the windows and all the colors mix together you can sit here and pretend that nothing's ever gone wrong. That there is nothing bad in the world," Edward explained with a soft voice. I watched him speak and then fall silent as the clouds shifted outside and the light in the sanctuary turned all shades of the spectrum. His face was peaceful, and so beautiful that it made my chest ache.

I didn't believe in God, in salvation and grace and all of those things, but Edward did. And his blind, unadulterated faith made him… scary. I'd just met him and already I was frightened by his presence, by the way it felt to be near him. Sometimes the things he said were too honest, too spot on. It made me nervous and at the same time angry… for no apparent reason.

"I should get back to work," I whispered, and he turned to me with a small but breathtaking smile.

"Yeah. Of course." Edward stood and held out his hand. I stared at it. "It's not a bomb." He chuckled and I rolled my eyes then lifted myself up. We walked back to his car silently where he opened the door for me again. Sam never opened the doors; Embry never did either. I'd known Edward Cullen for one day and he'd opened doors, took me to lunch, and shown me something special to him.

"Thanks for lunch." I opened the door when he pulled into the station but Edward grabbed my elbow.

"Come to youth group on Wednesday?" he asked. I didn't resist.

"Well…Yeah. I'll be there for my…community service thing anyway. Yeah, sure." I nodded and he released me.

The rest of the day passed in a haze. I ignored Charlie's inquisitive stares as well as the annoying texts from Embry. When we finally arrived home it was just in time to help Seth with his geometry homework and Mom with dinner.

"Did you have a nice lunch, Leah?" Charlie asked over dinner.

This would be one of the times that I hated him.

"It was fine." I shrugged and shoved a forkful of mashed potatoes in my mouth.

"Who did you have lunch with?" my mother asked me. Apparently the family didn't understand that food in the mouth meant "don't fucking talk to me."

"Edward," I muttered.

"Edward? Edward Cullen? The youth pastor?" Mom looked incredulously between Charlie and I. Was it that odd that I went to lunch with someone decent? Huh. Maybe it was time to reevaluate my taste in men.

"Cullen? Does he have a sister?"

"Yeah, a younger one. Do you know her?"

"She's in a couple of my classes." Seth shrugged in a noncommittal kind of way. Like talking to a fucking tree.

"…and?" I prompted. Edward said his sister saw a shrink; I wanted to know if she was crazy.

"She's nice. Kind of quiet."

"Really? She seemed kind of rude to me."

"I don't know, Leah. I kind of like her. She reminds me of you," he said and I choked on my tea.

"You think that little emo bitch reminds you of _me_?" Mom and Charlie stared at me wide-eyed and Seth laughed.

"Yep." He nodded and went back to his plate. Stupid little brother. I cleared everyone's dishes after dinner and enjoyed the solitude of washing dishes alone, then carried myself to my room. I immersed myself in trying not to think about why Edward Cullen scared me, and welcomed sleep when it finally arrived.

xXx

The next day passed without mention of Edward Cullen. At least, there was no mention of him at work. Home was a different story.

"I'm going to the church to work at the food pantry. Anyone want to join me?" My mother greeted Charlie and I at the door when we got home from work. Seth was already pushing passed us out the door.

"Not tonight, honey." Charlie kissed my mom's cheek and stepped around her then she turned to me expectantly.

"Fine," I grumbled and turned around after hardly stepping into the house. The food pantry was a large trailer set up in the back of the church filled with supplies to give to families in need. Mom went once a month and helped pack bags and hand them to the families that needed them. We piled out of Mom's car and saw that a small group had already started setting up tables of things outside the trailer. Edward was easy to spot - I'd know that ass anywhere. He smiled when he saw us and I snorted. His bright green t-shirt had the words _Jesus Freak_ emblazoned on the front.

"What? I told you I was." He winked and then gave my mother a quick hug. "Good to see you again, Sue. You must be Seth? Alice has told me about you." He shook my brother's hand and then turned his gaze to me. The green of his shirt clashed horribly with his skin and hair but in a really adorable way.

"C'mon kids, I'll show you what we're doing." Mom pulled Seth and I passed the youth kids that were setting up bulk items on folding tables and into the trailer. "You grab a bag, check the list, then fill the bag. Simple as that. You'll need more than one bag and will have to tie them together when you're done. Outside they have cases of drinks and bigger things for bigger families. People will start lining up soon so we need to get started."

Mom had on her bossy pants. We worked quickly and quietly while listening to Edward instruct the youth kids outside. People did eventually show up, a line of families with small children and some elderly people forming just outside where we worked. I saw Edward talking to them, greeting them with a friendly disposition and sometimes a handshake or a hug. I wanted to know how he did it. How did he calm these people he didn't know with a simple smile? How did he do it to me?

"He's doing good things here" Mom whispered the third time she caught me staring.

"It's kind of scary," I muttered and stepped around her.

"What do you mean?" She asked as she grabbed some cans off the shelf in front of her.

"He's just so…" I trailed off, not knowing exactly what to say. Faithful? Honest? Frightening? Oblivious? "Trusting."

"It's what he does, baby." Mom laughed and I frowned. "He trusts and he teaches the kids to do it, too."

"But – to completely turn your life over to some omnipotent being who no one even knows is real - I just can't. I don't understand it, Mom." I told her and she smiled sadly at me.

"Some people just… don't." She shrugged and turned away from me. Seth slipped quietly out of the trailer and off to help hand out packages.

"Do you?"

"Do I what?"

"Believe." She turned to me and reached out to touch my face softly.

"I do," she said with a small smile.

We continued working in silence until Edward came in to check on us.

"I think we're about done here, ladies." He wiped his forehead and blew out a puff of air.

"Good turnout?" Mom asked as I cleaned up random plastic bags that had fallen to the floor.

"Excellent. It's amazing, you know? The things we can do." I heard Edward say. It was there again, just like in the sanctuary, the sound of his voice and the utter reverence in his tone. The simple way he saw things, the good he always searched for. It was there and once again I found myself terrified.

xXx

"Can one of you take me to the church? Edward asked me to come to youth group tonight," I explained with an exaggerated sigh on Wednesday night.

"Sure, baby." Mom kissed Charlie and followed me to the door.

"Can I come with you?" Seth charged the front door when we tried to leave.

"Uh… If you want? Maybe your little girlfriend will be there." I punched his shoulder playfully.

"Shut up, she's not my girlfriend!" He scowled at me but as he walked by I could smell his Axe body spray. My attempts to not laugh were completely futile and my brother refused to speak to me during the drive to the church.

Mom dropped us off in the parking lot and I found myself smoothing my hair as we walked toward the fellowship hall. Seth snickered behind me.

"Fuck you, kid," I grumbled and opened the door. The kids were already seated in a circle with Edward at the head of it. The same acoustic guitar he'd had at Quil's was in his hands and he was already strumming a quiet melody. He smiled when his eyes met mine but continued with his song.

"_I want to know you, _

_I want to hear your voice, _

_I want to know you more. _

_I want to touch you, _

_I want to see your face, _

_I want to know you more." _

He slowed his strumming and smiled softly at the group before continuing.

"_In the secret, _

_In the quiet place… _

_In the stillness you are there." _

"Amen?" He asked when the song had finished.

"Amen," the group chorused.

"Okay guys, we discussed this a bit on Sunday but in case you've forgotten, tonight is going to be about some pretty personal things." Edward took a deep breath. "There are some people in our group that are feeling lost. They're going through some tough times and just… don't know what to do." As Edward spoke Seth inched closer to the group. But as Seth got closer Alice moved farther away until she was out the door. Edward's eyes followed his sister and he continued speaking. "If you've been through something or have an experience you want to share, a time where you felt lost but God pulled you through it, then now is the time. Your friends need you."

The group looked around at each other; some avoided gazes while others watched Edward warily. Then, out of all the kids there, my brother opened his big mouth.

"My dad died. A few years ago. It – it sucked," he said. He had inched his way closer into the circle so far that he'd taken Alice's spot. Edward's eyes flashed from Seth to me and in the same instant I was out the door and leaning against the wall next to it.

"He sure knows how to clear a room," Alice's voice echoed into the darkness.

"Your brother or mine?" I muttered and sunk down the wall to sit next to her.

"Both?" She laughed softly and I smiled with her.

"Some things are just… too much to talk about." I saw her nod beside me.

"So… your dad died?" Alice asked and handed me an open bag of peanut butter M&Ms.

"He had a heart attack. About four years ago," I whispered. It was still so hard to talk about.

"Both of my parents died in a car accident when I was ten," Alice whispered back. Suddenly she wasn't such a little emo bitch. Her appearance and attitude made perfect sense to me because I knew how she felt I knew what it was like to feel alone and abandoned, maybe we were more alike that I'd originally thought.

"And Edward has always been your guardian?" I had a hard time keeping my voice to the whisper I'd used before. It was even more difficult to understand how Edward could have so much faith, how he could have dealt with something so tragic _and_ wear the brave face for his little sister and _still_ believe that God gave a crap about him.

"He's not such a bad guy." She smiled at me and I nodded.

"No, I don't think so either."


	5. So Hot in Herre

**Steph owns the names and all that jazz. And really, since when did Jasper become 'Jazz'? **

**Thanks to killerlashes and IAmToWait for beta-ing and helping me put the words out there when my brain can't.**

**You can thank UofMAnne for the song. Hehe!**

* * *

Chapter 5 – So Hot in Herre

I spent Wednesday night sitting outside with Alice while we both avoided the conversations that were taking place inside. We'd come to a silent understanding to not loathe each other. Alice told me how nice Seth was to her at school when so many people refused to talk to her and, in turn, I didn't tell her how fuckable her brother was. But he really, really was.

When the kids finally started leaving the fellowship hall Alice and I stood and waited by the door. Mom showed up just as Edward stepped out with Seth in tow.

"Thanks for speaking up tonight, Seth," Edward smiled as he hugged my brother tightly. "You were great."

"Anytime," Seth shrugged. "Goodnight, Alice."

"Night" came her answer quietly from behind me, her eyes trained on the floor.

"Thanks for coming tonight." Edward squeezed my hand softly and I fought the urge to squeeze back.

"Fat lot of help I was," I forced a laugh. The corner of his mouth turned up and he looked over my shoulder.

"Maybe you were. Have a nice night," he said as he stepped around me. From the corner of my eye I saw Alice wrap her tiny arms around his waist and bury her face in his shirt.

I heard Edward whisper something to her as I walked away but I was unsure of what it was. I was too busy trying not to feel sorry for the two of them.

xXx

On Friday, Edward was back at the police station.

"Charlie's not in right now," I told him as soon as he walked in the door. Edward pushed his sunglasses onto the top of his head and smiled in a way that made my panties disintegrate.

_How does he do that?_ I thought and shifted in my seat.

"Maybe I came to see you," he leaned over the counter and I noticed the golden cross that hung from a thin chain around his neck. I snorted. _He did not. _

"You did not."

"I did. I wanted to see if I could take you to lunch to thank you."

"Thank me for what? Did something happen at your house that I don't remember?" I joked lamely and he rolled his eyes.

"No. For talking to Alice the other night," he said quietly. "It's tough for her, you know, when _that_ topic comes up."

"Oh. Oh, that," I muttered, dropping my eyes from his, and focused on the cup of pencils in front of me. "No. I can't really. I have a ton of work to do before the weekend starts." I didn't really have anything to do. It was business as usual in Forks which meant; well… nothing was going on. Truthfully, the thought of going to lunch with Edward again made me feel weird, like I was some sort of charity case. I _really_ didn't want to be anyone's project, especially Edward Cullen's.

"Okay. Yeah. That's fine, maybe some other time then?" Edward was hopeful even though I'd rejected his invitation. It was still so strange to me – to have someone I'd just met pay so much attention to me. I couldn't help but think that he had an ulterior motive, a reason _other_ than his happy-go-lucky attitude and desire to help those he perceived to be struggling that made him want to hang out with me. Because really, what would the Man of God want with someone who'd already earned a primo seat on the short bus to hell?

"Maybe." I managed a tight little smile and watched him walk toward the door of the station. I liked it when he walked, all loose jeans and subtle strut. It was nice.

"Leah?" Edward called my name as he opened the door.

"Yeah?" I answered wary of his motives once again.

"Will you be at Quil's tonight?" he asked, the hopeful expression back on his boyish face.

"Quil's? Are you playing again?" My insides silently swooned at the thought of Edward in that dark, smoky bar, sitting on that stool with just his guitar and his words.

"Yeah, Quil was pretty happy with the crowd on Sunday and asked if I wanted to try again on Friday. Something about cancelling Trainwreck Karaoke…?"

"Ha!" I laughed loudly. "He would want to cancel it. That's Claire's favorite, she'll kill him."

"Who's Claire?"

"His wife, only they are constantly arguing about everything. He must need something to piss her off with this week."

"Well, then… I'm glad I can be of some help," Edward grinned and reopened the door. "I'll see you soon, then?"

"If you're lucky, Cullen."

"Oh… I am," he said before the door closed behind him.

xXx

A quick text to Claire to inform her of Quil's plans sealed my own plans for Friday night. I knew Embry would be there, but I didn't really care. Mostly. Partly. Okay, I cared. I kind of missed the shithead. Not that his behavior was acceptable, but Embry was known for his temper, and that last spat was tame compared to other scraps we'd been in. Bottom line – Embry was my friend. He'd been there in some of my most trying times and yeah… I missed him.

I showered and threw on a pair of jeans and simple black t-shirt. I fixed my hair in one long braid down my back, and then I thought about how Sam always liked it like that. When Claire finally arrived to pick me up it was hanging loosely around my shoulders.

"How's the family?" Claire grinned once I'd gotten into her beat-up Malibu.

"Shut up and drive." Laughing, she obliged and didn't say anything else for a long moment.

"Excited to see your boyfriend?" she asked as we pulled onto the highway.

"Embry's not my boyfriend. And yes, I kind of missed him."

"Oh, honey, I wasn't talking about Embry."

"Who're you talking about then?" I could feel my face heat up just thinking about her answer.

"I'm talking about that tall hunk of white devil that my husband has agreed to let me look at two nights a week."

"_Hunk of white devil_?" I barked a laugh and she scowled at me. "Have you been hittin' the sauce early again, C?"

"Shut up, Lee! He's gorgeous! Oh my gosh, I could swoon just thinking about him!"

_So could I. _

"He's okay," I muttered, keeping my eyes on the passing scenery. My conversation with Edward from earlier played over in my mind.

"How is it working with him?"

"Not bad. I mean, I've only been twice so far but he's pretty good with the kids. Charlie seems to like him."

"And his word is gold," Claire said quietly. I knew she didn't mean it as a jab at Charlie. If it were to come from _me_ it would have been a different story, but everyone knew what a stand-up guy Chief Swan was.

"Yeah, pretty much."

"So, what _is_ exactly going on with you and Embry? He was pretty pissed last time you were here."

"Same thing as always. We hang out, we fuck, and we fight. Nothing changed and then he acted like I was his fucking property and I just…lost it."

"I'm sure it didn't help that Jon Bon Jovi took you home that night," Claire mused and I snorted loudly.

"Really, Claire? Bon Jovi? Did we travel back to the 80s and nobody told me?" I shoved her lightly and she chuckled.

"What? Jon is still pretty hot, okay? I'd do him."

"Are you not getting it at home? Do I need to talk to Quil about your sex life?"

"Shut up!" she cried and slapped at my hand. "I get it plenty, got it?"

"Got it," I said and I pretended to vomit in my lap.

"Don't be gross, Lee. I love my husband but that doesn't mean I can't _look_ every once in a while."

"Whatever you say, C. I wouldn't know, remember?"

"You will. One day." Claire patted my hand softly and I returned to glaring at passing shrubbery.

The rest of the ride was silent until we reached the bar.

"Don't break anything this time, okay?" Claire smirked and opened the door.

"Well, if it comes to a fight then let me go, okay?" I grinned. She only shook her head.

Quil ducked behind the bar as soon as we walked in. I rolled my eyes.

"I promise not to throw anything if you give me a beer," I said sweetly and leaned over the counter. I heard the top pop off a bottle and Quil's hand appeared in front of me. "Thank you."

"Anytime," he replied.

"C'mon. Let's get a good seat; I wanna see Church Boy up close." Claire tugged at my elbow and led me through the crowd that had already begun to form. I maneuvered myself through the crowd with her until we found a table at the front. Embry joined us a few minutes later and offered me a timid smile. I managed a halfhearted glare before turning away from him.

"Listen, about the other night…" he started and I held my hand up to silence him.

"No, you listen. You know what this _thing_ between us is. You had no right to get all pissy with me _or_ say the shit you said."

"I know, Lee. I know. I'm sorry. I was drunk and pissed and I shouldn't have said those things, okay?"

"I don't know. They were… bad," I huffed and crossed my arms in front of my chest.

"Leah," he said my name so softly that I finally turned to him. His dark eyes were sad. "I'm _really_ sorry. I just – sometimes I think I want more than what we have and it kind of freaks me out."

I stared at him for a long moment, part of me wanting to believe him and the other part wanting to tell him to fuck off. What he'd said was hurtful. It not only brought up things about Sam, and though I'd die before I told him so, it made me doubt myself so, so much. However, I knew Embry well enough to know when he was being honest with me. And, while we were on the subject of honesty – sometimes I felt the same way.

Unfortunately, I didn't have time to tell him that. The lights dimmed as Edward stepped onto the stage wearing the same navy t-shirt and faded jeans he'd been in when I saw him earlier that day. His acoustic guitar was hanging across his back and his face was complacent as he adjusted the microphone in front of him.

"Thank you all for coming out tonight. I hope it's not too much of a disappointment that karaoke is cancelled." A small smile played on his pretty mouth while he swung his guitar into his hands and took a seat. He strummed quietly like he was thinking about the notes. Even though I'd only known him a few days, I knew he didn't have to think about what he was playing.

"You know what," Edward stood up from the shabby stool; his smile had become a full-blown grin. "It's Friday night. We need to get something going in here - " he pushed the stool away with his foot and started plucking at his guitar while bobbing his head. I burst out laughing as soon as he started singing.

"_I was like, good gracious ass is bodacious__  
__Uh, flirtatious, tryin' to show patience__  
__Lookin' for the right time to shoot my steam, you know -__  
__Waitin' for the right time to flash them keys__  
__Then um I'm leavin', please believin'__  
__Oh, me and the rest of my heathens__…" _

I didn't hear any words after "heathens." I didn't even pay attention to Claire yelling "Go, white boy! Go, white boy!" at the top of her lungs. I was too busy being mesmerized by how the crowd sung along with him, how his body moved with the ridiculous lyrics he sang, and how it was most _definitely_ hot in here.

Some part of my consciousness was aware that Embry was glaring at me during the entire song but fuck, I wasn't doing anything that anyone else wasn't. ..When Edward's tribute to Band-Aid Face (I mean, really, who does that?) was over he settled back onto the stool and began crooning out songs perfectly matched for his voice. Or perhaps his voice caressed the words so perfectly it was like they were made for only him to sing. I couldn't tell which it was. The alcohol and the ambiance were getting to me.

"Let's get out of here," Embry put an arm around my chair and leaned closer to me. He stared at me with beseeching eyes and my resistance crumbled.

"Fine." I tapped Claire on the shoulder and motioned to her that I was leaving. She gave Embry her famous death glare before turning back to Edward. I stood up and grabbed my things, casting one last glance toward the stage. Edward's eyes met mine and I nearly stumbled at the look on his face. Anger and disappointment were etched across his features that were usually so carefree. His judgment threatened to cut through me but I steeled myself against it. I knew what he was thinking. He'd heard all the thing's that Embry had said. Edward had to have known where I was going, what I was going to do. I didn't need his pity, and I sure as hell wouldn't bear his judgment.

It would be better if mine and Edward's relationship was business _only_. I didn't ask for him to save me after my fight with Embry. He needed to known I wasn't looking for a savior, maybe not even looking for a friend. I needed the hours and he was how I was going to get them. If we could be civil and work together peacefully… well, that was all I could hope for. ,

I gave Edward a small smile and he looked away, down at his guitar and then back at the crowd. Embry grabbed my hand and I followed him without another word, eager to get out of the room that had suddenly became so very small.

"Thanks for coming with me," Embry said once we'd reached the parking lot.

"Look, I don't know what you want from me. I like what we have. It's not complicated. Well, until _you_ make it complicated. I can't do any more than this," I gestured between the two of us, "right now."

"Is this about that guy in there? The priest or whatever?" Embry stuck his hands on his hips in a very diva-ish manner and I resisted the trademarked Z-Snap. Instead I shook my head.

"He's a youth _pastor_ and no, it's about me. I'm fucked up, Embry. I don't want you to be fucked up with me."

"I like to be fucked up with you," he said with a sly grin. I let out a small, exasperated huff.

"You know what I mean. Since Dad and Sam… I just – I can't get a grip on myself."

"I'll get a grip on you - "

"EMBRY!"

"Sorry! I'm just trying to lighten the mood!"

"I know you are. That's what I love about you. That's where you're good for me. But… that's all I can give you. Take it or leave it" I shrugged and pulled my hair over my shoulder. I picked at the ends nervously, waiting for his answer. I wasn't quite sure what I wanted him to say. I'd never been wishy-washy about my relationship with Embry; it was always about _one_ thing. Sure, I sometimes thought being more than just fuck buddies but that wasn't something I could do.

Since my dad died some things had gone downhill. The demise of my relationship with Sam only doubled the effects. It was hard to feel anything more than friendship toward anyone, sometimes even my own family. I _wanted _to let people in. But… I just _couldn't._ I was on pins and needles by the time he came to an answer.

Embry leaned into me until I could feel his hot breath wash over my ear. "I'll take it."


	6. Tea Parties and Temptations

**Steph owns them, they own me. Does that make sense? IDK.**

**Thanks to killerlashes and IAmToWait because I love you. **

* * *

Chapter 6 – Tea Parties and Temptations

EPOV

"Hey, thanks again, man. You were great." Quil shook my hand and handed me a wad of cash - my payment - and went back to stacking chairs on top of tables.

"Oh, no problem. Anything I can do to get an audience that isn't either old people or underage youth, you know?" I shrugged and helped him stack a few chairs before Claire came from behind the bar and wrapped her arms around him.

"Take me to bed or lose me forever" she slurred.

"Sure thing, baby." He kissed the top of her head and then grinned at me. I took the hint.

"I'll just get going. Thanks for having me." I grabbed my guitar and let myself out. As I drove the short way from La Push to Forks, my thoughts settled on Leah. Leah was a beautiful conundrum, a riddle wrapped inside an enigma, and I wanted to stay up for hours and figure her out. It saddened me that I had to watch her walk out with Embry tonight. Not because I wanted her to go home with me, of course. I mean, Leah was obviously beautiful and feisty as hell… but Embry? He was an idiot. I'd heard the things he said to her and they were pretty awful. It was the fact that she went back to him after he said those things that really bothered me.

He'd called her 'sloppy seconds.' That beautiful girl was anything but… I just wished she knew that.

The faint blue glow from the living roomwindowtold me that Alice was either waiting up for me or had fallen asleep on the couch.

"Hi," her soft voice greeted me when I came in on tiptoes, trying to keep the noise down.

"Hey, pretty girl." I sat on the couch and pulled her under my arm. She came to me and rested her head on my shoulder.

"How was your night?"

"Bunch of drunk girls, a little bit of Nelly, and some good tips," I shrugged and she laughed.

"A good night then?"

"Of course." I kissed her head and we sat for a moment.

"Leah didn't want to come home with you then?"

"That was a one-time thing, Al. Besides, she went home with her boyfriend."

"Whoa. She has a _boyfriend_?" Alice pulled away from me and looked me in the eyes. Her eyebrows were threatening to recede into her hair line. "I thought she liked you!"

"Really?" I asked, almost hopeful.

"Well, I dunno. You guys went to lunch and everything. And it looked like she wanted to kiss you when she was here." My sister shrugged and played with the hem of her shirt.

"She was drunk," I explained, squashing my own hope and Alice's as well. Hell, I wasn't sure I even wanted Leah to kiss me. Who was I fooling? I was sure. There were certainly worse things she could do to me. After all, I could be on the receiving end of a swing like the one I'd seen her take at Embry (the idiot) the first time I met her at Quil's.

"Oh. Well that really sucks." Alice leaned back against the couch and sighed.

"Why?" I laughed and poked her.

"Because! She's really pretty and super funny. And you haven't had a girlfriend in a looooong time."

"I'm aware of that, thank you," I groaned, and rested my head on the back of the couch.

"You shouldn't not date someone because of me." Alice's voice was barely audible.

"C'mere." I opened my arms up again and she came to my side. "Everything I do is for you. But I don't _not_ do anything because of you."

"That doesn't make sense." She wrinkled her nose and I laughed.

"It does to me." I hugged her tightly for a moment. "Go to bed; we're going to visit the nursing home tomorrow."

"I hate that place. It's so sad," she grumbled.

"You make them happy."

Alice kissed my head as she passed me. "I love you."

"You too, kiddo."

I dragged myself into the shower and to bed a little while later. I fell asleep thinking about the look on Leah's face as she'd walked out of the bar. Had I been imagining it, or had she looked at me over her shoulder with a trace of regret?

xXx

LPOV

"Leah!" My mom's voice and gentle shaking disturbed me from my dreaming.

"Moo-ooom," I whined and pulled the covers over my head. "I was dreaming about Nelly!"

"_Nell_? That was a weird movie, child. Get dressed; I need you to help me today."

"But it's _Sunday_," I whined some more as I peeked out from under the blankets.

"It is, my darling," she said from my closet. She turned and smiled, tossing me a pair of dark wash jeans and a striped oxford shirt.

"I'm not going to church!" I cried.

"I'm leaving in thirty minutes, Leah. I expect you to be in the car next to me."

"Fucking _hell,_" I muttered, throwing off my comforter and staring at the ceiling. I showered, dressed quickly and ran down the stairs to find my mother standing by the door, a piece of toast in one hand and a tumbler of coffee in the other.

"Thanks." I took them both as I passed her.

"I've got to work the nursery this morning and the girl that is supposed to help fell ill. You won't even have to go to the service."

"It's fine, Mom. Not a big deal." I managed a smile and buckled my seat belt. "You owe me lunch, though."

"Of course," she laughed softly.

Fifteen minutes later I was jiggling a crabby baby in my arms while he drooled on my shoulder. He was cute but I could have done without the tears. Or the drool.

"You look good like that," Mom said softly.

"What?" I started and nearly dropped the baby in my arms.

"What? Maybe I want to be a grandmother someday."

"Well, hopefully Seth won't make it anytime soon for you."

"Not funny, Leah. I meant you."

"I know you did. I'm just not sure it's in the cards anymore." I set the kid back in the little playpen and took a seat next to her.

"Don't say things like that, baby."

"It's true!"

"Leah…"

"Let's not talk about this, okay?"

"Okay," she sighed. Our silence filled the room like a stifling fog. I know my mom wanted grandkids, but I was still pretty young and well, like I told her… maybe it wasn't in the cards for me.

"I'm going to the bathroom." I stood and strode quickly to the door.

"The next service will be starting soon," she called as I walked out.

I didn't really have to go to the bathroom. Instead I walked around the campus of the church for a while. There were blue-hairs filing out of the sanctuary that Edward had taken me to before and a few people milling about in classrooms. A fountain in the courtyard surrounded by stone benches was where I planted myself. It was nice and quiet, no crazy mother or crying baby. No girly fuck buddy or hot youth pastor to fuck with my head.

I sat for a long while until I realized that my mother probably needed me back to help her with a new batch of ankle-biters. The sight that greeted me when I arrived back at the child-care room was like one out of a fucking _Leave It To Beaver_ episode.

Edward was there, sitting at a tiny table with two small girls. A floppy straw hat was set atop his coppery hair and a miniature tea cup was in his hand.

"Well, I do say, this weather is_ absolutely_ dreadful," he said in a nasally (and awful) British accent while waving his hand dismissively. The two little girls giggled and pretended to sip their tea. I felt myself grin as I watched him play along with the girls. It really was too cute. After a few moments of 'sipping tea' Edward finally looked up at me.

"Hey, you." He smiled a smile that I swear was only for me and I almost forgot the way he'd looked at me at the bar. Of course, remembering the way he looked at me when I left with Embry made my face fall and I watched his do the same, though I couldn't say why.

"Hey, have you seen my mom?" I settled in a chair at the end of the table where the tea party was being held. Edward and the little girls were the only ones in the room.

"Oh, I took over for her. I hate that she has to miss the sermon. My songs are over so I told her I'd come back here."

"You sing here?" I leaned forward and turned a plastic scone over in my hand. There were teeth marks along the edges. I frowned and returned it to the plastic plate, surreptitiously wiping my hand on my leg.

"Yeah, we have a small praise band. I'm just kind of a backup though. Sometimes I do some solos, just me and my guitar." He smiled again and the warmth of it flooded through me in a surprisingly good way.

"How was the rest of your weekend?" He stole the plastic scone and pretended to eat it to appease the girls. They giggled again, amused by his antics, and copied him.

"Good. You know…" I shrugged nonchalantly, not wanting to relive the awkwardness of Friday night.

"Things better with your boyfriend?"

"He's not - "

"Yeah, yeah. He's not your boyfriend. He knows that, right?"

"Yes, Edward." I agreed with him but secretly hoped what I'd said was true. Embry and I had talked a bit about 'our relationship.' Well, we talked before he took my jeans off and when he drove me home in the morning, but that was about it.

"What about you? Anything wild and crazy crossed off your list this weekend?" I said and he laughed softly. It was almost musical. Edward stood up and motioned for me to join him, abandoning his tea party and floppy hat then giving the girls a soft pat on the head. He walked to one of the rocking chairs my mom had occupied earlier.

"Alice and I went to a nursing home yesterday," he said as he sat.

"Wow. That sounds… invigorating." I tried not to laugh, but Edward beat me to it. His little chuckle was quiet, his head thrown back, smooth jaw tightened. He really was quite pretty.

"We go once a month. Some people don't have any family. They get lonely." He shrugged and I thought about what he'd said.

"I'd like to go. Next time. If that's okay." If Edward were startled, he didn't show it.

"Sure, I'll let you know." He nodded.

"Will you have tea with us?" One of the little girls grabbed my hand and tried to pull me out of my chair. I gave Edward a small smile as I joined the girls and picked up the floppy hat that Edward had been wearing.

"How do I look?" I asked while I situated the hat.

"Beautiful!" the girls told me. I smiled and picked up the tiny cup, pinkie held aloft and very aware of Edward's eyes on me.

xXx

The next few weeks felt like they flew by. Embry and I were seeing each other regularly again. Sometimes we would just have dinner and hang out and he would take me home. Other times I stayed the night and he made sure I was at work on time. It was like being in a relationship, only we weren't. I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of a title. Titles scared me. The last person I had a title with fucked my cousin. Not that I had any cousins left for Embry to fuck. Well, female ones anyways.

I also saw more of Edward than I'd bargained for. He was playing at Quil's on Fridays and Sundays, and Embry insisted that we go. He said it was for the crowd, to see his friends, but I was pretty sure he wanted to make sure there was nothing going on with Edward and me. His jealousy would have been cute if it weren't so damn annoying.

"I mean… does he date or anything?" Embry asked me late one Sunday night. He had picked me up from youth group and we hung out until going to Quil's. The crowd seemed to grow every week. The people from Port Angeles and Forks had eventually caught wind of the small phenomenon that was Edward Cullen.

"I don't know, Embry," I sighed, and leaned back against his shabby couch. "I assume. I mean, he's not a priest or anything."

"Does he date men?"

"What the fuck? Do you want to ask him out?" I tossed him my phone and he glared at me.

"No." He glared at me coldly and handed me back my phone. "So, you have his number?"

_Shit._ I did have Edward's number. He got mine from Seth on a night that I missed youth group with the excuse of 'making sure everything was all right and she'll be here next week.' He was a sneaky fucker, that Edward Cullen. So far he hadn't used it much, just to text me to see if Seth and I needed a ride to the church and once to send me a dirty joke that actually made me blush. (How was I supposed to respond to that?)

"It's just for church stuff. In case I have to miss or need a ride or something."

"A_ ride_?" Embry guffawed loudly. He looked stupid when he laughed.

"Oh, Christ on a Triscuit. You're disgusting." _Disgusting, but not too far from my train of thought. _

"C'mon, baby. That was a good one." He wrapped his arms around me and pulled us down into a laying position on the couch.

"It was awful. And don't call me _baby_." I pushed his face away as he tried to kiss me.

"Baby, baby, baby..." He sang against my skin ala K-Ci and JoJo. He was an awful singer.

_Why did I like him again?_

Embry turned my body toward his and slipped a leg between mine.

_Oh. _That's_ why._

xXx

"Hey, you and Seth want to come over for dinner tonight? I don't have to play at Quil's." Edward practically pounced on me the next week at youth group. "Alice would really like it. She's been asking me all week if we could invite you; I just keep forgetting to call."

"Um… sure. Yeah, that sounds great." I managed a weak smile while my stomach did back-flips. Edward grinned and ran a hand through his messy hair.

"Sweet. She'll be excited." He gave my shoulder a squeeze before jogging off to tell her. She smiled widely at me and gave me a thumbs up. _Hm. Maybe Edward wasn't the only sneaky Cullen_.

I didn't dwell too much on the craftiness of the Cullen siblings because soon enough Edward was sitting on the edge of the stage with his acoustic guitar, capturing my attention along with that of every preteen and teenager in the room. This time Alice sat next to him, smiling more than I had seen her do in the month or so that I'd known her. They sang in perfect harmony, her voice flitting in during the choruses of the songs he sang, complementing his beautifully. It wasn't until they finished the last song that I realized I had goosebumps.

The kids broke up into small groups then, completing an assignment that Edward had given them about things that happened with their friends at school. They wrote different things on the top of poster paper and discussed them, wrote their ideas about how to prevent them, and who the behaviors initially affected. I walked around, in awe of the things I heard coming from them and the subjects that were written in huge letters on the top of each paper.

Edward walked around, too. His arms were crossed tight in front of his chest, mouth set in a thin line.

"Do you think this is such a good idea?"

"What's that?" he asked, shoving his hands in his pockets.

"I mean… these topics are a little… racy."

"_Racy?_" He raised an eyebrow. "Sex. Drinking. Cutting. Drugs. Eating disorders. Leah, these are things that these kids deal with every single day."

"Please tell me you're joking."

"I'm not. Don't you remember what high school was like?" He laughed softly, and I shook my head. Apparently I didn't remember. I looked over at Seth, sitting next to Alice with a worshipful look smacked onto his face. Seth, my annoying but good-hearted little brother, and sweet little Alice, both of whom had been through enough darkness to last a lifetime. I couldn't fathom them having to deal with any of the things they were assigned to talk about, let alone actually_ doing_ any of them.

I hardly made it through the rest of group without having a panic attack. I fought the urge every five minutes to grab one of the kids and hug them. Forget what I'd said when I'd first met them. To think that they were dealing with drug problems, self-harm, and eating disorders- to be kids and have to even _think_ about those things.

I thought about Seth again and thought about how we'd grown apart lately. I wondered when the last time I told him I loved him was. It made me sad to think that on top of all of our family problems things like _that_ was happening, too.

I wanted to help them forget.

xXx

"Do you need help with anything?" I left Alice and Seth in the living room to do homework and joined Edward in the kitchen.

"No, I think I'm okay unless you know how to make tea." He grinned over his shoulder as he put a dish of lasagna in the oven.

"I actually can do that," I snarked. He laughed softly, the sound of his laugh making me tingly again. _Seriously, if this is going to happen every time the guy so much as laughs, I'm going to be pissed. Get it together, Leah. He's just a guy and you're not even fucking him._

"Oh, I didn't mean anything…" Edward handed me a pot and tea bags, his cheeks an adorable shade of pink.

"I know, Edward. It's fine. I'm actually kind of a disaster in the kitchen. I can bake, but that's about it."

"You'll have to prove that to me one day." He hopped up onto the counter and I set the pot of water on to boil.

"One day," I echoed. "So, how did you learn to cook?" I said after a moment of watching the water boil. _A watched pot never boils,_ I reminded myself, though I knew it wasn't true. It was always something that made me giggle.

"I kind of had to." He looked down at his feet dangling a few feet over the floor.

"Shit, I'm sorry. I forgot." _You fucking forgot that his parents died? Good one, Leah. _

"It's fine. I mean, the first couple of years were awful. Alice barely ate anything but macaroni and cheese and peanut butter and jelly."

"Were you that bad?"

"I only set the kitchen on fire once." He grinned and I felt myself do the same.

"How did you do it? Raise a kid when you were still a kid?" I asked softly. I wondered if I'd been put in the same situation would I have come out like Edward had. Surely I would have done anything for my brother. But then again, I couldn't imagine something so tragic as losing _both_ parents at the same time.

"I just did." He shrugged and ultimately dropped the conversation. I felt myself getting annoyed. I wanted to know more about him, dammit.

I frowned and turned to the pictures on the refrigerator. A young Alice caught my eye and I smiled.

"Why did she cut her hair?" I traced my finger over the picture and her long black hair. Edward didn't answer and when I turned to ask him again, he was standing behind me.

"She didn't," he said shortly, a frown line creasing the skin between his brows. I stepped around him and leaned against the counter, hoping he would share with me. I was beginning to feel like a creep for pushing him, but I was genuinely interested and I had to take advantage of the feeling. I'm rarely genuinely interested in anyone.

"I was off at college when my parents died. I was… pretty involved in the party scene. Drinking, some drugs – stuff like that. When I got the call I just… I lost it." Edward's eyes were trained on the floor as he spoke. I was silent.

"I started a fight with my roommate. I'd found out he'd been sleeping with my girlfriend the day before and I was high as a kite when I heard about my parents. I spent three days in detox and Alice spent three days in a group home."

His eyes shot up at my sharp intake of breath and I felt tears prick my eyes. Maybe I didn't want to hear this. Maybe I wanted to keep him on the pedestal that so many people had already put him on.

"It was pretty awful when I finally got to her. Some of the kids didn't take too well to her and did it while she was sleeping. She's never grown it out again. I think it reminds her of those few days. She really had nobody and I, well, it's my fault."

"But you were just a kid, too," I argued.

"I was. But I wasn't such a great son, or brother for that matter." He shrugged, then opened the oven to check on the lasagna. "I dropped out of school after that and started working at a supermarket stocking shelves. My parents left us a decent amount of money, but it was hard to go to school and care for Alice, too."

"But you did, right?"

"Oh, yeah. We got a huge insurance check from the accident." He thought quietly for a moment, a far-off look in his eyes. "Anyways, the day we got it… I just got this feeling, you know? I needed to do something good with it, something my parents would approve of. So, I enrolled in Asbury Asbury Theological Seminary and moved us to Kentucky. And then I ended up here."

"And Alice?"

"I think this is her favorite place. So far." He smiled again, warming my insides with just his gaze. Edward opened his mouth to speak but the oven chimed at the same time my phone did, inevitably ending our heart to heart.

Embry's name flashed on the screen of my phone. I groaned inwardly and debated answering him.

"Can you grab those plates?" Edward asked while carrying the dish to the dining room.

"Sure," I said with one last glance at my phone. I hit _ignore_ and grabbed the plates and silverware to take to the table.

Embry could wait. I was about to have dinner with Edward Cullen.

* * *

**I just wanted to tell you all thank you so much for going on this little adventure with me. I'm still a bit nervous about stepping out of my box. I am also a little overwhelmed at your tweets/reviews/other stuff that you all do, I get all warm and fuzzy. Thank you. XOXO**


	7. How Long?

**Steph owns the names. Um... thanks to killerlashes, IAmToWait, ShortHappyLife, and UofMAnne. **

**Psalm 13 is from the Bible. Obviously. **

* * *

Chapter 7 – How Long?

"Oh, I forgot napkins!" Edward jumped up from the table and ran back into the kitchen as Alice and Seth sat down.

"Psst!" Alice gave an exaggerated whisper and looked pointedly at her hands on the table. Her fists were flat on the table with both of her thumbs up. Seth copied her and nodded that I should do the same.

"Here we go." Edward tossed the napkins down and took note of our hands then laughed softly. "Oh, you're playing dirty, Alice Cullen. Fine. I'll do the dishes."

"Edwaaaaard," she whined. He ignored her and held his hand out to me on one side and Alice on the other. I watched her take it, smiling smugly, and hold her other hand out to Seth. I finally caught on to the fact that we were joining hands to pray so I took my brother's and tentatively slipped my hand into Edward's. His fingers curled around my hand, warm and calloused. I didn't hate it. I did feel a bit uncomfortable when he started to pray, but only because I was thinking about those calloused hands on every inch of my body. Good thing I remembered I was also holding hands with my brother.

"Heavenly Father, we thank you for tonight. We thank you for the fellowship at youth group and for the friendship we share over this meal. Bless this food to nourish our bodies and your word to nourish our souls. In your name we pray – Amen." He gave my hand a slight squeeze before serving us all.

Seth passed around a basket of garlic bread and soon the conversation turned to school.

"I'm not saying that Mrs. Britt is _old_, I'm just saying that she knows a lot about history because she was actually there," Alice explained as he giggled at her own joke, and Edward shook his head.

"Is that why you got a 'D' on your progress report?" Edward asked and a soft blush crept up Alice's pale skin.

"No, I just can't remember all of that stuff," she grumbled.

"I can help you; I'm pretty good with history," Seth offered and cast a wary glance at Edward.

Edward eyed him for a moment in an 'older, bigger brother' sort of way before nodding. "Okay. Twice a week after school. Not on youth nights."

"Really?" Seth's eyes were wide and Alice was fighting a smile. I looked between the two of them and thought about the shy smiles and sneaky glances they'd been giving each other all night.

I snorted loudly, making everyone at the table turn to stare at me.

"Care to share?" Edward grinned at me, a knowing look in his eyes.

"Later," I muttered, fighting a smile myself, and returned to my dinner.

"Can Seth and I watch a movie in my room?" Alice said after a few moments.

"Uh… sure?" Edward questioned more than answered, belatedly looking to me for guidance, but they were both already halfway up the stairs.

"Keep the door open!" I called.

"Oh, sweet mother." Edward leaned back in his chair and scrubbed his face with his hand. "What am I going to do?"

I laughed again and he looked at me with worried eyes.

"Hey, Alice is a smart kid. She'll be… responsible." I shrugged and Edward groaned.

"And Seth?"

"Seth's never shown interest in any girl before. I was beginning to think he was gay," I explained and began to gather everyone's dirty plates. I heard Edward's chuckle from behind me before I felt his hands on my hips moving me out of the way from the table.

"Let me." He took the plates from my hands and looked down at me, his face so close I could smell his aftershave or shampoo or man-scented body wash or whatever-the-fuck made him smell so delicious. I let him take the dishes but followed him into the kitchen, where he turned on the hot water and dumped the dishes into the sink. He shifted himself over when I joined him, and handed me the soapy dishes after he'd washed them. We worked together nicely, scrubbing pots and pans and brushing elbows and fingers occasionally.

My phone buzzed impatiently from my purse on the counter.

"You should get that," Edward said with his eyes on the dirty water in front of him.

"It's just Embry. He can wait." I tried to be nonchalant but something in Edward's face told me that he was bothered.

"Don't make him angry because of me." A frown crossed his face and I felt my own do the same.

"It doesn't matter. Honest." I shrugged and reached into the murky water as he stopped handing me dishes and I knew we weren't finished. I regretted my decision immediately.

"Oh! Shit!" I yelled and pulled my hand from the water. Edward's eyes were wide as they settled on the hand that I'd pulled out of the water. Blood was flowing freely from a large gash on my middle finger. I cringed and looked away. Blood didn't bother me but the cut was pretty disgusting.

"Holy hell." Edward handed me a dishcloth and took me by the elbow to lead me back into the dining room. "I'll be right back. Keep your hand up." He said before he disappeared. I tried not to look at my finger but it was like a fucking car wreck; I had to. And then I was nauseous. I rested my head on the table and waited for him.

Edward was so quiet when he returned that I didn't know he was back until his hands were on mine. He removed the dishcloth and held my hand in his palm, inspecting my cut.

"I don't think you need stitches. I'm going to clean it, it will probably sting," he said softly and I nodded from my place on the table. His hand left mine for a second and when it returned its warmth was accompanied by a powerful sting.

"Motherfucker! _Probably_ sting?" I whipped my head up and was met with worried green eyes.

"Sorry." He muttered and went back to cleaning the wound. He put some ointment on it and wrapped it up in a band-aid. Then he kissed it.

He kissed my cut.

He was fucking adorable.

Oh, fuck me. No, seriously, Edward: _fuck me_.

"All better?" he asked with a small smile, pulling me out of my brief fuck-related daydream.

"Yeah. Definitely."

"Just be careful and keep it clean," Edward said as he headed into the downstairs bathroom to put away the first-aid kit,

"Yes, Dr. Cullen," I smirked up at him when he came back, his hands emptied. "Any more recommendations for the patient, Dr. Cullen?"

"Ha, Dr. Cullen was my mother actually," he replied as he took a seat across from me.

"Really? What did your dad do?"

"Music. He taught music," Edward said with a sad smile.

"Is that why you do it? Sing, I mean."

"Kind of. He loved it, Mom did too. We always had music in our house. I was a fine arts major when the accident happened. I didn't really know what I wanted to do with myself though. Music was the natural choice. Mom wanted med school," he said, laughing at the memory.

"You didn't want med school?"

"Leah, I could hardly get through high school."

"You're musical, your brain is different," I told him and he laughed again.

"You can say that again," he mused quietly. "What about you?"

"What about me?"

"Are you going to school?"

"I was. It's hard right now with no transportation. I'm just working at the station until I get my license back."

"What were you going for?" Edward picked at the lacy tablecloth as he asked. It felt like we were on a first date or something. I was suddenly very nervous.

"Um… writing. Journalism specifically. My dad was a photographer and could tell stories with his pictures. I prefer words."

"I've heard great things about your dad," he said softly and I felt tears prick my eyes.

"He was a great man." I looked down at my hands, my throat swelling with tears. _You are_ not _going to cry right now,_ I told myself furiously, _I mean it._

"Leah..." Edward looked like he wanted to say something else, but the sound of a muffled giggle and a thump made him shoot to his feet and head to the foot of the stairs.

"Alice!" he called, sounding suspicious.

"Yeah?" came her muffled reply.

"It's getting late. Seth needs to go home."

"Okaaaaaay, Edward!" A few seconds later they tumbled down the stairs, laughing and talking, and I smiled. It felt nice to see my brother so happy.

Edward drove us home and then walked us both to the door. It was old-fashioned and incredibly sweet and unnecessary of him to do.

"Thanks for dinner," I said, and to make sure he didn't get any..._ideas_, I gave him a light punch on the shoulder, making him wince.

"Yeah, thanks, Edward!" Seth called as he pushed past me to the door.

"Anytime. Really." Edward smiled and walked backward down the porch steps, his eyes trained on me the whole time. I waited at the door until he got in his car and drove away.

"Leah and Edward sitting in a tree! K-I-S- ow!" Seth's song was disrupted by my hand across the back of his head. "What the crap, Leah?"

"You're being juvenile," I said as I made my way upstairs.

"I _am_ a juvenile." I could practically hear him rolling his eyes at me. "He likes you. Alice says so."

"Yeah, well… maybe Alice's parents dropped her on her head, since she obviously likes _you." _Seth actually stuck his tongue out at me, and Mom stuck her head out of her bedroom.

"How was dinner?" she asked with a sly smile.

"_Fine._" I slammed my bedroom door in an attempt to get away from her and Seth. Of course, Mom didn't care to acknowledge that.

"Is he a good cook?" she asked after barging in.

"Yes." My answer was muffled because I was trying to take my shirt off.

"He's very handsome," Mom mused and I fought the urge to laugh. _If you only knew._

"He's okay."

"What does Embry think about you hanging out with him?"

"Shit! I forgot to call him back!" I scrambled to find my phone, completely forgetting that I was half-dressed.

"Yes. He called here looking for you, too."

"What did you tell him?" I cried.

"The truth, sweetheart. That boy needs to learn some manners."

"Aw, crap. Mom!" I cried and gave her a frustrated look but she just walked away.

"Sorry," she said with a smile that I knew meant she wasn't really sorry at all.

"Dammit." I finally found my phone and noticed all of Embry's calls and texts. He was definitely not happy. Part of me really wanted to care that he was upset; _all_ of me knew I should at least call or text him to find out what my mom had really said.

But I didn't.

xXx

EPOV

"Seth, why don't you take a break and help hand stuff out?" I called into the pantry where he, Leah, and Sue were working diligently to fill up bags of food.

I was surprised when Leah showed up, wearing her customary smirk, with her long, dark hair pulled into a sleek ponytail. She caught me staring at her and raised an eyebrow at me, but ignored me and followed her mother.

I didn't mean to stare. She was just _really_ beautiful.

That was part of the reason why I switched places with Seth. I mean, I wasn't being a creep or anything. I just wanted to be around her. A lot.

Maybe I was kind of a creep. _Hide yo' kids, hide yo' husbands,_ I thought, and a little snort escaped me.

Leah gave me a quick, questioning glance before continuing to fill the bag she was working on. We worked silently for a few moments before Sue left to help Seth out front.

"So… how was your night?" I filled up one bag with cans and hoisted myself onto the folding table where we'd been setting our finished bags all night.

"Decent, I guess." Leah shrugged and leaned against the table next to me. She rolled her shoulders and closed her eyes.

"Alice wouldn't stop talking about Seth. If it weren't so annoying, it'd be cute. 'Seth likes this, Seth said that, Seth Seth Seth,' " I said in a squeaky imitation of my sister's voice, and she laughed softly.

"Same thing at our house, only with less squealing and more puppy-dog eyes." Leah reached up and rubbed her shoulders with her hand, grimacing as she hit a knot in her muscles.

"I'm glad. I don't want to be the only one suffering." I smirked down at her and nudged her with my elbow.

"Watch it, Cullen," she grumbled, and contorted her neck in ways that made my own muscles wince. "Gah, I must've slept on something wrong last night, and carrying all those bags just made it worse...you don't happen to have any Vicodin on hand, do you?" she asked, turning to smile at me.

I took in her sparkling eyes, her pretty lips curved into a smile, and gulped, working to bring my overactive imagination back under control. "Clearwater, come _here_." I grabbed her shoulders and gently pulled her between my legs with her back to me.

"What the hell?" she cried and tried to step away.

"If you don't stop fighting me, you're going to regret it." I brushed her long, dark braid off her shoulder and replaced it with my own hands. She relaxed as my fingers dug into her skin and a small sigh fell from her lips.

"God, that's good," Leah whispered, and I laughed under my breath. Her skin was warm and tight beneath my hands. I tried not to wonder whether her skin would feel like that all over. (What? I was a pastor, not a eunuch. Though it might've been a lot easier to be a eunuch just then...)

"Not sleeping well?" I asked.

She groaned and hung her head. "Something like that."

"What's up?"

"Don't pastor me, Cullen," she snapped and suddenly stepped away from me, rubbing her shoulders and adjusting her t-shirt.

"Pastor or pester?" I joked lamely.

"Haha." She kicked my foot with her own.

"I wasn't trying to _pastor_ you. I simply noticed you were tense and asked if you'd been sleeping. Or if you're overly stressed. Or if there is anything you need to talk about." I grinned and Leah snorted.

"I'm okay." She nodded and looked up, meeting my eyes for the first time since I'd touched her.

"Really, Leah." I said her name quietly and watched her eyes tighten. "If you need to talk. I'm here."

"I know." She looked down at her feet again and fell silent.

"Edward, the crowd is gone. Should we clean up now?" Seth called from the door.

"Yeah," I called to him. Leah stared after her brother, lost in thought.

What I wouldn't do to be inside that head.

xXx

LPOV

I didn't talk much to anyone once we arrived back home. All I could think about was how Edward had touched me. How his fingers had felt on my skin and the closeness of his body. It would be a boldfaced lie to say I wasn't completely aware of Edward's physical attractiveness, because oh, I was. Completely, indubitably, and distractingly aware.

Of course, the fact that he was gorgeous was also really, really annoying. What was even more annoying was that he didn't seem to know how good-looking he was. Compared to him, Embry was just kind of nice-looking, and he _always_ used it to his advantage. Edward just…didn't. He was so incredibly humble. Or maybe he was just completely oblivious to how other people perceived him.

My phone buzzed on the nightstand and I groaned hoping it wasn't Embry. I wasn't avoiding him, per se. I just wasn't really interested in talking to him. I picked up my phone and laughed out loud at Edward's text.

_Why do golfers wear two pair of pants?_

I smiled into the dark and typed out my response.

-_I give up. _

_You didn't even try! _

_-Just tell me._

_In case they get a hole in one. ;)_

I buried my face in my pillow and groaned. How could someone so incredibly hot be so damn corny?

_-That was awful._

_Did it make you smile?_

_-It did._

_Then it's worth the ridicule. _

_-Good night, Edward. _

_Sweet dreams, pretty girl. _

My heart stuttered reading his message and I couldn't help but think that just maybe Edward _did_ know the effect he had on people.

I didn't see or talk to Edward until Wednesday after youth group. The kids mostly did small group activities with the older students leading. Edward monitored them but I sat in on a group that Alice was sitting with. It was uncomfortable to sit and listen to the kids read scripture and interpret it. It was more disturbing to watch the outgoing Alice I'd spent time with over the weekend crawl into a sullen, surly shell, crossing her arms over her chest and staring at her feet the whole time. It was weird to watch her, not talking to the other kids when I knew that she had thoughts and feelings to share.

"What about you, Leah?" the blond kid on my right asked.

"What's that?" I turned my attention away from my one-sided stare down with Alice.

"What do you think the author's trying to say in Psalm 13? It's kind of confusing."

"Um… let me see, I guess." I took the leather bound Bible from his hands and read aloud.

"_How long, o Lord? Will You forget me forever? _

_How long will You hide Your face from me? _

_How long much I wrestle with my thoughts_

_And every day have sorrow in my heart? _

_How long will my enemy triumph over me?_

_Look on me and answer, o Lord my God. _

_Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death; _

_My enemy will say 'I have overcome him,'_

_And my foes will rejoice when I fall._

_But I trust in Your unfailing love,_

_My heart rejoices in Your salvation. _

_I will sing to the Lord, _

_For He has been good to me."_

"I mean the guy's all torn up about God forgetting him and then he's just… over it? That seems too easy. It's messed up," the kid, Mike, said.

"It's not." Alice's quiet voice made me jump. "It's about being faithful and knowing that even when things are hard there is always hope."

She spoke with her eyes on the floor but everyone in the group listened with rapt attention, like they understood _exactly_ what she meant.

I wish I did.

Mike continued, hoping for more clarity. "But this guy-"

"David." Edward's voice was soft beside me.

"What?"

"David wrote the majority of the Psalms. They were like songs in Biblical times. And what Alice said is right, even if she _did_ read it from the study guide part of her Bible." He winked at his sister, who waved her hand dismissively.

"Still true." She shrugged.

He squeezed her shoulder affectionately, as if he were recognizing how difficult it had been for her to speak. "Let's circle up, guys. It's getting late."

I handed Mike back his Bible and joined the kids at the front of the room as they took each other's hands. I ended up next to Edward, his hand warm in mine, his fingers rubbing gently over my knuckles.

Edward prayed quickly and squeezed my hand when he was finished. I'd come accustomed to some of the things they did at youth. Squeezing hands after prayer was one of them.

I grabbed my bag and waited for Seth by the door, enjoying watching him interact with Alice. Edward was right. It was kind of cute.

"So, you question David's devotion?" Edward asked as we waited for Charlie to come and pick up Seth and me. Seth and Alice sat a few yards away, their heads bowed together and deep in conversation.

"I just find it difficult to forgive after so much sadness."

"We're not talking about David anymore, are we?" Edward leaned against the wall of the fellowship hall and sighed.

"No. I guess not." I followed his lead and leaned next to him, our shoulders touching.

"Forgiveness and grace… they come on their own. And sometimes not at all." I felt him shrug and I fought the urge to look at him.

"Aren't you supposed to be making me come to Jesus?" I asked and he laughed quietly.

"No, Leah. I can't – and I won't – make anyone do that. It's a personal choice." He nudged me softly. "No matter how much your mom paid me to talk to you."

"I knew it!" I cried and turn to stare at him accusingly. Edward simply grinned.

"She would never, you know that."

"I know." I tried to fight the smile that was forming on my lips.

"And, for the record, she wouldn't have to pay me anything to talk to you." Edward whispered, his mouth close to my ear. I shivered involuntarily and pulled back to look at him. Messy hair stuck out everywhere, silhouetted by the soft light of the street lamp. His green eyes were barely visible in the shadows, but I'd already committed them to memory long ago.

"You're ridiculous." I could barely get out the words. The proximity of his body and the fact that his hand was grasping mine was doing strange things to me.

"I need to ask you something." He took a deep breath. Headlights appeared behind me, illuminating his face, haloing his silhouette like some cheesy Jesus-on-velvet painting.

"Go ahead," I said and he squeezed my hand in his.

"I was wondering...Willyouhavedinnerwithme?" Edward asked in a rush.

"What?"

"I mean… let me take you to dinner? Please?" He dropped my hand but took a step closer to me and rested his hand on my hip.

"What? I mean- you...wait, what?" I couldn't think clearly, my brain confounded by his nearness and his hand, so warm it was practically burning a hole through my jeans. Leah Clearwater did _not_ let boys affect her that way. I didn't get nervous. I didn't blush. Oh, fuck. I _had_ blushed. _And_ stuttered. I opened and closed my mouth repeatedly, a fish out of water sucking in air, while Edward stared hard into my eyes, unsmiling, his eyebrows furrowed together.

"Please?" he asked again.

_No, _my head said. _Worst idea ever. Don't even go there. It'll only end in tears. _

My mouth opened. What came out of it was a loud and resounding –

"Okay."

* * *

**So, listen. Those crazy ladies over at A Different Forest (www[.]adifferentforest[.]com) made me a VIP Author. I know, I have no idea what's going on either. Anywho, I'll have a cabin of sorts that you can come play in if you feel inclined to do so. It will be lots of fun! I like RobPr0n. And you. I like all of you.**

**XOXO**


	8. The Downfall

**Some things in this story either belong to Stephenie Meyer, Dave Matthews or Carrie Underwood. Have fun figuring _that _one out. **

**XO**

* * *

Chapter 8 – The Downfall

_Date_.

Edward asked me on a date.

I mean, it _had_ to be a date because he was all nervous and blushing when he asked me. _God_, he was adorable.

Shit. I couldn't stop smiling; I looked like I'd had an IV of happy juice. People were going to get suspicious. And by "_people"_ I meant my family.

I managed to steer clear of them on Wednesday night by complaining of a headache, though I secretly went to my room and tried to decide what to wear on my _date._

Because I had a _date_. I had a date with _Edward_.

_Shit_.

As if on cue, my phone vibrated from the small desk in my room.

_Friday. I meant to ask you to dinner on Friday. In case you were wondering. _

I frowned at Edward's text. I had been wondering, kind of. Friday was a night he usually played at Quil's and I couldn't help but think whether our _date_ would affect that.

_What about Quil's? _I typed out quickly.

_We can go out before and hang out there, if that's okay?_

My heart pounded in my chest. He wanted to go public already? I just wanted to make out with the guy. To run my fingers through his amazing Breck-girl hair and maybe grope him a little bit in the privacy of my own backseat, but if he was willing to take me out in front of other people, then who was I to disabuse him of the shitstorm that would follow?

_Sounds fine._ I sent my reply before I could change my mind. Then I decided I should probably call Embry. I'd told him I didn't want to be in a relationship with him. So did that mean that I wanted a relationship with Edward? I knew Edward wouldn't just be some simple fuck. For one, I was pretty sure that he didn't do anything _simple_. And two, well, I wasn't sure he'd ever actually _fucked_ anyone.

Surely he'd done the deed with someone. He hadn't _always_ been Jesus' right hand man. Uh-oh. That made me start thinking about other things he might've done with his right hand. "Nope. Not even gonna go there," I muttered, grimacing, and slammed the door on my vivid imagination firmly shut.

I didn't call Embry yet. I wasn't ready to talk to him, not just yet. I wasn't worried about what he would do; Embry wasn't violent or angry, and I couldn't count how many times I'd kicked his ass in an arm-wrestling match. It was just that hell, he made a better girl than I did in some ways. He was sometimes emotional and I didn't want him to go off the deep end or something. Maybe I was thinking too highly of myself in regards to Embry. He could've been making up the whole "wanting a relationship" thing. Maybe he felt exactly what I did.

Nothing.

I made sure I headed downstairs just as everyone was getting ready to leave the house so I didn't have to talk to any of them. Mom tried, but Charlie practically dragged me to the car, explaining that we were already late.

"We're not late, you know that, right?" I raised an eyebrow at him as we pulled out of the drive.

Charlie's mustache twitched as he rounded the corner.

"Leah, I've worked at the station for thirty years. I know we're not late. You looked like you had something on your mind and I know how your mom gets."

My throat tightened at Charlie's affection and I nodded.

"Well, I'm not going to tell _you_ either," I said, making him guffaw.

"Wouldn't dream of it, kid," he replied, "Not sure I even want to know what's on _your_ mind, Lee."

I smiled. Charlie was kind of funny, though it was only sometimes and only kind of, of course.

By lunch time Charlie had managed to get my secret out of me. I don't know how he did it. There must have been some weird Jedi-mind-trick-type cop magic I didn't know about yet. Not that I wanted to know, but it would have been nice to have a heads-up.

By the end of the day, Charlie had all but made an EDWARD FOR FUTURE SON-IN-LAW banner and hung it up. Every time he walked by my desk he said something different.

"_He's responsible, that kid." _

"_Taking care of his sister like that. He's got a big heart." _

"_I hear he plays a mean guitar." _

"_He's got dreamy eyes."_ Okay, so I made that last one up. Chief would never say that. (Even though it was blatantly true.)

When we got in the car, Charlie sat, seemingly lost in thought, for a moment, car keys hovering halfway to the ignition.

"What's up?" I asked warily, suddenly cautious.

"You want to go to La Push?" he asked.

I felt my eyes widen. "What for?"

"Well, Billy called during lunch. Jake's home for a long weekend. I thought you might like to see him."

"Really?" I asked, as my throat tightened the same way it had that morning.

"Yeah. Yeah, of course. You kids are friends. You haven't seen him in a while." He nodded and pulled out of the station.

Charlie was right. I hadn't seen Jacob since Christmas break. He was off studying graphic design in Portland and had obviously forsaken me for cooler, more heavily-tattooed friends, since we only emailed once a month these days.

It's funny, because I never in my life thought that Jacob Black would be my best friend. But after my dad died – there he'd been. Jake's mom had died when he was a kid, so he understood what I was dealing with. He'd known my anger for the disguised misery it was, so he was one of the very few people I hadn't been able to scare off with my temper. He'd been the only one I'd let see me cry.

The drive to La Push was quiet, but I didn't mind. It was nice, not having to explain myself or watch what I said. Then again, it was always like that with Charlie.

I don't think the car had even stopped in Billy's front yard before Jake had yanked open the door and pulled me into his massive arms.

"God, I missed you." He hugged me so tightly my feet actually left the ground, and I nodded into his shoulder.

"Me too," I whispered against his t-shirt.

He pulled away from me and greeted Charlie with a hug and a huge smile.

"You kids have fun. Billy and I will be fine." Charlie waved Jacob and me off a few minutes later.

Jacob grinned at me and raised an eyebrow. "Race you to the beach?"

I didn't give him an answer. Instead, I took off without a backwards glace. I heard him call out my name but I just laughed and kept running, feeling exhilarated and alive for the first time in… a long time.

Jacob finally caught up to me at the edge of the water. Before I knew it, the sky had turned upside-down and my head was dangling dangerously above the water.

"Jake!" I screeched and clawed at his arms.

"You keep doing that and I'm going to drop you!" he yelled back, but turned me right side up, his arms still tight around me.

"You're a jerk, you know that?" I slapped him playfully and he grinned down at me.

"Of course. You love me anyways."

"Of course." I wrapped my arms around his neck and held him to me.

"Now, tell Uncle Jake what's going on." Jacob joined me on a piece of driftwood and slipped his arm around my shoulders.

"If you were my uncle you'd be the creepy one who always tries to kiss me on the lips."

"Pucker up, buttercup." He pulled me to him, making smacking noises, and I laughed loudly.

"In your dreams, Jacob Black."

"Oh, I'm sorry. Are you too busy kissing Embry? Or is it that preacher guy he keeps whining about?"

"What do you mean?" I asked him, giving him the side-eye and trying to focus on the water in front of me.

"I hung out with Embry last night. He was all emo-sad-face about you not returning his phone calls. Then he tells me some bullshit about you hanging out with this pastor kid who sometimes sings at Quil's or something. What the fuck is going on when I have to find out this stuff from Embry instead of you?"

"Jake…"

"Oh, God. It's true, isn't it?" Jacob's arm slipped from around my shoulders, and he covered his face with his hands. "What's his name?"

"None of your business!" I cried and jumped up from the driftwood.

"Lee…c'mon. I'm just curious. Can't a guy be curious?"

"No, you ass. You're spying on me for Embry!"

"Oh, I am not! I hate that kid. Why would I spy for him?"

"I don't know. Because you've been friends since the womb and if Embry has his little emo feelings hurt then you're probably going to try and guilt me into making him feel better?"

"You're my friend, too," Jake reminded me, leaving me to pace back and forth in the sand, and returned to the log, crossing his long legs in front of him.

"It's not the same, though." I sat back down abruptly and nudged his shoulder.

"No, it's not. I like you more."

"Your pants are on fire, Jake," I laughed, elbowing him in the ribs.

"I mean it, Lee." He slipped his arm around my shoulders again. "I mean, Embry's like a brother, but you…you're my best friend. If you need to talk about something, then… talk to me."

"I think I like him," I whispered into the shoulder of his t-shirt as he rubbed soft circles across my back. Somehow saying the words for the first time didn't make me feel any better. They scared me more than I'd ever imagined words could.

"Who, Embry?" Jacob snorted, not bothering to hide his skepticism. "Like I said, he's like my brother, Leah, but you'd eat him alive."

"No. Not Embry. The pastor dude. Edward," I said.

His movements stopped and his hand not-so-gently gripped my forearm.

"Oh. Well, that's… that's good, right?" Jacob questioned softly.

"Good? How is this good? I like a guy who is basically the epitome of _good_ and I'm… I'm…" I pushed myself to my feet and stepped a few feet away from him, needing distance from the comfort of him.

"You're what, Lee?" he asked, his hands gentle on my shoulders.

"I'm _me_, Jacob."

"And what, may I ask, is so wrong with you?" Jacob turned me around and tipped my chin up.

I just shrugged, avoiding eye contact. "I'm messed up."

"So? Who isn't messed up these days? I'm sure preacher man has got some skeletons in his closet, too."

"He's perfect," I groaned, and rested my head against Jacob's chest. "He's only a couple years older than me, and he takes care of his younger sister and holds down a job, not to mention said job involves him being, like, BFFs with Jesus. How is that _not_ perfect?" I demanded worriedly, drawing back to gauge Jake's reaction.

"No one is perfect. Except me, of course," he joked, and I shoved him away. Should've known better than to think Edward would challenge Jake's precious ego.

"Edward is… different. I don't know what it is. Just something about him makes me… feel."

"Feel what?"

"Anger, mostly. He pisses me off to no end. And he knows it, too. But then, he says things and sings and plays things that calm me and I just – I just like him, dammit!"

"Sweet Lord above, Leah Clearwater has met her match." Jacob rested a hand over his heart and gazed toward the sky.

I resisted the urge to kick him, staring daggers at him instead. "I hate you."

"You _love_ me," he said a la Gracie Hart.

"You're an idiot." I smacked him lightly and he pretended to fall down. I stepped over him and started to walk down the beach.

"So, you like him," Jacob said from behind me. He caught up quickly and took my hand in his. It wasn't a romantic gesture; it was warm and familial. It was like home.

"I think?"

"If you like him then what's the problem?"

"I don't know. I mean, there's all this stuff with Embry, and then we're just _so_ different."

"Well, you just need to tell Embry the truth. He'll move on to being emo over someone else. And who cares if you and this preacher dude are different? If you like each other, then what's it matter?"

I sighed. I envied Jake his ability to see things in such definite, black and white terms. He was definitely meant to be an architect. "I mean we're from two different worlds, Jacob."

"How? Is he from Mars?"

I laughed. "Sometimes I think he is."

"I need to meet this guy," Jacob mused quietly. "Claire's convinced he's a guardian angel like that Castiel dude from _Supernatural_, Quil likes him, Embry hates him, Paul is jealous of him, and you're in love with him. Seriously, it's like you've all been taken over by Pod People."

"Shut up." I bumped him with my shoulder, smiling, and tried to not sigh dreamily. "He asked me out."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. Friday. Before he plays at Quil's."

"You going?"

"I am. I just… need to tell Embry."

"I told you. Just be honest with him." Jacob let go of my hand and wrapped his arm around my shoulders. "And if he gets shitty with you, I'll whip his ass back into shape."

"Fine." I sighed, leaning into him. "I'm glad you're home, Jake."

"Me too. Just next time I come home, Lee, make sure everyone's sane, okay?" He gave me a quick squeeze.

I laughed. "I'll do my best."

"We should head back before Billy and Charlie open the whiskey," Jacob said as he turned us back toward the trail home.

"I guess you're right." I wrapped my arm around his middle and leaned into him.

He chuckled. "I usually am."

We walked slowly, still wrapped up in each other. Our heads turned as one when we heard a child cry out in the front yard of a little yellow house. I felt my throat tighten, as did Jake's arm around my shoulder. A little boy was playing with his mother in the front yard. Her long hair was braided and hung over her shoulder. My free hand instinctively went to my own hair, done in the same style. _Sam's favorite. _

"You want to take me somewhere?" I asked him once we'd gotten away from Emily and the spawn.

"Anywhere you want, Ms. Daisy," he replied in a thick (and awful) southern accent.

"Great. I need a haircut." I pulled Jacob the final way to Billy's yard where he and Charlie were sitting on the front porch like a couple of crotchety old men. "We'll be back soon," I called to them. Charlie lifted a can of Rainier in acknowledgement as we got into Jacob's car.

"A haircut, huh?" Jake asked, looking at me sidelong, and I nodded decisively.

"It's time for a change."

xXx

"I just can't get _over_ it," my mother sighed for about the fiftieth time since I'd returned home.

"It's just hair, Mom." I brushed her hand away from where it was trying to touch me _again_.

"You've always had long hair." She fought my hand and ran her fingers through my hair anyway.

"And now I don't." I shook my head, loving how different it felt having so much less hair. Mom was right. I had always had long hair. But seeing Emily with her baby, _Sam's_ baby – it made me realize that some things just weren't _me_ anymore.

"I think it's great," Charlie said, and smiled at me from across the table.

"Thanks, Chief. Can you arrest my mother for overly touching me or something?" I got up from the table and cleared everyone's dishes.

"I'll see what I can do," he said through his twitching mustache.

"I'm sure Edward will love it, too!" Mom called to me.

"Mother!" I groaned from the kitchen. "You're ridiculous." I shook my head and continued to clear out plates and put them in the dishwasher.

"I'm just saying, sweetheart." She gave me a sly smile and helped me finish cleaning the kitchen. "You look beautiful. Short hair suits you." Mom touched my cheek softly and I smiled.

"Thank you. Please, no more Edward talk?"

"I'll stop. I mean, until your date I mean."

"_Crap_."

"Oh, yes. Mama knows everything."

xXx

By Friday I was a nervous wreck. I was really and truly a nervous wreck. I spilled coffee all over my desk, nearly broke the copy machine, and somehow managed to blow a fuse in the entire station.

Charlie took me home early, which was great because it gave me plenty of time to think about all the ways I could sabotage my date with Edward. First, I thought about all the cursing I could do to embarrass him, then I thought about how drunk I could get. Millions of other things crossed my mind, but I was so exhausted from all that worrying that I fell into an exhausted, uneasy nap and managed to forget about half of them.

I took my time in the shower, forgetting that it wouldn't take me that long to wash my hair anymore. I didn't shave my legs because, let's face it, I was going out with Edward and there was going to be no sex.

I mean I wasn't going to try, but if _he_ started it, then… game on. On second thought, I might as well take the extra 10 minutes to shave.

Dressing for my date was easy: jeans and lightweight layered t-shirts, a long beaded necklace and some braided sandals. It was casual, but dressy. Dressy-casual? Whatever, I was fighting the urge to vomit. A lot.

When the doorbell rang, I ran downstairs to get it but every one of my family members beat me to it.

Every. Single. One.

"Really?" I cried when I found the three of them huddled around the door. I pushed through them and opened it, finding Edward standing on the porch holding a small bouquet of wildflowers.

"I didn't know what you liked and these grow everywhere so I figured I wasn't really killing an endangered plant species or anything." He handed me the flowers nervously and I smiled.

"Come on in." I moved back, forcing my nosy family members to scuttle backward.

He stepped in and ran a hand through his messy hair. I wondered if he'd even tried to fix it. Edward had abandoned his old, faded jeans (that I loved) for a pair of dark ones and his silly t-shirts for a long sleeved oxford, tucked neatly in with the sleeves rolled up. He shoved his hands in his pockets as I closed the door behind him and glanced at his audience.

"Hey Edward!" Seth waved to him even though he was standing four feet away. "Hey, I got a new video game; you want to come check it out while -"

"Settle down, kid." Charlie laughed and put a hand on Seth's shoulder to stop his bouncing. "You'd think you were the one going on a date."

I watched Edward's ears turn bright red and fought my own smile.

"I'm just going to grab my jacket and bag. I'll be right back." I handed the flowers to my mom and gave her the crazy-stabby-Leah eyes to let her know not to do anything stupid while I was gone.

"Don't do anything stupid while I'm gone," I told them not-so-quietly, just to be sure.

"You can do this without puking," I muttered to myself, slipping on a thin cardigan and grabbing my purse before nervously checking myself in the mirror for what felt like the millionth time. Edward and my family were all sitting around the dining room table when I came downstairs.

"Oh, come on! I wasn't gone for that long." I stomped my foot. Edward laughed and stood up.

"Are you ready, diva?" He took my hand in his and a kind of calmness spread over me.

"Yes." I smiled despite his smart remark. "Goodnight!" I called to the lurkers in the kitchen.

"Have fun!" They chorused together.

Fucking crazy family.

Edward stopped to open my car door and an adorable smile crossed his face.

"Did you do something different with your hair?" he asked.

"You're such an ass." I hit him with my purse and got in the car.

"Really! I mean, something is different. I can't put my finger on it but - "

I slammed the car door to cut off his ridiculousness.

"That was very rude, you know. I was talking to you," Edward said in mock annoyance as he backed out of the drive.

"You were being a jerk."

"I was asking about your hair!"

"Jerk."

"I like it, by the way. It suits you."

"Thank you." I felt my face heat up. _Stop blushing, dammit. He's just a boy! _A really delicious, adorable boy… "So, where are you taking me, Preacher Boy?"

"It's a surprise." He smiled, his eyes still on the road.

"I hate surprises." I grumbled and Edward laughed his quiet laugh.

"You'll like it." Edward reached across the car and squeezed my hand. "I promise." I relaxed into the seat and let his fingers rub small circles on my skin. He threaded his fingers with mine and rested our hands on the side of my seat.

It occurred to me how natural it felt – to be like this with Edward. With Sam I'd always felt like he was slipping away, even before we started having problems. Things with Embry just always seemed so forced. This…ease, this comfort, scared me and fascinated me at the same time.

But mostly it scared me.

Edward drove us to Port Angeles and parked somewhere near the pier. He did the gentlemanly thing and helped me out of the car. I almost asked if he wanted to hold my purse, but I held that one in.

"Are we here?" I asked as he took my hand and led me down a dark street.

"Almost."

"You aren't planning on killing me in this alley, are you?" I stopped walking but didn't let go of his hand, so I accidentally yanked him backward.

"No. Not tonight, anyway," he said, and grinned at me. His profile under the street lights was in definite contrast to how I normally saw it, in broad daylight at the church. This Edward wasn't the innocent youth pastor asking me out on a date. There was something different in his eyes, something a little less kid-friendly and way more grown-up, something I really, _really_ wanted to know more about.

"Haha." I tugged him back to me and started walking again.

"What are you afraid of?" Edward let go of my hand and slipped his arm around my shoulders. His touch did different things to me than Jacob's had earlier in the day. Jake made me feel safe, loved. Edward made me feel giddy, nervous and…_wanted_.

"Nothing." I shrugged under his arm and reached up to grab his hand. It occurred to me that we were being incredibly touchy-feely for our first date. I wondered if that meant anything for the end of the date.

We finally arrived at what looked like a shack with a flickering "_open" _sign, and Edward practically pulled me to the door.

"You _are_ going to kill me, aren't you?" I glared at him under the neon lights. He laughed loudly and wrapped his arms around my waist with his face way, way too close to mine.

"Can't you just trust me, pretty girl?" His breath washed warm over my face, and my head started to spin. I swallowed loudly and nodded. "Good. Let's go." Edward took my hand again and opened the door. I swear it was so rickety it nearly fell off the hinges. We were greeted quickly by a young blond man with an excited smile.

"Cullen! I'd thought we'd seen the last of you!" He gave Edward an enthusiastic handshake and a pat on the back before leading us to a table by the water. The inside of the restaurant was a little more dressed up than the outside. White Christmas lights were wound around a railing outside and nautical themed… stuff hung everywhere**.** A candle flickered in the middle of the table and the glasses and silverware were much cleaner than I would have imagined.

_Never judge a book by its cover._ Shut up, stupid Mom voice.

"Thanks, Riley," I heard Edward say as we took our seats. Well, after he pulled my chair out for me and then took his seat.

"You've been here before?" I opened my menu in front of me, avoiding his face. I had to. Those damn twinkle lights would be my downfall.

"Uh, yeah. I played here a couple of times before I landed Quil's. Not much of a crowd, but they do have some amazing crab legs." I snuck a glance at him. His face was downcast as he pored over his menu, his lower lip pulled between his teeth, the twinkle lights haloing us in warm golden light.

Yep. Twinkle lights, lip bite, downfall. I should have known.

"What?" He gave me a worried glance. "Do I have something on my face?"

"Huh? No." I looked away.

"Why are you staring then?"

"I wasn't."

"Were too."

"Shut up."

"You shut up."

"You're so obnoxious. Aren't you supposed to be all kind and gracious and _not_ a complete ass?"

"I know you are, but what am I?" He grinned. "Says who?"

"I don't know, the Bible?" I grumbled, and he laughed. I smacked him with my menu.

"Ow! You're very violent tonight, you know?"

"What can I say…you bring out the best in me," I shot back, pouring on the sarcasm.

He raised an eyebrow at me and smirked. "So I've been told."

I had no idea what he meant. Did people really tell him that? If so, who? My family? I'd kill them all.

"Well, what are you getting?" I closed my menu after deciding on grilled salmon.

"Crab legs, like I told you. The best ones around." Edward smiled. "I love getting crabs from here." He added with a wink.

I almost spit out my drink. "I'm not touching that one with a ten-foot pole, Cullen."

Riley came back and we ordered our food and drinks. Then Edward started asking me about…everything, from my favorite cartoon to my favorite song. Some things I didn't even have an answer to.

"How do you not have a favorite planet?" he questioned with an annoying smile on his face.

"How do you _have_ a favorite planet?" I laughed.

"Simple. Uranus."

"You're just a dirty pervert trapped in a youth pastor's body!" I bit my lip to keep from laughing.

"Am not! Okay, I am. But seriously. It's a beautiful planet. The color and the rings, I just love it."

"Fine, I'll let that answer slide. I guess I'll go with… Saturn. It's gigantic. And yeah, the rings are nice."

"It's all about the rings with you girls," he grumbled in mock annoyance just as Riley brought out our food. "You probably think God liked Saturn so much he put the rings on it himself."

"Edward. Saturn is _not _a single lady. And whatever, I'm not like that. I don't think I ever want a ring." I lifted my fork and picked cautiously at my salmon. It looked and smelled amazing, but I was still wary.

"Why not?" Edward asked, his hands frozen in front of him. If it weren't for the concerned look on his face he would have looked comical, crab leg in one hand, tiny cracking tool in the other.

"I don't know. Since Sam, I just… haven't really thought about it." I shrugged and took a bite of my salmon. _Christ on a sea sponge. Holy Krabby Patties. _It was delicious.

"How long were you together?"

"We started dating my senior year, so almost three years. We'd practically grown up together so it was kind of inevitable. Then a couple of weeks after my dad died I went to see him and I found him with… her."

"Her?"

"Emily. My cousin."

"Oh. Shit, that's cold," Edward said, cringing empathetically, and I raised an eyebrow at him. "What? I can swear."

"It's just weird to hear you do it, that's all," I said softly. _And it's kind of hot._

"I just know what you went through, you know? The same thing happened with my college girlfriend and my roommate."

"I think you mentioned that." I really couldn't imagine someone choosing _anyone_ over Edward. Unless she was a complete and total idiot. She must've been. Maybe she was blind, too.

"Yeah. They live outside of Chicago with their six children now." He laughed at my wide eyes. "I'm kidding, they only have two."

"Still. You see them with their families and their happiness and it's like, what the fuck? That was supposed to be my life." I stabbed at my salmon with more force than was really necessary, and Edward shrugged.

"Everything happens for a reason, right?" he asked quietly.

"You really believe that?" I put down my weapon of choice and leaned on my elbows to face him.

"Of course. Don't you?" He rested his chin in his hand and met my eyes. The look in his was so earnest it was almost painful.

"I don't know any more," I replied softly.

"Maybe I'll have to show you it does."

"Maybe I'll let you… if you buy me dessert," I said and he smiled.

"Their peanut butter-chocolate cheesecake is like heaven on a plate," he said before going back to his dinner.

We stayed away from the Big Subjects after that, making small talk and eating. I think I could've watched Edward eat crab legs for the rest of my life. He wasn't messy like most people I'd seen, but still- the way he handled those little pliers and the butter that sometimes dripped from his fingers…I wanted to lick it off _for _him_._

When we finished dinner we shared a piece of cheesecake. Edward was right: heaven on a fucking plate. When there was absolutely nothing left on the plate we left to walk the pier, full of delicious food and a little more insight into each other's lives. Edward had stuck his hands in his pockets and I wondered briefly it was something I'd done. Why he didn't want to touch me now. Maybe he thought we'd done too much already or maybe he was trying to give me space after our conversation.

Either way, I didn't like it. I'd already had a taste of what it was like to feel his skin on mine and I wanted more. So much more. I linked my arm through his and brought him closer to me. I could see him smile from the corner of my eye. _Yes. He likes it, too. _

"Where are we going?"

"You'll _see_," he said, exasperated.

I sighed. "You drive me crazy."

"I know." He laughed, his whole body vibrating with the sound.

"_Ass_." I poked him gently. He yanked his hands out of his pockets, quickly snaked an arm around my waist, and pulled me against his side, halting our walking altogether.

"Be careful with these." He held up my fingers in front of our faces.

"Why?" I asked, wiggling them in his grasp. He pressed our palms together and shrugged.

"I'd hate for you to lose them in a tragic tickling incident." Edward raised an eyebrow and I nearly laughed. Except that his face was really close to mine again, all bright eyes and pretty lips.

"Tickling incident?" I breathed. I mean, he was _really fucking close._ He laughed softly and released my hand. I left it hanging there for a moment as I tried to decide if I should let it drop or touch his face like I'd been wanting to since the first day I saw him.

Crazy Leah always wins.

His eyebrows furrowed as my thumb gently traced his bottom lip. My hand moved itself, fingers trailing along his jaw and the soft scruff there, then rested at the side of his neck. I could feel his pulse racing beneath my palm.

Edward smiled and leaned forward, then gently pressed his lips to my forehead as I removed my hand from his neck.

"C'mon. We're going to miss it."

"Miss what?" I asked, stunned enough that I'd been semi-cockblocked that I let him pull me to an empty bench on the fringe of the crowd.

"Everything." Edward grinned and rested his arm on the back of the bench. I gave him a wry smile but as soon as I heard the music start I knew what we were doing; I'd heard of this before. A band of middle-aged men was set up in the middle of all the people. Supposedly they played any song anyone requested and people flocked from the surrounding counties to hear them. They reminded me of Edward, only on a much grander scale. Of course he would bring me here.

I looked back at him, leaning casually against the bench, his arm outstretched with a lazy smile on his face. _This _was his element, his true love.

He wanted to share it with _me._

I moved back toward him and laid my hand on the side of his face, bringing his eyes to mine. His smile widened, as did his eyes when I leaned in and kissed his cheek swiftly. I didn't look to see his reaction. Instead I rested my head on his shoulder and laid my hand on his thigh. He brought his arm off the bench and gently stroked my hair. I felt his lips against my forehead again and fought the shiver that the touch brought to my body.

I closed my eyes and listened to the music as Edward softly sung along. I could feel my heart beating rapidly in my chest and really hoped that he didn't notice how nervous I'd suddenly become.

How I'd suddenly realized that maybe we were in over our heads.

Maybe we didn't know what we were getting ourselves into.

When I sat up to look at him, his eyes were trained on the throng of people in front of hi. He turned to me, a beatific smile crossing his face as he did. His fingers touched my cheek softly.

No, we knew what we were getting ourselves into.

"Dance with me?" he asked softly and held out his hand.

I nodded and took it, letting him lead me into the crowd as the song changed. He slipped an arm around my waist and took one hand in his. I wrapped my other arm around his neck and rested my chin on his shoulder, knowing that if I looked at him… well, I did know what _wouldn't_ happen, because I had no intention of being arrested for public indecency. But it was still safer not to look at him at the moment.

I closed my eyes and felt my body melt into his as we moved with the song, the music leading us deeper into each other. When Edward started to sing along I nearly wrenched my hand out of his so I could wrap both of my arms around him, just to feel his heartbeat against my own.

"_Touch your lips just so I know__  
__In your eyes, love, it glows so__  
__I'm bare boned and crazy for you__  
__When you come crash__  
__Into me, baby__  
__And I come into you__  
__In a boy's dream__  
__In a boy's dream_

_If I've gone overboard__  
__Then I'm begging you__  
__To forgive me__  
__In my haste__  
__When I'm holding you so girl__  
__Close to me_

_Oh and you come crash__  
__Into me, baby__  
__And I come into you_…"

"Leah." He said my name softly as his hands removed my arms from around his neck. I kept one resting on his shoulder but he held the other one to his chest. "I'm really glad you agreed to come out with me tonight."

"Why are you being so formal, Cullen?" I teased though I was internally swooning.

I swear he blushed.

"I don't know. I just… I know I'm not the kind of guy you get involved with. So I guess I'm just glad you took a chance. On me."

I smiled. No, he wasn't the kind of guy I got involved with. Because I didn't get _involved_ with guys anymore. I pushed them away and resented them. So, _he_ was glad I took a chance on _him_? I was glad the crazy bastard hadn't run away screaming yet.

"I feel the same." I rested my face in the crook of his neck and inhaled deeply. He smelled like Irish Spring and laundry soap and something so _Edward_ it made my toes curl.

"Yeah?" he asked.

I pulled back and cupped the side of his face. "Yeah, Preacher Boy." I smiled and he turned his face to kiss my palm. "Are you _ever_ going to fucking kiss me?" I asked, and Edward laughed, throwing his head back, his eyes shining with amusement.

"Oh, I might." His forehead pressed against mine, and he rested his hand on the back of my neck.

"What are you waiting for?" I whispered. His proximity and his hands on me (not to _mention_ the boy smelled damn near edible) made it hard to breathe.

His thumb gently caressed my nape, his fingers still curled around the back of my neck. "Because if I kiss you, Leah, I don't know if I'll be able to stop."

_Oh, Jesus take the wheel. Jesus take _all_ the wheels._

"And that's a bad thing?" I laughed breathily, feeling almost drunk just being near him like this.

"Not necessarily. But it would ruin my whole good-guy rep, you know?" I watched the corners of his mouth turn up and his eyes close.

"Hmm." I hummed and pressed myself closer to him. Or rather, I tried considering we were practically molded together by that point.

"I haven't kissed anyone in a long time," Edward said, mock-doubtfully, as he slowly shook his head back and forth, his nose touching mine.

"Then you should probably fix that." I pulled away from him so I could see his face.

He nodded, his jaw set tight. "I should."

"I'm willing to help you out." I raised an eyebrow at him. "As part of my community service. For the greater good and all."

He laughed, his mouth stretching into a grin. "Very civic-minded of you, Leah."

Then he kissed me. I mean, really _kissed_ me. With one hand in my hair and the other wrapped around my body. His lips were gentle on mine, as if he could whisper all of his secrets to me. I took them all in with little gasps, my body bending to his and my arms tightening around his neck. When he pulled away it was with a small nip to my bottom lip and a huge smile.

"I'm a little out of practice," he shrugged before kissing my cheek softly.

"Yes. Awful. You should practice a lot more. I volunteer my services." I tried to fight the smile threatening to form. _Ah, fuck it. You liked it, you wanted it. Embrace that shit._

"That bad, huh? Obviously I need to work on it some more." Playing along, he put on a huge frown, sticking his lower lip out about a mile, and I laughed and rested my head on his chest.

"Well, I'll be here when you want to uh, work on it." I hugged him tightly and felt his chest vibrate with laughter.

"Good. I'm counting on you, Clearwater." His hand smoothed my hair and he kissed the top of my head.

_Yes_. He could definitely count on me.

* * *

**I hope you enjoyed this! I really enjoyed writing it. :) **

**Thank you to UofMAnne for an awesome prereader job. Killerlashes and IAmToWait were on beta duty. **


	9. Three Boys, One Leah

**Stephenie owns, you know... everything. **

* * *

Chapter 9 – Three Boys, One Leah

"You want to get some ice cream?" Edward asked after we'd listened to a few more songs. It was getting late and they'd be expecting him at Quil's soon. I knew we had to go, but I was still reluctant to re-enter the real world.

I had realized sometime after the kiss that this was the first time Edward and I had been alone since the first time I'd seen him at Quil's. And well, _that_ night didn't go over well.

"Do you have a hollow leg or something?" I asked.

He didn't have a hollow leg. In fact, he had very nice legs. Edward laughed and squeezed my hand. _Yes_, I thought, he still wanted to hold my hand.

_And _he'd kissed me. Again. Well, I may have attacked him a little after his very heartfelt singalong of "Open Arms." I couldn't help it. I was a diehard (and closeted) Journey fan.

"No, I just love food." He shrugged. I secretly checked him out and wondered where he put it all. Okay, I not-so-secretly checked him out. Who could blame me? The boy was fucking _fine_.

I sighed. "We should probably get going." He nodded but stopped walking and leaned against the wooden railing of the pier, bringing me with him. "This is the opposite of leaving, you know," I remarked with a smirk.

Edward grinned down at me and wrapped his arms around my waist. "Oh, I know. I just…" He trailed off as he stared down at me.

"Yeah." I nodded and bit my lip, knowing exactly what he was going to say. A few weeks ago I would have no idea what he was thinking but tonight… tonight was different.

"Is this going to be weird tonight?" He gestured between us and I shook my head.

"It'll be fine. We went on a date, we made out a little. You're going to be on stage most of the time, not hanging all over me. What could they say to us?"

"I don't know," Edward frowned. "I think your friends will know something's up when I can't stop smiling."

I snorted but leaned up to nuzzle his chin anyway. I mean, he was really adorable when he was being corny.

I kind of liked it when he was corny. _Fucking hell._ Was I going to turn into one of _those_ girls? I wasn't sure I wanted to be one of those girls. You know, the girls that were all smiley and happy because they had someone that cared about them. I didn't know if I could be like that.

While I was contemplating my entire future and what in the motherfuck a first date even meant with Edward, _he_ was brushing my hair away from my face and lowering his lips to my ear. I instinctively pressed myself against him.

"What?" I asked stupidly, because the look on his face when he pulled away was clearly one of someone waiting for some sort of answer.

_Stupid sensitive ears. Fucking traitors. _

"I just wanted to know when we can do this again." He smiled.

"This?" I wrapped my arms around his body and rested my chin on his chest. "We can do this anytime you want."

"Hmm." He made a low sound in his chest and leaned down to kiss me, very gently.

"What was that?" I whispered against his lips.

"It was something between 'you're beautiful' and 'how's everyday work for you?'." Edward pulled away and reached for my hand again. I laughed, though my heart was stuttering, and gave my hand to him willingly.

We grudgingly made our way to the car, both of us dragging our feet. Edward opened the car door for me and I was glad to see that just because I let him make out with me he had not forgone his gentlemanly ways. It wasn't really _that_ annoying.

The parking lot at Quil's was nearly empty when we arrived. I didn't give Edward time to open my door and he pretended to glare at me over the roof of the car. He stopped glaring at me so he could get his guitar out and then kissed me long enough to make my head spin.

"Time to face the wolves," I muttered. Edward chuckled quietly. He had _no_ idea.

I walked a step behind Edward up the gravel path. He opened the door and I followed him in, not at all surprised to see Claire perched on the bar with an expectant look on her face.

"Fuuuuuuuck," I groaned and watched Edward's shoulders shake with laughter in front of me.

I poked him in the back. He turned and smiled.

"I'm going to plug in. See you later." He leaned down and kissed the corner of my mouth and then winked at Claire before walking toward the stage.

Claire practically tackled me once Edward was out of earshot.

"A date?" she screeched. I covered my ears and looked toward Edward, who was nobly feigning deafness. He was so cute.

"Damn my mother," I muttered and took a seat on the nearest barstool. Quil laughed from behind the counter and handed me a beer. "Thanks." I tipped it to him with a smile.

"How could _you_ nottell me?" Claire demanded, slapping my arm and making me slosh my drink onto my hand.

"It just happened, C. Damn." I brushed the liquid off my hand and flicked it at her.

"Oh, really? Like you tripped, and your mouth just _happened_ to bump into his lips?" she asked with a wide grin.

"Shut up!" I cried and felt the blush rush to my face.

"Oh. My. God. Are you blushing? You're blushing!"

"Claire. If you don't turn it down I'm going to kill you." I sipped my beer and trained my eyes on Edward across the room. I watched him roll his shoulders and wondered what they looked like without the button-down. _Down, girl._

"Fine." She huffed and leaned back against the bar. "Sooo…?"

"Yes, we went on a date. Yes, it was lovely. Yes, he's the best kiss I've ever had in my entire life," I said, whispering the last part so Quil wouldn't hear me.

Claire gave a low whistle. "Fuck-a-doodle-doo, Lee." Her eyes traveled to Edward, bent over onstage as he plugged his guitar in.

"Mmm-hmm." I followed her gaze and tilted my head to the side. I was pretty sure I'd never tire of checking him out. Suddenly I didn't miss those faded jeans so much anymore. Those dark ones were very, _very _nice.

"Do you think he's a runner?" Claire asked, her eyes still trained on Edward's ass. "Or a basketball player? Or maybe-"

"I'm standing right here!" Quil cried from behind us.

"I wasn't asking you!" she retorted sharply, though she was smiling at her husband.

"He might be," I shrugged, ignoring Quil's sputtering behind us.

"Hey, Ed! These pervs were wondering-"

"Shut up!" we both yelled. Edward stood up and turned to us. His eyes met mine and the way he smiled made my insides feel like goo. _A big, stupid pile of goo. _

"You like him, don't you?" Claire asked softly once Quil had finally left us alone.

"Claire…" I sighed, not really interested in being teased. Not that she would tease me for liking Edward. Well, I hoped she wouldn't tease me. It wasn't like there was anything to be teased about - he was fucking perfect.

"Leah, I'm your friend. I'm just curious." Claire rested a gentle hand on my arm.

I nodded. "I do. I wasn't sure at first. But now… yeah, I do."

"What were you unsure about?"

"Everything." I laughed. _That he'll break my heart. That I'll break one day we'll end up hating each other. That maybe he doesn't like me as much as I like him. _

Take your fucking pick. My thoughts were a multiple-choice question with no good answer.

"Have you told Embry?"

"No, not yet," I mumbled.

"Well, now's as good a time as any." She glanced toward the door. I nearly fell off my barstool when I saw Jake and Embry come through the door together.

"Oh, that son of a _whore_!" I whispered loudly. "Oh my God, I'm going to kill Jacob."

"Why?" Claire laughed and sipped the pink drink Quil had poured her.

"He _knew_ I was coming here with Edward. He's just fucking with me. I will _kill _him."

"Aw, don't be too hard on him, Lee. We all want to see the sparks fly when you tell Embry you're banging the Jesus freak."

"I am _not_," I nearly growled. Fucking _awesome_ friends I had. _This is not the time to go all Wolverine in public,_ I thought furiously, breathing hard through my nose and clenching my fists so tightly my nails dug into my palms.

"You're not what?" Edward appeared at my side.

"Nothing!" I jumped when I felt his hand on my hip. "You can't be here!" I shoved him away and felt my stomach turn at the hurt on his face. "Please, Edward? Not right now." I cast a nervous glance over his shoulder. He followed my gaze and nodded with pursed lips.

"Fine," he said curtly, the look on his face telling me he plainly knew what the problem was, before stalking away.

"_Fuck."_ I ran a hand through my hair and watched him walk away.

"What's wrong, beautiful?" Jacob's hand on my shoulder made me wrench my eyes from Edward's sulking figure.

"_You_! You are such an asshole!" I punched him in the chest, hurting my knuckles in the process.

"What'd I do?" he asked, giving me his best Puzzled Bambi face. (Why did _boys_ always have the pretty eyelashes?)

"You brought _him_ here." I jerked my head toward Embry.

Jake sighed and patted my shoulder. "He needed a night out." My _ex_-best friend shrugged. "Besides, where else were we gonna go?"

I wondered if I could castrate him using only my mind. Maybe if I glared hard enough. "No, Jake. You _knew_ I was coming here with Edward."

"Lee, you guys are _always_ here. Why is tonight any different?" Jacob reached behind the bar and grabbed a beer. He took a long pull from it while I stared at him, completely dumbfounded.

"You _know_ what the difference is!" I almost yelled, hating him for having a point. At that moment I _hated_ how small our community was. My history with Embry, with Jake and Claire and Quil and the bar and practically everyone else in it, predated Edward. We'd always hung out here, regardless of who was hooking up or not speaking to each other. Why should things be any different now, just because it was _me_ who was involved?

"Why? Because _you_ had one little date?" Jake cocked a skeptical eyebrow at me, letting me know he could see the wheels turning in my head.

"Goddamnit, _yes_, Jake. Because I went out with Edward and I didn't tell Embry. Because you _know_ Embry's a drama queen, and even though this isn't the place for that conversation to happen, now it _has_ to be the place thanks to you, you jackass." I pushed by him and strode up to Embry.

"Hey," he greeted me, and gave me a lazy grin. I didn't smile. I had to keep my head on. Embry's grin faltered slightly. "You okay?"

"Can I talk to you? Outside?" I gestured to the door. Embry nodded and followed me to the parking lot.

"What's going on? I like this, by the way," he said, giving my new, shorter locks a small flick. He reached out to brush a strand away from my face. I flinched away from him.

"Thank you." I managed a small smile and then sighed heavily. "I need to tell you something."

"Is everything all right? Are you..? Oh, _God._ Are you pregnant? Is that why you've been avoiding me?" He tried to take my hands in his, like he was going to fucking _propose_ or something. I yanked them out of his grasp and waved them in front of him.

"Embry! Are you fucking kidding me? I was just _drinking_. No, I'm not pregnant. I've been avoiding you because… because I'm avoiding this."

"This?" He gestured between us, his face laden with confusion.

"Yeah." I muttered and shuffled my feet in the gravel. _Crap. _This was going to be harder than I thought.

"Why?" Embry reached to take my hand again. I let him pull me into his embrace and buried my face in his neck. He smelled musky and clean and all too familiar.

"I can't do this any more, Embry," I whispered against his skin. "I'm sorry." I felt his arms tighten around me and a sigh escape him.

"Is it because of _him_?" he asked.

"I don't know. Maybe." I willed myself to look at him. His dark eyes were unreadable, his jaw set tight.

"I see."

"Yes. It's about Edward."

"You like him?"

"He just… he makes me _feel_," I mumbled, helpless to explain any other way. Why I felt it best to be so honest with Embry, I had no idea. But it was true. Edward made me feel. He made me angry and he made me think and question everything I ever thought was true.

"And I don't?" he asked angrily.

"It's different, Embry."

"How?" He let his arms fall from around me and then threw them up over his head like he was trying to pull the answer out of the sky.

"Please don't be like this. You knew that nothing would happen with us."

"I had hoped that if you were falling for someone, it would be the guy you were fucking. Unless you're fucking him, too?" he sneered.

I felt like someone had slapped me. "You know me better than that," I said through clenched teeth, and tried to remember that he was only saying those things because he was hurt. Yelling at me when he was drunk was one thing. Being an asshat when I was trying to be honest was a completely different story. "I'm just trying to be honest with you."

"Whatever, Leah. I don't get you. You don't want a relationship with me but you don't want to fuck him? What? Do you want both?"

"No, I don't." I wrapped my arms around myself, suddenly feeling insecure and a little scared. Who knew breaking up with Embry would actually make me want to think about the future?

Or, more importantly – a future with Edward.

"Then what do you want, Leah?" He stepped closer to me, his hands on my face again.

"I want to be happy," I whispered. Tears pricked my eyes and I blinked them back quickly.

Embry's eyes softened a little. "Does he make you happy?"

"I don't know." I sniffed and then laughed softly. "It's our first date."

"First date. Got it." He nodded and shoved his hands in his pockets. "I've got to go."

"Embry, wait!" I called after him. Embry turned slowly and looked at me with mournful eyes.

"You never let me take you on a date. I guess that should've been my first clue," he said softly, then turned and walked away without another glance.

I watched him drive away with an odd feeling in my heart. I wasn't sad that my relationship with Embry was over. I knew that we would still be friends… eventually. Part of me was happy to watch him drive away, to leave me with nothing but a sweet boy inside who made me feel things. I recognized the other feeling, vague as it was.

I was terrified. Terrified because now there was nothing in my way.

Claire finally came outside to check on me and found me sitting on the hood of Edward's car. She climbed up next to me and put her arm around my shoulders.

"He took it pretty hard, huh?"

"I guess." I shrugged under her and leaned into her side.

"Poor, pretty Leah. Two boys that want to touch your boobies and you just can't decide which one you like," she cooed sarcastically. I pinched her thigh and she squealed and pushed me away.

"Shut it, whore." I slid off the hood of the car and made my way back inside just as Edward was getting ready to play. His eyes met mine and I gave him a small smile of encouragement. He smiled back, though the hurt was still clear in his bright green eyes.

"So, is this guy any good?" Jacob's hulking form appeared next to me. I kept my eyes on Edward, intent on ignoring the traitorous bastard standing next to me. Jacob nudged me with his shoulder. "Listen, I'm sorry I brought Embry here."

"So you _did_ do it on purpose?" I grumbled.

"You've got to face the truth sometimes, Lee."

"Well, that wasn't really your decision, was it?" I demanded, and stomped on his foot.

"I said I was sorry!" he cried, hopping around in mock-pain. Lord only knew he probably hadn't even felt anything—it was like a mouse kicking an elephant in the shin.

"I haven't decided whether I'm going to accept it yet." I sniffed, and fought a smile, my anger with him already fading. Though clumsy, Jake's Dr. Phil moment had gotten Embry and me to a resolution, even if it wasn't one we were both happy with.

"You will." He patted my head in a patronizing way. I ignored him. Mostly because he was being an ass, but also because Quil had dimmed the lights and Edward had started playing.

I closed my eyes and leaned back against the bar, letting his voice soothe me. I could almost feel his arms around me again, dancing in that crowd of people.

"Earth to Leah?" I opened my eyes to Jacob's hand waving in front of my face.

I blinked. "What?"

Jacob stared curiously at me for a long while, a frown on his handsome face. "This is serious, isn't it?" Jacob asked quietly.

I kept my eyes focused on Edward onstage. His eyes were closed and his fingers moved flawlessly across his guitar. He sang softly, soulfully– a song I didn't know. It was so beautiful- _he_ was so beautiful- it made my heart ache.

"_So I grow up longing for another_

_With the windy city left behind to my lover_

_Will you ever know the way I cry?_

_You were gone that day so you may have missed my goodbye_

_Oh, and sometimes in my dreams I hear you say_

_"If you really care you won't go away"_

_What if I leave_

_What if I leave_

_What if I leave_

_What if I leave?"_

"Please don't," I whispered, not taking my eyes off of the man pouring his soul out in lyrics in front of me.

"I won't," he replied. "Just…be careful."

I nodded, still unable to look at him. I had to stifle the urge to laugh. Jacob was telling me to be careful with _Edward_. Edward, with all of his kindness and gentleness. Edward with all of his hope and joy and faith in the future and humanity and in _me_. Edward with…Yeah. I should be careful.

Edward played a few more songs, mostly ones I knew and could sing loudly to. I only sang to annoy Jacob, even though he looked like he was actually enjoying Edward's playing.

"Is everything okay?" Edward asked after he'd excused himself from the stage. Quil had turned on the house music so Edward could take a break, and Edward had wedged himself between Jacob and me, oblivious to the fact that I knew the weirdo next to me. He asked for bottled water and leaned back against the bar next to me.

"Fine," I told him. He nodded and took a sip from his bottle. I watched the way his lips met the plastic and thought about how they'd felt on mine just hours before. His Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed, and an incredibly dirty image of me licking it (amongst other things) popped into my head.

"You're sure?" Edward asked, his voice full of nothing but concern.

"Yes, Cullen!" I cried, and even Jake jumped, turning away from Quil and back to me. (Okay, so maybe I was still wound a little tight after speaking with Embry.)

"You sound like a banshee, Clearwater," he said over Edward's shoulder with an evil gleam in his eye.

"No one's talking to you, Jake." I glared at him over Edward's shoulder.

Edward turned to Jacob, then back to me with a bemused look.

"Friend of yours?" he asked me with a raised eyebrow. _Fuck._ How did he make me feel all warm and shit with _one eyebrow_?

"In his dreams," I grumbled.

Jacob guffawed loudly and planted a hand on Edward's shoulder. "Jacob Black. Family friend of the banshee. It's nice to meet you."

"Edward Cullen." Edward smiled wryly and held his hand out to Jacob. I silently hoped Jacob wasn't trying to crush Edward's hand in some macho display of ownership, but the handshake was over fast enough.

"Nice to meet you, Ed. I hear you took my Leah out tonight."

"_Your_ Leah?" Edward asked as he slipped an arm around my waist. His thumb found the exposed skin between my shirt and jeans and rubbed small circles there, a gesture that did not go unnoticed by my asshole best friend. "I had no idea you belonged to someone," Edward said to me, his lips close to my ear as he spoke. I tried to keep my eyes from rolling up into my skull, and I watched Jacob cross his arms in front of his chest as his eyebrows threatened to disappear into his hair.

"You've made your point. Please don't pee on her," Jacob said and rolled his eyes, and Edward laughed.

"Yeah, Preacher Boy." I halfheartedly pushed him away.

"I'm not sure I have," he whispered, and reached up to touch my face, his thumb sweeping over my lips. I shivered and leaned into his touch. Edward leaned down and kissed me softly. I could feel him smiling against my mouth. "Be good, pretty girl," he whispered before giving Jacob a brief nod and going back to the stage.

Jacob turned to me, amused.

"Shut up," I grumbled, feeling my face flame into red.

"Did he just _claim_ you?" Jacob laughed. "I think he did. Since when do you let yourself get claimed?"

I shrugged and took a sip of my beer. "He didn't claim me, you douche. He was telling you that he's not afraid of you."

"I wasn't telling him to be afraid of me," Jacob protested.

"Not in so many words, no."

He waved away my narrowed eyes, grinning down at me. "I liked him."

"He'll be thrilled, I'm sure." I rolled my eyes, but smiled at Jake and decided that _maybe_ he could be my best friend again.

The rest of Edward's show went off without a hitch, and when he rejoined me at the bar it was with a lazy grin and another kiss. I was really starting to like the "first date" stuff.

"Can I get you a beer?" Jacob asked after Edward had taken a seat next to me.

"No thanks, man." He smiled and put his arm around my shoulders.

"You sure?"

"Yeah, I'm cool." Edward nodded, his smile faltering when he looked at me. A piece of a forgotten conversation flitted into my mind. _He doesn't drink_.

"We should go," I said softly, checking the time on Edward's watch and threading our fingers together.

"Leaving so soon?" Jacob tipped his beer back and swallowed the last of the liquid, then set his bottle on the bar.

"Yeah. Responsibilities and all that," Edward answered airily.

I eyed him suspiciously. He was playing Jacob's game well, but I was more confused as to why he was playing at all. I thought Edward of all people would be above playing games. Or maybe I was just creating problems in my head. _It's happened before._

"Oh, well. It was nice to meet you." Jacob stuck out his hand and smiled. Edward took it graciously, though he was wearing a smirk. A really, really hot one.

We quickly said goodbye to everyone and walked silently to Edward's car. He put his guitar in the backseat and moved to open the door for me. Instead of opening the door he pressed me against it and placed his hands on either side of my head.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. The look on his face was unreadable. I had no idea what he was apologizing for.

"What for?"

"I wasn't very polite to your friend." He frowned. "He was just…"

"Being a dick?" I asked with a smile as I reached up and brushed his hair away from his face.

"He wasn't really. More like trying to prove he was the alpha male." Edward laughed. "He seemed very protective of you."

I shrugged. "He means well."

Edward took a deep breath and rested his forehead against mine briefly. For a moment I thought he was going to kiss me, but he didn't. Instead he pulled away and reached behind me to open the door.

Our ride back was quiet. Edward asked about my friendship with Jacob and I was honest with him. I told him how he'd been there for me when my father died, and how Jake and I'd always looked out for each other. He held my hand as he drove, squeezing it softly when I talked about my dad.

"He was the only one I could talk to, you know? He was close with my dad and had lost his mom so… he understood."

"I get that. I wish I would've had someone like that," Edward said. I felt my stomach turn, imagining him so sad and alone with only Alice.

"You can talk to me," I said and kissed his palm lightly.

He smiled with his eyes still on the road. "I might."

I groaned, my heart sinking, when we pulled into my driveway. Every light in the house was still ablaze.

Edward chuckled softly. "Looks like they're waiting up for you." He grinned and opened the door. I followed suit, holding my hand out to him when we reached the front of the car.

"I had…a wonderful night, Edward," I said, suddenly feeling shy.

"Why are you being so formal, Clearwater?" He smiled as he used my own words against me.

"I'm just glad you took a chance, that's all." I echoed his own sentiment and wrapped my arm around his waist to pull him to me.

"Yeah. Me too," he said as he brushed his lips against mine one last time.

* * *

**Huge thanks to ShrtHappyLife, ThatisRiddik, and UofMAnne for listening to my rambling and doing a preread with amazing feedback. Killerlashes and IAmToWait are the other parts of my soul. **

**I gotta give props to wtvoc for responding to a random tweet about a song. It's "What If I Leave" by Rachel Yamagata and it's lovely. **

**Thank you all for reading! **


	10. You Make Me Feel Weird

**Steph owns. Killerlashes and IAmToWait beta'd.**

* * *

Chapter 10 – You Make Me Feel Weird

"How was it?"

"Was he a gentleman?"

"Did he kiss you?"

"_Gross!_"

"I hope he kept his hands to himself."

"Of course he did, dear. Now tell me - "

"People!" I yelled over my family's chatter. They all turned to me, wide-eyed. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight," they chorused, like three nosy sheep. Their voices were left behind me as I made my way up the stairs. I changed and settled into bed, feeling strangely heavier without Edward's presence.

I'd realized tonight that he made me feel a number of things. Anger and confusion were at the top of the list, but only because his perfection was so incredibly infuriating.

Mostly he made me feel calm, needed, wanted. He made me want to change who I was completely and to never look back. Part of the reason I was so terrified was because he _did _do those things to me - and after having known him for such a short time.

I really had no idea what a first date _would_ mean. I hoped Edward would want to see me again but I really had no idea _where_ it would go.

Edward was important in the community, a leader, someone people looked up to. And I was… me. I wasn't necessarily the town drunk (though my DUI didn't help my cause) but I had no real pull in this town. People would expect him to be on his best behavior all the time, not gallivanting with the Chief's unruly stepdaughter.

But, then again, I could have underestimated the people of Forks. Aw, fuck, no, I hadn't. People were going to talk and people were going to bitch. When had I let that bother me before? In the end it only mattered what Edward wanted. And even more importantly, that he wanted me.

I stuffed all my worries firmly into a corner of my mind; I refused to gratify all my inner demons by obsessing over what people would be sure to think and say. Instead, I focused on remembering how _light_ being with Edward made me feel, on how easily I could shrug off the anger I wore like a shield with him. He made me want to be the girl he thought I was. Soon enough I had drifted off, only to be reawakened by my phone buzzing on the nightstand.

_Sleep well, pretty girl._

Gah. He thought I was _pretty_. I giggled into my pillow, not even trying to stop the inane grin spreading across my face. I really needed to get a grip on myself. This boy was turning me into… something different.

I smiled and responded quickly before shutting my phone off to avoid the inevitable "Drunk Jake" phone call. He and Quil were infamous for calling every person in their contacts when they got together and alcohol was involved, and by "infamous", I meant it just pissed everyone off.

I dreamt of Embry's face that night, not Edward's. The sadness and disappointment was clear in his eyes, cutting through me and searing my heart.

xXx

Charlie's eyes were on me as I stood in the kitchen making myself a hot cup of tea. I stared at the window as it steeped, the bag in my hand dangling dangerously over the cup.

"Your mom's going to make you bleach the counters if you keep that up." Charlie's voice broke through my thoughts - thoughts of Edward, to be exact – and brought my attention back to the tea in front of me. He was right: I'd managed to dunk the bag in my cup a few times, but it'd mostly landed on the counter. A pool of dark liquid surrounded my cup.

"Shit," I grumbled as I ripped off a few paper towels. I mopped it up and turned to Charlie, who was staring at me, thoroughly amused.

"You seem distracted," he observed, grinning at me under his mustache.

"Hush, Captain Obvious," I muttered, my face heating. Charlie laughed into his coffee while I glared half-heartedly. I couldn't manage to glare all the way. I was still thinking about Edward.

"He's a nice guy, you know."

"I know," I replied, not meeting his eyes. I did know.

"He'd be lucky to have you."

_What the fuck?_ My eyes snapped to Charlie who was busy studying his newspaper. His eyes were focused but not moving, the sneaky bastard.

"Lee, you making breakfast?" Seth asked, coming in behind me.

"Um… do we have any of those frozen cinnamon rolls?" I turned to dig through the refrigerator.

"Ugh. Never mind," my brother grumbled, making a face.

Setting down the paper, Charlie laughed and pushed past us. "Never fear, Seth, I won't let you starve. Your mother'd never let me hear the end of it." We watched as he gathered things and started mixing up pancake batter. I took his spot at the kitchen table and browsed the newspaper, really only looking for the comics.

Charlie refilled my coffee and then set a plate of pancakes in front of me a few minutes later. I glanced up at him and smiled my thanks, something I often found hard to do. For a moment Charlie looked stunned; recovering, he squeezed my shoulder and went about cleaning up the kitchen.

Seth plopped down across from me and stared at me until I finally looked up.

"What? Do I have something on my face?" I asked, knowing full well I probably still had eye gunk and maybe some drool dried on my skin.

"No." He shrugged and dug into his pancakes.

"Then what? What were you looking at?" I nearly yelled. Charlie turned to us with a raised eyebrow.

"_Nothing_, Lee. You seem different, that's all." I gaped at my brother for a moment before turning back to my plate, eyebrows furrowed in thought.

_Did _I seem different? I felt different, but in a weird way. I was still me, only… happier.

Happy was weird.

Charlie still seemed amused by our exchange when he finally took his seat at the small table with us, explaining that our mom had taken an early shift at the hospital. After my dad died, she'd gone back to school to become a nurse, something she'd always dreamed about. Not that Dad had held her back from her dreams, but it would have been difficult for her to work and go to school_ and_ manage a house and two kids.

Needless to say, she loved her job. She loved seeing different people and being able to make them feel better, to brighten their day. Mom was good at that, making people happy and making them feel welcome. I envied her sometimes.

She had this amazing ability to just… move on. Not that she had _moved on_ from my dad. But she took everything in stride. Mom never let anything get her down.

I envied _that_.

"Bee in your bonnet?" Charlie asked quietly. I looked up from the newspaper to see that Seth had left us in the kitchen alone.

"Has Seth been making you watch Harry Potter again?" I laughed and Charlie joined me, knowing full well the only time we'd ever heard the phrase "Bee in your bonnet" was in(?) the movie.

"I kind of like that little wizard kid." Charlie shrugged and stood up to clear our plates. I helped him, not wanting to seem ungrateful.

"No, there's no bee in my bonnet. More like a hornet's nest," I said.

Charlie frowned. "You can talk to me, Leah," he said. "I know I'm not your dad, but… I'm still your family."

"I know." I shuffled my feet and felt tears prick at my eyes. I must've been PMS-ing. It was the only excuse for such blatant displays of emotions. Or maybe I was just becoming less of a bitch. I couldn't tell. Either way, Charlie _could not _see me cry.

"As long as you know." He patted my shoulder awkwardly as he left the kitchen. I washed our dishes and then dressed for my day. Not that I had anything planned. Unless Edward decided to call.

I wasn't going to wait around for him, though. I totally had important things to do. Like painting my nails, and reading the comics, and…staring at the phone.

As it was, I didn't have time to stare at the phone. There was plenty of housework to do, so Seth and I helped Charlie, doing endless loads of laundry (though at least all that laundry meant Seth was bothering with clean underwear, I thought gratefully).

By late afternoon, all the laundry had been ironed and folded, and Edward hadn't called. I pouted in silence while I made sandwiches until both Seth and Charlie spoke up.

"Maybe he got busy?" Charlie said nonchalantly.

"Maybe he'll wait three days?" Seth added. _Was I being that obvious with my silent pouting?_

"Who even does that?" I cried, nearly pulverizing the tomato I'd been slicing.

"Jesus," they said simultaneously, before dissolving in fits of laughter.

"You know, you two really need to stop spending so much time together. And stop watching 'How I Met Your Mother.'"

"Ah, that Barney." Charlie smiled and shook his head. "Listen, Lee, if he hasn't called it's for a very good reason, I'm sure."

I sighed, knowing he was right. "Okay."

I was a little comforted by their reassurance, but only somewhat. I hadn't dated in so long that I wasn't really sure how things worked anymore. By the time dinner had come and gone, I'd dragged myself up to my room with a pint of Chubby Hubby for a pity party, totally convinced that Edward had no interest in me whatsoever. Forget our incredible chemistry, how it had felt when we kissed or held hands. He was completely over me before we'd even gotten to a second date!

I grabbed a book and settled into my bed, wondering when I'd become such a- well, a _girl,_ when my phone rang. It startled me so much I nearly fell out of bed. My stomach dropped and filled with bats and flipped upside down all at the same time when Edward's name flashed across the screen.

"Hello?" I answered, more breathily than I intended. Oh, it felt like the wind had been knocked out of me, too. Sometimes I hated what that boy did to me.

"Hey, pretty girl," he answered, his voice weary.

"What's wrong?" I immediately asked, hoping I wasn't being _too_ forward by assuming that something was wrong.

"Long day," he laughed softly.

"Care to elaborate?" I questioned.

"Pastor Weber had a family emergency and I have to give the sermon tomorrow."

"…Oh?"

"Leah, I've never given a sermon," Edward whispered nervously.

"Edward, you give a sermon to those kids every Sunday," I reassured him.

"But they're kids, Leah. _Kids._"

"Yeah, and they're your harshest critics. You know that."

"I guess…"

"You know I'm right," I said smugly.

"Oh, great, you're one of _those_ girls." I could practically see him rolling his eyes.

"If you mean intelligent and strong-willed, then yes, I am. You should have known that before you asked me out, Cullen," I teased.

"I did. That's why I asked you," he said. I could hear the smile in his voice and I felt my own mouth moving into one.

"Of course," I laughed.

"That and you're incredibly beautiful," Edward replied matter-of-factly. I felt my face heat up. "I'm sorry I didn't call earlier."

"No big deal. I had a busy day." _Busy thinking about why you didn't call. _

"I've got to get to bed. First service is always hard to get to," he chuckled and my heart sank.

"Good luck, you'll be great."

"Thank you. I'll talk to you soon."

"Goodnight, Edward."

"Sleep well, pretty girl. Sweet dreams," he said before hanging up.

I lay in bed for a few more minutes before jumping up, completely awake. I practically skipped down the stairs and into the living room where my family was watching a movie. My mother eyed me as I curled up next to Seth on the couch, but turned her attention back to the television.

Yeah, happy was weird. But it was also really, really great.

xXx

Simple black, long-sleeved dress.

Tall black boots.

Mascara. (Two coats.)

Lip gloss.

I stood examining myself in the full-length mirror for what seemed like forever. I looked like I was going to a funeral. There was no funeral, just me swallowing my pride and… going to church.

"Leah, we're leaving-" Mom opened my bedroom door but stopped short when she saw me. "What's going on?"

"I thought I'd go with you. If that's okay?"

"Of course, baby," she said, doing a horrible job of covering her surprise before leaving my doorway. I followed her downstairs for a quick breakfast and cup of coffee. No one mentioned the fact that I was coming with them, though I'm pretty sure they all knew why.

At the church, people smiled and shook my hand. They were lovely and welcoming and I felt all wrong in my own skin. I didn't, however, catch fire when I walked in the door. I thought that was a good sign. We took seats in a pew near the center of the church, almost the exact same spot that Edward and I had sat the first time we had lunch together. I glanced up at the stained glass windows and smiled, remembering that day and how odd I'd thought Edward Cullen was.

I heard Edward before I saw him at the front of the church. He smoothed his tie nervously as he welcomed the congregation with a small smile. His free hand flipped through the Bible on top of the pulpit to his side as his eyes scanned the crowd. I didn't know if he was looking for me but I wanted him to be.

He rested his eyes on his Bible and started talking again. His soft voice exuded the same confidence that he had with the kids and I _knew _he had nothing to be worried about.

I listened to Edward's sermon with rapt attention, more focused on the sound of his voice and the way he held himself than the actual words. I knew he was talking about worrying and how you shouldn't do it, how you should give all your problems up, but I couldn't seem to focus on _that_. I was too wrapped up in the warmth of his voice and the memories of his kiss it invoked.

He was totally in his element, even more so than when he was at Quil's singing and playing. Edward closed the sermon with a prayer, inviting people forward to the prayer rail while everyone else filed out. I stayed rooted in my pew as people exited all around me. When the last person left the prayer rail, Edward's eyes scanned the sanctuary again and finally met mine.

A breathtaking smile crossed his face. He looked down shyly then back at me and beckoned with his head that I should follow him. I did, giving my mother a quick glance at the door. She smiled and nodded encouragingly.

I walked a few steps behind him and in silence until we finally reached a door outside of the sanctuary and he turned to me as he opened it.

"Hi." He smiled.

"Hi."

"I can't believe you came." A small laugh escaped from him as he closed the door behind us. I immediately wrapped him in my arms, burying my face in his shoulder and inhaling deeply.

"You were amazing," I whispered. "I mean, I don't even _like_ church and that was pretty awesome."

"Thanks," he said as he kissed my hair.

"You're welcome." I gave him one more squeeze and settled myself into his desk chair. He sat opposite me and tugged at his tie, loosening it then letting it hang about his neck. I wanted to tie it back, to tug on it and pull him across the desk and then do dirty things to him.

"What are you thinking about?" he asked, a smirk playing across his lips as if he already knew what was running through my head.

"Um… nothing?" My face flushed and I tried desperately to avoid his eyes. My gaze landed on a picture on his desk. I smiled as I picked it up. It was of the same couple from the picture in Edward's guest room, only they were a little older and accompanied by two children. Alice's gap-toothed smile was the first thing that struck me, followed by the happiness in Edward's eyes, his arm slung around his little sister, both of them standing in front of their parents.

"This is beautiful." I touched each of their faces softly before setting the frame back down. "You look so happy." I looked up to see that Edward had joined me on my side, leaning against the mahogany of the desk.

"We were." He picked up the picture and then set it back down gently. Edward's fingers brushed the hair out of my face as he looked down at me. "I'm still in shock that you're here."

"I thought you could use some support." I smiled and held his hand to my face. He bent down, ever so slowly, and kissed me very softly. I felt my breath leave me.

"Thank you."

"Anytime," I whispered.

"Can I take you to lunch?" he asked as he stood up.

"If you want…"

"I want. I'm starving."

"Okay," I agreed.

Edward tossed his undone tie on his desk and held out his hand to me, but I didn't take it. I gave him a gentle push in front of me and out of his office then crossed my arms in front of me. There were still so many people around the church grounds. I wasn't sure if I was ready for that. If _we_ were ready for that. Edward gave me a knowing look and shoved his hands in his pockets.

I guess we weren't ready for that.

We went to the little diner where we'd gone the first time we had lunch. I laughed, thinking about that day while we were standing in line ordering.

"What?" Edward asked with a small smile, nudging me with his shoulder.

"Nothing." I shook my head and leaned into his side. We both ordered big bowls of soup; Edward carried our trays to a table by the window where we could watch the traffic and people.

"I like to watch people," Edward said as he tore off a piece of his French roll and dipped it in his soup.

"Creep."

"Shut up." He grinned. "They're just… really interesting."

"I'll say it again: _creep_." I emphasized the word and tossed a torn-up piece of napkin at him.

"You are such a child," he grumbled and stared out the window. I smiled and tapped his foot with mine.

"Stop it. I'm watching people."

"What are you looking for?" I followed his gaze to the people mingling on the street.

"Anything. Look at those kids," he said as he pointed to a couple in front of the small movie theater. He had his hands shoved in his pockets and she was smiling up at him. "It's like they're on their first date or something."

"You think?" I eyed them more carefully and Edward nodded.

"Definitely. He's so nervous. I don't think he can get his hands in his pockets any further," Edward chuckled softly. It was true. The boy was almost elbows deep in his jeans.

"You weren't that nervous," I said. He turned to me and smiled, the tips of his ears turning pink.

"Yeah, well… you do something weird to me."

"Weird? You flatter me, Cullen."

"A good weird. Trust me." He winked and went back to his lunch. "Do you like the beach?" Edward asked after a moment.

"Does a bear shit in the woods?" I deadpanned. Edward choked on his soup.

"Is that a yes?"

"Yes, I love the beach. I practically grew up on First Beach."

"With Jacob?" he asked, narrowing his eyes slightly. It was almost comical when Edward was trying to be menacing.

"Yes, with Jacob. He was my best friend."

"I don't think he liked me."

"He did, actually. He told me."

"Did he? Well, then. I take back everything I ever said about him," Edward smiled. I shook my head.

"You'd never say anything bad about anyone."

"I might." He shrugged and dipped his spoon into his soup over and over.

"Like who?"

"Who knows, pretty girl. You finished? I've go to get back to church."

"Yeah. I'm finished," I said as I grabbed our things to throw away. Edward shook his head and took them from me. I followed him to the trash can and glared while I waited.

"What?" he asked innocently.

"I can throw away trash."

"My mama raised me right, Leah." He smiled and kissed my forehead. My eyes widened at his sudden public display of affection. When he pulled back his grin was even wider. "Oops."

I nervously looked around the diner, worried that everyone would be looking at us. Edward was making me paranoid. There were _actually_ a few people that had turned to us, but they lost interest quickly. Edward simply shook his head and grabbed my hand.

The ride to my house was quiet and over too soon. I wanted more time with Edward.

"Will you be at Quil's tonight?" he asked as I opened the door.

"If you want me to be," I shrugged.

"I want you," he said. I laughed loudly and Edward blushed. "I mean, I want you to be there."

"Sure, Cullen. I'll be there. See you at Youth?"

"Definitely." He leaned over and kissed my cheek. I stared at him for a moment before pulling his face to mine. I kissed him softly, letting my fingers trail down his jaw and rest on the side of his neck. He smiled and kissed me again, then leaned over and opened my car door for me. _Such a gentleman. _"See you soon."

"See you," I said as he drove away. I practically skipped inside and into the living room where everyone was sitting around the coffee table playing UNO.

"You want in?" Seth shuffled the cards all advanced-like and grinned.

"Of course." I smiled and ruffled his dark hair. I saw Mom and Charlie exchange amused expressions, which I pointedly ignored.

I couldn't help it and I didn't really want to. I liked Edward. I liked him a lot, and I was _really_ beginning to like to the way he made me feel.

When my phone rang a few hours later it wasn't Edward telling me he was on his way to pick me up for Youth. It was him telling me he'd cancelled the group and that he couldn't go to Quil's. Alice was sick.

"Oh, does she need anything?" I asked, tugging at my tight black top. It felt like my boobs had grown overnight. _What a love-hate relationship we have, birth control_. I put the phone on speaker so I could tear the shirt off.

"Um, no. She's sleeping right now. It's just a sore throat and a fever but I don't want to leave her alone tonight."

"I understand," I reassured him and pulled on a Journey t-shirt that had been my father's. Yeah, _that's_ where I got it from.

"Actually, do you want to come over? We could order some food and just… hang out," Edward asked just as I picked the phone back up. I nearly dropped in it my surprise.

"Yes! I mean… sure, yeah. Whatever." I tried to recover from my outburst and mentally kicked myself.

"Okay. Uh, can I come and pick you up?"

"Now?"

"Or in a few minutes."

"No, no," I said while checking myself in the mirror quickly. "Now's fine."

By the time I'd changed my shirt three times (back into the skintight black tee) and brushed my hair and teeth, Edward was at the door.

Seth answered the door but I didn't give them time to get into a conversation. I called a quick goodbye to my family, shutting the door on Seth's interjections of concern for Alice before ushering Edward out to the car. He laughed as he opened the door for me, amused at my hurrying.

"What's the rush?" he asked with a smile.

"I'm just worried about Alice, that's all," I answered. "Does she need anything?"

"She's fine. We're all stocked up on soup and Gatorade. Alice is prone to strep throat; she'll be okay after the doctor can get some antibiotics for her tomorrow," Edward explained as we drove through the neighborhoods separating our homes.

"Oh, sounds like you've got it all figured out," I said softly, trying to imagine what it must have been like taking care of a sick kid and once again marveling at the strength Edward exuded.

"Not all of it," he whispered, taking my hand and squeezing it. I pulled my hand from his grasp, suddenly self-conscious of his word and even more so of his actions.

At his house, Alice was curled up in a big fluffy chair, looking more pale this usual. Her grey eyes were framed by dark bags and her hair was pulled away from her face, messier than I'd ever seen it.

"Hey, kid," I murmured, brushing a stray piece of hair away, and touched her forehead. I raised an eyebrow at Edward, who disappeared into the kitchen, returning with Tylenol and a glass of water.

I took them from him and handed them to Alice. I sat on the arm of the chair and let her rest her head against my leg. She looked so pitiful that I didn't even want to kill her when I thought about how sick I would be.

"You come to hang out with me?" she asked softly, her voice hoarse and ragged from coughing.

"Of course, Snow White," I answered. Edward laughed at my new nickname for Alice, but I couldn't help it. I'd been thinking about it since the first time I saw her. Dark hair, pale skin, big eyes – she was a dead ringer for that cartoon version.

"Whatever, Pocahontas," Alice muttered.

"That was a racial slur!" I cried indignantly. The original Disney Princess giggled weakly. Edward smiled and kissed my head before tugging his sister up by the elbow.

"_Bed_," he said firmly as he turned her toward the stairs.

"Yes, sir," she halfway saluted him and stumbled upstairs.

"You want to order some food?" Edward called as he left me for the kitchen. I followed him and found him sitting on the counter sorting through takeout menus. I stepped between his legs and he wrapped them around me, pulling me closer.

"Chinese? Pizza? Indian?" he asked with a huge shit-eating grin.

"Edward! Oh my God! You're awful!" I nearly yelled and hoped I wouldn't have to explain the difference between _Indian_ and _Native American_. The fucker had better be joking.

"What? What'd I say? Do you want Indian food or not? I could go for some kind of curry…"

"I can't believe this family," I tried to get out of his legs but he held strong and dug his fingers into my ribcage. I struggled against him, trying not to laugh.

"Let go!" I yelled through gasps of air.

"Shhh… you'll wake up Alice!" he laughed.

"Then get your hands off me, you creep!"

"But you're so pretty!" Edward tickled me again and pressed his lips to my neck.

I stopped struggling and wrapped my arms around his neck.

"You're pretty, too," I whispered against his mouth.

"Shut it," he grinned and kissed me gently.

"Fine, I will. But I want Chinese. Orange chicken, white rice." I pushed him away and strutted into the living room. Edward joined me a few moments later, flopping down on the couch next to me and propping his sock-covered feet up on the table. His arms slipped around my shoulders and pulled me closer until my head rested against his shoulder.

"What? No 'smooth guy stretch?'" I asked and felt him chuckle.

"I'm above that, you know," he said as he ran his fingers through my hair.

"Oh, yeah. You're all _holier than thou_ and all that." I snorted.

"Fantastic play on words. Five points to Clearwater," Edward said softly. He turned his body toward me, pulling my legs up in his lap and resting his hand on my thigh.

"What are we doing here, Cullen?"

"Here?" he asked with his face close to mine. "We're waiting on food and… talking?"

"This is _not_ talking," I tried not to stutter when his lips met the skin beneath my ear.

"I don't know what we're doing here, Leah. But I like it. I like _you_," he said, and smiled in a way that made me feel warm all over. I tried to keep the cartoon character bug eyes from appearing.

Yeah. I liked him too.


	11. Just Give In

**I just... don't own anything. **

**Thanks so much to killerlashes and IAmToWait for dealing with my impatience and everything else that I come with. And to UofMAnne for the preread.**

* * *

Chapter 11 – Just Give In

For the next few hours Edward and I stuffed ourselves with Chinese food, watched a ridiculous movie, and talked.

A lot.

So many weeks before it had seemed like Edward was perfect. He had his shit together, raised his little sister, and well, he was pretty much Jesus' right-hand-man. But talking to him like that, just the two of us curled on his couch… it was _real_.

Edward told me about his college party days, how he would wake up in a different room almost every day and have no idea how he got there or how he managed to get through his first two years.

"It was crazy." He shook his head and stole a piece of my orange chicken. I laughed when sauced dribbled down his chin, but wiped it off with my thumb. Then I kissed him for good measure.

"Is that why you don't drink now?" I asked. He shrugged in a noncommittal kind of way and set both of our food containers on the table.

"Kind of," he said pulling my legs over his lap again. I leaned against the side of the couch and frowned.

"What's that mean?"

"Well, I told you about the detox after my parents first died, right?" I nodded. "After that I did some court appointed AA meetings and I've just… I've been sober ever since."

"You went to AA?" I asked dumbly. "But you work at a bar two nights a week!"

"It doesn't bother me. I haven't had a drink in almost five years and I'm okay with that." He shifted underneath me and pulled something out of his pocket then placed it in my palm. It was a bronze coin with a triangle in the middle of it and the words "Unity, Service, Recovery" on the sides of it and "To thine own self be true" around the edge of the coin. A number four was circled in the middle of the triangle.

I rubbed my thumb over it softly and felt Edward's gaze on my face.

"Am I freaking you out?" he whispered.

"No." I laughed, though it was a bit forced. _He_ wasn't freaking me out. _I _was freaking myself out. _Stupid girl brain._ It was still hard to comprehend the things that Edward shared with me and the things I _wanted_ to share with him. Edward took his coin back and shoved it in his pocket. "Do you still go to meetings?"

"Every once and a while. I actually think I'd like to start sponsoring them."

"In your free time?" I joked and he laughed.

"Yeah, maybe I should rethink it." He mirrored my lean against the couch until our faces were inches apart.

"No, you should do it."

"You think?" he asked as he brushed my hair off of my face.

"I think that you have this calmness about you that would be really helpful in those kinds of situations. You've built a life that you should be proud of and people would be able to look up to you for that," I told him. I watched his eyes grow wide at my comments, probably because I said something that wasn't teasing him or didn't have the word _fuck_ in it. "What? I can't say nice things about you?"

"I'm just not sure I've ever heard them." He grinned.

"You're an ass."

"There's my girl," he said before leaning in to kiss me. _My girl_.

His kiss started out gentle with his fingers trailing lightly on my face, but then they were wrapped around the back of my neck, holding me to him. Before I knew it I was being pressed against the couch with my own arms wrapped tightly around Edward and my legs tangled with his.

"Whoa," I said, pushing him away gently.

"Yes, Joey?" He chuckled as his lips met my jaw. _Who knew he was a _Blossom _fan._ His teeth grazed my chin, his hips shifted and…_ Oh, God._

"We can't, I mean we - " I stuttered as his hand ran under my shirt and across the bare skin of my belly.

"Relax, pretty girl. I just want to kiss you," he murmured into my ear. I gave an involuntary shudder and pulled him closer.

"This is a bad idea," I whispered when we were nose to nose.

"Why?" he asked, his lips against mine.

"Because, if I kiss you like this I won't be able to stop," I answered with a sly grin.

"Touché, PG. Touché." Edward sat up and pulled me up with him, his arm resting on the back of the couch and his eyes on me.

"PG?" I asked, confused. I just wanted him to kiss me again. But alas, I knew it was wrong. And by wrong I obviously meant really, really right.

"Pretty girl, your new nickname. Unless you prefer Pocahontas?"

"Fuck you!" I smacked him in the back of the head.

"Oh, _dirty_ girl. I don't think I've heard those words since the first time we met."

"I wasn't very nice then, was I?"

"Neither was I, so it's okay." Edward shrugged and leaned back against the couch, his hands in his lap.

"You were." I grabbed one of his hands and laced his fingers with mine.

"I was an ass." He chuckled softly.

"I was a drunk bitch."

"Nah, you were feisty and raw. I liked that about you." He smiled and I shook my head.

"Drunk. Bitch." I snorted.

"I don't know, Leah. I've never met anyone like you. You always say what's on your mind and you don't let anyone stop you from being, well, you."

I studied him carefully while he spoke. While he spoke about _me_. His earnest green eyes melted into mine and I felt myself smiling before I even thought about it. It was almost as if he admired me.

"Sometimes I think _me_ could use a little less cussing and a little more listening," I said softly. Edward laughed. Loudly. The man outright _guffawed._

"I like you just the way you are," he said before leaning over to kiss me again. It was soft and it stayed soft until he pulled away and brought me against his side.

"Yeah, I like you just the way you are. A weirdo." I kissed his cheek and rested my head on his shoulder.

"I prefer _eccentri_c," he whispered against my forehead. That time it was my turn to laugh.

"Whatever you wish." I sighed.

"You asked me what we were doing here, Leah and – truth is… I have no idea," he said quietly. I pulled away so I could see his face. He smiled, though it was sad almost, and spoke again. "I like you. I just… can't help it."

"Me neither," I said and ducked my head against his shoulder again.

"It just feels really, _really_ right." Edward sighed and pulled me closer to him, until I was practically in his lap. I didn't say anything and hoped my silence let him know that I felt the same.

xXx

I only saw Edward on Wednesday after our Sunday night together. Alice was feeling better by then so Edward agreed to let her out of the house, though she was mainly attached to my side the entire time.

"You like him, huh?"

"Shut up, little girl. I'll sic those dwarves you love so much on you."

"You're really not nice sometimes." Alice pretended to pout.

"You like it." I nudged her with my shoulder.

"Not as much as you like my brother." If she wasn't still sick I would have… well, I wouldn't have done anything. She was just a kid.

"Don't tell him." I gave her the side-eye and she nodded cautiously.

"I won't. Just don't do anything to hurt him. I'd hate to have to hurt you," Alice said solemnly.

I snorted. "Keep dreaming, Snow White."

"I took karate in Kentucky. I know things, Leah," she said in a low whisper. "Got it?"

I swallowed loudly. "Got it," I answered before she skipped away. Creepy little girl.

"What was that pow-wow with Alice about?" Edward asked a while later as we waited for kids to be picked up.

"I think she threatened me," I said. He laughed and wrapped his arm around my shoulders. "She's scary."

"All bark, I promise," he said and kissed my head.

"Hmm," was all I said. She was still scary as fuck.

I had bigger things to worry about than Alice, however. Edward was due back at Quil's on Friday and Claire had invited us over for dinner first. Which meant that our "official second date" would be spent with my crazy ass friend and her husband.

"Are you sure this is okay?" I asked Edward Friday night.

"Leah, we're standing at their front door. I'm pretty sure it's okay," he said with a laugh. I frowned and knocked on the door. We heard Quil shout for us to come in so we did and were immediately overwhelmed by the smell of delicious food.

"Hey guys, Claire's out back," Quil greeted us from the stove wearing Claire's paisley apron. "Let her know how you want your steaks cooked."

"So… you and… what?" Edward looked from me to Quil and then toward the back door where Claire was manning the grill.

"I'm crap with fire, dude. Claire doesn't let me anywhere near the grill." Edward laughed and nodded, politely ignoring the fact that his "man world" had just been turned upside down by the fact that Quil _really_ sucked at grilling things. I knew from experience how awful he was.

"There you are!" Claire greeted us with a huge smile when she entered the kitchen. "Looks good, babe." She inspected the various dishes he had set up on the counter and kissed him softly. I felt Edward shift beside me and wondered, albeit very briefly, if we'd ever see ourselves in _that_ place. _Oh, sweet Jesus. Don't even go there, girl._

"Hope you guys are hungry. She's had me slaving over this all day," Quil said as he slipped the apron over his head. Claire smacked his ass and gave him a dirty look before taking the steaks back outside.

"Grab some drinks and come out!" she called.

Quil handed grabbed three beers and handed Edward a soda can before we followed Claire outside. It was a rare clear night and the stars were just visible through the tall trees in their backyard. Edward and I sat on one side of the picnic table with Claire and Quil on the other.

The four of us stared at one another in silence for what seemed like forever. I kicked Claire under the table to remind her that she was supposed to be the hostess. Quil winced and I realized I missed my target.

"Why is this so weird?" Edward finally broke the ice.

"I have no idea." Quil shrugged. "You want to play cards?"

"God, yes," I interjected. Edward frowned down at me so I smiled and kissed him. He tasted like Dr. Pepper.

Dr. Pepper was officially my favorite drink on the planet.

Quil came back with a deck of cards and Claire proceeded to kick the shit out of all of us in Rummy and cook the best steak I'd ever eaten. Edward and I cleared the dishes and washed them, quietly chatting and nudging each other.

"You guys are just so darn cute, you know?" Claire said from behind us. Edward's face flushed and he shook his head. I couldn't find it in me to give Claire the stink-eye.

"Oh, is she planning your wedding already?" Quil brought in the last of the leftovers and kissed his wife on the head.

"And naming their children."

"Ah, I can't wait to meet little Jack and Natalie," Quil grinned.

"Lovely names, sounds like something we'd pick," Edward played along. I dried my hands and patted him on the back.

"Dream on, sweetheart," I snorted. "Are we ready to go?"

"Sure, sure. Douse my dreams why don't you," Claire grumbled as we piled out the door. Edward grabbed my hand and pulled me against his side, his lips pressed against my forehead.

"That was fun," he said as we got in the car. I smiled, happy that Edward was getting along with my friends. Well, _some _of my friends. Jacob had come and gone without really getting to know Edward. Not that I needed Jacob's approval or anything, but it would have been nice for them to get to know each other. Maybe.

The bar was already packed when we arrived and Edward quickly slipped away to set up. Claire and I took a seat at the bar while Quil slipped behind it and fell into work after slipping us drinks.

"This is nice. _He's_ nice," Claire said quietly. I smiled again. I was doing a lot of that lately.

"He said I make him feel weird," I told her with a wry smile. Claire laughed loudly.

"That's a good thing, right?"

"That's what he says." I shrugged and sipped my beer while my eyes focused, not on Edward, but on the band of _whores_ that had gathered around the stage. I narrowed my eyes at them but stopped when Edward saw me. He shrugged and grinned so I flipped him the bird.

"Bitches," I muttered. Claire snorted beside me.

"Jealous much?"

"What? They're just fucking gawking at him."

"He's nice to look at." She shrugged and turned to me. "Besides, he's not looking at any of _them_."

I turned back to the stage and realized she was right. He hadn't once acknowledged the group of girls sitting at his feet.

"Damn straight."

"Oh, good gravy. You've got it so bad."

"I really do, C." I sighed contentedly.

"So, what are you going to do about like… sex and stuff?"

"Whaaaaat?" I asked, my voice coming out incredibly high-pitched. I cleared my throat and tried again. "Um, what do you mean?"

"Well, he's a _pastor_, right? Do they, you know… do it?"

"I… think so?" I questioned.

"I mean, I wonder if he's done it before. He's had to have. No one that gorgeous could still be a virgin," Claire mused quietly.

"What if he is?" I whispered.

"He can't be. The boy's got sex written all over him."

"No, no he doesn't," I disagreed, though I'd secretly thought those things the first time I'd met him. Now, after just a short time of knowing him I knew that Edward _did _have things written all over him, but sex wasn't one of them. Kindness. Faith. Strength. _Those _were the things I saw when I looked at him. Of course, when he touched me with those hands and kissed me with that pretty mouth… what I saw and what I _felt_ became two completely different things.

"What was the stink-eye for earlier?" Edward's voice startled me.

"Nothing." I slipped my arm around his waist and pulled him to me. He leaned down and kissed me and I smiled against his lips, feeling all of their eyes on me. _That's right, bitches. He's all mine._

"You're a horrible liar," he whispered against my mouth.

"Go. Your fans are waiting," I said as I pushed him away. He winked at us before making his way to the small stage.

"I like him." Claire smiled widely at me.

"Back off." I smacked her. She laughed and threw her arm around my shoulder.

"Oh, Lee. You're so cute when you're all flustered and in love."

I felt myself nearly break into a cold sweat as I played her words over in my head.

_In love._

Holy shit. Those words were scary. The only person I'd ever been _in love_ with was Sam and we all knew how well that turned out. It was strange to think that I could be there again. That I was at a point where I wanted to spend forever with someone. Could I see myself with Edward forever? And, _dear God_, we'd only been on three dates (if you count the night we spent in). Sometimes I hated Claire and the things she put in my head.

I had been going over the 'L word' for so long in my head that I hadn't noticed that the lights had been dimmed and Edward had started playing. Claire nudged me softly and I looked toward the stage. His eyes were trained on me, a smile on his face. It was a smile I'd only seen once before. (Yeah, I knew his smiles. Sue me.) It wasn't joking or playful; it was calm and serene, much like how he looked the day he took me to the sanctuary.

Reverent.

Peaceful.

And he was looking at _me._ I had to tear myself away from him in order to regain my composure, to get my head on straight. I could feel Claire's eyes on me as I hopped down from my stool and pushed my way through the crowd and out the door. I somehow found myself leaning against the side of the building bent over with my head in my hands.

It was a few moments later when I heard his footsteps and felt his hand on my back. He didn't have to say anything; I knew it was him. I moved quickly, without looking him in the eyes and wrapped my arms securely around him, burying my nose in his neck and breathing him in.

"You scare me," I whispered into his skin. He didn't laugh as I thought he would. Instead, he just held me tighter and took a deep breath. "I feel so much when I'm with you and it scares me."

"I know," Edward replied.

"I don't want to fuck this up," I told his shirt.

"I won't let you," he said into my hair.

"I mean it, Edward. I'd never forgive you," I said as I tried to lighten the super serious mood I'd created.

"I promise, pretty girl." He pushed my shoulders back gently and tipped my face up to his. Edward smiled softly, the same smile that had almost made me head for the hills and I nodded.

"Promise. I like promises. You can't break those without consequences. Like the promissee's big male best friend breaking the promissor's kneecaps, for example."

"I wouldn't dare." His smiled transformed into a full-on grin.

"Good to know." I smiled and leaned up to kiss him, knowing for the first time in a long time what _hope_ felt like.

* * *

**I don't always get to review replies but please know that I appreciate you all so much. Whether you drop a line here or on Twitter, I love to hear from you. Thank you so much for reading! **

**XOXO**


	12. Lay 'Em Down

**Stephenie owns, yadda yadda yadda.**

**Huge thanks to killerlashes and IAmToWait for beta-ing. **

**Also, thanks to UofMAnne, ShortHappyLife, and oscar519 (who I will soon trick into reading this!) for help with a certain er... scene. Love you ladies! **

**A little note at the bottom... **

* * *

Chapter 12 – Lay 'Em (Me) Down

"Hand me that bag, will you?" Edward called from the backseat of the church van.

"This one?" I held up a bright blue backpack and he frowned and shook his head.

"No, the big one. I need the big one."

"That's what she said," I retorted, then snorted at my own joke.

"_Leah_," he half-scolded. I shrugged and looked around. The youth group kids were sitting a few feet away and not paying any attention to us.

"Just laugh, Cullen. You know it was funny," I told him as he climbed out the side of the van.

"Hi_lar_ious," he said sarcastically, rolling his eyes as he kissed my cheek. "Now, put _this_ bag on top. Please." He handed me the black duffel bag he'd been talking about and jogged back into the church to double-check for any last-minute forgotten items.

I stuffed the rest of the bags in the van and shut the back doors, my head still reeling over the fact that we were going on a camping trip with fifteen youth kids. By _we _I meant Edward and me. Well, Edward and me and Angela, Pastor Weber's daughter. She was the children's minister. She had long brown hair and even longer legs. I wasn't too sure if I liked her.

Okay, I hated her.

She was the female equivalent to Edward: sweet, funny, and gorgeous. I may have been a bit threatened by her.

Or a lot threatened by her. Whatever.

We were taking two different vans to First Beach. Angela was going to drive one and Edward the other. I was going because… well, because I wanted to. And the community service thing, of course. I'd attended a brief court hearing that let me know I was a little over a quarter to my goal of two hundred hours. It wasn't like I could do much more. Unless, that is, I went somewhere besides the church. But I liked working at the church. The kids weren't half bad and I liked being able to see Edward.

We finally piled into the vans and got ready to leave. Seth, Alice, and a few others came with us while the remainder of the kids rode with Angela. The kids passed around candy and sang along way too loudly with the radio while Edward and I sat quietly (and a bit awkwardly) in the front seat.

Usually when we rode in the car together, we held hands, or Edward would rest his hand on my thigh. Now, though, I didn't know how to act around the kids without giving anything away. Then again, I wasn't sure what I'd _be_ giving away. Edward and I had been out a few more times since our dinner with Quil and Claire. We'd made some appearances at the bar, and he and Alice had even had dinner with my family (an event that, despite my numerous threats to the contrary, resulted in none of my family members losing a single limb). Still, we hadn't had _the_ _talk_ yet.

I wasn't sure I wanted to have the talk, to be honest. I liked how things were. I liked how Edward smiled when he saw me or how I felt when he called. There were so many good things going on with us I didn't want to fuck them up by putting a title on it.

I also wasn't sure if Edward would even want a title for whatever we were.

"What's on your mind, pretty girl?" Edward asked softly, his fingers trailing down my forearm briefly before returning back to the steering wheel. I watched the goosebumps rise on my skin where he'd touched me and sighed.

"Nothing." I shrugged and he laughed.

"Okay. Pretend I don't know you like I do."

"Maybe you do, maybe you don't," I muttered and turned my gaze at the passing greenery.

"I think I've got you pegged pretty well."

"I'd _like_ for you to peg me pretty well…" I said, just loud enough for him to hear, and then laughed loudly as Edward's face turned as bright a red as I'd suspected it would. Alice and Seth looked between the two of us, clearly amused. I just shook my head and took a sip from my water bottle.

"You can't say stuff like that to me," he said as he swiped my water and took a large gulp.

"Why not? You gonna tell Jesus on me?" I pushed his shoulder as he laughed.

"He knows already, sweetheart." Edward winked at me. "And, no. That's not what I meant."

"Then what did you mean?"

"Just that… maybe one day I'll take you up on one of those offers." Edward shrugged again, his eyes trained on the road, and I gaped at him.

_Did he just say he wanted to do dirty things to me?_

Fuck. Yes.

I rolled the window of the van down, in desperate need of air. Holy shit. I couldn't believe he'd said that to me. It wasn't like I didn't _want_ him to say it to me. But I still couldn't believe it.

"Now what's on your mind?" Edward asked. I could tell he was wearing his shit-eating grin. _He really should get that fucking smile trademarked._

"How much I dislike you giving me a taste of my own medicine," I grumbled.

He grinned broadly and squeezed my hand once, quickly. "It's bitter, ain't it, pretty girl?"

I didn't speak to him for the rest of the drive. I was too busy talking myself out of dry-humping him in the driver's seat in front of God and six teenagers.

xXx

EPOV

"All right, guys. Let's get these tents up and then we'll circle up," I called to the kids when we'd finished unloading the vans. I watched Leah as she and Alice tried to put up a little two-person tent and tried not to laugh. I could see her trying not to cuss at the flimsy material and rods that were piled at their feet.

"Need some help?" I asked. Leah glared at me. I took the rod from her hands and quickly set the tent up while she stood close by with her hands on her hips.

"Ass," she muttered when I turned to her, smiling.

"Yes, you may check mine out. Anything else?" I asked, blinking innocently.

"No," she huffed, glaring, and shoved me away. I laughed and left her and Alice to set their stuff up inside. I'd be sharing a tent with Seth. I made it that way in case either one of us were tempted to… find the other in the middle of the night.

Mainly I was worried about myself being tempted. I mean, I was constantly worried about being tempted around Leah. Well, that wasn't the truth. I was constantly _tempted _around Leah. She was beautiful and loud and… real. _God_, she was amazing. It took every ounce of my willpower to control myself around her.

It wasn't as if I hadn't been with a girl before. I had. I'd been with my college girlfriend for almost a year before I found her in bed with my roommate. There had been other girls in high school, too. Of course… that was before seminary and becoming a pastor. Not that I had to be celibate. I wasn't a priest or a monk, for Pete's sake. Then again, if I _were_ a priest or monk I wouldn't have to worry about wanting to… do stuff with Leah, because I wouldn't be dating her.

I helped Angela set up her tent and then had a couple of the boys gather up some driftwood for a fire before returning to Leah. She was sitting in the opening of her tent, unrolling a dark blue sleeping bag next to my sister's bright purple one and working herself up into an epic sulk.

"You know, you really shouldn't show off your Boy Scout abilities," she muttered, trying to glare at me. "Isn't pride one of the seven deadly sins?"

"Yup. But so is anger. Don't be jealous." I tapped her nose. She swiped at my hand, but I backed away quickly. "And I take it you weren't a Girl Scout?"

"Oddly enough, I didn't play well with others when I was younger," she said with a smirk.

"Shame. I bet that outfit would be cute on you now," I said with a wink and stood up, leaving her gaping after me. I really enjoyed saying stuff like that to Leah. She always seemed so surprised. I didn't know why, though; she _had_ to know how incredibly sexy she was. And if she didn't know, well, then I'd make it my job to keep reminding her.

When everyone was set up and situated I brought them into a circle to pray before we went off to do some different activities. I was going to be taking a group through a hiking trail and Angela was going to be working on relationship building. I got to build relationships with the kids every week so I decided to let her give it a try. I also knew how difficult some of them could be, and kind of wanted a break from it. Not that I didn't love the kids, because I did. But I found it best to mix things up a bit. After all, if I found myself getting tired of them from time to time, it was a pretty good bet that they felt the same way about me.

I listed off the names of the kids who were coming with me, and told them to get their sneakers on and water bottles before we left. Leah glanced up at the sky and frowned. It looked like it was going to rain.

The trip had been planned for weeks, and I'd been hoping for nice weather, considering we were at the beach. There was a small campground at First Beach with a pavilion and bathrooms and showers. Hopefully if it rained we'd all fit under the pavilion.

"Jackets, too?" I asked. She turned to me and nodded.

"Bring a jacket or raincoat if you've got one!" I called to the kids who had already lined up at the trail. I pulled on my own sweatshirt and watched Leah do the same, all the while kind of wishing that it _would_ rain, because Leah was wearing a white t-shirt. The fabric was so thin it'd be soaked through in no time, and it would cling lovingly to her curves, and the rain would make her skin glisten like the scales of a mermaid...

"Ready?" Her voice wrenched me away from my wholly inappropriate thoughts. I nodded, shaking my head to clear it, and followed her toward the group that consisted of Seth, Alice, and about five others.

We walked the trail quietly, me at the front and Leah at the back making sure no one veered off track. Occasionally one of the kids would ask a question or someone would point out some poison ivy or a random bug or plant. When we reached our destination, a scenic overlook of the ocean, we scattered about to check out the view or to rest.

I found Leah a few feet from the edge of the bluff. A rickety wooden fence had been put up in an attempt to stop cliff-divers or maybe jumpers.

"Don't jump," I joked lamely, "I only dog-paddle."

She turned to me with a sad smile, then back to the view. The sun had broken through the clouds and shone magnificently over the water. It threw a warm halo over Leah, her face, skin and hair glowing in the light.

"What's wrong?" I stepped next to her and brushed her fingers with mine.

"It's stupid," she whispered.

"I'm sure it's not." I frowned.

She turned to me with tears in her dark eyes.

"My dad proposed to my mom here," Leah said softly. "He told her he just wanted to take some pictures of the wildlife and flowers. We have this one picture of Mom that's just… stunning. She was standing right at the edge as the sun went down, and her hair's blowing behind her and you can only see part of her face but you can tell how happy she was." Leah looked away and continued to talk. To me or to the air around us, I wasn't sure, but I stayed silent, sensing there was an important piece to the puzzle that was Leah clicking into place.

"I used to come up here all the time when I was a kid and think about how happy and perfect things were. I tried to imagine what it would be like when someone proposed to me and hoped that I'd be as happy as she was. And that he'd be as great as my dad."

"Why don't you come here anymore?" I asked.

"I don't know." She shrugged, a line creasing the skin between her brows. "When he died, my dreams about this place, about my future, just… died with him."

I slipped my arm around her waist and pulled her closer to me. She leaned into me and sighed while I wished I knew what to say to her. I racked my brain, then mentally kicked myself. I was a _pastor,_ for the love of Pete.

"I can practically hear the wheels in your head turning, Edward," she said, her arms sliding around my neck. I could hear the smile in her voice. "Be careful, you're gonna tire out the poor hamsters running on 'em."

"Can not," I muttered. "Meanie."

"Baby. Can too," Leah replied. "You don't have to say anything."

"But I really _want_ to," I grumbled, and pretended to kick the dirt. "I'm _supposed_ to know what to say. It's part of my job description."

She stepped away from me and smiled. "I know you want to say something meaningful. And that's a bigger deal than if you'd just spat some dumbass old proverb at me. So thank you for that," she explained. Her hand touched my face softly, and I fought the urge to kiss her.

"I'll think of something later. It will be amazing. You just wait."

"I'm sure it will be." She patted my cheek and turned away from me.

We spent a few more minutes up at the cliff before the sun started to disappear behind the clouds again and decided we should head back. This time we let the kids lead. Leah and I walked a few steps behind them, occasionally touching hands or sharing glances. At one point she muttered something that sounded a lot like _"stop staring at me"_ but I pretended to ignore it. I _liked_ looking at her. And it annoyed her, too, so that was a bonus.

When we reached the campsite, we saw that a fire had been built and the kids were gathered around it already. Seth and I pulled a large cooler from one of the vans, and we all started making sandwiches and hotdogs for dinner.

After everyone had eaten and the sun had set, Leah handed me my guitar with a smile. I tossed a burnt s'more into my mouth and took it from her, wiping sticky marshmallow crumbs onto my jeans.

"Alright, it's open mic night here at the campfire. What do you want to hear?"

The kids shouted out songs from every genre, and I played them all as best I could. I'd had plenty of training throughout my life and music had been my major before my parents' deaths, but mostly I found I could learn songs by playing along with the radio. So that's what I did. It's also what made it possible for me to know most of the songs that they requested. Except for the Screamo ones, because that just wasn't music.

When I'd finished laughing my way through a cover of "Poker Face," Seth suggested one of our worship songs. I found myself getting a little choked up that it was him who'd asked for it. I'd watched him grow so much over the past few weeks, especially in his friendship with Alice and the way they'd learned to open up with one another.

"Okay, but you guys gotta keep the beat. Can you do it?" I asked them. They nodded and started clapping, alternating between hitting the tops of their thighs in lieu of stomping and clapping their hands. Once they'd established a rhythm I started playing, letting myself get lost in the music until the notes and the words all mixed together and there was nothing else around me.

"_Come down to the river_

_Come and let yourself in_

_Make good on a promise_

_To never hurt again_

_If you're lost and lonely_

_You're broken down_

_Bring all of your troubles, come lay 'em down._

_All you sinners_

_And the weak at heart_

_All you helpless_

_On the boulevards_

_Wherever you are now_

_Whatever evil you've found_

_Bring all of your troubles_

_And come lay 'em down." _

I closed my eyes as I sang, like I always did, and hoped that the kids got it. I hoped that they knew that we were on a trip to get to know each other, and to help find ourselves spiritually. But most of all I hoped that they knew that they didn't have to do anything alone. And, more than anything, I hoped Leah knew that too.

xXx

LPOV

I felt Alice shift beside me and I moved to wrap my arm around her shoulders. I loved watching Edward play like this, surrounded by the kids that he loved and simply giving everything that he had in his songs.

After Edward finished playing, he led a closing prayer, and kids started to disperse. Angela and Edward had decided to stay up in shifts just in case anyone decided to wander off, though the way Alice eyed me made me think she felt the same about me. But then again she was probably thinking the same about my kid brother.

"Are you coming in here, Leah?" Alice smirked at me. I pushed her inside the tent and zipped it from the outside, ignoring her shriek of "Make good choices!"

Edward laughed from behind me, so I turned my glare on him.

"She knows us too well," he admitted, shrugging and patting the blanket next to him. I took a seat, leaning into his side and breathing in his scent mixed with the familiar smell of campfire smoke and the outdoors.

"She'd better watch it," I muttered. He laughed again and pulled his guitar back into his lap. I shifted so that I was against a piece of driftwood and he was leaning on me.

"You want to hear something?" he asked as he strummed quietly. I nodded into his shoulder and ran my fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck. "What do you want to hear, pretty girl?"

"'Smile'," I said softly. I didn't explain to him why I wanted to hear it or how the thought of the song brought tears to my eyes. As we sat there together I couldn't think of anything else I wanted hear. He nodded and started playing quietly.

"_Smile though your heart is aching _

_Smile even though it's breaking. _

_When there are clouds in the sky _

_you'll get by. _

_If you smile through your pain and sorrow _

_Smile and maybe tomorrow _

_You'll see the sun come shining through _

_For you. _

_Light up your face with gladness, _

_Hide every trace of sadness. _

_Although a tear may be ever so near _

_That's the time you must keep on trying _

_Smile, what's the use of crying. _

_You'll find that life is still worthwhile- _

_If you just smile." _

He finished the song and turned his face to mine. I kissed him softly, reveling in how his lips curved into a smile against mine.

"Thank you," I whispered against his shoulder.

"You going to tell me why you picked that one?"

"Nope." I pushed him off me and grabbed the bag of marshmallows the kids had been using to make s'mores. I skewered one and toasted it while Edward put his guitar away, then handed him a freshly made s'more.

"Thank you kindly, ma'am," he said, giving me a mock-gentlemanly bow, and kissed me as he took his seat. We sat quietly for a moment before Edward's yawning made me laugh.

"You'd better get some coffee in you if you plan on cock-blocking any horny Christian teenagers," I said, and he laughed so hard he nearly choked. That gave me the perfect excuse for stealing his s'more, I told myself, and plucked the last bit of graham-cracker-and-chocolaty goodness from his hand. _Sorry, Jesus Freak- if it's between you and s'mores, the s'mores are _almost_ always gonna win._ Almost.

"I think there's a little store up the road," Edward wheezed, and wiped his streaming eyes. "I'll be back, okay?"

"Why don't I go with you?" I said, and stood up with him, raising an eyebrow. He stared at me for a moment, his expression puzzled, before understanding dawned on his face.

"I'll tell Angela…" he trailed off. I nodded and made my way to the van while he told Angela that we were leaving.

I waited for Edward at the van, and he surprised me when he opened the back door instead of the front. "After you," he said as he gestured me inside. I got in, situating myself in the middle row of the backseats.

"I thought we were going to get coffee," I said after he'd climbed in after me and closed the door.

"We will...eventually." His hands told me otherwise when he pulled me into his lap, my legs straddling him, and ran his hands up my sides.

"Edward, what are you doing?" I asked when his hands at the small of my back pressed us even closer. I could feel his heart racing against mine.

"I want to kiss you, pretty girl," he answered. He brushed his lips against the skin of my throat and then underneath my ear, and I shivered all over. "Is that all right?"

"By all means…" I said breathily as I snaked my hands into his thick hair. He kissed me hard, his body and hands making his intentions _very_ clear. My hips rocked against his, and he groaned low in his chest. Edward pulled away, his eyes burning into mine, and brushed my hair out of my face.

"You have no idea how much I want you." His voice was low and husky and it made my pulse quicken.

"Oh, I think I _do_," I grinned, and pointedly wriggled against him, nipping his bottom lip. He groaned, grabbed my hips in his hands and _moved_, and suddenly I was pressed back against the harsh upholstery of the seat, Edward hovering over me on his elbows. _Whoa_. I hadn't been expecting that much enthusiasm, but I sure wasn't gonna complain...

Edward's eyes were intense on mine. "You're beautiful, you know?" he whispered with his mouth close to my own.

"Just kiss me, Cullen." I pulled him to me and wrapped one leg around his waist. His hand slid up the bare skin of my leg and gripped my thigh, encouraging me to press myself even closer to him. His hips flexed once, twice, again; it was agonizingly slow and left me needing more. I let my hands roam down his back and fist in his shirt, trying to bring him closer to me, to take the edge off all the frustration, sexual and otherwise, that I'd been carrying around.

Edward's hand snaked up my shirt, his fingers dancing on my bare skin. When his lips moved to my throat and his thumb brushed over the lace of my bra I let out an embarrassingly loud whimper.

"I like that," Edward chuckled huskily against my skin. If I wasn't so turned on I would have slapped him.

"We shouldn't be doing this," I managed to say, though I was shamelessly grinding against him, desperate to increase the friction between us.

"You're right, we should stop," he said with his lips at my ear.

"Don't you dare," I gasped, clutching at him and kissing him roughly.

My breath and heartbeat quickened as our movements did. Our hips rocked together, finding a jagged, increasingly desperate rhythm. Edward buried his face in my neck and moaned, his hot breath on my skin making my stomach tighten, desperate for some sort of release.

I clutched at him, needing to feel him against my skin and wanting so much more than he was giving me. I kissed him where I could, my mouth finding his neck and chin while my breath came out in quick pants, the tension building in my body like the crest of a wave.

Edward grabbed my hands and held them over my head, then crushed his lips to mine. He pulled away as I cried out and arched against him, my legs tightening around him and my breath catching in my throat. He released my hands and wrapped his arms underneath me, shuddering deeply with his forehead pressed to mine.

"That was…" I trailed off when he kissed me softly, what felt like an eternity later, after we'd both caught our breath.

"Messy?" Edward suggested. I laughed at him, relieved at his comfort with the fact that we'd just gotten each other off in the church van.

"Not what I was going to say, but sure." I pulled him down to kiss me again. He laughed against my lips.

"You know what I always like after a good dry hump?" he asked.

I bit my lip to keep from giggling at his use of the words _dry hump_. "More s'mores?"

"No, a swim," Edward said. I watched him confusedly as he opened the van door until finally realizing what he meant.

Realizing too late, of course.

"It's too cold!" I yelled when he grabbed my feet and pulled me off the bench.

"It will be refreshing." He threw me over his shoulder and patted my ass lightly. I tried to squirm but my body was like mush after, well… after what had just happened. "Ready?" he asked.

"No!" I yelled and wrapped my arms around his body.

"Be quiet, unless you want all the kids, including our younger siblings, to come out and see what we're doing. Or what we just did, if they look at my pants."

I couldn't manage a response.

"One… two… three!" he counted before heaving me off his shoulder and tossing me into the cold water. I came up sputtering with Edward grinning down at me so I grabbed him by the pockets and pulled him into the water with me. He wasted no time in snaking his arms around me and kissing me softly.

"You're kind of evil," I said as I wrapped my arms and legs around him.

"You kind of like it." I could see him grin in the moonlight.

"Yeah, yeah. Get me a towel, will you?" I shivered and tried to push him away. He kissed me again before letting me go and wading up to the beach. I watched him run up to where the campfire was slowly dying and grab towels from the stash we'd packed. I met Edward on the beach where he wrapped the towel around me and then one around himself.

We sat just at the edge of the water, shivering but drying. Our shoulders touched and Edward leaned over to kiss my head.

"I actually wanted to talk to you in the van, not do… that."

"_That_ was fun," I said, feeling my skin heat up just thinking about it.

"_That_ it was."

"Okay, enough of _that_."

"Does _that_ bother you?" He grinned.

"_That_ is getting on my nerves." I scowled and felt him laugh beside.

"Truce?"

"_That_ sounds good," I smiled and nudged him.

"Seriously, Leah."

"I'm serious, Edward. I swear."

"I wanted to talk to you about… us."

"What about us?" I asked, suddenly wary.

"Well… is there an 'us'?" His voice was soft and his hand found mine, flipping it over and lacing our fingers together.

"I… I don't know," I admitted.

"Do you want there to be?" He turned to me and smiled his pretty smile, loosening the knot of worry his question had created.

"I don't know, Edward. I'm really good at screwing things up," I whispered honestly.

"I told you, pretty girl. I won't let you." He brushed his thumb under my bottom lip. I turned away from him, trying to catch my breath and get my bearings back, but it was no use. Being within five feet of him made me lose all sense.

"I'm just – are you sure?"

"Yeah, Leah," he laughed softly. "I'm sure. I haven't felt this way in a long time. I've never met anyone like you."

I snorted. Very unladylike. "Sorry."

"Don't be. I like it. I like you. I want to see where this goes."

"What if it goes to Hell in a handbasket?" I asked. That time he laughed loudly.

"Well then the ride will be fun, won't it?" Then it was my turn to smile.

"Yeah, it will be." I squeezed his hand tightly. Edward stood up then and pulled me with him.

"So, we're really doing this?"

"Looks like it." I tugged his hand and started walking back to our small camp. It felt natural, easy almost to be with him like this. _Together. _I couldn't help the smile that spread across my face as I thought about it. Edward was my _boyfriend_. My boyfriend the _youth pastor_, with whom I'd just had an intense make-out session with in the _church van._ I sighed and figured that some things should probably never happen again, making a mental note to Febreze the upholstery before we left camp. I leaned into his side, completely content as we finally reached the outside of the campfire.

Edward's footsteps faltered and we both nearly fell.

I shouldn't have been surprised to see Angela sitting there. I knew she would be listening for the kids. The stern look on her face as she took in our damp hair and wrinkled clothes made me feel a little bit like a guilty teenager- and I hadn't been that carefree since I _was_ a teenager. It felt good.

Edward had brought that out in me, in so many ways. Hopefully I did the same for him.

"We're so busted," Edward muttered beside me in mock-fright.

I threw my head back and laughed aloud. I couldn't find it in myself to care.

* * *

**Hi friends! **

**Thank you so, so much for reading about these crazy kids. **

**I just wanted to let you know I gave up Twitter for Lent (no, I'm not crazy) so if I don't answer you for another oh, thirty or so days, that's why - I'm not ignoring you! I actually miss you all but I'm staying strong!**

**XOXO**


	13. Stay

**Disclaimer: You know the drill. **

**Thanks to killerlashes and IAmToWait for making my words makes sense. **

**Huge thanks to you Perv Pack ladies for the rec! Thanks to sadtomato for reccing me in your stories as well! Consider this *grope* for all of you! **

**Thanks to all of YOU for reading/reviewing/reccing/whateverwhatever. ILY! **

**Oh, I _had_ planned some huge cliffie here that probably would've gotten me tarred and feathered. You can thank oscar519 for it not happening. ;) **

* * *

Chapter Thirteen – Stay

EPOV

"This sucks."

"Shhh! We're going to get into more trouble."

"So? It can't get any worse, _He_ already saw."

"_He'll_ forgive you. It's _her_ you have to worry about."

"Oh, will you two just can it?" Angela cried, and I could practically hear her rolling her eyes at Leah and me. Leah snorted and covered it with a cough. I tried not to smile, but it was really no use.

"Sorry," we both muttered from the piece of driftwood we were sharing.

"Ugh. I'm going to bed," Angela said as she unzipped her tent.

"So you aren't mad?" I raised an eyebrow at her.

She shook her head and sighed. "Of course not, Edward. You're adults. Just start acting like you are, jeez."

"That was close." Leah sighed and stretched while she stood up. "Goodnight, Preacher Boy."

"Hey!" I said a little too loudly, raising a "SHHHHHH!" from the direction of Angela's tent. Leah laughed softly.

"Yeah?"

"C'mere." I beckoned her with my finger. She huffed a little but came toward me, trying to hide the smile on her face.

"What is it, Cullen?"

"Kiss me." I pulled her close and she did, soft and teasing, before slipping out of my grasp and into her tent without a backward glance.

I pulled my guitar back into my lap and strummed softly, making up chords and playing old favorites while everyone else slept. It was just God and the universe and me, alone together in quiet solitude.

xXx

LPOV

The next morning dawned brighter than usual. I could hear the kids already up and out on the beach and making breakfast over the newly-lit fire. I tugged on a sweatshirt and tumbled out of the tent just in time to hear the swish of a nicely-thrown spiral as a football whizzed past my head.

"Fucking kids," I muttered as I scrambled around for some instant coffee. "Gonna shove that damn football where the sun don't shine..."

"Good morning, sleepyhead." Edward grinned as he picked up the lost football, admonishing me. "No murder on an empty stomach. That's one of the lesser-known auxiliary Commandments." He kissed me softly before I could counter with something profane and potentially sacrilegious. He smelled like the ocean and Coppertone. It only made me think of the previous night, and wish that we were still in that cramped backseat…

He was running back to the beach, football tucked under his arm, before I'd actually processed what had just happened: Edward had just kissed me in front of everyone. He was also wearing a tight white tank top and low-slung board shorts and I hadn't even gotten a chance to ogle him up close.

I watched while he ran around with the kids, laughing and smiling without a care in the world, and found myself smiling more than ever.

Apparently I _was_ the kind of girl who swooned over her handsome and carefree boyfriend. Apparently I was also the kind of girl who now had a boyfriend. Whatever. I liked it.

"What are you smiling about?" Edward appeared in front of me and purposely kicked sand over my bare feet.

"Nothing, nosy," I grumbled and focused on my coffee cup. He laughed and nudged my foot with his, making me turn my glare to him. I let my gaze travel up his body, the one that had been pressed against mine so perfectly the night before, and felt my eyes widen against my will.

His shirt was wet and clinging to his lean body. So many moons ago, I'd wondered if he worked out. Yeah, I didn't have to wonder anymore. It wasn't, however, the defined chest or arms that made me gape like an idiot. Under the wet cotton, just barely visible, were various patterns of black that I couldn't make out. One over his ribs and another over his heart.

Not only was Preacher Boy built… he was also _inked. _

Holy shit.

Ink.

As in tattoos.

I had obviously died and gone to some place that was like Heaven, only better, because Edward had tattoos.

Tattoos that I desperately needed to see.

"You're staring at me." Edward's voice brought me back to reality. I _was_ staring at him, but more at his torso than anything else.

"Was not," I snipped.

"Don't be so defensive. I stare at you sometimes." He shrugged and took a seat next to me, stealing my coffee cup and sipping from it. Edward choked and handed the cup back to me with a grimace.

"It's gross, right?"

"Did I just drink tar?" He fished around and found a bottle of water to rinse his mouth out.

"I like my coffee like I like my men!" I threw out.

Edward hacked like a cat trying to bring up a hairball. "Bitter and coarse with a little taste of despair?"

"Pretty much." I laughed and nudged my shoulder with his before we fell into comfortable silence.

"Want to go for a walk?" Edward asked after a moment.

"I'd like that." I stood up and stuck my hand out to help him up. He took it, but didn't let go as we made our way down the beach. The cool water washed over our feet and only reminded me _again_ of the night before. Goosebumps rose on my skin and I moved myself closer to Edward until he had to let go of my hand and wrap his arm around my shoulders.

"Are you going to ask me about them or not?" Edward whispered with his face in my hair.

"Ask you about what?" I batted my eyelashes innocently and he snorted.

"I saw you eyeing me. Don't try to pretend you weren't." He pulled me closer and kissed my head.

"I was _not_!" I snapped. He was getting too cocky for his own good.

"Fine," he said as he pulled away. Edward stopped walking and lifted up his shirt, revealing the body I'd been ogling for weeks.

_Not too shabby._

I let my hand trace over the pattern on his chest, just over his heart.

A music scale with a treble clef and three half notes on the measure.

"What do they mean?" I asked.

"They're notes. _A, C, _and _E._"

"Oh," I said softly, still not understanding. Edward removed my hand from his chest and laughed.

"For Alice, Carlisle, and Esme, my family. It's corny, but it helps me keep all the things I love close, you know? " he explained, his earnest green eyes locked with mine. I nodded and tore my hand from his then placed my palm over his heart again before leaning up to kiss him.

"And this one?" I let my finger trail over his ribs when I pulled away. He squirmed under my touch and giggled. Yeah, he giggled.

"Read it," he said through his laughter. Preacher Boy was ticklish. I'd have to remember that. (It's always good to have an edge on someone who's bigger than you.)

"_I trust in Your unfailing love,_

_My heart rejoices in Your salvation."_

I traced the words and bit back my laugh as he struggled to keep his composure.

"Psalm 13?" I asked, and gave myself a mental pat on the back for remembering.

"Impressive," Edward praised me and pulled his shirt down. "I'm surprised you remembered."

_Ass._

"Why that one?" I laced my fingers with his as we started back to our camp.

"It just… helps me remember that there's always something to look forward to. No matter how bad I think things are, I know that God's there to take care of me."

"You really believe that? After all you've been through?" I asked quietly. Edward stopped walking and turned his gaze to the water. The sun shone spectacularly through his wild hair so it gleamed like a freshly scrubbed copper pot, bringing out the different colors and making me want to run my fingers through it.

"I know it's hard to believe, but, yeah, I do. All of that led me here. It led me to you."

He turned to me, a small smile on his face. My heart stuttered violently in my chest, the realization of his words hitting me full-on. Edward thought that he'd been through so much pain and heartache to be led to _me. _

I wanted to laugh at the ridiculous idea.

I wanted to cry from happiness.

I wanted to run away.

It was too much to handle, too good to be true.

I'd never thought that someone as good as _Edward_ would be led to me.

When his eyes met mine I _knew_. I knew he was serious and that what we had was real. That no matter what I had done or he had been through, _something_ had brought us here, together.

I also knew that there was no way in _hell_ I could let him go.

"We should get back," I said though my voice was barely audible.

"Yeah," he nodded. I shoved my hands in my pockets as we walked, not knowing what would happen if I were to touch him again. When we could see the kids on the beach he stopped me, his hand wrapped around my elbow.

"What?" I asked as I tried to tug myself from his grasp.

"Leah… I didn't mean to freak you out."

"You didn't. I mean – you _did,_ but… it's okay."

"I know that this is a lot," Edward said as he brushed my hair out of my face, "but I care about you, Leah. I just need you to know that."

"I do know." I took a shaky breath and tried to smile at him.

"Okay." Edward grinned down at me before kissing me softly.

"You're crazy, you know," I told him while he laced his fingers with mine again.

"So I've been told, pretty girl. So I've been told."

xXx

"So, you and Edward…" Angela mused quietly while we drove the highway back to Forks. Somehow I'd ended up in the van with her instead of Edward. I think she planned it. Or not, I wasn't sure.

"Yep," I said with my eyes on the road. I wasn't sure what she wanted to talk about, or why she wanted to talk about it at all. I tried to appraise her with a side glance. She wasn't that big. I could take her if I had to.

_Jesus, _I thought incredulously. That boy made me crazy. I wanted to kick the preacher's daughter's ass.

"That's cool. He seems a lot lighter lately. I think you're good for him."

_Oh, shit._ Now I felt bad.

"Um… thank you?"

Angela laughed softly. "What? Did you think I was going to tell on you? Or that I wanted him for myself?" She risked a glance at me. I raised an eyebrow at her and she laughed louder.

"Both?"

"I figured," she said with a nod. "He's not my type."

"How in the…?" Seriously, I was shocked. I knew how wonderful Edward was. Hell, _everyone_ knew how great Edward was. I was beginning to not like Angela and her whole "your boyfriend's not good enough for me" attitude.

"Yeah, he's perfect. Thanks, _Dad_. I know." Angela rolled her eyes then I laughed. It was only fitting that the pastor would _want_ his daughter to marry a pastor.

"Dads are great about that, aren't they?" I said quietly. It hardly registered to me that I'd meant Charlie when I said that. Hardly.

"Edward's a great guy. Really. You should consider yourself lucky."

"I do," I murmured and stared out the window while I rolled her words over in my head. He seemed lighter to her. Huh. Maybe I was good for him, too.

"Oh, I didn't mean anything by that, Leah. I really do see a change in Edward. I think you guys are great together. I mean, I haven't spent much time with the two of you but you can tell."

"Thanks, Angela. That's sweet of you," I told her as sincerely as I could.

The rest of the drive was quiet with the kids chatting quietly in the backseat. I thought about what Angela had said and I silently hoped it was true, that I was good for Edward.

As we unloaded the van back at the church my curiosity got the best of me.

"Does he really seem different?" I asked her. Angela smiled softly, all dimples and big hazel eyes.

"He's happy. Really happy." She touched my arm softly and I nodded.

"Thanks."

"You're welcome." Angela nodded before slamming the van doors and heading off to her car. I looked around the parking and found that it was just Edward and our siblings left.

"C'mon, slow poke," Edward called. I purposely walked as slowly as I could toward the car. He rolled his eyes and climbed in the car without me.

"Hey, what happened to opening my door?" I asked after I'd gotten in.

"You lose the privilege when you choose to act like a jerk," he said matter-of-factly. Seth snorted in the backseat.

"Shut it, kid." I shot him a look that clearly meant _you're dead to me,_ but he didn't even flinch. _Shit_, being in a committed relationship was making me lose my edge already.

Edward drove us home and helped us unload our bags. Seth and Alice exchanged a quick hug on the front porch before she skipped back to the car and he stuttered his blushing goodbye to her retreating form.

"I'll call you later?" Edward asked as he enveloped me in his arms.

"You better," I whispered with my lips against his chin. He dipped his head and kissed me softly.

"Goodnight." He let his arms slip from around me and made his way down the porch. I watched him walk away, completely aware of the stupid smile on my face and not even caring.

"How was the trip?" Mom asked once I'd gotten inside and thrown my bags down by the front door.

"Nice. It was nice," I told her. "I'm beat, though. We'll talk tomorrow?"

"Sure thing, baby." She smiled and smoothed my hair. I let her, leaning into her touch and kissing her cheek.

"I love you," I told her before climbing the stairs and going to bed, something I was pretty sure I hadn't done since before Dad had died. I could feel her wondering eyes on me as I made my way to my room.

Edward did call later that night, just as I was getting into bed. I crawled under the covers and let the soft hum of his voice soothe me until he was laughing and accusing me of falling asleep on him.

"You've got that kind of voice, Cullen," I said with a yawn.

"Boring?" he chuckled quietly.

"No, lovely." I sighed. My eyes popped open when I realized that I'd just told my boyfriend he had a lovely voice.

"Um… thank you?"

"Uh... well… I mean, it's a very nice voice. People like to listen to it." I dug myself into a deeper hole. _Chill, girl. Your crazy is starting to show. _

"Oh, stop flattering me," Edward teased me.

"I'm going to bed!" I huffed.

Edward laughed again. "You do that."

"Goodnight, asshat." _Ha. That's what you get for making fun of me. _

"Goodnight, beautiful."

_Damn him. _

xXx

The start of the week passed slowly. While I spoke with Edward on the phone or texted him each day, I didn't see him until Wednesday night. Seth ran ahead of me into the church. I took my time, adjusting my hair and slapping on some Chap Stick. It was so dark in the parking lot I almost didn't notice the figure huddled by the door, just outside the pool of light from the streetlamp.

"Um… can I help you?" I asked cautiously. The lump moved, or rather _the_ _girl_ looked up at me.

"Do you know Edward?" she whispered.

"Yeah, yeah, I know him." I knelt down to where she was sitting cross-legged on the ground and touched her shoulder. She flinched away from me.

"I need to talk to Edward." She shifted and the light fell on her face, revealing dark bruises that she was trying to hide under a hoodie.

"Okay, why don't you come inside and you can talk to him…" I held out my hand but she shook her head and a little sob escaped her.

"I can't!" she yelled almost frantically and then stopped abruptly to look around. "I can't go in," she whispered. "I need him to come outside. Please go get him"

"Okay. Okay, I'll be right back. Stay here," I told her, hoping she would still be there when I got back. I rushed inside and found Edward setting up his guitar.

"Hey, pretty girl," he said as he leaned in to kiss me.

I pushed him away. "I need you to come outside."

"Leah, I can't leave the kids…" He looked around. "Can it wait?"

"No, it's not me. There's someone outside. Please!" I grabbed his hand and practically dragged him to the door. I threw it open and pushed him outside only to find the spot where I'd left the girl completely empty.

"What's going on?" Edward turned to me with a look of confusion.

"She was – she was right there!" I pointed to the ground where I'd left her. He frowned and looked around the parking lot.

"Are you sure someone was here?" he asked.

"Edward! Of course I'm sure! Why would I lie about some strange girl?"

He held up his hands in defeat. "Okay, okay. What did she look like?"

_Young. Scared. Lost. _"Like the rest of them!" I cried.

"Leah. Take a deep breath and try to remember." He put his hands on my shoulders and I tried to relax.

"She was thin. Maybe blonde. She was hurt, Edward. Her face… it was covered in bruises." I told him, feeling my own voice tremble and tears fill my eyes. She had been so _scared_.

"Jess," he whispered as his hands dropped from my shoulders. "We have to find her. I have to get the rest of the kids home."

"What can I do?" I grabbed his hand before he could make it back inside the fellowship hall.

"Charlie," was all he said. I nodded and pulled out my phone to call my stepfather. Charlie didn't hesitate when I told him Edward needed his help. He was there within ten minutes just as the other parents started to arrive to pick up their kids. Edward ushered them out quickly until it was just Seth and Alice left.

"Can we help?" Seth asked. Edward shook his head sadly.

"Sorry, kid. I need you and Alice to go, too."

"I'll call Mom," I said "Alice can have dinner at our house." I filled my mother in distractedly, watching Charlie and Edward talk before Charlie clapped him on the shoulder and Edward rubbed his face tiredly.

"Are you going to tell me what's going on?" I grabbed his arm after I'd hung up. Two more deputies had just shown up and Charlie was talking to them a few feet away.

"Remember that day I came to the office to talk to Charlie?"

I racked my brain trying to think. _That would be the first time I mentally undressed you. _"Yeah, I think."

"It was right after I first started and there was this girl who I was really worried about."

"Jess."

"Right, Jessica. I just noticed some things about her. She always wore long sleeves or jackets. Sometimes her makeup would be really heavy… stuff like that. One day she came to me after youth and told me some stuff. Some really, really bad stuff that goes on in her house, so I took it to Charlie."

"Like what?" I whispered, not quite sure if I wanted to know.

"It's just… sad, Leah." He shook his head. I grabbed his hand and softly patted it, needing him to know I was there for him. "She's been off the radar for a little while. Alice said she's been at school but that's it. So if she's showing up here and she's been beat up then something's wrong. We need to find her before she goes home and – and something worse happens."

"We'll find her," I told him, trying to keep my voice calm.

"No, you should go home too." He let go of my hand and turned to join Charlie and the officers.

"Like hell I will," I said. Edward stopped walking and looked down at his feet before looking over his shoulder to me.

"I figured you would say that." He gave me a small, tired smile and gestured for me to follow him.

Mom showed up and took Seth and Alice back to our house to call around to Jess' friends while Edward and I climbed in the back of Charlie's cruiser. Given how snoozeworthy our fair town was, I figured it would be easy to find a girl lost in Forks, but it was like looking for a needle in a haystack. At one point Edward stopped looking; he just rested his head in his hands and closed his eyes, no doubt praying for her safe return. I reached over and rested my hand on the back of his neck, letting my fingers draw soothing circles on his skin while I continued to look at the window.

I was very aware of Charlie's glances on us in the rearview mirror. Edward sat up and took my hand, kissing it softly before lacing his fingers with mine.

"It's not looking good, kid." Charlie's voice broke through the silence. Edward sighed.

"We should go back to the church; maybe she decided to go back," I suggested. Edward nodded and Charlie turned down the next street that led us back to the church.

Edward squeezed my hand tightly as we pulled into the parking lot, only to find it still completely empty.

"_Shit_!" He hit the back of the passenger seat. We got out of the car and did a quick sweep of the building in hopes to find her somewhere.

"Edward, if you don't calm down you're never going to be able to find her." I tugged his hand impatiently when he pulled me around yet _another_ corner of the church building. I had no idea it was even that big.

"Leah, you don't get it. She's my responsibility. I let her down." He ran a hand through his hair and glanced around nervously once he finally stopped walking.

"How do you figure?"

"I'm like… the only person she ever came to for help. I got so wrapped up in other stuff that I just… forgot."

"You're not perfect, Edward." I told him. _No matter what I think about you._ "If anything, it was her parents that let her down, or the school, or even the cops!"

"You don't get it, Leah." He pulled his hand from mine and started walking again.

"Then help me to!" I called after him.

"She came to_ me_. She trusted _me._" Edward pointed at himself, his face distorted in sadness.

"And you did all that was in your power to help her," I said as I slowly made my way to him. "You _are_ doing whatever you can. Right now."

"What if it's too late?" He muttered. I put my hand to his face and met his gaze.

"Where's that faith shit you're always talking about? Get it together, Cullen." I whispered before I kissed his cheek softly. He nodded and took my hand and we continued our search of the church, still coming up empty.

When Edward and I finally returned to the car Charlie was practically bouncing in his shoes.

"They found her," he told us.

"Oh, thank God." I felt Edward's hand tremble in mine. When I looked up his eyes were shining with unshed tears.

"Where is she?" he asked hoarsely.

"At the station. I'll take you to her."

Once we were at the station Edward and Jessica spoke privately in Charlie's office for what seemed like forever. Charlie kept looking at me the same way he had when we were in the car. It was weird, because I couldn't figure out the look he was giving me. Was it actually _pride_ I saw?

Edward finally exited Charlie's office just as Child Protective Services showed up and explained that Jessica would be put in a group home, away from her abusive parents, while CPS investigated her case. She gave Edward a hug and threw me a quick smile as the woman from CPS escorted her out the building.

I was quiet as Edward thanked the officers for helping to find Jessica. We eventually all got back into Charlie's cruiser and he took us back to the church to get Edward's car.

"Why doesn't Alice stay at our house tonight? Give you some time to cool down and get your head on straight," Charlie suggested with his eyes on Edward.

"Yeah. That sounds good. Just tell her… tell her I'll call her later." Shaking his head as if that could clear out the cobwebs, Edward sounded dazed.

"Will do, kid. Leah, take care of him, will you?" Charlie turned his gaze to me. I nodded and slipped an arm around Edward's waist. We watched Charlie drive away before we left, too. The drive was silent with Edward's hand tight in mine.

"Are you okay?" I asked once he'd collapsed onto the couch.

"I don't know. I was so afraid something was going to happen to her. I just… I can't believe I didn't take more time to look after her, you know? I didn't look for her or anything when she stopped coming to youth."

"Edward, I told you, you can't blame yourself. You have fifteen other kids to worry about. Sometimes that happens."

"I _know_, Leah. But I always promised myself I wouldn't let any kid slip through the cracks. But I did and now look at her!" He stood up and started pacing.

"You can't beat yourself up about this, Edward. She's safe now. She'll be fine."

"But what if I could've stopped it?" He cried, his eyes bright with anger directed solely at himself.

"What if you could have stopped your parents' car crash? Or my dad's heart attack? Edward, you can _what if_ until you're blue in the face, but you'll never know for sure. The point is that she's safe now."

"_Now_. But she wasn't safe. She was hurt, and scared, and…" He broke off, hanging his head and reaching up to wipe his eyes. I went to him slowly and took his face in my hands.

"And you were there to make her feel a little bit better about the situation, weren't you?" I brought his gaze to mine. He nodded slowly in agreement. "That's all that matters to her right now."

"You think so?" he asked softly.

"I know so." I pulled him down so I could kiss the corner of his mouth. He threaded his fingers through my hair and turned his face toward mine, deepening the kiss as need and want radiated through his body.

"Leah," he whispered; my name sounded like an invocation, and I shivered at the sound of it.

"Yes?" I wrapped my arms around his body and held him closer.

"Stay with me."

I could only nod my acceptance before I let him lead me upstairs and into his bedroom. His bedroom was just as organized as I suspected: a neatly made bed stood in the center, flanked by two nightstands, two dressers, and a television stand against the other walls. I stood in the doorway while he rifled through his drawers, feeling awkward; I honestly couldn't remember the last time I'd entered a guy's bedroom sober. I shivered. _That_ me seemed a lifetime away.

"Bathroom's through there if you want to change. There's an extra toothbrush in the cabinet," Edward said as he handed me a stack of clothes. I stepped into the bathroom and closed the door before changing and washing my face. I used the extra toothbrush and smelled all of his colognes while I was in there.

"Did you fall in?" I heard Edward say through the bathroom door.

"Almost. Don't you know how to put the toilet seat down?" I asked when I finally emerged wearing his t-shirt and boxers.

"No, I never learned." He leaned against the edge of the bed and smiled while I took in his appearance: plaid pajama pants, no shirt. _Thank you, Jesus._ I went to him, stepping between his legs and resting my hands on his shoulders.

"I'll teach you, grasshopper." I kissed his nose and he laughed with breath warm on my skin. "I'll see you in the morning."

"Where are you going?" he asked, pulling my arm when I tried to walk away.

"To bed, crazy." I raised an eyebrow at him.

"Leah."

"Edward."

"_Leah_."

"What?" I cried. He tugged me to him and wrapped his arms around my waist, then pulled me up and onto my side in his bed.

"I want you here. With me."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, pretty girl. I just… I want to hold you. Is that stupid?" He asked nervously.

I laughed breathily.

"No, it's not stupid."

"Good." Edward smiled and kissed me before he pulled the blankets over us and reached over to turn off the lamp. I felt his hand on my face, gently brushing my hair away before his lips found mine in the dark. The kiss was soft but intense, and I knew it was his way of thanking me for being there with him.

We moved closer until our bodies were pressed so close that I could feel his heartbeat against my own. I brushed my hand through his hair before letting it slip down his bare chest and around his body, holding him closer to me.

It was my way of telling him there was nowhere else I'd rather be.


	14. Green Eyed Monster

**Steph owns them, YPW owns me. **

**Thanks to killerlashes and IAmToWait for being so awesome and making me snort. :D **

**Big hugs to all of you for just... you know. ILY. **

* * *

Chapter 14 – Green Eyed Monster(s)

LPOV

You know that awkward feeling you get after you spend the night with someone you hardly know? I always got it when I spent the night at Embry's. Not that Embry and I hardly knew each other. It was the weirdness of the situation that always made it awkward for us.

The morning after the night I spent with Edward was probably the least awkward of any I'd ever experienced. We were still facing each other when I woke up, though I didn't know if we'd slept like that all night or just ended up that way. His face was close to mine and his arm was draped over my waist with our feet tangled together.

Edward gave a soft snore and I tried not to laugh. He looked too peaceful to be disturbed by my snorting. I was glad he'd gotten some rest after being so wound up the night before. I knew he was worried about Jessica, but he needed to know that she was safe and that he'd done all in his power he could for her.

"You're being a creep," Edward said, his voice thick with sleep.

"Am not," I muttered, and snuggled closer to him. His arms wrapped around me and he gently pressed his lips to my forehead.

"How'd you sleep?"

"Not bad," I whispered to his chest.

"Good," he whispered back. His fingers started to draw small circles on my skin and my eyes closed, enjoying the warmth of his touch and how it radiated through my body.

"Edward," I said his name softly.

"Hmm?"

"Hands to yourself," I commanded.

"Damn," he muttered, and pulled away, putting on an adorable pout.

"I should get home. I need to get ready for work." I sat up and ran a hand through my knotted hair.

"'Kay." He stretched and rubbed a hand over the small of my back. I looked back at him, his eyes closed and his hair a mess. I never thought we'd be in this position. Not that we'd actually _done _anything. But still…we _were _in bed together. I leaned down and placed a chaste kiss on his jaw (covered deliciously in scruff, thank you very much) then rested my head on his shoulder, my body pressed to his.

"I thought you needed to go to work." Edward chuckled softly and wrapped an arm around me.

"I do, but you look so warm," I sighed.

"Thank you for last night. I just…I don't know what I would have done if you weren't there."

"Of course." I hugged him tighter, needing him to know how much it meant to me that he needed me there.

"You really should go to work, though," Edward said as he sat up, pulling all the blankets with him.

"Killjoy," I muttered darkly when he slipped out of bed. I could hear him laughing from the bathroom while I wrapped myself up in his blanket, breathing in his scent and enjoying the warmth that his body left.

When we were both dressed Edward drove me home and picked up Alice ("Pretty even trade, I guess," he said. "Hot girlfriend for annoying little sister..."). I kissed him quickly before I got out of the car and promised to call him later. Alice gave me a sleepy smile as I passed her in the yard, so I kissed the top of her messy black hair.

"How's he doing?" Charlie asked as he handed me a cup of coffee once I'd gotten dressed.

"Better. He's so hard on himself." I sat at the kitchen table and sipped the coffee while Charlie made his own and joined me.

"Well, it comes with the territory, kid," he said, opening the paper.

"I know, I just wish he could see the good he's doing with the other kids, you know? They really look up to him." I picked at an invisible spot in the table, feeling Charlie's gaze on me.

"I see the difference in your brother, that's for sure."

"Yep," I agreed.

"And you," Charlie added.

"I know," I said to my cup.

"He makes you happy," Charlie stated. I finally looked up and found him smiling at me.

"Shut up." I tried not to smile.

"I mean it, Leah." He reached over and touched my hand. "It's good to see you smile."

"Thank you, Charlie." I squeezed his tightly.

"Okay. That's enough of that," he said gruffly and stood up. I snorted, knowing that Charlie loved heart-to-hearts about as much as I did.

"I know. I don't think I've ever seen you get so emotional, Chief."

"What can I say? You bring out the best in me, kid," he grumbled as he ushered me out the front door. I laughed loudly and caught him grinning at me. It was true, though. Being with Edward and working with the kids _had_ changed me.

Strangely enough, I liked it.

xXx

The next couple of weeks practically flew by with no room for _any _kind of distraction. Edward was busy with the kids, and I'd started taking some online classes through the community college in Port Angeles. I also learned that I'd surpassed the halfway point of my service hours, and only needed to finish them up and take a driving course to get my license back.

"Mom, I'm not sure the hospital is for me," I frowned one night over dinner. I was looking to get more hours done before summer classes started, and Mom suggested I do some at the hospital with her.

"You've seen worse at the nursing home, sweetheart," she said while she doled out vegetables. I didn't argue with her; it was true. I'd gone to the nursing home with Edward once after our camping trip and decided to never go again. As much as I admired what he and Alice did there, it was too much for me. It made me think of my dad and how I watched him in that stupid hospital bed before he died. I didn't want to be around that.

"Yeah, and I'm not going back there." I also didn't mention that I'd had Edward to hold my hand and make me feel a little bit better about it the whole time.

"We'll put you in pediatrics or something. You can read to the kids, play games."

"Fine," I grumbled.

"Maybe Seth can go with you," Charlie suggested. Seth's head shot up, his dark eyes wide. I fought the laugh that bubbled up at his deer-in-headlights look.

"Wha'?" He looked from Charlie to me and I noticed how _tired_ he looked.

"What the hell, boy? Are you asleep over there?" Charlie laughed. Mom frowned and looked at me like I was to blame.

"A little," Seth muttered.

"I swear, the two of you have been up all hours of the night on the phone, haven't you?" Mom glared between the two of us. Seth shrugged guiltily and I could feel my face heating up.

"I mean…not _all_ hours. Besides, I'm an adult!"

"Is that why I found you asleep at your desk yesterday?"

"No!" I half-snorted, but dissolved into giggles at Charlie's incredulous face.

"Well, at least you're smiling." Mom shrugged. "You, young man– no phone after ten."

"Haha," I teased him and went back to my dinner.

"We can do the same for you, young lady," Mom said. I glared at her until she laughed.

"Not funny," I muttered.

"Edward would probably just climb in her window or something," Seth said, and Mom and Charlie laughed. I felt my face heat up again. Not out of embarrassment, though. More at the thought of Edward showing up late at night and crawling into my bedroom, and of what might happen from there…

We'd been careful not to tempt ourselves after what happened in the van, though I knew that we'd both enjoyed it _immensely_. There were some close calls, but we knew when to stop ourselves, what our boundaries were. It was funny, because all of a sudden we'd become like horny teenagers, intent on testing our limits without actually _doing_ anything. Edward and I hadn't done anything except some "over-the-clothes" groping and I, oddly enough, was okay with that.

I liked him for his brain.

No, really. He was really fascinating sometimes. The things he said and did were constantly amazing me, the way he was with the kids and other people. I'd come to love watching him work, to watch his happiness spread from person to person. Charlie had said it before, but I'd seen the changes both in my brother and in myself.

I'd also experienced the effect Edward had on my friends. Quil and Claire loved him, and not just because he brought the bar a ton of new patrons. When the four of us got together it was as if we'd been friends for our entire lives. In the weeks after the camping trip Edward and Quil had even traveled to Seattle to catch some spring training games.

It was amazing the way things were falling together, how easy it was to be in a relationship with Edward. Amazing and lovely and really, _really_ scary. I couldn't remember a time in my life when I'd been happier so, naturally, I was waiting for something awful to happen.

"Just wear the gray one, Edward. No one's going to care what t-shirt you chose anyways." I sighed from Edward's bed on Friday night.

"Hey, this is a big decision," he said from the closet. I rolled my eyes and continued flipping through the Bible that had been on Edward's nightstand.

"Edward, if you really think they are looking at what you're wearing then you are sadly, _sadly_ mistaken." I started to laugh, then stopped abruptly when something I was reading caught my eye.

"They like me for my music, I swear," Edward said, his voice muffled as he pulled a black t-shirt over his head and sat down to put his shoes on.

"Sure they do, Britney," I muttered, too intent on reading to argue with him.

He chuckled softly. "More like Christina, I think." Edward reached over and brushed my hair from my face. "You ready?"

"Why didn't I know about this?" I pointed to the page of the Bible I'd been reading.

"What? The Bible? I thought it was a personal choice…" he said with the hint of a smile.

"I mean, this stuff about… _me._"

"Oh, you're reading Genesis. I get what you're thinking, Leah. But… it's not the same. Her life was different and she was very angry. That's not you." Edward sighed and took the book from me. He closed it and I sat up, frowning at him. _Not me anymore, _I thought.

"I wonder if my mother read that before she named me." I glared at the book, then stopped remembering it was _The Book_.

"Leah," he said, tilting my face to his.

"It's like my life, Edward. Leah: unloved and shunned, never good enough for her father or her husband. Never good enough for anyone!" I cried, and dramatically threw my arm over my face as I fell back against the pillows.

I felt the bed shift beside me, and Edward's breath warm on my face. He pried my arm away from my face and looked down at me with serious eyes.

"You're none of those things," he whispered softly before pressing his lips to mine. "You are beautiful and intelligent." He kissed my chin softly. "You are… stubborn and funny." His lips nibbled at my neck. "And you are so, so… _sexy_." He pressed his lips under my ear and I repressed a shudder.

"Such a sweet talker," I murmured and pulled his face back to mine. He kissed me cautiously for a moment before hoisting himself off the bed and pulling me up with him.

"We're going to be late," he said with an outstretched hand.

"Tease" I pouted and followed him downstairs. "Where is Alice again?"

He shrugged. "The girls from youth had a little sleepover tonight."

"And you aren't afraid that she's really sneaking off to meet my brother?" I asked with a grin as we made our way to the car.

Edward gave an exaggerated sigh. "Please don't. I can't think about Alice dating just yet."

"To be fair, I don't think they're that serious. It's cute, though." I buckled my seatbelt and took his hand in mine, something I did whenever we got in the car together. "Last night I heard Seth telling her he'd walk a thousand miles to see her if he had to. I think he stole that from a Backstreet Boys song…"

"Change the subject before I puke," Edward pleaded. I laughed loudly and turned the radio up, then sang along, loud and off-key, the whole way to La Push.

"There you guys are! We were getting worried," Claire said once we entered the bar.

"Are my ears bleeding? They feel like they're bleeding. Are they?" Edward asked her as he walked by her with his guitar.

"No, they look okay." Claire glanced at him, then shot me a look. Edward winked at me behind her back. I stuck my tongue out at him.

"Edward doesn't appreciate my singing," I whined.

"Well, no one likes listening to a cat die, Lee," Claire quipped. Edward guffawed from the stage.

"I hate you."

"You love me." Claire teased.

"Same difference," I shrugged.

"I need to tell you something." Claire's voice was quiet. We took seats at the bar and I looked around the bar. We were alone except for Edward.

"Is everything okay?" I asked worriedly.

"Yeah, yeah. Everything's great. Perfect. Lovely," she said with a sigh.

"Did someone die?"

"No! God, no! I'm…"

"Pregnant. You're pregnant!" I cried, nearly bouncing on my barstool.

"How did you know?" she whispered, gripping my hand tightly.

"I don't know!" I yanked her to me and hugged her tightly. "I'm so happy for you!"

"Thanks," Claire sniffled loudly.

"Stop crying! This is so exciting! I'm going to be an auntie!"

"Wait, _what?"_ Edward's voice was worried behind me, no doubt thinking about his sister and my brother.

"Oh, not biologically speaking. No need to get your panties in a knot." I patted his arm lightly.

"I'm pregnant," Claire said, beaming.

Edward's eyes widened and he looked from her to me. I smiled and nodded, moving over so he could step forward and hug her.

"Congratulations. Wow. I bet Quil is- "

"Terrified. He's terrified." Claire laughed loudly. "So am I."

"No, you guys are going to be amazing parents."

"Seriously," I agreed and pulled Edward to me, slipping my arm around his waist and resting my head on his arm.

"Stop it, I'm really going to cry," she said as she wiped at her eyes.

"Okay, crying girls make me feel weird," Edward said with a smile, "I'm out of here." He kissed my cheek and made his way back to the stage. I watched him greet Quil, shake his hand and hug him quickly, and I smiled.

"I can't believe it. Are you surprised?" I turned back to Claire after a moment of staring at my boyfriend. (I was still getting used to the idea of having a boyfriend, too.)

"A little bit," she admitted with a shrug. "We weren't really planning on it anytime soon but… there's no time like the present, right?"

"I'm so happy for you, C." I patted her hand and she smiled.

"Of course you are. You have to be. You're my best friend."

"No, it's more than that, you crazy bitch."

"You're so sweet to me, Leah. We'll talk more later. I think people are here."

Claire slid down from her stool and slipped behind the bar, ready to serve the patrons. I strode to the stage and hopped up onto the edge. Edward swooped down and kissed me before slinging his guitar strap over his neck.

"What are you doing over here?" Edward sat next to me and strummed a few soft chords.

"Nothing." I shrugged and tried not to let my shooting daggers at the sluts at the bar tip him off.

"Oh, protecting me from my fans, huh?"

"Shut up." I shoved him lightly.

"You're cute when you're jealous."

"I'm not jealous. Just… protective." I grinned at him.

He laughed loudly, not even trying to hide his amusement and disbelief. "So it's okay for me to be _protective _when that huge Quileute dude is staring at you?"

"What?" I started at his words and nearly fell off the stage. Edward nodded toward the door, and as the crowd parted my stomach dropped.

I met those all-too-familiar dark eyes and felt my heart stop, then start again, double-time.

"You okay?" Edward rested his hand on my shoulder and I nodded. "You look like you've just seen a ghost." He set his guitar down and slipped off the stage, positioning himself between my knees and placing his hands on my hips.

"I…I may have," I muttered, trying to pry my eyes away from _him. _

Edward frowned. "It's him, isn't it? Sam." His thumbs rubbed small circles on my hips and I nodded again. My eyes were surprisingly dry, though the last time I'd seen Sam I vaguely remember bursting into tears and breaking _something_.

"I'm sorry," I whispered. Edward smiled softly and leaned forward to kiss me. I welcomed it, as always, reveling in the feel of his mouth on mine and the heat of his body pressed against me.

"Don't be sorry," he told me when he pulled away. "That's… part of your life."

I shook my head and tried to kiss Edward again. I needed to reassure him that it was a part of my life that no longer mattered. Sam was ancient history to me now.

He laughed as he dodged my advance and kissed my forehead, and then helped me off the stage. I touched his face softly and walked back to Claire, toward the crowd, and toward Sam. Quil caught me before I could reach the bar and I gave him a questioning look.

"Where you going, kid?"

"To get a Coke?" I raised an eyebrow at him, daring him to stop me from drinking a totally harmless beverage.

"You want something strong to go in that Coke?" He raised an eyebrow right back at me. And smirked, the ass. "You usually do when Sam makes an appearance. Should I hide all the breakable mugs too?"

"No, I'm good. Really." I stepped around him and made my way to the bar. I could see Embry behind Sam and fought the eye roll that was threatening. He _would_ go running back to Sam after we stopped seeing each other. Claire made me a soda (with a cherry on the straw; she's so silly), and I sat and watched Edward tune his guitar. I could feel _someone_ looking at me, but I wasn't sure whether it was my ex-boyfriend or my ex-fuck buddy.

"You're popular tonight," Claire said from behind me. I leaned back and smiled at her, not caring about either one of them and feeling extremely happy about it.

"You think?" I grinned.

"What's _he_ say?" She nodded to Edward.

"The right thing, all the time," I said with a happy sigh.

"Excuse me, I have to vomit. And not because I'm pregnant." She wrinkled her nose and I looked around for something to toss at her. I gave it up as a bad job when the lights dimmed and Edward started playing. I settled for sticking my tongue out at her.

Edward had played two songs before I felt someone sit down next to me. I ignored it for a moment, too interested in the music– the soft strum of Edward's guitar and the low hum of his voice. His eyes met mine through the soft light and I could see the worry behind them. I gave him an encouraging smile, hoping he knew that things were fine—that I was fine. That I could handle this without losing my cool.

"Where'd they find this guy?" Sam's voice, the one that had lulled me to sleep countless times when I was younger, was unfamiliar and awkward-sounding to me.

"He's a gift from God," I said, and smiled at my own joke. Edward would have laughed.

"How are you?" His voice was quiet, just barely audible over the music.

"Fine." I answered curtly. _Why the fuck was he here? _"Why the fuck are you here?" _Oops_.

"I can't come to my friend's bar when I feel like it?"

"Not when you haven't in almost five years." I shrugged with my eyes still on Edward.

"Em and the baby are visiting her mother. I thought I'd get out for the night," he said. My stomach turned at the thought of Emily and their kid, and the fact that he actually had the balls to mention it to me. "You should see him; he's getting so big."

"I have seen him," I admitted before I could stop myself. "Well, from a distance."

"Spying?" Sam asked. I could tell he was smiling, but I didn't look at him.

"Not quite. I went to the beach with Jacob a few weeks back. They were out in the yard."

"Ah, Jake. How is my little buddy?" he asked and I finally turned to him, wide-eyed.

"You don't talk to him?"

"More like he doesn't talk to me. I try, but he never answers my calls or texts." Sam shrugged and reached for his beer. I watched him, remembering briefly why I fell in love with him. He was handsome and smart, that was a given. Sam always seemed to command attention without even trying. Underneath all that bravado though… there was nothing appealing to me. At least, not any more. I didn't even like him as a person.

"Oh, well he's busy with school and stuff," I explained and wondered why he was even bothering to talk to me. We obviously had nothing to say to each other.

"So, this guy's your boyfriend?" His abrupt changing of the subject made me whip my gaze to Edward, then back to Sam.

"Who told you that?" I asked with narrowed eyes. I didn't want Sam to know anything about me. I wanted him to forget I existed.

He winked. "It's a small town, Leelee."

I dug my fingernails into my palms. I didn't care that people were talking about me or my relationship. I just really didn't like the fact that he'd dropped my nickname into our first conversation in years. Sam took my silence as embarrassment and grinned almost wickedly.

"Is that a 'no'?" he asked.

"No. No, he's definitely my boyfriend. I just hate when people run their mouths. And don't call me Leelee. You lost the right to do that when you started fucking my cousin," I spat and turned away from him.

The lights came on after that and I turned to the stage. Sam followed my gaze and I felt my face work itself into a smile when Edward's eyes met mine. He made his way from the stage to me quickly. Edward gave my hand a quick squeeze and leaned over me to take the water Claire offered him, then he kissed my head and held his hand out to Sam.

I fought the laughter that bubbled up when Sam gave Edward's hand a dirty look. Hey, my guy was a polite fucker. I couldn't help it.

"Edward Cullen," he said when Sam finally shook his hand.

"Sam Uley, an old friend of Leah's," Sam replied with his eyes on my face.

"More like an acquaintance, really," I muttered, and felt Edward chuckle lightly, his chest pressed against my back. Neither one of them had a chance to respond because Quil and Claire joined us and locked Sam in conversation. I relaxed against Edward, letting the rise and fall of his chest soothe me. He wrapped an arm around me, his forearm underneath my chin, and I turned my face to his. I smiled at how well Edward was taking being in the presence of Sam. If we were being honest, Sam _was_ the "end-all, be-all" of exes. I wasn't sure I'd be so composed if I were in a room with Edward's ex.

"You're amazing," I whispered, tilting my face to his.

He smiled and shook his head. "I'm really not. I'm incredibly jealous," he whispered back, his lips close to my ear. I pulled away from him and frowned at his sad eyes.

_Jealous? _He had no reason to be jealous. What had happened between Sam and me was ancient history. Prehistoric, even. Though I guess when you only have _one_ real ex it's understandable.

Maybe we _did _need to talk about Sam. No time like the present, after all. It was silly of me to dread the conversation, but part of me did. I didn't want to talk about the past anymore, especially my past with Sam. I was happy with Edward and he needed to know that. He needed to know there was no one else for me.

Slipping off my stool, I loosened Edward's arm from around me and took his hand, pulling him through the crowd. We reached the small office that Quil used, and I pushed the door closed, locking it behind me.

I didn't have time to say anything, to tell him not to be jealous, that he had nothing to worry about, because as soon as the door was closed, Edward was backing me up against it, and he was looking at me the way a shark looks at a surfer. Before I could say, "Maybe we should talk about this," his arms were around me, his body pressed mine against the door, and his lips were on mine, devouring my gasp of surprise. We finally fell onto the shabby loveseat and Edward pulled me down onto his lap, the soft cotton of my dress riding up when I straddled him. One of his hands fisted in my hair, holding my lips to his, and the other skated up under my dress and started rubbing small circles on my thigh, setting my skin on fire.

"You're making it really hard to be good, Leah," Edward whispered against my lips, his voice husky and raw.

"You're one to talk." I gasped when I felt his hand move higher. "I should make you jealous more often."

"Dear _God_, woman. If I find out you dated any more Quileute men I'm never letting you out of my sight again."

_Fuck. _I liked when he was possessive. I mean…I really, _really _liked it.

"Did you lock the door?" Edward asked quietly, his lips skimming over my collarbone.

"Yes." I let out a shaking breath when his fingers hooked into the waistband of my panties.

"I want to touch you, Leah." His lips brushed my ear, and I shivered and nodded my approval. Before I knew what was happening, cotton was being pushed aside and his fingers were…

"Oh, _God._" My sigh turned into a moan, and I twisted my hands in his hair, pulling him to me, his stubble rasping against my throat. I moved with his fingers until he gripped my hip to stop me. Our eyes met and he smiled that cocky and breathtakingly beautiful smile. I wanted to kiss the stupid smirk off his face.

"Patience, pretty girl," he murmured against my skin, circling his thumb higher up as his wicked fingers kept their rhythm. I let my cheek rest against his hair as my breathing became increasingly (and embarrassingly) loud. "Shhh…" He tried to shush me, and I half-laughed, half-gasped loudly and slipped my hands down his neck, gripping his shoulders tightly as his fingers moved faster, deeper, making me desperate for release.

"More," I panted, my forehead pressed to his. Edward released my hip and tangled his hand in my hair again, pulling me to him and kissing me roughly.

"You have to be quiet," he whispered against my lips.

I closed my eyes as they rolled back in my head and bit my lip so hard I was afraid it would bleed.

"Look at me." His voice was soft but demanding. There was no way to mask the desire, dark and intense, in his eyes. His free hand was splayed across my chest, over my pounding heart, giving my hips free rein to move with him.

"You're so fucking beautiful." Edward gazed up at me. I laughed again, breathless, a little surprised (and a lot turned on) at the profanity, and kissed him as I felt that familiar coil of pleasure build in the pit of my stomach and the warmth as it stretched across my body.

I buried my face in his neck, breathing him in as his fingers curled inside of me, angled up, pressed hard—and that was all it took, the coil springing loose, blooming into heat and pleasure that shook me from the inside out. A soft cry escaped my lips as I came and he quickly pulled me into another kiss, swallowing the sound of it. I sighed as he removed his hand from between my legs and kept my eyes closed, suddenly embarrassed.

"Hey." Edward's voice was soft but still too loud in the moment as I came down from my high.

"Hi." I opened my eyes to meet his smiling green ones.

"They're probably wondering where I am," he murmured, his teeth nipping gently at my chin.

"I'm not ready for them to have you just yet," I replied, and he laughed quietly. "We can't keep doing this. We're going to get caught." As if on cue there was a knock at the office door. We both turned to it quickly.

"You'd better not be having sex in there!" Quil's voice was loud even through the door.

"Well, _now_ we aren't!" Edward yelled back with a grin. I groaned and smacked him. "What?"

"Such a _man_." I slipped off of his lap and readjusted my dress. Edward caught me around the waist and kissed my hair.

"I'd be worried if I weren't. What I'm thinking about you would definitely not be good if I were a woman, since I know you don't swing both ways," he whispered in my ear, making me simultaneously shiver and giggle against him. I placed my hands against his chest and gently pushed him away from me.

"The show must go on," I said as I made my way to the door. I opened it to find Quil on the other side, grinning at us.

"I hope you didn't get anything on my couch," he said with a grimace. I shrugged and Edward laughed, slipping by me with a light tap to my ass.

"Gross, you guys." Quil stalked away while Edward made his way to the bathroom and I went back to the bar.

Claire said Sam and Embry had left soon after Edward and I disappeared, which was fine with me. Edward finally took his place back on stage and I couldn't stop the blush that seemed to creep up my entire body, remembering what we'd just done.

_God. Those fingers._

He grinned at me as he started to play and I glared at him after the first measure of music. You make one sleepy remark about how hot you think Adam Levine is and it's held against you forever. I listened to him sing my guilty pleasure song, his voice slightly lower than Adam's (because we _were_ on a first name basis) and found myself even more…excited than I had been in that small, dirty office.

"_I have been searching for your touch__  
__Unlike any touch I've ever known,__  
__And I'd never thought about you much__  
__'Til I'm broken down and all alone_

_Though I don't understand the meaning of love__  
__I do not mind if I die trying,__  
__Took you for granted when you lifted me up_

_I'm asking for your help__  
__I am going through hell__  
__Afraid nothing can save me__  
__But the sound of your voice_

_You cut out all the noise__  
__And now that I can see__  
__My stakes so clearly now__  
__I'd kill if I could take you back__  
__But how, but how?"_

His eyes didn't leave mine as he sang. My blood warmed as I listened and wondered how long it would be until I could get him out of this bar and…somewhere else. _Anywhere_ else. Even the back of the church van.

I didn't have to wait much longer. When Edward was finished with his set, we said a quick goodbye to Claire and Quil, offered our congratulations again, and made it to the car under a light drizzle. Edward opened my door and gazed up at the sky.

"Looks like rain," he said before leaning forward to kiss me.

"Get in, weather man." I grinned and pushed him away. He laughed and ran to his side of the car as the rain started coming down harder. The drive was quiet, the only sounds the radio playing softly and the rain falling. Though we didn't talk there was no denying the electricity that filled the small space, the things that were on both our minds.

Edward's hand rested on my knee instead of intertwined with mine. His thumb rubbed soft circles and all I could think about was how much I needed him.

How much I _wanted _him.

And how much I hoped he wanted me too.

It was pouring once we reached his house. The rain filled the car with a loud hum, though it still couldn't cover up the silent conversation we were having with each other. Edward put the car in park and turned to me, his eyes clouded with something I'd only ever seen a couple of times before. Once being about an hour ago in Quil's office.

"Come inside?" he asked, brushing his fingers over my cheek.

I nodded before I grabbed his hand and kissed his palm. I knew there was no turning back. Not even if I wanted to.

And I didn't.


	15. Hands All Over

**Hi. Not mine, obviously. **

**You guys... ILY. **

**Thanks to killerlashes and IAmToWait. **

**The title is a Maroon 5 song because I want to have babies with Adam Levine's voice. I'm still working out the kinks. I'll let you know how it goes. **

**sadtomato and UofMAnne gave this a little preread and deemed it worthy.**

**UofMAnne also guest reviewed AA over on The Fictionators, the link is in my profile. I'm still waiting on her to accept my marriage proposal. **

**Enjoy. ;) **

* * *

Chapter 15 – Hands All Over

Edward opened his door and jogged around to mine, the rain leaving big blotches of wet on both of us. He grabbed my hand and pulled me toward the door, laughing the whole time. I stopped him just before he got to the steps of the front door and pulled him to me, our lips meeting roughly, and I could feel him smiling.

"C'mon! It's pouring, and I don't wanna melt!" he yelled over the rain, and pulled me up the steps. I let him and clung to his back while he opened the door. I pushed him inside, giggling with my hands on his hips.

Edward closed the door behind us and pushed me up against it, his hands on either side of my head. He kissed me softly and I ran my hands down the damp material of his thin black shirt, only letting him pull away long enough for me to peel it off of him and toss it on the floor. He looked down at me, eyes wide and chest heaving, and if it weren't for his body pressing me against the door, I would have slid down the wood-paneled door into a puddle at his feet.

"Edward..." His nose skimmed my jaw and he buried his face in my hair.

"Hmm?" I could feel the thrumming purr work its way out of his chest and into mine. He wrapped one hand tightly around my hip while the other swept my hair away from my neck so he could trail kisses down my throat. His lips were soft and warm, familiar but not, because I'd never get used to having them on my skin.

"It's cold," I said quietly. It was, too; I could feel goosebumps prickling all over me.

Edward pulled away from me, his grip loosening on my hip and his arm wrapping around my waist instead. "Sorry, pretty girl," he whispered softly. He cupped my cheek and I leaned into his palm, my own hands resting on his chest, shivering against him, though we both knew it wasn't from the cold.

Edward took my hand and silently led me upstairs to his bedroom. My heart boomed in my chest with each step we took, pounding in a way it never had with Embry. It was unnerving, so to calm down I convinced myself that we were only going upstairs to change into something dry. Maybe we'd watch a movie or listen to music.

But then I thought about how Edward had looked at me earlier, green eyes on fire, filled with a hunger that made me a little dizzy even now, and my libido almost died laughing. _Watch a movie? Yeah, sure. I bet you'll even braid each other's hair._

Once we'd made it up the stairs, Edward brought a t-shirt to me as I stood beside his bed. I turned my back to him before he could hand it to me. "Unzip me?" I asked, suddenly shy. I felt his hands move from my shoulders down my back as he eased down the zipper agonizingly slowly.

_Nothing's happening, _I tried to tell myself. I didn't believe me.

My dress fell to the floor and Edward's hands turned me toward him. I moved slowly, my heartbeat rushing in my ears. He was quick to cup my face, keeping his eyes off my body (such a gentleman), and bringing my eyes to his.

"Leah," he said softly, his breath washing warm over my face, "we don't have to…"

"_God_, Edward." I laughed and rested my head on his bare chest. "You're driving me crazy and you haven't even touched me. I'm practically naked in your bedroom-what more- "

His lips were on mine before I could finish, his hands gripping my ass through black cotton. I snaked my arms around his neck and brought him closer to me, my hands tunneling through his wet hair, then running down his chest, over hard muscles and taut skin, until I reached his pants. I pulled away then, looking up at him with a silent question in my eyes. Edward nodded and stepped back, giving me room to undo his belt.

Teasing him, I took my time, my little bit of payback for having to be quiet earlier. Finally, he laughed hoarsely and batted my hands away, pushing me toward the bed with his pants flapping around his hips like some of the wannabe gangbangers in the youth group.

"You're killin' me, Smalls," Edward whispered against my mouth. He lifted me gently onto the bed and we fell back together. I twined my fingers in the short hair at his neck; he let out a sigh and trailed one hand down my side and over my stomach, making me tremble. I pulled him down to me, settling his weight over me, humming happily at how amazing he felt just _there_, hard and heavy between my legs and quite obviously happy to be there. He groaned and buried his face in my neck, dropping hot open-mouthed kisses under my ear until I was squirming against him.

Edward pushed himself back slightly, sliding his arms around me so his nimble fingers could unhook my bra. I slid the straps down my arms and started to shrug the bra down my arms when his impatient hands sent it flying across the room. His hands and mouth were immediately on me and my hands were fisted in his hair, holding him against me and hoping he'd never leave.

I was surprised at how quiet I stayed. It almost felt like what we had, what we were doing, was beyond the usual porn-star moaning. I didn't need to be loud, because Edward could feel what he did to me, could hear it in the little gasps slipping from my lips while he touched and kissed and nipped. It was all so new to me; to be with someone like him. Someone who genuinely cared for me, someone I'd waited to be with, someone _I _cared about.

The overwhelming urge to kiss Edward, to feel his lips on mine, curled into that pretty, perfectly cocky crooked smile, overtook me, so I pulled him up with one hand and pushed his jeans the rest of the way down with the other. (I may have helped them off with my toes. Just a little.)

I laughed breathlessly while he tried to balance himself, kiss me, and help me remove his pants at the same time. He tried to glare at me but it was no use when he nearly fell off the bed.

"Not funny," he murmured, and pinned my arms over my head. I giggled and wrapped my legs around him.

"You're beautiful," I whispered. He laughed and kissed my chin.

"That's my line."

"I want you." I bit my lip to keep from smiling. I did want him, and I was going to have him. (My insides were kind of dancing the conga.) I only hoped that he didn't notice my shaking, or that he at least thought it was from excitement, not nervousness. _Fuck,_ was I nervous?

"Also mine. You should really get your own material." Edward's voice was soft as he released my hands and ran his hand down my arm. He pushed himself away from me again, sliding off the bed on purpose this time. "I'll be right back." He kissed my knee and disappeared into the bathroom.

I watched him walk away, my eyes lingering on the low-slung boxers exposing those delicious dimples at the small of his back.

After a moment of cabinets slamming and listening to him rummage around, the door closed, and it was silent. I sat up and stared at the door, wondering if he was giving himself the boy equivalent of the pep talk I was giving myself. I hoped he wouldn't change his mind.

I was perfectly fine with the state of our relationship, with taking things slowly. But _fuck_, I'd already told him _I wanted him_. It had gone past the point of want, really; I needed him. I needed to feel him inside me, to be connected to him that one extra step. After a moment I slid off the bed and went to him, needing to know, to touch him or see him or _something_.

"Edward?" I knocked on the door and leaned against the door jamb, waiting. I heard shuffling on the other side and the door opened quickly. When we were nose to nose I rested my hand on his chest, his heart pounding beneath my palm. "Did you fall in?"

"Shut up," he said before a cheeky grin crossed his face. He grabbed the back of my thighs, so quickly I hardly saw him move, and lifted me into his arms. I wrapped my arms and legs around him, and rested my chin on his shoulder as he carried me the few feet back to the bed. His face seemed to glow in the faint light and I felt my chest tighten.

Nothing had ever felt so right.

He lowered us carefully and ran his hands up my body, over my naked breasts and back down to grasp my hips. Edward pulled my hips against his and leaned down to kiss me slowly.

"What were you doing in there?" I asked, breathless.

"Looking," he said simply, and kissed my neck.

"For?" I whispered.

"Use your brain, pretty girl." He chuckled against my skin and slid something into my open palm.

I fingered the foil packet and felt my heart speed up in a _holy shit this is really fucking happening _kind of way. I lost my train of thought, though, as Edward's lips moved down my body. He nipped at the skin below my belly button and my hips rocked against my will. His laughter was soft against my skin and raised goosebumps in its wake.

I couldn't keep my trembling at bay when he hooked his fingers into black cotton and slowly slipped it down it my legs. I practically attacked him then, crawling into his lap and kissing him fiercely. The little package fell out of my hand as I pushed him back against the mattress, his head nearly hanging off the end of the bed. He eyed me for a moment before tugging me down to him.

"Just so you know… I haven't done this in a long time," he said quietly.

"It's okay." I smiled and kissed his nose.

His hands ran up my back, wrapping around my shoulders and holding me to him.

"I just don't want you to be disappointed," Edward whispered nervously.

"I won't be." I kissed him lightly, teasing his lips with mine. He released my shoulders and rolled us quickly, our mouths meeting desperately. There wasn't any more time for foreplay, and to be honest I didn't need it. The months that we'd spent dancing around each other were plenty for me.

Edward was much more graceful when I removed his boxers than he had been with his pants. I grabbed around for the condom I'd dropped earlier, though I could hardly remember my own name when Edward's body stretched over mine.

I gave a soft moan and clutched at him, momentarily forgetting what I was looking for. I loved the feel of his naked body against mine, how the hair of his legs tickled my thighs, how I could feel him hard against me. My hand slid down his body tentatively, wanting to touch him, to know what I was getting myself into. He let me, of course, and gave a shuddering breath when my fingers grazed his soft skin. Edward kissed me hard, one hand holding him up and the other fisted in my hair while my hand moved between us. He groaned and carefully pulled my hand away, placing it over my head and intertwining his fingers with mine.

"I want to be inside of you," he murmured against my lips.

"Please," I breathed.

He let go of my hand and rose to kneel in front of me. I heard the condom package tear and kept my eyes trained on his, surprised that my heart didn't stop altogether. I reached up and brushed his hair, still damp from the rain, out of his eyes. He smiled and snaked an arm around my waist, pulling me closer to him.

I took a deep breath and drew him to me, feeling his hand slip between us as I kissed him feverishly. I couldn't stop my slight gasp when he finally slid into me, filling me perfectly, and stilled completely with his forehead pressed to mine.

"Mmph." A noise escaped him and I gave a breathless laugh, trying to cover up how incredibly hot I thought it was when he couldn't even make a coherent sentence. (And how smug I was because I was the one who did that to him.)

"I can't– I mean– it's just…" he stuttered.

"I know," I whispered.

His eyes locked with mine and he exhaled. We both took a deep breath and his hips rocked against mine. I gave a soft whimper and mentally kicked myself. I had to hold it together, had to make it last for both of us. But dear _God_, no one had ever made me feel like this. No one had ever filled me so completely, made me feel so beautiful and wanted. Edward rested on one elbow and let his free hand travel down my body, over my breasts and down further to pull my knee up over his hip, pushing himself deeper. I arched into him, whispering his name and wrapping my arms around his neck.

He kissed me then, his teeth nipping at my bottom lip as he increased his pace. I couldn't keep my hands from him, desperately seeking full contact with him. Our chests pressed together and the intense burn of his gaze made my heart falter and my stomach fill with butterflies.

They were there... those words that you know you feel but are too afraid to say. The ones that can make or break any relationship. The three little ones that weigh heavy on your heart until they fly off your tongue and you know you've reached the point of no return. I bit my lip to stop them from coming out. I knew what I felt in my heart but my head wasn't ready to let me say anything. Fuck, part of me wasn't even sure I was ready to feel like that.

I took Edward's hand in mine, weaving our fingers and resting them by my head. He leaned down to kiss me, angling my hips and holding me so tightly I would probably bruise. I welcomed it, any sensation of his hands on me, anything that would bring us closer.

He pushed and I pulled.

He gave and I took.

He whispered into my ear and I spoke to the room, to God, to whoeverthefuck would listen.

I couldn't stop my legs from wrapping around him, pulling him closer with my heels digging into him. Edward fell forward, all his weight resting on top of me again. I held him to me, my arms around his shoulders, my fingers lost in his hair. I couldn't stop the words that I said, and the reverent way his name sounded as it fell from my lips only made his need greater.

His movements were fast, as was our breathing. Words were forgotten and there was nothing left in the room except the sound of our skin meeting and the soft cries that came from both of us. I held his face to me, wanting to see him in that moment, wanting to watch him fall apart.

I clung to him like he was air and I was suffocating. I felt a flash across my skin, the pressure building, and my will coming undone. I said his name for what felt like the hundredth time and let my head fall back. He dipped his head and I felt his tongue on my sweaty skin, his lips on my ear and then over my own as he swallowed my cries and my body tightened around him. Edward followed soon after, his face still close to mine. I held him close as he shuddered under my hands, still moving inside of me. He uttered a low "fuck" that almost made me come again just hearing the word fall from his lips.

I kissed him sloppily and he gave a breathless laugh that I echoed. It was the most noise we'd made all night.

I sighed as Edward rested his head on my chest, my heart still pounding. I twined my hand in his hair, stroking it softly and listening to him breathe.

"Edward?" I whispered after a moment.

"Hmm?" he hummed against my skin.

"I can't breathe." I gave him a little shove, and he sighed and rolled to his side, bringing me with him. Edward brushed my hair from my face and kissed my cheek; I watched him for a long moment, not even trying to keep the dumbass grin off my face. He touched my lips softly and kissed me again before hoisting himself off the bed. I watched him walk away, admiring the smooth curve of his ass as he disappeared into the bathroom.

He emerged a moment later and grabbed his boxers off the floor. I frowned when he crawled back in bed and pushed me out of the way to pull the comforter down.

"What's with the face?" he asked as he pulled me to him.

"You're wearing pants," I grumbled, and he laughed. "I'm going to the bathroom and you'd better be naked when I get back."

"Yes ma'am." Edward saluted me as I crawled over him, nipping his chin and rolling off the bed. I had barely made it to the bathroom when his boxers hit me in the back of the head.

"Jackass!" I called as I closed the bathroom door. I cleaned up and tried to calm my hair, not quite able to ignore the brightness in my eyes or the color in my cheeks. I tossed myself a wry smile and went back into the bedroom. Edward had turned on the stereo and soft music filled the room. I could hear him singing along softly. I crawled back onto the bed and rested my body on top of his, kissing his chin and framing his face with my hands.

"Get under here," he said while he lifted the blankets. I did as he said and rested my head on his chest. I pressed myself closer to him and his hand traveled up and down my bare back.

"Tell me a secret," I whispered to his chest.

"Hmm… I'm terrified of balloon animals."

"That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard," I scoffed and looked down at him.

"Hey, you didn't say it had to be a serious secret!" He pulled me back to his chest and held me tightly. I squirmed against his tight hold but gave it up as a bad job, considering my bones still felt like jelly.

"Tell me a _serious_ secret," I told him. He looked down at me for a moment and frowned, then took a deep breath.

"When my parents first died, I thought about… not taking care of Alice," he said softly.

I leaned up so I could see his face, but he refused to meet my eyes. "What happened?" I touched his face softly and he closed his eyes and turned his face to my voice.

"I got scared. I was a kid and I was… stoned out of my mind at the time. It was brief, but I considered it."

"No one would have blamed you if you did." I kissed his cheek and he laughed quietly.

"No, but I wouldn't have been able to live with that decision."

"Of course not." I shook my head.

"I couldn't imagine my life without her, you know? She's like… everything to me."

"I know." I told him and rested my head back on his shoulder.

"What about you?"

"What about me?"

"Tell me something… _I __won't tell your secret. Your secrets are safe with me. I will keep your secrets. Just think of me as the pages in your diary_…" he sang softly. I laughed and slipped my arm around his neck. I had no idea he was an Alicia Keys fan.

"For a long time, I was sure it was my fault my dad died," I whispered after a moment.

"How'd you manage that one?"

"We'd got into a fight that night. He didn't like Sam and hated that I was dating him, but I didn't care. I left the house after a huge screaming match and my mother called me later to tell me that he'd had a heart attack."

"It wasn't your fault," he said softly.

"I know. Now, I do," I replied. I felt a tear slide down my nose and hoped Edward wouldn't notice if it fell onto his skin.

He did notice and pulled me onto his chest and kissed me, holding my face in his hands and staring up at me.

"Tell me about him," he said softly. I smiled and he removed his hands from my face so I could rest my head in the crook of his neck. I could feel his heart beating against my chest, finally slowing down and evening out. He breathed deeply and wrapped his arms around me, our legs intertwining beneath the sheets.

It took a moment for me to collect my thoughts, or, rather, to think of anything else except our naked bodies pressed together.

"He was… something else," I said with a laugh. "He had this insane love of life. Everything fascinated him. When I was little he would take me places and point out how things worked or why they existed. He was so… _giving_. He'd give any stranger the shirt off his back if he had to. It was nuts."

"Sounds like a good guy." I could hear the smile in Edward's voice as he spoke.

"He was." I sighed and snuggled closer to him. "He was always so happy."

"I see that in you… sometimes." He chuckled into my hair.

"You make me happy," I whispered against his neck.

"Ditto, pretty girl," Edward said as he moved back to kiss me. It was soft and full of promise. It made my heart do somersaults.

"Will you me about your parents?" I asked quietly. I let my fingers trail over the music notes on his chest and smoothed over the smattering of hair that covered his skin.

"They were so amazing. I wish I'd been a better son, you know? That I'd spent more time with them."

"I'm sure they knew that you loved them," I said softly.

"Dad never let anything get him down; he always found the positive in _everything_. It drove Mom crazy. You remind me of her."

"Shut up." I laughed and poked him in the chest.

"I'm serious! She was so stubborn. She loved to pick fights. With anyone, really. Always had to have the last word. Man, did they love each other."

"Do you miss them?"

"Sometimes I can go all day without thinking about them and then– then I hear a song or someone's perfume smells like my mom's and I just… lose it."

I somehow managed to pull myself closer to him, my arms tight around his neck. I knew all too well what he meant, and my heart ached for him, because I couldn't imagine losing _both_ of my parents. Losing Dad had been difficult enough.

We were silent after that, and the sound of Edward's even breathing close to my ear soothed me into a drowsy state. Well, that and I was worn out from the incredible sex we'd just had.

"Leah?" His voice was so quiet I was sure he was talking in his sleep, so I didn't answer. I just slid off his chest and curled my body around his. "Leah?" Edward said my name again, louder than before.

"Yeah?" I asked. He turned to me, his arms slipping under my head and over my waist.

"Tonight was…" Edward's voice trailed off and if it were light in the room I swear he would have been blushing.

"Perfect. It was perfect," I said and moved in to kiss him.

"It was, wasn't it?" He grinned. I nodded and closed my eyes, completely content in his arms.

"Mmhm. We should do it again, just to see if that really was perfection."

"Oh, definitely. There's always room for improvement," he said with warm breath in my ear.

"Exactly. I would hate to think that we didn't give it our best effort."

"Leah…" he trailed off, his nose brushing against mine as my hand traveled down his chest. "Go to sleep."

I yawned hugely. "I'm not tired."

"I am. You've worn me out tonight, woman." He pulled me closer and rested his head against my chest.

"Fine, get your rest," I sighed and ran my hand through his hair, dropping a soft kiss on the top of his head. "You'll need it."

"I hope so," he chuckled against my skin. The sound of it warmed my skin and my heart simultaneously, and I smiled into Edward's hair. I let his even breathing soothe me to sleep.

When I woke up a few hours later to use the bathroom, I was flat on my back with Edward's head still on my chest. It wasn't awful, but I really had to pee and he had some sort of Vulcan death grip on me.

"Where're you going?" he muttered into my pillow once I'd freed myself from him.

"Bathroom," I said and kissed his head. I brushed my teeth while I was in there and searched his cabinets for more condoms. Not that I was planning on running through the box, but hey, a girl can dream. I found the box under the sink and grabbed a couple (just in case) and tiptoed back to the bed.

Edward was facing away from me so I rested my chin on his shoulder and pressed myself against his back, spooning myself around him.

"There you are," he said quietly, reaching his arm behind him and holding me to him.

"I told you where I went."

"I thought you were a dream," he said softly and turned his face so he could kiss me. I let him and bit back my laugh.

"Go back to sleep, Preacher Boy." The giggle I was holding in escaped and he turned quickly, pinning me beneath him.

"I don't think I will," he said with his forehead pressed to mine. I moved against him, letting him spread my legs further apart with his knees, and groaned softly at the contact.

"Why do I want you so much?" I asked.

"I'm incredibly good-looking. You can't help it. It's fine." I felt him shrug while his lips moved over the shell of my ear.

I shoved him off me and pushed him down against the pillows, straddling him with my hands beside his head.

"Don't get cocky," I whispered with my lips against his. He simply grinned and rocked against me. I bit back my moan and his hand slipped between us, teasing me while his lips met the skin of my neck. I realized then that he had so much control over me, and not in some creepy bondage kind of way. The control he had was over my body _and_ my heart. I completely relented to him knowing, _finally_, that both things were safe with someone.

I reached for one of the condoms I'd brought from my trip to the bathroom and moved back so I could put it on him. He watched me touch him, my fingers wrapped tightly around him, touching and stroking him before I placed the condom on. He grabbed my hips and I sunk down onto him, shuddering as he filled me again and wondering how I would ever, _ever_ get enough of him.

We were neither gentle nor quiet. He touched me hungrily where he could, and I did the same. His grip was almost painful but in the best way possible. And when he fell apart, his head tilted back and those tight muscles straining in his neck, I followed, collapsing into a heap on top of him.

"I didn't know it could feel like this," I said a few moments later.

He breathed deeply and stared at me, his eyes just sparks in the dark, like two lost stars. "I… had an idea. Of what it would be like with you," Edward stated. I nodded and tucked my head under his chin, suddenly too afraid to look at him. "I was wrong, of course. You never cease to amaze me."

"Goodnight, Edward," I managed to say.

"Sleep well, pretty girl." He kissed my hair and held me tighter while I tried to keep my tears from falling. Or, at least, keep him from seeing me cry. I wasn't sad, or really even scared. I was _happy_ and I didn't want to lose it, to fuck it up.

I woke up with the first rays of sunshine flooding through the window. Edward was on his stomach, his arms tucked under his pillow, and my face was pressed against his shoulder. I pulled back to study him, a mess of bronze hair and a peaceful face. I shamelessly ogled the muscles across his back, the little clusters of freckles on his shoulder that look like constellations. I wanted to connect them to make shapes and name them all, only they'd all be called Edward because he was my favorite constellation. I shook the corny thought out of my head and placed a soft kiss on the back of his neck.

I tiptoed downstairs and started a pot of coffee. I was so enthralled with my own thoughts (mostly about Edward's hands on my body and…other stuff) that I didn't hear the car in the driveway or the key in the lock. I also didn't hear the front door open and close or the little girl come up behind me.

"What are you doing?" Alice's voice made me jump about a mile.

"What are you doing here?" I cried holding my hand over my heart to stop it from beating out of my chest.

"I _live_ here. How about you?" she asked with a sly grin.

_Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. _I chanted over and over in my head. I prayed Edward would come downstairs and handle this. I didn't want to be the one that told his sister what just happened. Not that she even had to know.

"Mornin'." Edward entered the kitchen and I let out a sigh of relief, both because he could save me from Alice and because he had remembered to wear pants. He kissed me and poured himself a cup of coffee while I stood frozen and Alice smirked at me, still rooted in her spot.

Edward finally noticed my rigid state and followed my gaze to his sister. His eyes widened and his face turned bright red. Alice only grinned, shook her head, and made her way upstairs. I could hear her laughing all the way.

"Shit," Edward muttered after a moment. I laughed; I couldn't help it. It was loud and uncalled-for, and it must have been contagious, because soon Edward was laughing with me. He pressed me up against the counter and kissed me, tasting like coffee laced with spearmint toothpaste.

"That was close," he said with a smile.

"That wasn't close, Edward! That was…mortifying! Your sister thinks I'm some sort of...harlot now." I groaned and buried my face in my chest.

"She does not." Edward pushed me away and frowned down at me. "She knows how I feel about you." He touched my face softly and I nodded, because I knew how he felt about me too. He didn't have to tell me, not just yet. Edward had shown me perfectly how he felt.

I only hoped he knew the feeling was mutual.


	16. Shiny Happy People

**SM owns them. **

**Thanks to killerlashes and IAmToWait for making my words more better. **

**I can't say thank you enough to the ladies over at the Perv Pack for such a lovely rec. I'm still swooning. **

**Thanks for all your reviews, tweets, recs... you're all fabulous.**

**I'm on twitter if you ever want to play. /IdPattThat**

* * *

Chapter 16 – Shiny Happy People

"Oh, _God_. Edward, I can't have your sister thinking things like that," I said as I scrambled around for my clothes. Edward closed the door as I stripped off his t-shirt and looked around for my bra.

"Need this?" My black bra dangled from his finger, an evil grin on his face. I glared and snatched it away from him.

"I mean it, Edward. Your sister's going to think I'm a slut. Where in the hell is my dress?" I put my bra on and he stared at me, arms crossed over his bare chest and a frown on his handsome face.

"Your dress is hanging in the bathroom; it's still wet from the rain. And you… you're overreacting," he said as he tugged at his hair and looked up at the ceiling.

"I am not! She just saw me prancing around half-naked in your kitchen! She's going to think I'm- "

My words were cut off by his lips against mine, his hands in my hair and his bare chest pressed against me. It took me a moment before I realized what he was trying to do and I managed to push him away.

"Calm down, pretty girl. She doesn't know that anything happened and if she does… so what? We didn't do anything _wrong_, Leah."

"But…"

"No." He kissed me again and handed me his t-shirt that I'd thrown haphazardly on the floor.

"Edward," I whined to him while he dug out a pair of sweatpants from his dresser.

"I'm not having this conversation with you, Leah." He tossed me the pants and tugged his own shirt on. I pulled the pants on and sighed deeply as I sat on the bed. I ran my hands across the smooth sheets, thinking about our bodies pressed together. Edward slipped on his shoes and then walked to his bedroom door and cast me a glance over his shoulder.

"Ready?" he asked with a slight edge in his voice. _Fuck. _He was mad.

"No." He closed his eyes and rested his head against the door. I went to him quickly and wrapped my arms around him from behind. "I'm sorry I overreacted."

"I understand why you did, but…" His voice trailed off.

"I know, I know," I said as he turned around and buried his face in my hair. "Last night was amazing. I don't want to think about anything but that."

"I don't want you to say things like that about yourself. Ever," he whispered. I sighed and held him tighter. I honestly didn't feel that way about myself. Not when I was with Edward. I just know what I would have been thinking if I'd seen someone prancing around half-dressed in my brother's clothes.

I, of course, always thought the worst of people.

"I won't." I pulled away so I could kiss him. His eyes were worried but I smiled to reassure him. "I'm going to the hospital today, but we can do dinner tonight. I'll cook." I kissed his chin and he chuckled.

"You're going to cook?" he asked as he opened the door. I tried to poke him in the side but he dodged it neatly.

"We're all going to die!" Alice yelled from her room.

"You weren't invited, Midge!" I yelled back. "I'll think of something easy." I shrugged.

"Whatever you want, beautiful," Edward said. I grabbed my bag and slipped on my shoes and noticed a small pile of black by the front door. I grinned as I picked up Edward's shirt that I'd haphazardly discarded the night before and held it up.

"This is mine now," I said. Edward shrugged nonchalantly but the way his ears burned let me know he was more than happy to let me have it. And that he was thinking about our night.

"As you wish." He kissed my cheek and led me to the car, opening the door and letting me slide inside. I folded his shirt in my lap and wrapped it up with my dress as he drove with his hand on my knee. "What time are you going to the hospital?"

"Around eleven, when Mom's shift starts," I told him.

"Mind if I stop by?" he asked.

"That'd be nice." I squeezed his hand. I welcomed any time I got to spend with him, especially if it meant he would be there in situations that could somehow be sad or difficult. I sighed when we reached my house, just not ready for our time to end.

"I'll see you later then." He leaned over and kissed me, cupping my face gently.

"Later," I agreed and slipped out of the car before I could climb over the center console and bury myself in his lap.

I tiptoed up the front stairs and through the front door, hoping and praying that no one was awake yet. It wasn't very early but I really couldn't manage another face-off with family members. The one with Alice had been awkward enough and she wasn't even part of my family.

I was safe until I got to the top of the stairs and Mom came out of her bedroom. She appraised my appearance with raised eyebrows while I fidgeted on the landing like a little kid caught with a hand stuck in the cookie jar.

"It was raining, so I stayed at Edward's…" I explained. To my surprise, my mom smiled.

"You're a grown woman, sweetheart. You don't have to explain anything to me."

"I'm just going to shower. I'll be ready soon," I muttered and stepped around her, closing my bedroom door behind me. I sat on my bed, the room seeming to close in on me as my thoughts overwhelmed me.

I had sex with Edward.

It was incredible, really. He was perfect, he said perfect things, and… yeah, perfect.

But the look in my mother's eyes made me think more about what having sex meant for Edward, for his faith. I'd always heard that sex without marriage was a sin. Well, Edward and I certainly weren't married and we'd definitely had sex. He'd compromised his beliefs for me, something I'd never want him to do.

I felt guilty. Guilty that we hadn't been more careful, that we'd let ourselves get carried away.

Then I felt guilty that I didn't really feel guilty at all. I wanted him, I had him, and I'd do it again in a heartbeat. Edward had said it himself - what we felt was worth it. So, it was worth it… right?

I tried not to think about any of it more than I had to: sins and guilt and everything else that came with it. I also tried not to think about Edward's hands on me, how he said my name, and how he felt inside me. That would do nothing for my day. Well, except keep me in an Edward-induced coma when I had still volunteer hours to finish.

I showered and dressed then met Mom downstairs. She'd made coffee but not breakfast so I poured a bowl of cereal while she made me a cup.

"Leah, you need to be careful about what you're getting yourself into," she said once I sat down. _Damn, the woman was no-nonsense. Nobody would ever think she and I weren't related._ I sipped my coffee cautiously before answering.

"I know you're concerned, but I'm capable of making my own decisions."

"With all due respect, Leah… making your own decisions is what got you here in the first place."

Okay, that was _cold_. No, I hadn't made the best decision when I chose to drink and drive, but things with Edward were different. We made the choice because we cared about each other.

"It's different, Mom. We aren't being reckless and – and…"

"I know, baby. You don't have to explain anything to me. I see the two of you together. I just don't want you to get hurt."

"I won't. He won't hurt me." I shook my head and she smiled sadly.

"No, he won't."

"What are you saying? That _I'll_ be the one doing the hurting?" I narrowed my eyes at her across the breakfast table. _Oh, no she didn't_. She gave me a classic mom look that made me recoil slightly.

"No I'm not, Leah. I just want you to be careful. Please?"

"I will. I promise." I looked down at my soggy cereal and frowned. I ate it anyway, too aware of my mother's eyes still on me.

When we go to the hospital Mom helped me sign in and then led me to the pediatric unit. Some of the kids were terminally ill, but most of them were in there for minor surgeries or illnesses. There were a few milling around the hallways, reading or playing somewhere other than their rooms.

I spent the majority of my day reading and playing games with individual kids. There was a small playroom with a television that the kids could go into, but the ones I played with had no interest in playing with other children. In the middle of my fifth Go Fish game I could hear kids laughing from the little room. The little girl I was playing with shrugged at my confused look.

"Want to check it out?" I asked her. She gave a small smile and nodded so I helped her out of her bed and let her lead me down the hall, her tiny hand clasped in mine.

The smile on _my_ face when we walked into the room was so big it felt like my cheeks were going to break.

Edward sat in the middle of the room with a half circle of kids around him and his guitar in his lap. He grinned at me from his spot on the floor and started playing a new song. I had to put my hand over my mouth to keep from laughing at his incredibly moving rendition of "Old McDonald".

I sat in one of the little plastic chairs and watched him play for the kids for over an hour. He played until the kids were ushered back to their rooms for checkups and medicine. Edward stood up and set his guitar on the love seat that was shoved in the corner of the room.

"I think that was the best performance I've ever seen," I said with a laugh. He smiled and leaned down to kiss me.

"I used to do this when we were in Kentucky. Alice saw a counselor at the hospital so I would go in and play while I waited."

"They loved it." I smoothed his shirt, not even bothered about the sappy way I was looking at him. I'm sure the nurses were taking notes on our behavior to report back to my mom. I didn't care; it was nice to be talked about for something good for a change.

"I've got to run up to the oncology ward and visit one of the members from church. I'll be back later, okay?" He put his guitar away and slipped the case over his shoulder.

"Sure, I'll be here," I said before he kissed me again. I followed him out of the little room and leaned against the nurses' station while he got on the elevator. He gave me a cheesy grin as the doors closed and I stifled a quiet laugh.

"That's a _fine_ piece of man right there," I heard from beside me. I looked across the counter and found myself face to face with Nurse Roberts. Well, not really Nurse Roberts, considering she was a fictional character who'd been unfairly killed off _Scrubs_, but I'll be damned if she didn't look just like her.

"Back off, lady." I pretended to glare at her before I tossed her a smile and wandered from the pediatric unit to the maternity ward. Why I ended up looking at little scrunch-faced babies, I had no idea. But fuck, they were kind of cute.

"Makes you want one, doesn't it?" a nurse asked as she came out of the nursery. I just smiled and gave a noncommittal shrug. I hadn't thought about having children in a long, _long _time.

"They're cute to look at. I think that's good enough for me." I laughed and she smiled softly at me.

"You're Sue's girl, right?"

"Yeah, I am." I nodded.

"Your mom sure is proud of you." She gave me another smile before walking away, leaving me completely speechless.

What had I done recently that made my mom _proud_ of me? Was it the DUI or dropping out of school? I thought about it while I walked around aimlessly until I heard the voice that had become my favorite sound and felt my lips curve into a smile.

I'd unconsciously taken myself to the oncology ward where Edward had said he'd be. I stood outside the room he was in, not wanting to intrude but still wanting to know what he was saying. I loved listening to him pray, to speak to God and pour his soul out for others. He did just that while grasping the hand of an older man until they both whispered a quiet "amen" and smiled at one another.

"Thank you, Edward." The man held out his arms and Edward hugged him carefully.

"I'll see you next week, okay?" Edward patted the end of his bed and I finally caught his eye. He smiled and gave me a quick wave.

"You bet your ass you will," I heard the man say. "Tell that girl of yours if she ever wants a real man she knows where to find one."

"Simmer down, old man." Edward laughed as he closed the door behind him.

"A real man, huh?" I smiled up at him. Edward rolled his eyes and wrapped his arm around my shoulders, and I reached up to take his hand in mine.

"He's senile, poor old thing," Edward said with a grin.

"What's really wrong with him?" I asked once we'd gotten into the elevator.

"Stage four lung cancer. He's got a few weeks left, at the most." Edward sighed.

"I'm sorry." I gave him a gentle pat on the arm, unsure of what to say.

"It's okay. I've been working with him for a few months now. I'm expecting it."

"That doesn't make it any easier," I said and brushed his hair off his forehead. He kissed me then, soft and slow, leaving me wanting more. Unfortunately we were in the hospital elevator and I really wasn't interested in getting caught making out in it.

"Are you finished here?" he asked with his face close to mine.

I looked up at him and swallowed audibly. The look in his eyes was dangerous but I welcomed it, reveled in it even. Until I realized I wasn't finished working, of course.

"Not yet," I said sadly. He frowned and kissed me again just as the doors opened on the ground floor. We stepped out of the elevator and Edward squeezed my hand.

"Okay. I've got to do some work at church. Call me when you're finished," he said with a smile. I watched him walk out the automatic doors and gave a sad sigh, my skin still tingling from our exchange in the elevator.

Charlie picked me up sometime later, nosier than usual on the short drive home, asking too many questions for my liking.

"Where'd you disappear to last night?" he asked before we'd even left the parking lot. I felt my face burn with his question, so not interested in explaining to my stepfather that I'd slept over at my boyfriend's house.

"I was at Edward's," I muttered. "The storm was pretty bad by the time we got home from Quil's."

"That's not the best situation for Edward to be in, kid."

I flinched at his stupid nickname and felt irrationally angry at his insinuation.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I snapped.

"Just that Edward's a…" he trailed off as we reached the driveway.

"I know what Edward is," I said as I turned to him, almost livid. "And what goes on between us is none of your business."

I wasn't quite sure why I was so angry with him when Mom had basically asked me the same questions. Maybe it would have been different had it been my dad asking me, I didn't know. I only hoped the slamming of the doors throughout the house let him know my true feelings.

When Edward arrived later, I made sure I met him at the door, not wanting Charlie to give him the third degree either. In the car I crossed my arms over my chest, not seeking any contact with Edward, too wound up to do anything but seethe silently.

"Are you going to talk to me or not?" Edward asked when we got out of the car at the grocery store.

"What?" I asked, too involved in my own thoughts to realize that I hadn't even spoken to him yet.

"Leah, I can practically see the smoke coming out of your ears," he said with a laugh. I scowled and sped up my pace, now eager to get away from _him_.

"Hey!" he called as he ran to keep up with me. "Will you slow down and talk to me?" He grabbed my elbow and pulled me to him. I couldn't keep the glare on my face when I saw his worried eyes, so I just sighed and shrugged. I couldn't figure out why I was so angry.

"I'm sorry," I said quietly.

"Are you okay?"

"I don't know," I told him honestly. He brushed a stray hair away from my face and I mirrored the frown on his.

"Do you want me to take you home?"

"No, no I don't want to be there." I shook my head and he sighed.

"Okay… shall we, then?" Edward gestured to the store and I nodded in agreement. We decided on making fajitas. It was easy enough to sauté meat and peppers, not something I could completely mess up. I managed to whip up a delicious Oreo no-bake cake while we waited, though Edward nearly ate half of it before dinner was even finished.

"Where is Alice tonight?"

"Um… at a friend's house?" Edward shrugged and avoided my eyes.

"Why do you say it like that?" I laughed.

"I may have suggested she spend the night away… again," he said quietly.

I watched an adorable blush creep up his neck and I couldn't resist leaning over to kiss him.

After dinner Edward dragged me into the living room and to the couch. He sat with his back against the arm and pulled me to sit between his legs. I leaned back against his chest and ran my hand up and down his thigh while he searched for something on television. He settled on some old sitcom and pulled a leather-bound book off the coffee table and set it in my lap.

"What's this?" I fingered the binding and he opened it for me. I smiled when I came face to face with a smiling baby face. Edward's smiling baby face, to be exact. We spent the next thirty minutes looking at pictures from Edward's childhood, all smiling faces and family vacations. There were some embarrassing ones, of course, with naked bottoms and acned faces that he tried to shuffle past quickly. By the time we finished I felt like I knew him even more than I had after we'd _known_ each other the night before.

I couldn't help but feel sad for Edward, though I knew he wouldn't want me to. It was hard not to feel sorry for myself, too. Sad that we'd both lost so much with people that we loved.

"I hate that he tries to be my father," I blurted out suddenly. "Charlie, I mean."

Edward shifted behind me, pulling my legs across his lap and his hands grasping mine.

"He cares about you a lot, Leah." Edward frowned, knowing exactly what I was talking about without having to explain anything to him.

"I know, I just… he was my dad's best friend. I just don't understand how he could marry my mom. And so soon after Dad died, too."

"Maybe they were both lonely," Edward said with a shrug.

"She wasn't lonely. She had me and Seth."

"You and I both know that's not what I meant," he said with a frown.

"I know, but still…"

"Have you ever talked to either of them? Asked them why they did it?"

"No," I admitted.

"Maybe you should," he told me. I tried to argue but his eyes were so green that all I could do was get lost in them. Then his lips were on mine and his body was pressing me against the couch. As much as I wanted to talk to him about it, wanted his advice on the situation… well, I wanted him even more.

I pushed him off me and before I knew it we were making our way upstairs, leaving a trail of clothes in our wake.

Edward laughed breathlessly when we fell onto the mattress in a heap of limbs.

"You drive me crazy," he murmured against my skin.

"Ditto," I sighed, weaving my fingers through his hair and pulling him into a kiss. We touched, kissed, and giggled until we were panting, gasping, and moaning, clinging to one another in the darkness of the room. When Edward slipped off to the bathroom I slid under the covers and buried my face in his pillow, breathing in and trying to memorize his scent.

When his arms were around me I was peaceful, more content than I'd ever felt. Our earlier conversation was still nagging me far off in the back of my mind, though.

"What are you thinking?" he asked, turning slowly until we were facing each other.

I frowned. "Charlie."

"Should I be worried?" he asked with a grin.

"Oh my _God_, Edward, _ewwww._" I pinched him and rolled onto my back, throwing my arm over my face.

"Ow," he muttered and leaned up on his elbow. "I was just kidding."

"I know," I sighed as I turned back to him. "I just don't know what to do."

"Talk. To. Him," he said slowly, like I was mentally challenged. Sometimes it was a little difficult to understand things, okay?

"Maybe," I said snuggling closer to Edward.

"Do it, Leah."

"Don't be so bossy," I muttered into his chest.

"Please?" He breathed.

"Fine," I whispered before closing my eyes and drifting off, hardly conscious that I'd just promised to talk to Charlie about years' worth of emotional distress. Sometimes I hated Edward and his strange, Godly voodoo.

xXx

It wasn't a surprise that Charlie was awake when I got home the next morning. He was in the kitchen dressed in his fishing garb and filling up his coffee cup, trying to be quiet.

"Pour me some of that?" I asked from the kitchen door.

"It's pretty strong," he said with a half smile.

"Sounds good. I'm going to change. I'll be right back," I said before slipping upstairs. I put on some old jeans and t-shirt, then dug my hiking boots out of the back of my closet. I hadn't used them since before Dad died.

"You going to give me some competition today?"

"Please, there's no competition," I laughed. Charlie grinned and led me out the back door. We hiked the short way to the river behind the house in silence, all our conversational bravado gone.

Once we'd reached Charlie's favorite spot he turned to me, the look on his face more serious than I'd ever seen.

"Why are we here, kid?"

"I needed to talk to you." I shrugged.

"If this is about what I said yesterday, then I'm sorry. I'm not your dad; it's none of my business."

"It's not about Edward, but you're right. It's none of anyone's business but ours. It's about… everything," I told him, feeling my chest tighten and my eyes sting with tears.

"What's going on, Leah? I'm getting scared over here," he said with a small chuckle. I blew out a puff of air and wished Edward was there with me to hold my hand through this.

"Did you and Mom have an affair?" I asked in a rush. Charlie's head snapped to me, his eyes livid.

"Absolutely not."

"Were you always in love with her?" I blurted before I could stop myself. Charlie shifted uncomfortably and turned away from me.

"Oh. That's what this is about," he muttered. "I loved your mom for a long time. But your dad was my best friend."

"Tell me what happened. Please?" I pleaded with him. Charlie sighed and sat down, patting the space next to him. I sat, though I kept my distance from him.

"Your mother was the prettiest thing I'd ever seen. Your dad and I fought over her for years, all through high school. Then they went off to school and I stayed here. When they came back they were married with you in tow."

"And?"

"They were happy and I was happy for them. Then _you_ were the prettiest thing I'd ever seen. You had me wrapped around your finger in no time; Harry even named you after me. Well, he tried to anyways." He laughed. "Your mom compromised with _Charlotte_."

I smiled and nodded, remembering the many times Mom had told me the story of my middle name.

"When your dad died… I think I took it harder than your mom," Charlie said softly. "We'd been friends since we were kids, Leah. I wasn't ready to let him go."

"Me either," I muttered and pick at the grass, digging my hands into the soil and pulling up clumps of green and black.

"I don't know how it happened with your mom and me. We just knew we didn't want to be alone and that Harry wouldn't want us to be alone either."

"Do you ever think about him?"

"All the time. I see you kids and think about how proud he'd be of you, how he'd hate that he's missing all of this."

"All of what? Me getting a DUI and dropping out of school? Not much to be proud of here."

"You've been through so much, kid. You don't even see how much you've changed – how different you are."

"Because of Edward?" I asked quietly.

"No, Leah, because of _you_. After everything that happened with your dad and with Sam… you're still _you_. You're as hardheaded as ever but… you're kind and smart and people look up to you.

"Like who?" I scoffed, very aware of the fact that he'd just changed the entire conversation around on me.

"Your brother, Alice, and even some of the kids in youth. I've talked to their parents; they're glad you are there to help."

"I just… I don't know." I turned away from him and to the small river, its trickle filling the silence between us.

"I know you only came to ask about your dad. I loved him, he was my best friend. Your mother and I… well, I don't think either one of us knew it would turn into this. But I love her, and you and Seth. I wouldn't change what we have for anything."

I nodded slowly and stood up. Charlie followed suit and gathered up his fishing things.

"Thank you," I whispered, before I turned to him and threw my arms around him tightly. Charlie hugged me back just as tightly and kissed my cheek.

"I love you, kid," he whispered. I nodded into his shoulder and felt a small sob escape me, and then pulled away and wiped my eyes before leading the way back to the house, our fishing excursion completely abandoned.

I don't know how, but Charlie seemed to know I was going to get ready for church. Hell, even I wasn't sure I knew that's what I was doing until I was actually _doing_ it.

I dressed casually (I'd seen people in jeans before so I figured it was okay) and met my family downstairs. We went to breakfast together at the small diner Edward and I frequented during the week for lunch.

I couldn't remember a time when I'd seen everyone so very happy.

Nervousness settled into my stomach as we finally stepped into the church. Edward was up at the front, his electric guitar slung over his shoulder. He bit his lip as he tuned it and I didn't notice I'd stopped walking mid-center aisle before Seth shoved me forward.

"Sorry," I muttered and he laughed behind me. I couldn't find it in myself to even glare at him; I enjoyed looking at my boyfriend.

Edward looked up when we sat down and gave me a huge smile that made my insides warm in ways that were actually appropriate for church. As more people started taking their seats he slipped his guitar off and came to me.

"You're here," he said before leaning down to kiss me. Yeah, in front of everyone.

"I am," I whispered.

"Save me a seat?"

"Of course," I told him before he scampered away. I leaned back in the pew, smiling ridiculously and well aware of my family's eyes on me. "Shut up," I managed to squeak out before we were being welcomed by Pastor Weber and invited to stand up and sing. It was awkward for me to stand in the midst of all the people worshipping when I was still so unsure of what I felt about church or God or well, anything.

Instead I listened to Edward play and sing. I listened for his voice, weaving in and out of the others, sometimes masked by the overbearing band leader but always discernible in its own way. Seeing him wrapped up in his music in church was so different than when he was playing at Quil's, and was completely eye-opening for me.

He played and sang completely enthralled, as if no one else in the world existed. And I watched him, feeling the same way.

Three songs later he joined me in the pew, his arm around my shoulders and my body resting against his. He listened to the sermon with rapt attention while I focused on his breathing, on the rise and fall of his chest beneath me.

I thought about my family, about how I'd never seen them happier than earlier that day, and I knew the same was true for me.


	17. How Sweet It Is

**Steph owns. Killerlashes and IAmToWait beta. I love all of you. **

* * *

Chapter 17 – How Sweet It Is

"Where did you get this?" I sat behind Edward's desk and took a small silver picture frame in my hands, smiling. It was me and Alice sitting around the campfire, my arm slung around her shoulders and my cheek against her hair. The picture was black and white but the contrast between our skin tones was clear and the look in our eyes was the same. We were both watching Edward play, enthralled and awed by him, as usual.

"Angela," he said with a small shrug. "This one, too." He pointed to a corkboard and I saw my face again. A half-eaten s'more was in my hand and I was glaring comically at Edward while he laughed, his eyes shining with amusement.

"You shouldn't have tried to steal my chocolate," I said, standing up and slipping my arms around his waist. He smiled down at me and brushed my hair from my face.

"Never again," he murmured before he kissed me softly. "Every time you show up here I'm amazed."

"This is only the second time," I said and stood on my toes, trying to kiss him again.

"_Both_ times you've shown up here I've been amazed." He emphasized his words with a grin.

"That the roof hasn't collapsed? That I haven't burst into flames?" I asked, and he laughed before falling into his desk chair. I sat on the edge of the desk and he smiled lazily at me.

"No, that you're here. With me," he said softly.

"Don't get all mushy on me, Preacher Boy," I said as I slipped from the desk and climbed into his lap. He wrapped his arms around me and kissed me again, his teeth grazing my bottom lip and his hands roaming my back.

"I know how you like offices, Edward…but this _really_ isn't the place." Sighing, I pushed him away. He chuckled and smacked my ass lightly before pushing me off him.

"We should go somewhere more appropriate then," he said as he stood up. I raised an eyebrow at him and he did the same. We stared for a moment before he grinned.

"Race you to the car?"

"Meet you there in a few?"

There was no need to think it over. "Deal." I snuck out the side door of Edward's office and slipped through the last few mingling congregation members, not even wondering where my family had disappeared to.

He met me a few moments later, having established Alice's whereabouts and commandeered us a single, solitary cupcake from the social hall, currently packed with the old folks who met to discuss the weather and…old people stuff. AARP sit-ins? The high price of prune juice?

"They would only give me one," he said with a frown after opening my car door and surrendering the pastry. "We'll have to share."

"Aw, too bad you have to drive. That means I have to hold this little ol' cupcake in my hands." I grinned and swiped a piece of frosting, then stuck my finger in my mouth and licked it off.

"You are… incredibly evil," Edward muttered before throwing his car in reverse. I smirked and wiped another line of frosting off, but held my finger out to him. He took my hand and held it to his mouth before slowly taking my icing-covered finger between his lips.

And _I_ was the evil one?

"Delicious," he said with a wink.

"God, I can't wait to get your pants off." The words flew out of my mouth before I could even register that my brain had thought them. Edward bit his lip to keep from laughing but the little snort that escaped him was just enough for me to turn bright red.

"Thank you?"

"Just drive faster." I scowled (mostly at myself) and proceeded to unwrap the cupcake. I handed him half and laughed as he shoved the whole piece in his mouth.

"'Is goo'," he said through a mouth full of cake. I rolled my eyes and patted his cheek in a patronizing way. He slapped it away playfully and squeezed my hand before resting it on his thigh.

I think at that point I should have felt bad that we'd all but ran from the church so we could tear each other's clothes off but I just… didn't. Edward didn't think that we were doing anything wrong and I couldn't find it in myself to worry about it any longer.

I beat Edward to the front door, my hands in his hair and my lips on his neck while he tried to unlock it. Edward pushed me inside and quickly wrapped his arms around me, lifting me up into his arms as he kicked the door closed. He carried me upstairs, all sloppy frosting-sweet kisses and clumsy steps. I laughed when we finally reached his bedroom and he dropped me onto his bed. I bounced a couple of times before finally drawing my knees up and settling back on my elbows so I could see him.

His hair was a mess from my fingers running through it, the neat collar of his polo sticking up in odd places. He smiled and slipped off my shoes before running his hands up my denim-clad legs and resting his body on top of mine. Edward propped himself up on his elbow and looked down at me, those familiar green eyes melting into mine with flecks of gold that I'd never noticed before. I brushed his hair away and he leaned down to kiss me, very gently.

"What's wrong?" I whispered, my fingers trailing over his jaw and into his hair.

"Nothing," he replied with a small smile. "I just…I love this part."

"What part?" I pulled his face down and nuzzled it with my own before taking his earlobe between my teeth. He shuddered, his hips rocking into mine.

"This part." He gave a soft groan and ran his free hand down my side and under the hem of my shirt. "Touching you, kissing you." He narrated his actions and I melted into him. I did the same, running my hands down his chest and tugging his neatly tucked-in polo from his crisp khakis. They were so freshly pressed I almost wanted to stop and fold his clothes neatly instead of send them flying across the room.

Almost.

He helped me tug his shirt off and I realized I'd never tire of seeing him like this, half naked and reckless, completely consumed by me – by us.

I didn't have to time for any more thoughts, any more distractions. Soon all the barriers were gone and there was nothing left but our words and our breath. That and the things that would remain unspoken – the things we were still too afraid to feel, let alone say.

He told me I was beautiful as he moved inside of me, how good I felt, how amazing it was. I countered each movement and word with my own. They were sometimes a little dirtier than his, but the feeling underlying them was the same.

When we finished it was together, panting and laughing. Edward rolled us to our sides, my leg hitched around his hip with him still buried deep inside.

"You're incredible," he whispered, and I laughed against his lips.

"You're not so bad yourself," I replied and brushed his sweaty hair off his forehead.

"Good to know." He grinned and rolled quickly. My legs wrapped around him and he gave a few languid movements before slipping out of me. Edward kissed my belly button before hopping off the bed and practically skipping to the bathroom. When he emerged, I smiled and propped myself up on my elbow, holding the covers open in invitation. He stretched and climbed back into bed, pulling the sheet over us and pulling me closer to him.

"I wish we could stay like this all day." I pressed my face to his shoulder and felt him nod.

"Me too, pretty girl."

"I talked to Charlie," I said after a moment as I traced a pattern in the freckles on his chest.

"I could tell."

"How?" I pulled back to look at him.

"You're more relaxed, happier."

"You know me too well. This could be a problem," I teased. He grinned and dug his fingers into my ribs. I squealed and tried to push him away, but our bodies reacted in not very surprising ways and soon I was clinging to him and whispering his name instead of fighting him off.

"Good _God_, woman. You're insatiable," Edward sighed and I laughed and bit his shoulder lightly.

"I think you've got that backwards."

"No, no I don't. I mean… I didn't have sex for five years. I was doing just fine until you came along."

Five years. He didn't have sex for _five years. _Jesus H., if I'd gone that long I would've ended up either in the nuthouse or in prison. Hearing the words that had come from his mouth made it so much more real, but it was understanding what he hadn't said aloud - _I stopped waiting because of you - _that made me react the way I did.

I leaned over him, my hair falling in his face as I leaned down to kiss him. I had to let him know how special he was, how special he made me feel. I tried my best to communicate that with my kiss, with my body pressed to his and his arms tight around me.

"We should get dressed." He pushed my hair out of my face and kissed my cheek.

I pouted. "I don't want to." He laughed and sat up, running a hand through his ridiculous hair. I smiled and smoothed down the sticky-uppy bits for him, then pressed my forehead to his. "You're a wonderful man," I whispered. "I'm very lucky."

"What brought that on?" he asked quietly.

"I just thought you should know how good you are." I shrugged and kissed his nose.

"You're not too bad yourself," he replied, echoing my earlier words, and pinched my ass. That earned him a pillow to the face.

I pulled on most of my clothes and then searched for my underwear while Edward got dressed.

"Where's my underwear?" I stuck my hands on my hips and frowned.

Edward shrugged and failed miserably at looking innocent. "Most certainly not in my pocket."

"You dirty, dirty pervert," I said as I stepped toward him.

"Hey! I said they _aren't_ in my pocket!" he laughed and slapped my hand away.

"Fine, keep them. But just remember that I'll be going commando – _All. Day. Long._" I stood on my toes and pressed my hands to his chest.

He groaned and handed my panties over with a pout on his pretty face.

"Evil." He kissed my head, and I laughed as I slipped them on.

We had a late lunch and Edward answered some emails while I answered a missed phone call from Jacob.

"What's up, kid?" I settled in behind Edward on the couch, my legs on either side of his body while he leaned forward and typed.

"I was just seeing if you were up for some _Jake Time_ later tonight," my best friend said. I laughed.

"Only if you promise to never call it _Jake Time_ ever again, you creeper. And I hope you mean at Quil's," I said as I busied myself running my free hand up and down Edward's back.

"Of course I mean at Quil's. I wouldn't want you to have to get too far away from your church boy," Jacob said with a loud laugh. I frowned. We could be separated; we weren't attached at the hip. I didn't think so anyways.

"Fine." I sniffed indignantly and hung up. I pressed my face to Edward's neck and kissed him.

"Everything okay?"

"Jake's in town," I said to his skin.

"So, he'll be at Quil's tonight?"

"Yes," I muttered.

"And you're upset… why?"

"Because last time he was there he brought Embry and pissed me off."

Edward sighed and leaned back, pressing me against the couch and his body. He tilted his head, his lips puckered for a kiss. I kissed his cheek instead.

He pretended to pout until I relented and planted a loud, smacking kiss on him. "You worry too much, Leah. It'll be fine. I promise."

Hm. I liked when Edward made promises. He was pretty good at keeping them.

He pulled me up and we made our way to the car. That guilt was back, the same knot in the pit of my stomach from a few nights ago. We were going to youth before Quil's like we did every Sunday, only _this_ Sunday we'd spent the afternoon in bed together. And the night before…and the night before that.

Shit. This wasn't good. I didn't like feeling this way about our relationship.

Edward was supposed to be a role model for these kids, to tell them _not_ to have sex out of marriage and all that fun stuff. So, if we were going with something biblical, did that make him Eve and me the snake?

I kept my thoughts to myself while we drove and even while we set up for the kids. My mom showed up with Seth and Alice and surreptitiously asked me if I'd be home later. I just shrugged and cast a glance in Edward's direction, but he was busy playing hacky sack with a group of boys.

She left, but not before giving me her patented crazy-mom glare.

"What did you do to Mom?" Seth asked.

"Nothing," I muttered and turned away from him, not interested in sharing certain things with my kid brother.

"Well, if you want to talk…"

"Sure thing," I said flippantly.

"I mean it," he said earnestly. I gave him a quick smile, feeling a little guilty about being so short with him.

"I know." I mussed his hair and finally tore myself away from him.

Edward opened with a song that I hadn't heard before, but the kids sang every word. I smiled and watched, like always.

After the song Edward prayed and started talking about…life. He started talking about feelings and how all of us thought we weren't good enough, smart enough, pretty enough. It was all about fears and failures, hopes and dreams and I hung on to every word because he wasn't just talking to the kids. He was talking to me.

When he finished, Edward wheeled out a huge blackboard from the storage room and gave each of the kids a piece of chalk.

"Tell Him…anything. Hopes, dreams, fears, failures, secrets. He won't judge you. And neither will we."

I watched the kids go up to the board or break into their small groups and spent the majority of the time helping them. Edward didn't address the board again, he just let them write or not. When youth was over and just Edward and I were left, I found him standing in front of the board. I wrapped my arms around him from behind and rested my chin on his shoulder.

"You okay?" I asked him softly.

"I just…I hate activities like this," he said, giving a soft laugh, and turned to me. "It always tells me so much I don't want to know."

"You do such a good job with them, though." I rested my hand over his heart and held him closer. He wrapped his hand over mine and continued to read the board while I did the same.

_I say I'm fat so people will tell me I'm skinny._

_My dad left us. I get angry at my mom because of it._

_My friend does drugs. I want him to stop. _

They were mostly sad and scared words, but some of them stuck out: two familiar sets of handwriting, and words too close to my heart.

_I wish my sister knew how much I loved her. _

_I want her to know she's perfect._

With a lump in my throat, I touched the words that I knew belonged to my brother and to Edward. I traced over Seth's and felt my heart break a little for the kid brother who I didn't always pay the best attention to, especially after Dad's death.

I gave Edward a wry smile when I read his words. He just smiled and shrugged, then handed me a piece of chalk. I took a deep breath and turned back to the board, knowing what I wanted to write but struggling with how I could write it.

Lifting my hand, I carefully let my words flow over the board.

_I don't want to be afraid._

I felt Edward's body against mine as he took the chalk from my hand and turned me to him.

"You don't have to be," he said softly.

"I know. I'm trying." I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed his chin.

"C'mon. Let's get something to eat so you can hang out with your other boyfriend."

I laughed and squeezed him tightly before taking his hand and heading out of the hall. We met Quil and Claire for dinner at a little dive restaurant and ate greasy food until we all thought we were going to be sick.

"So, I heard Jake's back for a while," Quil said once we'd reach the bar.

"I haven't talked to him much." I shrugged and sipped the water I'd grabbed from behind the bar.

"Oh, I guess he's done with school and decided to come home for summer a little early," Quil explained.

"Good for him," I muttered and turned to where Edward and Claire were pretending to ballroom dance with the loud jukebox music. I smiled, enjoying their interaction, loving how well we all got along.

"Are you still mad at him about that Embry business?"

"I don't know," I told him with a frown.

"Well, from what I've seen you've moved on, so maybe you should forgive him." Quil ruffled my hair and went to steal his wife back from my boyfriend. I watched as he spun her around the room and Edward made his way to me.

"How's it going?" He stood between my legs and bent down to kiss me.

"Are you planning on running away with my best friend?" I teased him and he laughed.

"Please, baby. You know if I were to run away with anyone it would be Quil."

"How could I forget the most epic bromance of all time?"

"Exactly," he said with a grin as he leaned down to kiss me again. "I'm going to go get ready."

"Your boy's a good dancer," Claire said as she took the stool next to me.

"Watch it, lady." I shoved her lightly. She eyed me for a moment and then burst out laughing.

"You had sex, didn't you?"

"You _cannot _tell that just by looking at me."

"Maybe I can, maybe I can't. _But_ - you basically just admitted it."

"Shit."

"Was it amazing?" she whispered.

"Yes." I groaned and rested my head on the bar.

"You're so weird. Why is that bad?" Claire laughed and brushed my hair away.

I sat up and looked at her, the smile on her face not masking the concern in her eyes.

"I just… keep feeling this guilt, you know? Like we're doing something wrong because of what he does."

"Did you tell him that?"

I sighed. "Not in so many words."

"Leah, I know you're worried but you have to know that he wouldn't if he didn't…you know…"

"I know. I definitely know how he feels. I just - I wish I could tell him."

"He knows, sweetheart. And you will. I know you will. You just need some time."

"I just hope I don't run out of time," I said sadly. Claire laughed so loudly it startled me.

"You won't. Trust me."

"Being pregnant has made you smarter. I thought it was supposed to be the opposite of that."

"I'm a special case, you know." Claire smiled.

"Very, very special."

"Bitch." She wrinkled her nose and shoved me lightly. "Oh, good. Your other boyfriend is here."

"What the hell? It's like you and Edward are sharing a brain!" I cried when I saw Jake walking through the door.

"I told you I liked him." She laughed again and slipped off her barstool. Jake made his way over to me and I stood up, straightening my clothes and smoothing my hair like I cared what I looked like for him.

"Stop fussing over yourself, you're adorable," he said as he approached me. _Fine. Maybe I was fishing for compliments._

"And you're as lovely as ever, too," I told him with a smile. He grinned and pulled me into a bone-crushing hug.

"I missed you. I'm sorry."

"Me too," I said and held him tightly. We stayed like that for a long moment until the clearing of a throat from behind us brought us back.

"You break her, you buy her," Edward said with a smile. Jake laughed so I poked him in the ribs. Edward held out his hand and Jacob shook it ardently. It seemed they were over their…whatever it was.

"Glad to see you're being taken care of, Lee." Jacob's smile was genuine as Edward wrapped his arm around my shoulders. I didn't mention _all_ the ways Edward was taking care of me. I didn't think Jacob would want to hear them. I'd save that conversation for Claire.

I listened while Jacob and Edward talked about school and work, amazed at how civilized they were being. Listening to two of my favorite guys talk to each other made my heart warm in the strangest ways. When people started milling in, Edward excused himself and kissed me softly, leaving me wanting more - just like always.

He sang and played while I talked to Jacob, everything bad between us forgotten. When Edward was finished the five of us sat around playing cards until Claire's eyes started to droop and Edward's head was lolling on my shoulder.

"We should get the kids home and in bed," I teased Quil. He laughed while we piled out of the bar, locking the door behind us. Jacob bid us goodnight and Edward twirled me in the parking lot to a song only he could hear.

"You're beautiful, you're beautiful, it's true," he sang as he pulled me close.

"You know, you don't have to know _every song_." I laughed as he dipped me back and kissed my neck.

"But it's true, you are," he said, his lips on my skin, hands tight on my waist.

"You too," I told him. He chuckled and let go of me, then opened the door and helped me in the car. He drove cautiously, though neither one of us had been drinking. It was almost as if he were stalling, trying to make the night longer. When he pulled up at his house instead of my own, I knew something was up.

"I just – I want you," he stuttered, looking surprised at his own honesty.

"Well, I want you too, but Alice is home." I reached over and placed my hand on the back of his neck.

"Just come inside?" he sighed. I nodded and followed him inside and up the stairs quietly so as not to wake a particular sleeping teenager girl.

"Edward, I can't stay here," I said softly while he sat on the bed and unbuttoned his shirt. He looked up at me with sleepy green eyes and nodded.

"I know you can't. But there are things on your mind, Leah. I know there are."

"I'm just confused, Edward." I placed my hands on his shoulders and pressed my forehead to his.

"About what, pretty girl?" He asked as he ran his hands up my arms and around my shoulders, pulling me closer.

"This. Us. The sex, _God_, the sex." I ran my fingers through his hair and pulled his face away so I could see him properly. "And you. Your job and your beliefs and the fact that we are so, so different. I feel like you're compromising everything for me and I don't want to be that girl. I don't want you to change for me."

"Leah…" He whispered my name and I closed my eyes. "If anything, I've changed for the better. I feel, I don't know, _alive_ since I've met you. You have no idea."

"But what about the church and… everything," I asked, pushing him away, and stood up, then started pacing nervously. I watched him run a hand through his hair before he stopped me, clasping our hands in front of his chest.

"I don't feel bad about having sex with you. I refuse to. No, it's not the best situation to be in. Yes, I should be worried about some kind of Godly consequence but… I'm just not."

"But you _have_ to be, Edward! It's not just about us! It's your job!"

"But I'm not, Leah."

"God, you're infuriating!" I tugged my hands free, swiping impatiently at my own hair, and tried to keep my voice down. I was trying to make things better, to keep him from getting in trouble or smote or _something_. "I'm trying to look out for you and you're just… you're…ugh!"

"I don't care because I don't believe in the consequences," he said softly.

"How can you not believe in them? You believe in everything else." I stared at him in disbelief and watched that pretty smile play on his lips.

"Because… because I love you."

Time stopped at that moment.

That moment when he uttered those three words made my heart feel like it would burst out of my chest.

Time stopped because Edward loved me. He loved me and he told me and…I couldn't say it back. Just like those words I'd written on that damned blackboard. I was afraid. I wanted to say them, I did. But the last person I'd said those words to broke my heart in such a way that I never thought I'd recover.

I did recover. Edward helped me recover. But I was still afraid.

So I crossed the room until I was standing in front of him, my hands gripping the placket of his shirt, pulling him to me. I kissed him, my hands moving under his shirt and pushing it off his shoulders. Edward didn't ask questions, he just let me show him how I felt. He kissed me and lifted me onto the bed, tossing our clothes aside after they'd been removed and lowering his body to mine.

"I love you," he whispered against my mouth. I nodded and crushed my lips to his, holding him closer and breathing his breath.

We moved together slowly, savoring each other, living the moment to the fullest.

I let my fingertips tell him how I felt. My lips told his skin silent words, the same ones I was too scared to say. When I met his eyes, that bright grass-green fire that I loved so much, my own filled with tears. They fell hot and wet on my skin before I could stop them. Edward kissed them away, his thumb brushing over my cheek as his lips moved to my ear. The words were back, crystal-clear and just as beautiful as his songs, and more affecting than I could have ever imagined.

He said them over and over until I was crying out softly, whispering his name and holding him tightly. His mouth covered mine and his hands gripped my skin as he stilled with a quiet groan. I kissed him softly, nipping and sucking, still trying to get my feelings across to him. Edward pulled me up, my arms and legs wrapped around his body, and kissed my chin.

He brushed my hair from my face and smiled.

"I know how you feel, Leah. You don't have to say anything."

I touched his lips softly and buried my face in his neck. He sighed and ran his hands up my bare back, his lips on my shoulder, breath warm on my skin.

"I just needed you to know how I feel. I didn't want you think that this was just…"

"I'd never think that," I told him honestly. "I know, Edward. I know what this is."

He nodded and kissed me hard, warming my skin and filling me with need _again_.

"It's different than anything I've ever felt before," he whispered.

"Me too," I said as I smoothed his hair and kissed him softly.

"I don't want it to end. Me and you, you know?" he asked quietly.

I nodded in agreement and rested my chin on his shoulder, feeling hopeful, happy, and most of all, loved.


	18. Draw Me Close

**Hi. As usual, I own nothing. Except this caramel macchiato that really belongs to someone named 'Asley'. **

**Killerlashes and IAmToWait put up with me and these words. **

**Thank you all for reading. **

**PS - The song used is a praise and worship song, not an 'NSYNC song. (Hear that killerlashes?) Besides, BSB are clearly the better boyband. **

* * *

Chapter 18 – Draw Me Close

"Edward?" I whispered softly. No response.

"Edward!" I repeated his name a little more loudly and punctuated it with a kiss under his ear.

"Hm?" came his sleepy reply.

"Baby, I need to go."

"'K, see you later," he muttered and turned his head away from me.

"Edward!" I shook him and he batted my hand away before pulling a pillow over his head. I sat up with a sigh and frowned down at him. With a shrug, I slipped out of the bed and yanked all the covers off him in one pull.

"Woman! I'm sleeping!" he grumbled before he pulled a pillow over his naked ass. _My _pillow, to be exact.

I pulled the pillow away and hit him with it. "You have to drive me home, dammit!"

"_God_, you're annoying," he said as he slipped out of bed and pulled on his pants.

"But you love me," I replied. I watched him shake his head, a small smile on his face.

"Shut up and get in the car." Edward helped me up from the edge of the bed and led me downstairs, then out the door.

"You don't have to be so cranky," I muttered.

"It's four in the morning, what do you expect?"

"How about that my boyfriend doesn't act like an ass when I ask him to take me home?"

"Whatever." Edward threw the car in reverse and did his best to avoid my angry gaze as he drove. "You tell a girl that you love her and she doesn't even spend the night. It's like you can't do anything right…"

"What are you mumbling about over there, Captain Cranky?"

"Nothing," he snapped. I crossed my arms tightly in front of me and leaned back in my seat, seething silently.

"You're so weird sometimes," I huffed and looked out the window, watching the passing streetlights as we drove. I wasn't quite sure why he'd suddenly decided to be such an asshat. We'd had a great night, and after his revelation, I was not really expecting him to be such an asshole just because I woke him up.

When Edward pulled up to my house he turned and reached for me, but I ignored him and opened the door. I slipped out of the car with angry tears in my eyes but didn't get very far before Edward's arm was around my waist holding me tight against him.

"What are you running from?" His breath was hot in my ear, making me shiver against my will.

"You're being a jerk!" I elbowed him until he let go. I managed to make it up the front steps before he grabbed my hand and tugged me down to him.

"C'mon, pretty girl," he pleaded as he pulled me into his arms.

"No. You're cranky."

"I'm _sorry_." He rolled his eyes and I tried to push him away.

"Then act like it. And tell me why you're being a little bitch." I poked him in the chest.

He frowned and rubbed the spot. "I didn't want you to go. Also, I don't like to be woken up at ass o'clock in the morning."

"First of all, you know I have to leave. I feel bad about staying when Alice is there. Second of all, there's no such thing as _ass o'clock_."

"Yeah, well… there should be." He smiled and tipped my chin up to his face. "I'm sorry. But for future reference, anytime you slip out of my bed in the middle of the night I'm going to be cranky."

I managed to give him a small smile and pressed my head to his chest.

"I don't particularly like it either, you know?" I slipped my arms around him and breathed him in, thinking of how I'd never tire of his delicious boy scent.

"I get it, though. Don't think I don't get it. Now, give me a kiss and tell me I'm forgiven."

"Was it that easy for Jesus?" I smirked.

"Not funny. Fine, don't forgive me. But at least give me a kiss so I can go back to sleep."

"I don't think I will." I turned away from him and made my way up the stairs. I didn't care if he loved me, I wouldn't give in. He was rude and he would suffer. For a few hours anyways.

"Really?" he called from the walkway, hands shoved in his pockets with a sad look on his face.

"Really," I said before closing the door behind me. I almost felt bad after that, but he really had no reason to be cranky… or to be such an ass.

My phone buzzed with a text message from him a few minutes later, just as I was getting into bed.

_I miss you already, pretty girl. _

I smiled into the darkness and replied, even though I was annoyed with him. There really was no denying my feelings.

_Stop trying to sweet-talk me and go to sleep, Mister Grumpy Pants. _

He didn't reply after that. I fell asleep with a smile on my face.

xXx

He loved me.

The first thought in my head that morning was the fact that Edward was in love with me. He was brave enough to tell me even though I wasn't brave enough to say it back. I could only hope that he knew I felt the same. Edward knew me better than anyone; it was almost scary how well he knew me. So he knew, of course, that I would forgive him for being a little cranky bitch the next day.

Which I did.

I took the bus from the police station and picked up lunch for both of us, then walked the short way to the church to see Edward. His office door was cracked and he was leaning over his desk with one hand in his hair and the other holding his cell phone to his ear.

"No, thank you for calling me. I appreciate it. Right, Thursday," he said, and gave me a small smile when he saw me, dispelling any lingering worries that he was still upset with me. "Take care." He hung up the phone and leaned back in his chair, scrubbing a hand over his face and sighing.

"What's going on?" I set the paper bag on his desk and looked down at him, concerned.

"John died. My charge from the church. That was his daughter on the phone."

"Oh, Edward." I went to him and sat on the arm of his chair then pulled him to me. He rested his chin on my shoulder and let out a shuddering breath. I kissed his hair and held him tightly, everything from the night before forgotten. "I'm sorry."

"He was such a great guy. He had character, _integrity. _Like what my dad might've been like if he'd had the chance to get that old. And I just..." He drew a ragged breath before continuing. "I thought we had a little more time, you know?" he said softly. I ran a hand down his back and he pulled back to look at me, his eyes red-rimmed and shining with unshed tears.

"I know, baby." I cupped his cheek and felt my heart break for him having to experience another loss. I kissed his forehead, trying to find the words to comfort him, though nothing came to me.

"I've got to talk to Pastor Weber about the funeral." He sighed, and stood up, bringing me with him. "Do you want me to take you back to work?"

My heart sank as I realized he was nicely giving me the brush-off. I understood why, but I still wanted to help him, to be there for him.

"No, I can take the bus."

"Are you sure?" He ran his hand down my hair and intertwined our fingers together.

"Yeah." I nodded and kissed his hand.

"I'm sorry about lunch," he said with a frown.

"It's fine. Do what you have to do. We'll talk later." I stood on my toes to kiss him and then moved to leave but he wrapped me in a tight hug.

"I love you," he whispered into my hair. I snaked my arms around him and tried to hold him as tightly as I could without hurting either one of us. I willed the words to come; my lips formed them, but as if someone had pushed the mute button, no sound came out. Then again, even if I forced them, Edward would have known it was only because he was sad and hurting. When I said them I wanted it to be for their own sake, and nothing else.

I pressed my lips to his neck and gave him one more squeeze before letting my arms fall to my sides.

"I'll call you later." He kissed my forehead and walked me to the door.

"Don't forget your lunch," I said before I stepped out. I felt like my mother trying to take care of him. Or maybe I just felt like a good girlfriend.

"I won't." Edward gave me one last kiss before he turned away. I watched him walk down the hall to Pastor Weber's office and left with a heavy heart.

Edward didn't call me later that night but I didn't worry about it. I wanted to give him his space and let him grieve for his friend. It wasn't until long after we'd had dinner and everyone in my family gone to bed that there was a soft knock on the door.

I pulled a sweatshirt on over my pajamas and made my way downstairs to find Edward on the other side of the door. He stepped in nervously as I closed the door quietly behind him.

"Everything okay?" I asked and tried to lead him into the kitchen.

He didn't come with me; instead he pulled me into his arms with a heavy sigh.

"I just needed to see you." His words were quiet but his embrace was almost painful. I wrestled myself out of his grip and dragged him into the kitchen. I pushed him into a chair and started making tea for both of us. I don't know why, it was just something my mother always did when she was stressed or upset. Edward was quiet while he waited. He mostly stared at his feet or watched me work. When the tea was ready, I placed two cups on the table and perched in his lap instead of the chair.

"Thank you," he said as he buried his face in my neck and ignored the hot mug I'd put in front of him. I let my fingers run through his silky hair and enjoyed the feeling of his breath on my skin and his fingers laced with mine.

"Did you get everything figured out?" I asked him. He nodded against my skin, then sat up and sipped from the mug I'd given him.

"Yeah. The funeral is Thursday. They want me to play something. He really liked the worship music we played." An almost-laugh shook his chest. "He had pretty hip taste in music for an old guy."

"Do you have something picked out already?" Situating myself, I slung my legs over his before taking my mug off the table.

"Yeah, I have a little something in mind." He smiled softly and rubbed small circles on my knee.

"I'm sure it will be perfect," I told him.

Edward shrugged and kissed my cheek. "We'll see. Will you come with me?" His question was quiet, and I felt my heart falter. I hadn't been to a funeral since my father's. I looked down at my hands before I answered, feeling his hopeful his gaze on me while I contemplated it.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'll be there." I kissed him gently and took his cup from him. "I've got an in with the boss so it shouldn't be too hard to get the day off."

Edward smiled and brushed my hair away. "How was your day, pretty girl?"

"I was worried about you," I told him, touching his face softly and forcing a smile.

"I'll be fine." He kissed me, softly at first, but then his hand slipped up my thigh and mine fisted in his hair. I held him close, feeling the desperation flowing through him, the need for something real, something that affirmed the fact that _we_ were here and still alive. I wanted to give that to him, to let him know that everything would be fine. That no matter how much loss he'd seen and felt _I _would always be there for him.

The closing of the bathroom door upstairs caused us to break apart abruptly.

"I should go," Edward whispered and I bit back a laugh. I stood up and pulled him with me. He wrapped an arm around my waist and we walked to the door together. He kissed me goodbye and that was it. He didn't say anything else, just simply walked backwards down the walkway with a smile.

I watched him until he got into his car and drove away, and then I carried myself back upstairs. Seth came out of the bathroom just as I made it to my bedroom.

"Was that Edward?" he asked.

"Yeah. A friend of his died today. He's having a hard time."

"Oh, Alice mentioned something earlier about it. I hope he's okay," Seth said. My heart filled with warmth at the thought of my kid brother worrying about my boyfriend. Then I thought about what Seth wrote on the board and that warmth fled, cold filling its place.

"Hey, do you want to do something tomorrow?" I asked before he closed his bedroom door.

"Like what?" Seth eyed me suspiciously.

"I don't know. We can go to a movie, grab something to eat…whatever you want."

"Just us?"

"Just us." I nodded.

"Sure," he said and moved to close the door again.

"Hey, Seth?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

"I love you too, Lee-Lee." He smiled and closed the door. I practically floated to my bedroom, feeling so much lighter getting that off my chest.

Seth and I went to dinner the next day, just the two of us. It was a little awkward at first, having not been out with my little brother in some time. Seth knew everyone, too. It was a little overwhelming being out on the town with him and hearing his name constantly being called. It was a sad reminder that I didn't know him very well anymore.

"So, what's up with you and Alice?" I asked through a mouthful of cookie dough ice cream.

"Nothing," Seth muttered, his cheeks turning a flaming red.

"Red is really your color, you know," I teased him. He flipped me off and stabbed at his ice cream moodily.

"We're just friends, shut up."

"Are you sure?" I nudged him with elbow and he turned to glare at me.

"Yes! I mean, she's really pretty and really cool and stuff but we're like… she's my best friend."

"Did you kiss her?" I grinned. Seth sighed loudly.

"Yes."

"You _did_?" My cheeks started to hurt from smiling so much.

"Yeah, a couple of times. But, like I said – we're just friends now."

"What happened?" I asked.

"Nothing." He shrugged and tossed his ice cream in the nearest trash can. "We just decided we were better as friends."

"Very mature of you," I said as I reached up and ruffled his hair. Yeah, I reached up to do it. I swear the kid was nearly as tall as Edward. We walked around and talked a bit more. Seth tried to ask me about my relationship but I wasn't nearly as loose-lipped as he was even though he basically knew I was head-over-heels and all of that other gooey shit.

I bought Seth a couple of CDs for his upcoming birthday. Not that I had forgotten it, but he insisted on reminding me so I bought him a gift to shut him up. We took the bus home and I managed to sit through an entire episode of "How I Met Your Mother" without rolling my eyes once.

When I finally dragged myself upstairs I had a missed call and a tired-sounding voicemail from Edward.

"_Hey, pretty girl. I just called to tell you good night. I hope you had fun with Seth today. I know he was looking forward to it. I'll uh… I'll call you tomorrow. I love you." _

I frowned at the phone, hating that he was so defeated, though my heart warmed each time I heard him say those words.

"Me too," I muttered to the room. I wanted to say them so badly. Maybe that was why I couldn't do it.

Edward was right: it was different than anything I'd ever felt. I just wish I could tell him.

xXx

The next two days passed quickly without leaving Edward and I any free time alone. By Wednesday night after youth, I was so desperate for contact with him I nearly attacked him in the fellowship hall while the kids filed out. I managed to control myself and settled for gripping his hand tightly while we waited for parents to come.

"Are you coming over, Leah?" Alice asked from the table she was sitting on. Her little feet swung back and forth and she smiled lightly at me.

"Oh, I don't know…" I trailed off, not interested in making excuses to my boyfriend's little sister. I also didn't want to tell her that it squicked me out to be with her brother while she was in the house.

"You should. I made cupcakes yesterday, and if someone doesn't come over Edward's going to eat them all," she said with a sly grin. Edward narrowed his eyes and tried to look angry with her. He failed miserably.

"They were really good." He shrugged. "I love cupcakes. They're delicious," he said and then squeezed my hand tightly. My blood warmed at the feeling of his skin on mine and at the obvious innuendo he'd just made.

I liked..._cupcakes_, too.

In the end, Alice won. My mom picked Seth up and I went home with Edward. And Alice was right: the cupcakes _were_ delicious. Alice went to bed and Edward pulled me into the living room and onto the couch. Well, he pulled me onto his lap and then proceeded to grab my ass and kiss the shit out of me.

"Down, boy," I breathed once he'd released me. He laughed quietly and pulled my face back to him.

"I need you," he whispered.

"Edward, we can't." I pushed him away and tried to slip off his lap. He shook his head and wrapped his arms around me even tighter.

"Please."

"Edward, no."

"Leah, Alice is going to be here. It's just a fact of life. I mean, I can't live like a monk just because I'm a father, you know?"

I inhaled sharply at the word _father_, my mind immediately going to a place that I hadn't gone to in some time before I could clamp off the thought. I even wondered what our kids would look like and hoped they would have his eyes. _Crap_. I was so in over my head.

"I know," I said and pressed my forehead to his.

"It's not like we're insanely loud anyways. And…shit, maybe I just need to hold you. Ever think about that, you greedy woman?"

"I can't help it." I shrugged and kissed him gently. "Fine. Take me to bed. I've missed you."

"I knew you'd agree," he muttered against my neck before pushing me off him and leading me upstairs. We tiptoed quietly by Alice's room and when Edward's bedroom door closed behind me, I practically pounced on him.

He kicked off his shoes and walked us to his bed simultaneously while my hands fumbled with the stupid buttons on his shirt.

"You should really just stick to t-shirts," I managed to gasp as Edward's hands undid my jeans and pushed them over my hips. I all but tore his undershirt off and he grabbed my hips, settling me on the bed and running his hands up my torso. He pushed my shirt up and I sat up so he could remove it. My bra went quickly (he really needed to stop throwing my clothes) and then he was kissing me hungrily and…_everywhere_.

When his teeth grazed over my hipbone and soft cotton was being pulled over my skin I couldn't stop the trembling even if I'd tried.

"Edward," I whispered his name softly.

"Hmm?" He hummed against my thigh and my eyes rolled slightly.

"What are you doing?" I asked when his hands pulled my ass to the edge of the bed.

"Kissing you," he responded then placed his hands beside my head and pressed his lips to mine quickly, lightly, teasing me. His bare chest rested against mine and my legs wrapped involuntarily around him, pulling him closer to where I wanted him. "Relax," Edward said as his lips met my skin again. His fingers traveled southward with his mouth until they were both moving to a place that hadn't had that kind of attention in…a long time.

"I can't– I mean… oh, _God._" I bit my lip as his fingers slid inside me and his other hand wrapped around my thigh.

Then his mouth joined his fingers and I was gasping for breath and trying to stay quiet. I bit my lip and fisted the comforter while he brought me to the edge using his hands and his mouth- two of my favorite things.

I said his name and a few choice expletives until my words didn't make sense any longer and he was making his way up my body again.

"Jesus Christ," I panted and ran my hand through my hair, my chest heaving. Edward chuckled against my skin.

"You always have to bring him into this," he murmured before he kissed me.

"Well, all other words escape me at the moment," I managed to say as Edward lifted me up further on the bed.

"Bad girl," he said as he shook his head and knelt between my legs.

"Me?" I reached for the waistband of his jeans but he pushed my hands away.

"Mmhm." He hummed and undid his belt. I watched him and almost laughed. He was right: I was greedy. But the way he looked at me while he took off his pants was enough to make me implode.

He kicked his jeans over the side of the bed and lowered his body onto mine. That familiar excitement bubbled in my stomach as I reached between us. He groaned softly at the contact and his hips moved with my hand. Edward gripped my hip tightly and fisted his hand in my hair, our lips meeting desperately.

He reached over me and I ran my hands up his back, the muscles smooth and taut under my fingertips. I heard the little package rip and felt his hands working between us before he finally slid into me.

"Perfect," he whispered before kissing me softly. I smiled and held him to me, completely content.

"You are," I told him, though my words soon turned to quiet moans and my fingers dug into his skin.

Edward laughed softly and slipped his arms under me, gripping my shoulders tightly. We moved together, completely consumed. Words fell from my lips and Edward countered them with something of his own. Every _more _was punctuated with a kiss; every _harder_ with a soft groan and a shift of his hips.

When I finally fell off the edge for the second time that night it was with my face buried in his neck and my limbs wrapped tightly around him. Edward followed soon after, his grip on me almost painful.

"Are you staying with me tonight?" Edward asked as he scavenged for particles of clothing. He tossed me my underwear and t-shirt and slipped on his own boxers before climbing back into bed.

I thought about his earlier words and nodded. We settled into bed like we'd been doing it every day of our lives. It was an intricate dance of limbs and sheets before he was spooned against me with his arms wrapped tightly around me.

"Did you set the alarm?" I asked sleepily.

"Yes," he replied before he pressed his lips to the back of my neck. "Early enough so we can have breakfast and you can go home and change."

"You're the best," I told him.

He laughed softly. "Go to sleep, pretty girl."

I fell asleep with his lips pressed to my skin and the feel of his heartbeat against me.

xXx

"Mom? Can I borrow that dark green dress of yours?" I called from my closet.

"Sure, baby. It's a little fancy for the station, though, don't you think?" She brought me the dress and laughed at me standing in nothing but black heels and my underwear.

"Oh, it's for the funeral," I took the dress from her and put it on, the silk gliding over my skin.

"John's? He was a good man."

"Edward seemed to think so," I agreed with her.

"I'm glad that you're going with him. It will be good for him to have some support," she said as she reached out and smoothed my hair.

"I know," I sighed. We didn't have time to discuss it because the doorbell had rung and Charlie had let Edward inside.

I made my way downstairs with Mom on my heels, though she nearly crashed into me when I stopped abruptly on the bottom step. I couldn't help it; I'd never seen Edward in a suit. It was really nice.

"Hey." He smiled and held out his hand. I took it and let him pull me against his side.

"Ready?" I asked. Edward nodded and told my parents goodbye before leading me out the door. He stopped before opening my door and wrapped an arm around my waist.

"You look beautiful," he said softly.

"Are you always so charming?" I laughed.

He smiled and kissed me. "I try. Thank you for coming with me."

"Of course." I touched his face softly and he leaned into my palm. "We should get going." Edward agreed and opened the car door for me then slipped around to the other side.

When we arrived, the church was quiet, people milling around speaking softly to one another. I clung to Edward's hand and he introduced me to John's family – his daughter and son-in-law and their two young children. Once we were seated Edward explained to me that John's wife had passed away a few years before. They were married for almost forty years before she died.

Pastor Weber welcomed everyone to the service and a few members of John's family spoke about him. The lump in my throat refused to go away while they were speaking. When it was time for Edward to play I kissed his cheek softly and he gave me a small smile. I looked around for his guitar but didn't remember him bringing it in with us, so I was surprised when he sat down at the black baby grand at the front of the sanctuary.

I had been holding my tears at bay throughout the service, feeling bad about crying for someone I didn't know and not wanting to insult his family. But when Edward's hands started moving across the keys I felt the dam breaking. When the words began to pour out, so did my tears.

"_Draw me close to you,_

_Never let me go._

_I lay it all down again_

_To hear you say that I'm your friend._

_You are my desire_

_No one else will do_

'_Cause nothing else can take your place._

_To feel the warmth of your embrace._

_Help me find the way_

_Bring me back to you_

_You're all I want_

_You're all I've ever needed_

_You're all I want_

_Help me know you are near..." _

Edward played the same way he always did: eyes closed and pouring out his soul through his music. I closed my eyes too and listened to him honor his friend through his words. When he finished he joined me back in the pew. He rested his body against mine and I set my chin on his shoulder. Edward took my hand in his and squeezed it tightly, his silent _thank you_ to me.

We prayed and greeted the family again. They all gushed over Edward's playing and he humbly accepted their praise. I couldn't do anything but smile politely at them, though I was bursting with pride for Edward. The music he'd created had given the family a chance to feel at peace with their loss.

After a small reception in the fellowship hall, we went back to Edward's house, where he all but collapsed onto the couch.

"C'mere." I pulled him away from the back of the couch and pushed his jacket off his shoulders. He helped me removed it and I tossed it over the end of the couch, then made quick work of his tie and shoes before I straddled his lap. When he finally looked up at me, I noticed the dark circles under his eyes and the forced smile he gave me.

"Did you sleep last night?" I touched his cheek softly. He shook his head and pulled me closer to rest his head on my chest. "Let's go to bed then."

"It's the middle of the day," he said with a frown.

"And you're exhausted, Edward. Don't argue with me." I slipped off his lap and held out my hand.

He gave me a crooked half-smile (_oh, _that smile) and stood up. "I like when you're bossy."

"I'm always bossy," I laughed, and pushed him toward the stairs.

"Well, I always like you."

"C'mon, Preacher Boy." I led him upstairs despite his grumbling about work to do. I removed the rest of his clothing in a completely non-sexual way and he crawled under the covers.

"Aren't you coming with me?" he asked and held open the blankets. I nodded and slipped off my dress and shoes, then climbed in next to him.

"And I'm supposed to sleep with you next to me like that?" He eyed my matching bra and panties as I snuggled closer to him.

"Yes?" I shrugged and laid my head on his pillow. He sighed and kissed me softly before slipping his arm under my head.

"I'll try." Edward closed his eyes and I let my fingers run through his hair, trying to soothe him much like the night we'd searched for Jessica. He was asleep after a few minutes, his breathing slow and even. I took the opportunity to study him, his pretty lips and strong jaw, his thick eyebrows and crazy hair. I loved all those things about him, but that wasn't why I _loved_ him.

He was kind and smart, as beautiful inside as he was outside. And - he loved me.

So I pressed my lips to his cheek and mouthed the words that I was so afraid to say. I hoped it would suffice for the time being, but I knew that eventually I would have to face my fear.

I looked forward to it.


	19. Helping to Heal

**Steph owns. Killerlashes and IAmToWait beta'd this like lightning, I don't know what I did to deserve them. **

**The response to this story still continues to amaze me. Thank you all so much for reading.**

**I can tell you that we're close to the end, so stop worrying. ;) **

* * *

Chapter 19 - Helping to Heal

While Edward slept, I slipped into his clothes and headed downstairs to do some straightening up. The house wasn't in complete disarray, but it was obvious that he and Alice had a busy week. I'd cleaned up the living room and was just finishing the dishes when Alice came home from school.

"How is he?" she asked without any preamble as she started putting away dishes.

"He's exhausted, so I made him sleep," I told her with a small smile, thinking that both Edward and I had really lucked out in the younger-sibling lottery.

"Good," Alice replied.

We finished putting the dishes away and she pulled out an old cookbook from a kitchen drawer. "You want to cook dinner?" she asked while flipping through the book.

"Sure, what did you have in mind?"

"Well, Mom had this recipe for chicken noodle soup that's Edward's favorite…" She trailed off and looked at me with hopeful eyes.

"You want me to help you ruin a family recipe? I don't think that will make Edward feel better," I said with a light laugh.

"He and I have made it before; you'll hardly have to do anything. Please? I really want to do something nice for him," she said, giving me the saddest half-smile that suddenly, vividly made her look just like Edward, and there was really no way I could resist.

"Okay, fine. Let me check on him and you can get everything ready," I told her and made my way up the stairs. Edward was on his back, one arm thrown over his head, skinny white ankles poking out of the comforter. I sat on the edge of the bed and touched his arm softly.

"Hey," he muttered, his voice thick with sleep. He stretched out his arm and pulled me down to him. I kissed his forehead and then his lips and rested my head next to his. "What's going on?"

"Just checking on you," I replied and smoothed his hair away from his face.

"Don't worry about me, pretty girl." Edward chuckled softly.

"But I do." I pressed my lips to his cheek and felt his arms tighten around me. "Alice and I are making dinner, so rest a little bit more and I'll let you know when it's ready."

"Should I be worried?" he asked, green eyes shining with amusement.

"You have smoke alarms, right?" I asked with a grin.

"Leah…" Edward groaned.

"I'm kidding, Edward. We're perfectly capable of _not_ burning your house down. I swear."

"Just be careful, please?"

"Just let me take care of you. _Please_?" I framed his face with my hands and he nodded. I kissed him again and let myself get lost in the feeling of it. For that brief moment nothing was wrong and we were just _us_.

I pulled away and smiled down at him, then kissed his nose.

"I thought you were going to take care of me?" he asked as he ran his hands up my arms, a beautiful smirk on his face.

"By feeding you, perv." I smacked his shoulder lightly and he rolled over, pulling the comforter with him and ultimately making me slide off the bed.

"Come back when you've got more to offer," Edward said with a wave in my direction. I stuck my tongue out at his back and made my way downstairs.

Alice had pulled everything we needed out and we set to cutting vegetables and boiling water. We followed the recipe to a tee while talking about Edward the whole time. She told me a little about his college girlfriend who left him for his roommate.

"I mean, her name was _Bella_? Like from _Beauty and the Beast_?"

"That girl's name was Belle. You have a strange fascination with Disney movies. This frightens me," Alice quipped. I threw a piece of carrot at her head.

"Shut it, Tink."

"I fall asleep for a few hours and you guys start a food fight? _Without_ me?" Edward entered the kitchen, looking more rested but still like crap. Well, as "like crap" as he could…which wasn't actually that bad if I ignored the fact that his hair looked like two hedgehogs having sex.

He kissed my head, then his sister's, and pulled a Coke from the fridge.

"What are you making?" Edward looked in the giant pot Alice was dumping carrots into.

"Chicken noodle soup," she said with a nervous glance up at him. The smile that he gave at her was blinding, like staring into the sun. Her answering one was just as bright and I felt like I was intruding on some special sibling moment, so I took the time to call my mother and tell her I'd be at Edward's for the rest of the night.

I stood outside the kitchen and listened to Edward and Alice talk about her week. After a moment I decided to give them some space and went upstairs to search for Edward's phone, something that Alice had said earlier coming back to me.

I'd asked her if Edward kept in contact with any of his college friends and she'd mentioned one name. I found his phone on the dresser and scrolled through his contacts until I found the one I was looking for.

After I wrote down the number I ran downstairs and grabbed my own phone, then made my way out the door for some privacy.

I dialed with nervous fingers, hoping I was doing the right thing but really only worried about doing something nice for Edward.

They picked up after the first ring, a deep voice muttering a greeting, and I stuttered over my own. The conversation was brief and by the time it was over, I couldn't help the grin that I was wearing.

We hung up and I felt lighter than I had all week. Until I made my way back to the kitchen, of course. Edward was frowning at the phone in his hand and Alice was leaning against the counter with her arms crossed in front of her chest.

"What'd I miss?" I asked. My mind immediately going to the worst.

"Oh, Pastor Weber wants me to go to some conference next week. Alice doesn't want to stay with Mrs. Miller," he said with an annoyed glance at his sister.

"She's old, Edward," Alice said with a frown. "She cooks weird things and pinches my cheeks. And her house smells like cats and feet."

"When do you have to go?" I put my arm around Alice's shoulders and Edward rolled his eyes. I wasn't trying to take sides; I was just trying to comfort her.

"Sunday through Wednesday," Edward sighed.

"What if I stay here? That way Alice doesn't have to leave…"

"You're sure?" Edward eyed me and then Alice, who was practically bouncing under my arm.

"Please?" She clasped her hands in front of her like she was begging. Edward raised an eyebrow at me.

"It's not like taking care of a plant, Leah. You have to feed her and change her and – hey!"

He was cut off when a handful of leftover carrots hit him in the face.

"Stop ganging up on me!" Edward huffed and crossed his arms.

"Aw, c'mere," I said through my laugh. "We'll be fine. Promise." I hugged him tightly though he refused to uncross his arms. Then I kissed his cheek and shoved him out of the kitchen so Alice and I could finish dinner.

The soup was (to everyone's surprise) a huge success. After we'd finished dinner and cleaned up the epic mess that was the kitchen, Edward helped Alice with her homework while I put his laundry away. I was feeling very domestic and, well, I kind of liked it.

"Are you still tired?" I asked Edward as he finally joined me in his bedroom.

"Ugh" was all I heard. I peeked out of the closet and found him sprawled out facedown on his bed. I placed the shirt I'd hung up in the closet and crawled onto the bed. I situated myself, spooning against his back, and he groaned softly.

"I'm sorry," I said softly and apologized by placing a chaste kiss on the back of his neck. I let my fingers work over the cotton of his t-shirt, digging into his skin and trying to work out the knots in his shoulders and back. He breathed deeply and let me _try_ to help him relax.

The week had been an eye-opening experience. It was empowering to be the one to help Edward get through his grief.

I leaned down again and pressed my lips to his ear, hoping to get some sort of reaction from him. Well, I knew what kind of reaction I wanted– I just didn't want to be too obvious.

My efforts were thwarted, however, when he gave a soft snore and scratched at the spot where I'd kissed him.

"He sleeps," I said to myself, feeling very _Pretty Woman _-ish.

I woke him up a few minutes later and ushered him into the bathroom. He brushed his teeth while I turned down the bed and slipped under the covers.

"I'm sorry I haven't been a very good boyfriend lately," he said softly, drawing me to him and nuzzling my cheek.

"Don't be ridiculous," I scoffed and leaned in to kiss him. "You can't be perfect _all _the time."

"I know, but I like to be," he whispered as his lips moved into a huge grin.

"You could at least try to be a little less cocky, you know." I laughed and tucked my head under his chin. Edward wrapped his arms around me and kissed my head. He fell asleep within minutes, leaving me alone with my thoughts in the dark room. Next week I'd be in his house without him, taking care of Alice. Point one in the "good girlfriend" column. Then his friends would be coming to visit (point two) and hopefully he'd get some time off from Quil's, which was a conversation I was planning to have the very next day.

xXx

EPOV

I drove Leah home the next morning and came inside, much to her dismay. After I noticed that Chief Swan's car was already gone I figured it was all I could do to drive her to work. Sue was in the kitchen drinking coffee when we walked in. She gave us a surprised but pleasant smile when she saw us.

"Hey, kids. Want some coffee?" Sue asked.

Leah raised her eyebrows at her mother and then shot me a "don't-even-think-about-it" look. I just shrugged and took a seat at the table. Leah gave me a warning glare and turned on her heels.

"I'll be waiting!" I called as she ascended the stairs.

"She's going to get you for that, you know," Sue laughed, and handed me a cup of coffee. I shrugged and added some sugar before sipping carefully.

"I think she secretly likes it," I joked.

"Well, she likes you, so I think that should be enough for you." Sue sat down across from me and smiled her contagious smile.

"Yeah, it is." I nodded.

"How are you, sweetheart?" She reached across the table to squeeze my hand.

"I'm good. I mean- I'm getting there, you know? Leah's been…amazing."

I wasn't sure how, but Sue's smile seemed to grow somehow. It was a mixture of happiness and pride and something that could have only been a motherly thing. I felt weird witnessing _that look_. It was meant for Leah, not me.

"I hope you're being good to my baby girl." Sue pointed a finger at me and I laughed loudly.

"Of course. She wouldn't have it any other way." I grinned.

Sue laughed that time and patted my hand lightly. "Good," she said with a wink. "I've got to get ready for work. Help yourself to a bagel or something."

I was rummaging through the refrigerator with half a bagel in my mouth when Leah came back into the kitchen.

"Ready?" I handed her the rest of my bagel. Leah tried to glare at me but I kissed her before she could. She took a bite of my leftover bagel and led me out the front door. We stopped for coffee and Leah kissed me quickly when we finally reached the station.

"I'll call you later," she called and ran inside. I watched her, feeling incredibly lucky to have her.

LPOV

_Shit._

I'd never been late for work before. Leave it to me to be late because of something good, though. Said something good being sleeping in a handsome man's arms, but still…I'd never been late before.

But then again…no one seemed to notice that I was late. I wasn't quite sure how I felt about that.

I quickly decided that it didn't matter. Well, it didn't matter until Charlie called me into his office.

"Leah, I need to see you," he called.

I took a deep breath and made my way to his office. It wasn't like he would yell at me. My record was practically perfect; I couldn't get into trouble…right?

I sat down across from Charlie and he slid a paper across the desk to me. The smile that spread across his face was so big it hurt _me_. I looked down at the paper in my hand. My community service hours had been completed, my license reinstated. The day had taken an amazing turn all of a sudden.

"Is this real?" I asked. He laughed and nodded. I couldn't help it; I took the five steps around his desk and hugged him tightly.

"Congratulations. I'll take you to the DMV later if you want," he said as he patted me awkwardly on the shoulder.

"That'd be great. Thanks, Chief." I smiled and excused myself.

"Oh, Leah?" Charlie called just as I stepped out of his office.

"Yeah?" I asked.

He grinned. "You're fired."

I thought about calling Edward but decided that I'd rather surprise him. So, after lunch Charlie took me to get my license and then took me home. I changed out of my work clothes and slid into my car.

"I've missed you," I whispered to the steering wheel. Seth had driven it a few times because Charlie was right, cars needed to be driven. Especially a car as old as mine.

It was a '69 Camaro that my dad had helped me buy. It was a total piece of shit when we got it but we'd spent plenty of weekends locked in Billy's garage with him and Jake fixing it up. A new paint job and leather seats and my baby was good to go.

Edward had taken the day off to collect himself after John's funeral so I drove to his house. It was weird. Well, driving was weird, and driving _myself_ to Edward's house was even weirder. I'd had a chauffeur for several months, so it was odd to be behind the wheel again.

I went through the side door but couldn't find him anywhere in the house. When I finally did find Edward, it was by following the soft sound of his strumming guitar. Edward was sitting just outside the backdoor on the small wooden porch. He was barefoot, dressed in holey jeans and a Toby Mac t-shirt. He looked up from his guitar and smiled.

"How'd you get here?" he asked and set his guitar next to him. He pulled me into his lap and I dangled my car keys in front of his face. "You're free?" he grinned.

I smiled and leaned down to kiss him. "Absolutely free."

"You want to drive me somewhere?"

"You mean somewhere other than crazy?" I raised an eyebrow at him. He snorted delicately and nodded. "Anywhere you want, darling."

"Good," he said with a quick kiss on my cheek. "Let me get my shoes." Edward pushed me off him and carried his guitar inside. He returned a few moments later in an old pair of Converse sneakers. I gave him a look which he neatly ignored. He was definitely too trendy for his own good.

He complimented my baby nicely (he was such a good guy). I smiled while I drove us out of town. There was really no plan on where we were going. As we drove Edward sang along loudly with the radio and I tried to focus on the road, not the way the wind blew through his hair. And definitely not how his hand felt on my thigh or how his lips felt on the bare skin of my shoulder when he leaned over and kissed me there.

I ended up at First Beach, the home of our very first, er…_sexual_ encounter. It wasn't the parking lot I was interested in, however.

"C'mon," I called as he climbed out of the car. He adjusted his sunglasses and took my outstretched hand.

"Where're you taking me?" he asked with his lips close to my ear.

"Someplace," I teased.

We walked the path until we ended at the bluff we'd visited during the youth camping trip. The feeling was different this time, though. When we'd first been up there we were confused about our relationship and what the other one wanted. Now…now was completely different.

"What's on your mind, pretty girl?" Edward dropped my hand and walked to the edge of the cliff. I bit back the words that he'd said to be the last time we'd been up there. _Don't jump. I need you too much. _Okay, maybe he didn't say those _exact _words, but still.

"It's just– this place used to be my happy place and… I want it to be that again. I want it to be that for you. I wanted you to see something that was…I don't know, _worth it,"_ I said softly. He turned to me, hair blowing in the breeze, a sad smile on his face.

"I do, Leah. Every day. With you." Edward crossed the few feet between us and took my face in his hands. "Thank you," he said before kissing me gently.

"You want to make out in the parking lot?" I wrapped my arms around him and he smiled down at me.

"You have a one-track mind, don't you?"

"No? I just…want to try out the backseat," I said with a grin. Edward grabbed my ass with both hands and pulled me against him.

"The backseat is not nearly big enough for all the things I want to do to you," he whispered sultrily in my ear. I shivered against him.

"Now who has a one-track mind?" I teased him. Edward laughed loudly and kissed my cheek.

"C'mon, sweetheart," he said as he grabbed my hand. I let Edward lead me back down the path and to my car. He opened the door for me and waited until I slid inside before getting in.

"So…you don't want to make out?" I asked as I took his hand in mine. He kissed my knuckles softly and shook his head. "You're no fun."

He smiled. "I'll make it up to you later, I promise," Edward said with his lips against the back of my hand.

I nodded and drove us back to Forks, _really_ looking forward to whatever he had in mind.

It was Friday, so what Edward had in mind was dinner with Quil and Claire and playing at the bar. I didn't really want him to play; I just wanted him to take it easy and get his head on straight, but he insisted he was fine and that the music would help him.

I didn't tell Claire what Edward had said to me the week before. Though it was clearly written all over both of our faces, bodies, those magical little words turned into some special aura floating around us – all of that.

When he finished playing I drove back to his house and let him lead me up the stairs. We didn't talk; there was no need. We took our time touching, kissing, and exploring until we were an intricate web of limbs wrapped up in a thick comforter.

Edward sighed deeply, ruffling my hair, as he pulled me to him. I kissed his cheek and let my hand run through his hair. I fell asleep thinking about how I was going to survive nearly a whole week in his bed without him.

xXx

By the time Sunday had rolled around, Edward had worked himself into quite a tizzy. It would have been hilarious if he weren't so scary. He was worried about _everything_. Apparently he and Alice hadn't been separated for that long in years. I think he gave himself an ulcer worrying about it.

"Edward." I commanded his attention by grabbing his hands away from the bag he'd packed twice already and pulled him to sit on the bed with me. "We'll be fine. You'll be fine. Calm. The fuck. _Down_."

He frowned. "But-"

"No," I said and kissed him softly. "Alice will take good care of me. Or vice-versa. We'll see."

"You're funny," he retorted with an adorable eye-roll.

I kissed him again and zipped his bag, then carried it downstairs. He grudgingly followed me and we found Angela in the kitchen already waiting for him. They were only going to Portland but neither were really thrilled about it; Angela had apparently just started dating someone (she was being very tight-lipped) and they were still in the "honeymoon" stage. Edward had caught her several times just sitting at her desk staring off into space.

He tried to tease her about it but I got on to him after he'd told me. I could remember many a day when I got distracted at my desk, too.

"Be good," Edward said before giving Alice a hug and a kiss on the head.

"I'll try," she replied before running back inside.

"Be good," he said to me with a wry smile. I poked him gently before pulling him against me. I hugged him tightly and kissed his cheek.

"I'll try," I whispered. He chuckled and kissed me softly.

"I'll call you tonight," Edward said as he picked up his bag and tossed it in the backseat before getting in the passenger side of Angela's car. I nodded and waved to Angela as they drove away.

Edward did call that night and I fell asleep in his bed listening to his voice.

xXx

"When is Edward going to be home?" Alice asked sadly for what felt like the _millionth_ time on Wednesday night. Our few days together hadn't been awful. In fact, we'd had a lot of fun hanging out and talking about Edward.

"Soon. Jeez, you're awfully whiny," I teased her.

She stuck her tongue out at me and then looked back down at her homework. "I just miss him, that's all."

"It's tough, huh?" I flicked her hair away from her face.

She shrugged and leaned back in her chair. "I guess. I mean, he's all I've got." She played with the pages of her book and avoided my eyes.

I frowned and stood up, then touched her shoulder softly on my way to the kitchen. "He isn't all you've got," I told her. "And I'm pretty sure he just pulled up."

Alice beat me out the door and was in her brother's arms before he was even all the way out of the car.

"Jeez, it's like you missed me or something," Edward said with a laugh.

"You're pretty popular over here." I kissed him quickly and greeted Angela. Edward slung his bag over his shoulder and we followed him inside while Angela drove away.

"Did you have fun? Did you learn some new stuff? Did you bring me anything?" Alice asked once we'd pushed him down on the couch and curled up at his sides.

"Let him breathe, Al. But seriously, did you bring us anything?" I smiled and leaned my head on his shoulder. Edward laughed and rubbed his face with the heel of his hand.

"I may have brought you both something. But all I really want right now is something to eat and a hot shower," he said as he patted us both on the leg and stood up. Alice pouted for a moment before following him into the kitchen. I let them have their time together, knowing I would have my own _time _with him later.

I turned on the television and flipped through the channels until Edward interrupted a fascinating documentary on things that live in rivers in Africa with a soft kiss to my temple.

"I'm going to take a shower," he whispered. I reached behind me and pulled him into a kiss.

"I'll be up soon to tuck you in," I said.

He smiled against my lips. "I hope so," he replied before sauntering upstairs.

I waited until I heard the shower turn on before I followed him into his bedroom. I locked the door behind me and stripped off all my clothes, then crawled onto the middle of the bed. With a sigh, I situated myself against the pillows and waited for Edward to get out of the shower.

I must have been more tired than I realized because a few moments later I was being awakened by Edward's fingers brushing my hair away and his lips on my forehead.

"Did you have something planned here?" he asked with a soft laugh as he gestured down at my naked form.

"Crap," I groaned and reached up to run a hand through his wet hair. He rested his forehead against mine and breathed deeply.

"Those pillows didn't smell like you," he said softly as he rolled to his side and brought me with him. Edward's leg slipped between mine and I smiled when I realized he was just as naked as I was.

"You missed me, huh?" I asked softly as I kissed his neck.

"You have no idea, pretty girl," he murmured and turned so he was on his back. I situated myself on top of his body. Edward held my face between his hands and kissed me with teasing lips. I moved away from him, though reluctantly, and fished around in his nightstand.

I nearly fell off the bed when his teeth sunk into the side of my breast.

"Ow!" I tried to be angry but I couldn't. It came out as a laugh instead.

"You really shouldn't have put it in my face like that," he whispered as both of his hands traveled up the front of my body. "I missed them too, you know?" he said as he squeezed softly.

"I'd rather you get reacquainted with other parts of my body at the moment, Edward," I told him as I sat up. He held his hands up in surrender and smiled lazily at me while _I _got reacquainted with _him_. I kissed him softly as he filled me and when I pulled away he whispered those words that made my heart flutter.

We let our bodies do the talking, letting each other know how much we missed the other until chests were heaving and words were long lost.

"Four days is too long," I said once I'd caught my breath. Edward chuckled into my hair and spooned himself against me.

"I agree. Never again," he whispered against my shoulder.

xXx

When Friday finally rolled around I was a nervous wreck. Edward's friend was going to meet us at the bar after what had become our weekly dinner with Claire and Quil. Quil had agreed to let him and his wife play instead of Edward. Edward just thought we were bringing back karaoke so he was totally taken by surprise when we walked into the bar.

"You have _got _to be kidding me!" Edward cried when we walked in the door. I turned quickly to see a huge grin spread across his face. He crossed the room quickly and was lifted off the ground by a tall dark-haired man.

"How the hell are ya?" Edward's friend asked before setting him back down. I watched the exchange, completely smug at bringing the two of them together. Well, smug until a tall blonde wrapped _my boyfriend_ in a vise-like embrace.

Then I intervened. Claire giggled behind me.

"Emmett?" I asked as I joined them. He turned and smiled at me, all teeth and big brown eyes. "I'm -"

"Leah," he said and pulled me into a bone-crushing hug. "Girl, you are way too pretty to be with a sucker like Cullen." Emmett laughed loudly and released me.

"Hey," Edward defended himself and wrapped his arm around my waist. I laughed and patted his cheek as I pulled myself close to him and simply basked in his happiness.

"This is my wife Rosalie," Emmett said as he gestured to the blonde next to him. She was movie-star-gorgeous and, as it turned out, really fucking nice, too.

Rosalie shook my hand and pinched Edward's cheek with a wide grin. I liked her.

"Why the hell are you here?" Edward asked, his curiosity finally getting the best of him.

"Leah called me," Emmett explained.

Edward looked down at me with wide eyes and I shrugged.

"When did you do that?" he asked quietly.

"Last week," I said and rested my chin on his shoulder and glanced up at him.

He tightened his arm around me and kissed my forehead. "I…" Edward started, his eyes misting over.

"Okay, kids. Rosie and I need to get this show on the road," Emmett clapped Edward on the shoulder and he and Rosalie made his way to the stage. Edward turned to me and gently cupped my face in his hands, bringing my eyes to his.

"Thank you," he whispered before kissing me gently. I nodded and pulled his hands from my face, and then led him to a table; Claire and Quil joined us a few moments later.

I was immediately grateful for calling Emmett and I knew that Quil was too as soon as they started playing. Emmett and Rose both sat on stools facing each other with their guitars. They mainly did country and folk songs, their voices melding together perfectly. The emotion they poured into their music was almost as evident as when Edward was singing one of his worship songs.

We talked and listened, Edward's hand resting lazily on my knee, and I reveled in the feel of his skin on mine. When their set was finished Emmett and Rose joined us, though I had a hard time focusing on the conversation.

"We should go away somewhere," Edward said softly as he slipped his arm around my chair and took my hand in his.

"Like where?" I asked, brushing his hair away.

"I don't know." He shrugged. "Somewhere…secluded. Just the two of us."

"What about Alice and work and- "

He interrupted me with a kiss and I laughed softly.

"Fine, you've convinced me," I replied and rested my head on his shoulder.

"Are they always like this?" Rosalie asked.

I looked up just in time to catch the disgusted look on her face.

"Oh, yeah." Claire nodded. "Sometimes I pretend that they have little puffy hearts in their eyes, like in the cartoons, you know?"

Rosalie laughed. "They're kind of gross. I don't know how you put up with it."

"You get used to it," Claire said with a wide grin.

"Screw you guys," I huffed, and tugged Edward out of his chair and to the middle of the dance floor with me. "They're just jealous."

"You are so..._cute_ when you're mad," Edward teased me as he wrapped me in his arms. We moved with the music, some slow song I'd heard a million times on the radio but which somehow sounded different when Edward was holding me the way he was.

"Hush, you," I whispered and placed a soft kiss under his ear.

"I really want to thank you, Leah," he said quietly. "For everything, I mean. Not just for tonight."

"You don't have to…" I trailed off when Edward pulled away; the look on his face was so peaceful it almost scared me.

Almost.

"I do. I mean everything you did with Alice and calling Emmett. You didn't have to do any of that." Edward smiled and leaned down to kiss me.

I pulled him close, my hand resting on the back of his neck and holding him to me. "Of course I did, Edward," I said softly. I took a deep breath and held him impossibly tighter, afraid he would slip away.

"Thank you," he whispered, though I knew he meant more.

_You're welcome. _"I love you."


	20. All That You Are

**Stephenie owns 'em. Killerlashes and IAmToWait beta 'em. **

**UofMAnne gave this a preread and deemed it 'meh' so I started over and am definitely more happy with _this_. ;) (Thanks, darling!)**

**Thank you all for reading/reviewing/reccing and whatever else you do. Really. I can't thank you enough. **

**Johnny Rzeznik's words make me feel like I'm fifteen again, hence the title chapter. **

**I'll shut up now. **

* * *

Chapter 20 – All That You Are

"_You're the sound of redemption,_

_The faith that I've lost,_

_The answers I'm seeking no matter the cost,_

_You opened the window,_

_Now I can see,_

_And you taught me forgiveness by giving your love back to me._

_Yeah, all the things that you are,_

_Beautifully broken, alive in my heart,_

_And know that you are everything,_

_Let your heart sing and tonight,_

_Let your heart sing and tonight, we light up the stars,_

_All that you are."_

-Goo Goo Dolls

"_I love you." _

My words hung over us for what felt like an eternity. I felt more than heard Edward's sharp intake of breath, and his fingers dug into my back as he held me tightly. He pulled back slowly and looked down at me, his lips pursed into a thin line. If it weren't for the fire in his eyes I would have mistaken his serious look for something different.

"I should have said it sooner, and I'm sorry- "

"Leah- " he interrupted me.

"No. It's true, Edward. I love you and I'm not afraid of it."

"What are you afraid of then, pretty girl?" he asked as he reached up and cupped my face. His thumb ghosted over my cheek and I fought the urge to get lost in his touch, to kiss him with all I had, and forget any words either one of us had to say.

"Of losing you? Of this being some huge trick the universe is playing on me by letting me be happy? That I'm dreaming? Take your pick!" I fought the tears that were threatening to form in my eyes and leaned my forehead against his chin.

Edward sighed and pulled my face to his, his hands gripping my face between them.

"I'm not going anywhere," he said quietly.

I placed my own hands over his and searched his face for something, _anything_ that would prove his words otherwise.

The only thing I found was love. Love for me, hope for our relationship, and faith in us.

"I love you, Leah. I'm not going anywhere," Edward repeated. I let my arms wrap around him and my lips press against his skin.

"I love you, too," I whispered. He pulled back and tipped my chin up with his index finger. My own lips curved into a smile when I saw the one on his face. It was small and shy and it reminded me of our first date.

I thought about that night and how I knew we were in over our heads. It seemed like so many weeks ago, almost a lifetime ago, considering how different I felt.

"I'm going to kiss you now. I thought you should know." Edward's words brought me from my reverie.

"That's a good idea," I agreed. His shy smile broke into a full-on grin as he pressed his lips to mine.

If the room had caught fire I don't think either one of us would have noticed.

xXx

"What was _that_ all about?" Claire asked once Edward and I had pried ourselves away from each other. Well, since Rosalie cut in and pointed out that the song had changed so we either needed to break it up or "take it to a backseat", as she so eloquently put it.

"What?" I ignored her and took a sip from Edward's soda. "Blech." I made a face and set the glass down. Apparently Edward was a straw-chewer.

"Oh, please. You just had his tongue down your throat, I'm sure a little spit on a straw won't hurt you."

"But he chewed on it!" I griped.

"And? You have a sudden aversion to Preacher Boy's mouth?"

"God, no. I love his mouth," I said before I could help myself. I could feel my eyes widen as I clamped my hand over my mouth. It was too late, the words had already escaped.

"_Ewww_. Leah!" Claire made a face and I laughed loudly, deciding to embrace the conversation. I mean, why not? It had been well…a long time since I got to talk to Claire about _that_ aspect of any relationship.

"Seriously, C. He's amazing. And those hands… _damn_," I sighed and she gave me a half-smile.

"You're gross, you know," Claire said with a wrinkled nose.

I laughed again and patted her hand.

"You love me, admit it."

"You love _him_, admit it," Claire replied slyly. I felt my face heat up.

"I do. And I _did_, thank you very much."

"Really?" she practically squealed and clasped her hands in front of her, reminding me of Alice.

"Yes," I sighed.

"Like, is that what I just saw? I just witnessed history? I saw Leah 'The Bitch' Clearwater profess her undying love to Edward 'Preacher Boy' Cullen? I didn't even get a picture!"

"First of all, I'm not too thrilled with those nicknames. Second of all, you're a bitch." I flipped her off and went to the bar to get a drink while Claire cackled behind me.

"Can I get a Coke, please?" I leaned over the counter to ask the new bartender.

"Anything in it, sweetheart?"

"Er… ice?" I gave her a confused look and she smiled. It did occur to me that I was in a bar. It also occurred to me that I hadn't had a drink in months. Not even an occasional glass of wine with dinner at home. Being with Edward– even being at the bar with Edward– had changed how I looked at so many things. Starting with how I spent my time out of the house. I honestly couldn't remember the last time I had a drink.

When I got back to the table, Edward was sitting with Emmett, and Claire and Rosalie had disappeared.

"So, you ever hear from Jasper?" Emmett asked as I approached the table. Edward glanced up at me nervously and wrapped an arm around my waist. He pulled me into his lap. It was innocent; of course, just the need to be close to one another…but it still warmed my body.

"No, not since before I moved out here," Edward shook his head. "I did hear they got married though."

"They've got two kids!" Emmett said.

"Who's got kids?" I asked, looking between Edward and Emmett.

"Oh, uh… Jasper, my old roommate and- "

"Bella, your old girlfriend?" I asked. He narrowed his eyes at me.

"Alice has _such_ a big mouth," Edward grumbled.

"It was bound to come up sooner or later, sugar," I replied and tapped his nose.

"Yeah, well…it's not that great of a story," he muttered and grabbed my soda off the table. I yanked the straw out before it reached his lips and Emmett laughed.

"It's really a lousy story," Emmett explained as Rosalie and Claire settled back at the table. "We were all friends and…"

"They turned out to be _better _friends?" I asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Pretty much," Edward said quietly. I ran my fingers through the short hair on the back of his neck and made a mental note to remind him to get a haircut. Then I made a mental note to make good work of that hair later. Yes, definitely.

"She was a spoiled brat. Moving on!" Rosalie said loudly and we laughed. Edward kissed my shoulder, a serene smile on his face. Apparently there were parts of his life that he didn't care about anymore.

We listened to the conversations going on at the table and responded when necessary, but mostly it felt as if we were wrapped up in our own little bubble. Edward opened my palm and started writing things with his finger on my skin. I mouthed the answers to him and he rewarded me with a kiss when I got it right. It was silly and corny and so perfectly us.

_You're pretty._

_I love you. _

_I want to fu-_

"Edward!" I cried and snatched my hand away, my cheeks heating up. (How had _I_ become the prude in this relationship?) "I can't believe you."

"What?" He shrugged and smiled angelically at me. I crossed my arms and looked away, just in time to see Jacob walk into the bar.

"Oh, good. My other boyfriend is here." I smirked at Edward as I got up from his lap. He pinched my ass as I walked away.

"Hey," Jacob greeted me and ordered a beer. "New bartender?" he asked as he eyed the pretty girl across the counter.

I smacked him. "Don't be a perv."

"She's hot."

"Perv." I reiterated my previous sentiment and he grinned down at me.

"What's going on tonight?"

"Some of Edward's friends are in town, we're just hanging out."

"Oh, great." Jacob rolled his eyes. "More church people."

"They're his friends from college, you jerk," I chided him and led him to the table.

Of course, introducing Jacob to Emmett may not have been the wisest choice I'd ever made.

By the time Quil had closed down the register I was positive there was no alcohol left in the place. Emmett was trying to teach Jacob to play the guitar and they were both singing loudly and very, very badly.

"Good _Lord_. Emmett Dale McCarty! It is time to leave!" Rosalie yelled over the train wreck that was their horrible rendition of…well, I wasn't quite sure what the song was supposed to be but it sounded and awful lot like "Tiny Dancer".

"Aw, I'm having fun, Rosie," Emmett whined, "Jake just gets Elton the same way I do!"

"Is he going to admit to saying that tomorrow?" Claire asked, shaking her head in disbelief.

Rosalie snorted. "Yup. Em listens to chick music. Tracy Chapman makes him cry. It's kind of gay-"

"MY TEARS ARE NOT GAY!" Emmett bellowed, shooting his wife a wounded glare, before storming off the stage in a huff. Laughing, Edward helped put away the guitars while Jacob sat giggling.

"Jake, how did you get here?" I asked.

"On a magic carpet," he quipped. "Not really, I drove. But I bet that bartender has a magic- "

"Jacob!" Claire and I cried at the same time. He started and fell out of his chair.

"You want to drive him and I'll meet you there?" Edward pulled me to the side and asked me quietly.

I kissed him quickly but fiercely, hoping he knew why.

"What was that for?"

"For being so thoughtful. You hurt my baby and I kill you," I told him with a warning glare as I pulled my keys out and grudgingly handed them over.

"I'll be careful. You be careful, too. Please?" he leaned down to kiss me.

"I will," I whispered against his lips. "I love you."

He smiled his sweet smile and kissed my forehead. "Me too."

"Are you done making out? Can you take me home before I puke?" Jacob interrupted my moment and I turned to glare at him.

"I'll meet you in the parking lot, assface," I told him. I said goodbye to Rosalie and Emmett and thanked them (well, I thanked Rose) for coming out. Jacob was leaning against his truck waiting for me, his eyelids drooping.

"C'mon, big boy." I opened the door for him and let him climb in before slamming it loudly behind him.

"Rude," he muttered as he pulled on his seatbelt. "Take me to Embry's, please. I don't want to hear Billy bitching."

"_Seriously?_" I cried.

"C'mon, Lee-Lee," Jacob pleaded with me. I fumed for a moment before I agreed. I hadn't seen Embry since the night he showed up at the bar with Sam. Needless to say, I wasn't really interested in seeing him anytime soon, but I was just dropping Jake off, after all. I could shove his ass out the door and take off without having to interact much.

I practically dragged Jacob up the steps and knocked on Embry's front door, a door that was all too familiar to me and these drunken kind of nights. He answered after the second time I knocked, shirtless and squinty-eyed.

"I brought you a gift." I gave him a wry smile and shoved Jacob inside. "You got any water? He needs it," I said as I pushed past them. I settled myself on the couch and flipped on the television then looked around. Everything was still very much the same: hand-me-down furniture and high-tech appliances punctuated by a few dirty dishes, but the place was mostly clean.

I called Edward and let him know where I was. He gave a resigned sigh and I didn't have to ask why. He and Embry had never actually met and a late-night rendezvous was not really the preferred time.

Jacob collapsed on the couch next to me and Embry took a seat in the plush chair. We sat in silence for a moment- a really awkward silence, until Embry finally broke it.

"Want to play Mario Kart?"

"You mean, 'do you want me to kick your ass in Mario Kart'?" I teased. He smiled and tossed me a game controller.

"You talk a big game, Lee," Embry said with a smirk.

I laughed softly, almost feeling like we were friends again– minus the benefits.

Edward arrived soon after we started playing to pick me up. He even got out of the car and knocked on the door. I raced Embry to the door and winked at him before I slipped out.

"Hi," I greeted him. Edward grinned and revved the engine.

"Where to?" he asked.

"Wherever you want to go," I told him with a smile.

"Bed." He nodded seriously and pulled out of the driveway. I laughed and took his hand in mine.

"Did you have fun tonight?" I asked as we drove.

"It was amazing. I can't thank you enough," he said with a soft kiss to my knuckles.

"I'm just sorry they couldn't stay longer." I frowned.

Edward laughed. "I think hanging out with Emmett is best done once a year. He's calmed down a lot but he's still pretty crazy."

"Oh, so he was _that_ kind of friend," I said with a laugh.

"His room was down the hall from mine; I stumbled in accidentally one night, but instead of him being pissed off, he just handed me a beer and let me crash on his floor," Edward explained. Anytime he spoke about his past I felt like he was talking about someone else. Surely my Preacher Boy wasn't a hard-partying, drug-doing hooligan. But then I remembered that Edward _had_ been those things, and that he had overcome all those obstacles.

"And you've been friends ever since?"

"Exactly." Edward smiled.

"Some special 'dude, I accidentally slept on your floor' bond?"

"Shut up, smartass." Edward squeezed my hand.

"I'm just saying…"

"Emmett's a good friend. He was there for me when my parents died. He helped me move back home with Alice…he's good people."

"I'm glad you had a friend like that," I said softly.

We were quiet after that, just the wind and the radio filling the silence. We tip-toed upstairs once we got home and Edward pulled me to him almost immediately.

He sat on his bed and pulled me between his knees, his fingers threaded through my belt loops.

"Tell me again," Edward whispered as his fingers danced under the hem of my shirt.

"I love you." I breathed the words and kissed him gently. I could feel him smile beneath my lips.

I let my hands tangle in the hair on the back of his neck while he pushed my shirt up. His lips met the skin of my stomach while his hands worked the cotton up and off my body. Edward's finger smoothed over my collarbone and down my sides until they were at the top of my jeans.

He looked up at me, blazing green eyes warming my skin, in a silent plea. I nodded and sighed softly as he unbuttoned my jeans and slid them down my body. As I stepped out of my jeans, Edward pulled me into his lap and threaded his fingers through my hair. He kissed me hungrily; his lips moved from my own until they met my skin, and Edward made sure he took care of all the spots I loved.

I laughed softly and he pulled away with a frown on his face.

"Something wrong?" he asked quietly.

"No," I whispered before nipping at his lips. "I just love how well you know me." I giggled. "Both in the biblical sense and not."

"Well, you should probably let me get to know you a bit more. In the biblical sense, that is." He fell back on the bed, somehow undoing my bra in the process. I shrugged out of it and bent down to kiss him. His hands roamed my body: grabbing, stroking, and caressing me into a puddle in his arms.

Edward rolled us quickly and I helped him yank off his shirt and then made quick work of his pants. He pulled off my panties agonizingly slowly, and I gave him the side-eye until he dropped them over the side of the bed.

"I love you so much," I whispered when he crawled over me and settled between my legs.

"I know," he breathed into my neck.

I laughed and held him tightly, feeling his body vibrate with laughter.

"Where in the hell did you come from, Leah Clearwater?" He pressed his forehead to mine as he slipped inside.

"Your dreams?" I sighed and wrapped my legs around his waist, drawing him closer, deeper.

"Mmph. Clearly," he said huskily, and bit my chin. I pulled him into a kiss and he laced our free hands together and held them over my head. I let him spread my other arm out until his body was stretched over mine and we were moving in perfect rhythm together.

"_Jes-_" I stopped short when Edward pulled back and glared at me. It was almost comical, really, him trying to reprimand me for taking the Lord's name in vain while we were doing what we happened to be doing at the moment. "Sorry," I whispered and pulled him to me again.

"Mmhm," he murmured against my lips.

I was tight-lipped after that. Well, as tight-lipped as I could be… okay, I stopped taking the Lord's name in vain. But it was really, reallyhard.

I mean, _really_.

Every time with Edward was different. Every time brought out more emotions and sensations and just…_more._

"Edward," I whispered his name and tore my hands from his, clinging to him as his name turned into a soft moan and everything else disappeared. Edward chuckled and kissed me before rolling quickly and pulling me on top of him. He gripped my thighs and I placed my hands on his chest, more to keep my balance than anything else, considering I was about as useful as a wet noodle.

He gave a quiet groan that sounded an awful lot like _God_ and stilled beneath me. I gave Edward a moment to collect himself before I leaned down and placed my hands beside his head.

"What did you just say?"

"Shut up," he whispered and leaned up to kiss me. I dodged him.

"Edward Insert-Your-Middle-Name-Here Cullen," I said, and he grinned. "I should only hear _that _word come from _your_ lips if you're praying."

"Amen?" He smirked and pushed me off of him. "And my middle name is Anthony."

"Why didn't I know that?" I asked as he went into the bathroom.

"Because you never asked." Edward shrugged as he came out and tossed me his t-shirt. I pulled it on and frowned at him.

"I should have asked."

"Well, now you know," he said as he climbed into bed. Edward pulled me to him but I didn't budge.

"When's your birthday?" I asked.

"June 20th," he answered.

"That's next month!"

"It is." Edward chuckled and I hit him with a pillow.

"If I'm going to be a good girlfriend I need to know these things!"

"You _are _a good girlfriend. You're perfect, pretty girl. Come cuddle me."

"But I want to know these things." I pouted and stayed strong in my spot on the bed.

Edward sighed and sat up, then slipped off the bed and pulled on a pair of pants.

"Where are you going?" I jumped off the bed and tugged on my own jeans. He pulled me to him and tilted my face to his.

"Downstairs so we can talk," he said before kissing me softly.

"Why can't we talk here?" I asked as he let go of me and opened the door.

"Because here is… not a place I can concentrate on talking, you know?" He asked and I shivered as his eyes darkened. I gave a small nod and let him lead me downstairs and into the kitchen.

I perched myself on the counter and Edward took a carton of ice cream from the freezer. He handed me a spoon and took one for himself before leaning against the counter with me.

"What do you want to know?" he asked through a spoonful of ice cream.

"Everything." I frowned.

"Well, I was born in Chicago. My dad taught music and my mom was a doctor. I studied music for a few years and when my parents died I dropped out to take care of Alice. I've told you the rest," Edward said with a shrug.

"That's hardly telling me anything!" I whacked him with my spoon. He glared comically at me.

"What else is there?"

"What's your favorite color?" I asked seriously. Edward laughed but stopped when he met my solemn gaze.

He took my hand in his and kissed my palm softly, his eyes fixed on mine the whole time. His finger trailed from my palm to the crease of my elbow and he smiled.

"Caramel," was his reply.

"That's not a color," I whispered hoarsely.

"The color of your skin, then," he said before leaning in and placing a kiss under my ear. I shivered but pushed him away.

"Stop that," I said with a scowl.

"Why is _"_Smile_"_ your favorite song?" He asked quietly.

"How do you know it's my favorite?" I countered.

"It's the only song you've ever asked me to play." Edward shrugged. I looked at my hands.

"My dad used to sing it to me so I could fall asleep." I felt tears prick my eyes and Edward's hands on my face ready to wipe them away.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have…"

"No. No, this is what I'm talking about Edward. We love each other and there are things that we need to know in order to make this work."

"I know, Leah. I just – I hate to see you sad."

I laughed softly. "I'm not sad, Edward. I'm the complete opposite, actually."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, silly boy," I said and pulled him between my legs. I rested my head on his chest he kissed the top of my head.

"Alright, then. What else to do you want to know?"

"Everything," I repeated my earlier words and he groaned. "Stop that! I want to be one of those disgusting couples that don't have any secrets!"

"We already are one of _those_ couples. Well, according to Claire and Rose we are," Edward said with a laugh.

"They're just as bad, trust me. I lived _The Quil and Claire Saga_ for years!"

"What about you? No torrid love affairs in high school?" Edward asked with a grin.

"Hey, this is your interrogation, mister." I glared and stabbed at the ice cream. "Besides, I only dated Sam in high school. And then Embry…" I trailed off realizing that I'd said a little too much about my history and my past with men.

"Really?" he asked quietly.

"Yeah, really." I nodded and stuck the spoonful into my mouth before I could say anything stupid. "Are you surprised?" _So much for not being stupid. _

"No, no I'm not… It wouldn't matter to me either way," he said with a small smile.

_If he were any more perfect I think he wasn't real at all._

"Spill it then, Preacher Boy."

"Oh, I really don't want to relive those days. Especially now that you've…"

"You were a slut, weren't you?" I asked with a laugh.

I watched as a blush crept up Edward's neck and face. He turned away from me and crossed his arms in front of his chest.

"Aw, I'm just kidding!" I set my spoon down and wrapped my arms around him from behind, resting my chin on his shoulder and kissing his neck for good measure.

"Well, I kind of was…" he shrugged underneath me and turned his face to mine.

"I know if _I_would have met you in high school I wouldn't have been able to resist," I told him. Edward laughed and turned to me, positioning his body between my legs again.

"You can't resist me now," he murmured to the skin under my neck. I snaked my arms around his neck and pulled him closer.

"Very, very true," I whispered before pulling his mouth to mine.

"I love you," he said softly once he'd pulled away.

"Why?" I asked before I could stop myself. I could list all the reasons I loved him. All the way from his forgiving heart to his great ass; but I needed to know why _he_ loved _me. _

Edward took a deep breath and intertwined our fingers together in my lap. "There was something about you the first time I saw you, you know?" He talked to our hands and refused to meet my eyes. I watched the way the corners of his mouth moved up as he spoke.

"You just had this fire in your eyes, like nothing could touch you. Like nothing bothered you or got you down."

"That's not exactly true," I muttered.

"I know. I mean, after a while I saw something different. I've always been good at that; I can do it so easily with the kids. But… that fire, Leah - it covered up all the pain and I had no idea. I don't even remember when it was, but you let your guard down and let me in and I saw something I'd never seen before. I _felt _something I'd never felt before."

"In me?" I touched his face softly and brought his gaze to mine.

"In you, in me. I don't know. You were just broken and raw and - "

"And you wanted to fix me?" I frowned. Edward shook his head quickly and cupped my face, keeping my eyes locked with his.

"No. I knew that _you_ could fix _me_."

I rolled his words around in my head for a long time, until his green eyes turned worried and he whispered my name.

"I'm sorry… I just – I always felt it was the other way around."

Edward smiled. "That's why I love you. You have no idea how special you are. How kind and smart and utterly perfect."

"I'm not – "

"You _are._" He interrupted and kissed me quickly. "You're perfect for me. I've never loved anyone like I love you. For a long time I didn't even care about finding someone. You – you fixed that for me."

"Ditto," I whispered shyly and ducked my head away from his passionate gaze.

"Now, do you have any more questions or can I please take you back upstairs? I haven't had nearly enough of you."

I bit my lip and let my eyes roam over his naked torso before meeting his darkened eyes.

No, I hadn't had nearly enough of him either.


	21. Your Love is a Symphony

**Stephenie owns. Killerlashes and IAmToWait beta. **

**Four more chaps. **

**Thank you for reading. :)**

* * *

Chapter 21 – Your Love is a Symphony

The weeks after my revelation moved too quickly for my liking. Since Charlie had "fired" me, I had picked up a summer class and even made a couple of friends at school. Everyone was a little surprised when I brought it up at dinner one night.

"_What did you do today, Leah?" Mom asked. _

"_Oh, just class and lunch with Kate," I replied. _

_Charlie dropped his fork. _

"_Who's Kate?" Seth frowned. _

"_She's a friend from school." I shrugged. _

"_You've got friends?" Seth asked, Charlie snorted and Mom gave them both a reproachful look. _

"_I've got lots of friends!" I defended myself which made them laugh even louder. I did have friends… if Edward and Claire counted._

Well, everyone except Edward, of course. His faith in me never seemed to waver, something that would have been completely unnerving if it weren't so flattering.

If they were skeptical about my making new friends, they were downright surprised when I decided to continue my volunteer work at the hospital and the church. School had let out, so people were going on vacation. I helped to fill in the schedule with the regulars at the hospital and did some work in the church office as well. It was boring work, mostly filing and answering phones, but it let me be closer to Edward.

The more time we spent together, the easier it was to control ourselves. Though being physical with Edward was high (okay, it was at the top) on the list of my favorite things, simply _being_ with him was number one.

Telling Edward how I felt really had been the best thing for me – for us. I knew it would open so many doors in our relationship, some good and some bad, but I also knew we both were willing and able to deal with whatever came our way.

As things with our relationship had begun to settle, it felt like everything else started to speed up. Work and volunteering, friends and family. It was enough to make a person crazy. I was just glad I had Edward to go crazy with if it had to happen.

With the kids on summer break, both Edward and Angela were scrambling around for special projects to do with them on Sundays and Wednesdays. They'd even changed their meeting times to during the day to help parents with childcare. By the second week of summer, they were both exhausted.

"These kids are driving me crazy!" Angela cried one day at lunch. I tried not to laugh at "cool, calm, and collected" Angela freaking out over a group of ankle-biters. "They're so rude these days. It's worse than youth group!"

"Oh, I don't know about that," Edward said with a sigh and pushed his French fries around on his plate. "It's like mating season at youth. Everything I turn around someone is sneaking off or touching or– "

"We get it!" I shuddered and tried not to imagine my brother or his sister being any of _those_ kids.

"It's like their parents can't handle them so they ship them to us," Angela complained. I listened to their conversation, amused. The two youth leaders complaining about helping to shape the youth of America was funny to me.

"What are you laughing at?" Edward scowled at me and squeezed my thigh.

I shrugged and patted his cheek. "Nothing, sweetheart. You guys are just funny." He shook his head but smiled.

"I just need…a vacation." Angela sighed and looked out the window of the diner.

"Vacation sounds amazing. I can't remember the last time I had one of those," Edward said and leaned back in his chair. He stretched and wrapped his arm around my shoulders.

I thought about that while we finished lunch. Edward probably hadn't had a real "vacation" since before his parents died.

"I've got to run to the bookstore, I'll see you back at work?" Edward nodded as Angela stood up and grabbed her things. "Bye, Leah."

We watched her walk away and then Edward leaned into me and kissed my head.

"I should get going, too," he said softly. "Where are you off to today?"

"I'm going to have coffee with Kate, and then we're going to study," I told him as we made our way out of the diner.

"My girl, the scholar." Edward grinned and took my hand so we could walk the few blocks back to the church where our cars were parked.

"Yeah, yeah." I shrugged and tried not to smile. It felt nice to have him be proud of me.

"Is that…Angela?" Edward stopped abruptly and pointed to the small bookstore across the street.

I followed his gaze and gasped out loud. "Oh. My. _God._"

It was most certainly Angela. And a _boy_. Well, not really a boy, more like a man. A man that worked at the bookstore. She was leaning against the counter, smiling and twirling her hair around her finger.

"Well, I can see why she needed to run to the bookstore," Edward muttered.

I laughed and slapped him playfully. "Your mystery has been solved, you creep. Stop staring."

"Oh, you know you're curious too!" He teased me, and I pulled him away from the shop.

"Don't you dare tease her about this either," I told him.

"I wouldn't dream of it," Edward said with a smile.

I eyed him suspiciously. "I don't believe you."

He laughed loudly and pulled me closer to his side. "You shouldn't," he whispered.

"I know," I whispered back and kissed his cheek.

"Dinner at your place tonight?" Edward asked as we approached the church.

"Yeah, I'll let you know what time," I said as I unlocked my car. Since things had gotten so serious Edward and I had started spending one night a week with my family for dinner, and one at his home with just Alice. The only problem was working around Mom and Charlie's schedules.

He opened my car door and kissed me softly. "Have fun with Kate." I slid in and gave him a smile before driving away. It was always bittersweet to leave him, even though I knew we would see each other soon.

The fact that I wasn't being completely honest with Edward probably had something to do with how hard it was to say goodbye. I wasn't the best secret-keeper and it was getting more and more difficult to keep a couple of things under my hat.

"_I can't decide what to get Edward for his birthday," I told Alice one night after dinner. _

_She shrugged."He doesn't need anything, really."_

_I rolled my eyes."That doesn't mean I don't want to get him something!" _

_She was quiet for a moment before she turned to me with a small smile."I think I know what he would like, c'mon." _

I met my friend Kate at the little coffee shop down the street from the school campus. She smiled and hugged me tightly, something I wasn't quite used to yet. Kate was a tiny-but-fierce blonde whose outspoken attitude had captured my heart the first day of class; the professor paired us up for a group project, and we'd been as thick as thieves ever since. It was weird, having someone besides Edward and people I'd known my whole life that I actually wanted to talk to.

"What's Edward doing today?" Kate sipped her latte and glanced up at me from over the top of the cup.

"He's working." I ignored the glint in her deep blue eyes and followed her out of the coffee shop.

"You're not going to introduce me to him, are you? Why not? I want to meet this 'perfect guy' you always gush about!"

"Oh, honey, I just don't want you to be sad that your boyfriend doesn't measure up," I told her with a smile.

Kate snorted and pointed up the street. "Let's go get your perfect boyfriend his perfect birthday present." She gave me a small shove. "What does he think you're doing?"

I shrugged. "Studying."

"He has no idea about any of this?" Kate asked with a frown.

"No. I just…don't know how to tell him," I said softly.

"I'm sure he'll be happy either way," she tried to reassure me.

"I know." I sighed. "Here's the shop. I'll be right out." I left Kate on the sidewalk while I picked up Edward's birthday present. It was perfect, really; Alice had done an amazing job helping me.

"All set?" Kate asked once I'd stepped out of the shop.

I nodded and smiled, content and excited about my purchase. "Yep. Hey, do you and Garrett want to come out on Friday night?"

"To Quil's? To meet your friends and prove that I'm not imaginary?" Kate grinned at me.

I laughed and shook my head. "Exactly." I linked my elbow through hers and we continued on our way, taking care of some errands that needed attending to.

It was nice to have someone like Kate to help me. There were some things that I couldn't tell Edward, or anyone else for that matter, about. I didn't want to jinx anything or risk my plans falling through.

Of course, as much as I wanted to wait, I let my guilt get the best of me after dinner that night. Edward was sprawled across my bed and I'd settled myself at his feet with my laptop to work on an article for my class.

"You're awfully quiet today," Edward said softly and poked me with his toes.

I grabbed his foot and dug my fingers into the sole of it. He jerked it away quickly and I went back to my writing feeling smug. "Shh, I'm working," I scolded him.

"And you're adorable doing it. Now, tell me what's wrong, pretty girl."

"Nothing," I sighed, and closed my laptop.

Edward sat up and took the computer from me, then gently turned my face to his.

"Leah…"

"What are you doing tomorrow?" I asked quickly.

Edward's eyes searched my face for something that would tell him what I was thinking, but I knew his tricks well. I kept cool until he answered. "Whatever you need me to do?" he half-asked with a smile.

"Perfect." I kissed him and stood up to stretch. "You should get going. It's late."

"I'll pick you up for breakfast then?" Edward asked and followed me downstairs.

"Sounds good. See you then," I said as I opened the door. Alice skirted past us and gave me a quick wave as she made her way to the car.

"I love you," Edward whispered and kissed my forehead. "Whatever you're worried about…stop it."

"I love you, too. Now get out of my head." I gave him a wry smile and pushed him out the door.

The whole "know everything about each other" thing did get a little annoying when you were trying to plan a birthday surprise.

xXx

"Where are we going?" Edward asked after we'd gotten our coffee from the same shop I'd just been at with Kate the day before.

"I just…I have something to show you," I said nervously as I pulled him along the street.

We finally stopped in front of an apartment building and I squeezed his hand nervously.

"Well, here we are," I said with a nervous smile.

"You bought me a building? Oh, honey, you shouldn't have." He gave me a cheeky grin and I elbowed him lightly.

"C'mon, you jerk." I pulled him up the stairs and then up to the third floor. I handed Edward my coffee while I fished around in my purse.

Edward frowned and shifted his weight. "I'm getting nervous here, Lee." I laughed and dangled a pair of keys in front of his face, then opened the door with them. Edward let me lead him into the empty apartment.

"So…this is the bedroom and bathroom. There's a little nook over there for a desk and a laundry room through there…" I showed him quickly around.

Edward nodded and then looked at me, still uncomprehending. "And you're showing me all of this because why?"

I leaned against the counter and sighed. "Because it's mine," I answered with my eyes closed tight.

I heard him take a few steps toward me and rest his arms on either side of my body, caging me between them. "Is this what you've been worried about all week?" he asked, his breath washing over my face.

"No. Maybe." I shrugged and focused on the buttons of his shirt, reaching out and touching them softly.

"You're ridiculous, you know?" He tilted my chin up to him and I made a face. Edward laughed and kissed me softly. "There's nothing to be worried about."

"I just wanted to make sure I got the place and that everything was taken care of," I explained.

"I could have helped you, though!" He protested.

"I needed to do it on my own, Edward," I said and pushed him away gently.

"Did you get everything you needed?" Edward leaned against the counter opposite of me, a serious look on his face.

"Yeah…I had plenty saved up from living at home and…yeah, I'm all set." I held my hand out and let him pull me across the space between us.

"Is this what you want?" He brushed my hair from my face.

I nodded and rested my chin on his chest. "It's what I need. I need to be on my own. It's time to grow up." I laughed softly.

"I'm proud of you."

"Shut up." I snorted and tried to push myself away from him. My efforts were futile, of course. It was no use trying to get away from him. Ever.

"I am. This is great. You'll be closer to school and you can find a job and I can come and visit…" He whispered the last part and pressed his lips under my ear.

"Oh, I see what this is about," I said softly before pulling him into a kiss.

"What?" he murmured against my lips. "I'm just thinking about all our options."

"Dirty boy," I teased before pulling away.

"I mean it, Leah. If this is what you want, then I'll support you one hundred percent."

"Thank you, Edward. That means a lot to me." I kissed him again and looked around. "So, you like it?"

"It's great," he replied and handed me my coffee from earlier. "You should tell your mom."

"You tell her," I said quickly and led him out of the apartment.

Edward laughed and kissed my head. "Not a chance, sweetheart."

"If you loved me you would!" I cried, which only made him laugh harder.

"I'd take a bullet for you, baby… but I won't talk to your mother."

"Wimp."

I did tell my mother that night, but with Edward's help. She was supportive and happy, as I'd known deep down she would be. Charlie asked when he could start packing my junk, which earned him a half-hearted glare. He just laughed and kissed my head.

I didn't have a specific move-in date so I stalled for a couple of weeks on packing and moving, choosing to take small things over when I had the chance.

After Kate and Garrett joined us at Quil's for the first time it was hard to get rid of them. It was great having new friends and the two of them fit into our little group perfectly.

The weekend of Edward's birthday started with a huge celebratory dinner that my mother and I planned. We had all of Edward's and my friends over, cooked on the grill, and enjoyed the company. I thought about a few weeks back when I couldn't remember a happier time and laughed at the notion of it.

"What's funny?" Edward wrapped his arms around me from behind and pulled me against him.

"Just thinking," I told him as I watched Claire and Kate talking. Claire was showing off her nearly non-existent baby bump to _everyone_. She was such an exhibitionist sometimes.

"About…?"

"You, of course," I teased him.

"You know, I'm still waiting for my birthday present," he said as he turned me in his arms.

I laughed and kissed his neck. "Your birthday isn't until Monday," I said with a grin.

"But I _know_ you got me something. And you know I'm not very patient," he muttered, pouting, and kissed me gently.

"You need to quit snooping." I pushed him away.

He followed me back into the house. "Where are we going tomorrow?"

"Edward! Just be patient, please?"

"But – Alice packed a bag for me, so I know something is going on!" He pulled me against him and kissed me under my ear.

"Stop that," I whispered. He chuckled against my skin. "You'll find out in the morning, okay?"

"Fine," he grumbled and let go of me.

"Go enjoy your party and stop trying to figure stuff out. You'll only hurt yourself," I said as I pushed him out of the kitchen. He glared but obeyed. We spent the rest of the night mingling with our friends, although we did manage to sneak away for a short-lived make-out session before he finally carted Alice home.

Edward and Alice were back at the house early the next morning. I'd told Edward to pack a bag of casual clothes and beachwear, and he'd grudgingly obliged. Alice was going to be spending the night in my room, though Mom and Charlie were on strict orders to not let her and Seth be alone together, just out of principle.

"Shouldn't I tell someone where we're going? Just in case I don't come back?" Edward asked nervously once we'd set off down the highway.

I rolled my eyes at him and held my hand out. He took it willingly enough and I rewarded him with a smile. "I'll make sure you come back."

"In pieces in your duffle bag?"

"Are you really that worried?" I laughed.

Edward shrugged. "You're never secretive, so I'm a bit nervous."

"You'll enjoy it, I promise." I gave his hand a squeeze and rested our hands on the side of my seat.

"Oh, I don't doubt that," he replied. I could feel his gaze on me and felt my skin heat up. My fingers slipped from Edward's and I grasped the steering wheel tightly, knowing that it was going to take a lot of self-control to not pull over to the side of the road and…yeah.

Edward grinned smugly and turned the radio up, rolled his window down, and rested his bare feet on the dashboard. If he hadn't had been so adorable I would have yelled at him for dirtying my car with his man-feet.

I drove a couple of hours to a small bed-and-breakfast I'd found in Sunset Beach. We were only going to be staying for two nights but I figured that was a better vacation than nothing, and Edward needed it. Hell, I needed it too.

We made good time and arrived just before lunch. Edward stood by and watched me check in and then let me lead him to our room - a quaint little suite with a beach view.

"When did you find time to do this?" Edward asked while he opened the French doors that led to a small porch.

"I've got more free time than you know," I said with a laugh, "and also a helpful little elf named Alice." He leaned against the railing and I wrapped my arms around him from behind, burying my face in his shirt and breathing him in.

"Your thoughtfulness continues to amaze me," he murmured as he turned his body to mine.

I rested my chin on his chest and smiled. "I had completely selfish motives, trust me." I smiled up at him.

He shook his head with a knowing look and kissed my forehead. "What should we do first?" Edward asked as he fingers trailed fire up my arms.

"Eat lunch?" I offered and slipped out of his grasp.

"Not what I was expecting, but okay." He gave me a half-smile and opened the door for me. We ate lunch in the shade of a large umbrella and then took a stroll down the beach until the inevitable afternoon rainstorm forced us back into the shelter of our room.

"You want to watch a movie?" Edward flopped down on the loveseat after he'd changed into a dry shirt and shorts.

"If you want to." I shrugged and peeled off my wet jeans, dropping them in a pile with his clothes and pulling off my shirt.

"Or…not?" His voice was low and I turned to him quickly, my wet hair hitting me in the face as I did. I raised an eyebrow as he lifted himself off the couch and made his way to me slowly. My hands rested over my belly trying to calm the butterflies, because as many times as we'd been together I still couldn't get used to way he looked at me.

Edward slipped an arm around my waist and his other hand cupped my face gently. I let my fingers glide over the soft cotton of his shirt until they found his skin. He stepped back and let me tug off his shirt before pressing our bodies together again. Edward bent to kiss me, but stopped short just above my lips. His eyes met mine and I gasped quietly at the look in them, a certain spark I'd never seen before.

"What are you thinking?" I cupped the back of his neck and he blinked quickly.

"Just that I could get used to this," he said softly and placed a teasing, gentle kiss on the side of my mouth.

"Get used to what?" I laced my fingers together, weaving them in and out of his hair as my eyes focused on his mouth.

"You. Every day," Edward said softly before kissing me again, more purposefully and passionately than before.

"You can't say things like that to me," I chided when he finally relented.

"I mean it," he whispered back, his hands tangling in my hair and pulling my mouth back to his.

"I hope so," I managed to say between his kiss and trying to remove his shorts. He stepped out of them and settled his hands on my waist, guiding me to the large bed. I crawled onto it and pulled him with me, situating us on our sides and moving myself as close to him as possible. Edward kissed me softly, his tongue sweeping over my lips and meeting mine in a perfect rhythm. A strong hand grasped me through my bra until I was arching against him and whimpering quietly against his kiss.

Edward pulled back and gently pushed me onto my back without resting all of his weight on me. One hand rested on my cheek while the other ghosted over my stomach and across my waist. I opened my eyes as he pushed my panties over my hips and down my legs. He met my gaze and smiled before kissing my chin. His lips moved over my skin and I sighed as I relinquished myself over to him. I ran my hands through his hair while he placed hot, open-mouthed kisses on my body - over my ribs and hipbones, under my belly-button.

Edward somehow snaked his arms underneath me and removed my bra, and then knelt back to look at me. I felt sexy and wanton under his gaze, like I did each time we were together. As he moved away from me I steeled a decision that had been rolling around in my head and pulled him back between my legs.

"Stay," I said with my arms wrapped tightly around his body. He lowered himself down and kissed me gently.

"I'll be back, I just need– "

"Do you trust me?" I asked quietly, almost inaudibly.

He eyed me for a moment before nodding. "Yes, Aladdin," he answered with a small smirk.

I resisted the eye-roll I really wanted to give him and pushed his boxers down in an effort to get my point across.

"I want you. Just you," I breathed when the final obstacle was removed and we were skin to skin.

"Leah…" Edward said my name softly, his green eyes searching mine for a long moment. "Are you sure?"

"I'm sure," I whispered and pulled him to me.

"I've never…" He trailed off and pressed his forehead to mine.

"Me either," I admitted. I knew it was a big decision to make and that there could possibly be consequences (in the "oops, that's a baby!" kind of way) for it, but I wanted to _feel_ him. And I'd never missed a pill.

The truth was that I loved Edward and I wanted to give myself to him wholly, fully – heart, soul, _and_ body.

"I've got us covered," I said with a small smile. Edward let out a breathy laugh against the skin of my neck and let his hand move between us. I trembled with anticipation and focused on him: the serene look on his face, how he pulled his lip between his teeth and closed his eyes as he drew me to him and finally pushed into me.

My breath caught in my throat and my hands fisted in the sheets as he filled me. It felt like every inch of me had been electrified, every sensation doubled as we moved together.

He whispered my name through heavy breaths while I kissed him where I could. His skin was salty and lovely, smooth under my fingers and lips. Edward gave a low groan in my ear and I felt my body tighten but I refused to give in.

I ran my fingers through his hair and kissed him while he pushed himself deeper. His hands rested beside my head as he lifted himself over me. My hands roamed his chest and snaked around his waist to the small of his back, pulling him closer.

I tried to tell him I loved him, to say his name, to tell him how good he felt, but I couldn't. I was too overwhelmed and too taken with him to say anything or form coherent words. So I settled for quiet moans and whispers, let my hands tug and touch and hoped he knew what he did to me.

When he lowered himself to his elbows and started whispering things in my ear, the coil that had wound itself so tightly in my body started to ease. Edward covered my mouth with his own but it was too much to contain, too much to hold in. My cries echoed throughout the small room as he continued to move inside me. Stars danced behind my eyelids as words fell from his lips with no rhyme or reason to them. I listened and drew him closer, pulling him to the edge with me until I felt the rumbling groan vibrate through his chest and against mine. It fell from his mouth as he collapsed with his head on my shoulder.

"I love you," I finally managed to say after a moment of heavy breathing and hands and fingers finding special, lovely spots to touch. He chuckled softly and kissed my cheek, then my lips.

I let my head fall back against the pillows and my eyes close, feeling absolutely euphoric. We didn't move for a long while and it took me a moment to understand why.

It was going to be a shame to ruin those pretty hotel room sheets.

Laughter bubbled from my chest and through my lips before I could stop it. Edward joined me, our giggling shaking the entire bed.

"Some things really need to be thought through a little more," he said through his laughter.

"We have to sleep here!" I smacked him lightly. Edward winced and pulled away. "Don't move!"

"We'll call down for new sheets or something," he said with a shrug.

"Take me to the bathroom." I wrapped my arms and legs around him.

"Woman, I'm weak. I can barely stand," Edward complained and rolled us quickly.

I kissed him and slid off the bed and into the bathroom. He followed me and I started the shower, then pulled him into the tub with me.

He laughed and pushed me against the cold tile with his hands on either side of my head.

"Is this my birthday present?" he asked quietly and ran his hand down the front of my body.

"Part of it," I replied with a smirk. "Now, help me out here?" I asked before handing him a bottle of shampoo.

He grinned and took it from me, then did as I asked. His fingers massaged my scalp, taking their time as they lathered the soap. By the time he'd finished all I wanted him to do was press me up against the cold tiles.

Sometimes it was nice to know each other so well.

And I was pretty sure I'd never go to a salon for a wash again.

xXx

Later, as we sat on the porch dressed in fluffy robes, we planned out the next day and decided that we would most definitely leave the room.

Absolutely.

Maybe.

No, we would. We had to. People would start to worry and it was kind of unhealthy. I mean, we had to leave the room. Plus, we'd driven all that way and there was plenty to see in the state park.

So we planned a hike, some beach time, and a fancy dinner. But all I really wanted to do was spend all day in bed with him while we matched movies and made love until we couldn't breathe.

There wasn't enough time to do that, though, so we took our hike and went for a swim. We showered (together) and dressed for our dinner. Edward pulled me to him in the elevator and kissed my neck softly. I tried to push him away but he held fast.

"That dress is amazing." His breath was hot on the exposed skin of my neck and I shivered against him. It was a bright, almost electric-blue strapless number with a flouncy skirt that I'd borrowed from Kate especially for the occasion. She insisted it looked great with my skin tone so I agreed and took it, having no idea how Edward would react to it.

I was pretty happy with the end result.

We spent dinner wrapped up in a little bubble. Well, we tried to anyways. It wasn't until the waitress poured us both full glasses of red wine that we decided we should start paying attention and stop staring deeply into each other's eyes.

Okay, that was an exaggeration. But we really didn't want the wine and Edward was too polite to send it back. He wouldn't let me "accidentally" spill the glasses either.

"When are you going to give me my present?" Edward clasped his hands in front of him and smiled serenely at me.

"Didn't I just give it to you in the shower?" I smiled seductively and watched the tip of his ears turn pink.

_Edward rinsed the soap from his hair and turned to me with a smile. _

"_Want me to wash yours?" he asked as he beckoned me forward. _

_I raked my eyes over his body and shook my head. Edward shrugged and went to turn off the water, but I stopped him. "What are you…?" _

"_Relax," I said softly, running a hand over his chest. I kissed him softly and outlined the tattoo over his heart with my fingertip. _

"_Leah…" His voice was soft, like he was forcing the words to come out. Making the protest come to life though we both knew he wanted it. _

"_Hmm?" I hummed against his belly button and he shuddered under my touch as I fell to my knees in front of him. I looked up at him with a small smile. He reached down and brushed my hair from my face as water splashed on me from the steady stream. _

"_Carry on," he whispered and leaned his head back against the tile. _

_Success. _

"Well, yeah. I mean, I guess you did…" he frowned, and unfolded his napkin, then set it in his lap.

"You're cute when you're frustrated." I leaned over and kissed his cheek.

"Yeah, yeah. Get off me, woman. I don't want to make a scene."

I pouted but relented so we could _finally _order dinner.

Dinner was a quiet event of forks clinking and small talk about what we'd done that week.

Edward let me know that Jessica was back at youth. She'd been placed with a foster family while DCF investigated her parents. He told me she seemed happy and healthy and my heart warmed as he spoke about Jess and the other kids.

I told him a little about school and some faux articles I'd been writing and how I planned to use him as a piece. He laughed until he caught my glare and realized I was serious. I promised to write only good things, but he just smirked and went back to the heavenly peach cobbler the waitress had suggested.

We sat for a moment after dessert was finished while we contemplated coffee. After a moment, Edward frowned and stood up.

"What's wrong?" I asked as I watched him.

He looked down at me, his eyes raking over my fancy dress and then smoothed his hand down the front of his dress shirt. "This is weird." He made a face and held out his hand to me.

I took it, though completely confused, and stood up with him. "What are you talking about?"

Edward didn't say anything. He simply opened his wallet and dropped some bills on the table, not even bothering to look at the bill. "C'mon, we need to get out of here," Edward said as the tugged me out of the restaurant.

I followed him, still confused and a little hurt at his calling my romantic dinner plans weird. "Edward!" I cried and pulled on his hand. "What are you doing? Will you tell me what's wrong?" I gave an exasperated sigh as he turned to me, his expression completely blank.

Edward shook his head and took two steps toward me.

"This isn't working," he muttered and eyed me again, much like he did in the restaurant.

My heart constricted at his words and fear gripped at my chest. _What wasn't working? _"What- how?"

I didn't have a chance to get anything out before the world was literally turned upside down. Edward had lifted me off my feet and thrown me over his shoulder before I even had a chance to protest. I watched the deck of the restaurant disappear and turn into sand while Edward walked quickly. He stopped for a moment and I realized he had kicked off his shoes.

Edward set me down and bent quickly to remove the black heels I'd put on before he picked me up again.

"Christ, Edward! What is wrong with you?" I tugged at his shirt but he didn't answer. He kept walking, like a man on a motherfucking mission.

It wasn't until I felt the spray of the surf that I finally realized what he was doing.

"Don't you dare!" I yelled over the sound of the waves.

"Sorry, pretty girl." He laughed and I braced myself for the impact of the waves.

I came up sputtering in waist-deep water.

"I can't believe you did that again!" I cried as I pushed my hair out of my face. Edward laughed a reached for me but I pushed him away. "Stop it! You've ruined my dress."

"It was worth it," he said with a shrug, ignoring my protests and pulling me flush against him. The material of my dress floated up around us as I relented and wrapped my arms around his neck.

"What'd you do that for?" I frowned against the salty skin of his neck as he moved us into deeper water.

"Your efforts for this weekend were valiant, grasshopper. But this…this fancy dinner and dress clothes…"

"I know, I just wanted to do something nice for you."

"I know you did. I love it. I love _you_."

"I love you, too. But…you're going to have to buy Kate a new dress," I told him, gesturing toward the sodden blue material for effect.

"Totally worth it." He grinned and I nodded in agreement.

It would always be worth it.


	22. Always

**Stephenie owns, you know that. **

**Killerlashes and IAmToWait beta (even in the midst of RL stuff and moving and I just love you so much)! **

**Some stuff at the bottom...**

* * *

Chapter 22 – Always

"Have I told you how perfect this weekend has been?" Edward asked quietly. We were relaxing in the tub after our impromptu swim, though the water had nearly gone cold. Our fingers were wrinkly and goosebumps covered our skin, but we were too content to move.

"You may have mentioned it a few times," I said softly and lifted my arm from the water, watching little droplets fall onto his skin. Edward tightened his arms around my middle and kissed my shoulder before shifting me up a few inches.

"I'm going to wrinkle away if we don't get out," he explained when I glared at him for standing up and dripping water all over me.

"Fine." I sighed and stood and let him wrap me up in a fluffy towel, then kiss me until I was dizzy.

We dressed, though grudgingly, and spent the rest of the night in bed watching silly sitcoms and telling stories about life. We talked about ourselves mostly: about what the future held for us and how we weren't afraid to be together, to take our relationship to whatever level came next. It was a _little_ nerve-wracking when we realized that we'd only been together a few months.

But Edward and I both knew that time had nothing to do with our feelings. We knew what we were feeling was real and that we were old enough to know what to do with those feelings.

I fell asleep shortly after that, content knowing that Edward was there and that – if I wanted him to be – he'd _always_ be.

In the morning I woke up to an empty bed. I felt around for some kind of notion that Edward was still in bed with me, but found nothing. As I sat up the door opened.

"Mornin'," he greeted me with a quick kiss and a little splash of saltwater to the face.

"Did you go swimming?" I asked thickly as I fell back against the pillows.

"Yeah, I woke up an hour ago and couldn't fall back to sleep. I ordered room service, too," he said from the bathroom. As if on cue there was a knock on the door. I quickly pulled on a pair of shorts (the more time I spent in bed with Edward, the more time I spent sleeping pantsless) and let the room service attendant in while Edward showered quickly.

I fixed us coffee and settled at the little table while I waited. When I heard the water turn off, a thought hit me like lightning.

_It's Edward's birthday. _

I quickly dug through my bag for the gift I'd been hiding from him all weekend and set it on the table next to his coffee. Edward emerged from the bathroom, freshly showered and shirtless in a pair of cargo shorts. He rubbed a towel over his head before tossing it back into the bathroom. Joining me at the table, Edward eyed me and then the box cautiously.

"What's this?" He pointed at the box like it was a snake preparing to strike.

"Happy birthday?" I said and pushed it toward him. Edward grinned and snatched it off the table. "It's from me _and_ Alice."

"Sweet," he muttered while he ripped the plain blue paper off to reveal a white box. He smiled as he lifted the lid and pulled out a little black velvet box. "What is it?"

"Open it," I whispered. I held my breath as he did, his sharp intake of breath letting me know that it was _definitely_ not what he was expecting. He removed it with shaking fingers and rested it in his palm tracing it with his thumb before he looked up at me.

"Where did you get this?" His voice was hoarse and his eyes were filled with tears.

_Fuck. I made him cry._

I got up from my seat and knelt beside him. I took the item from his hand– a gold cross on a thin gold chain– a perfect replica of the one his father used to wear.

"I had it made. Alice showed me a picture of your dad's–"

"This is amazing," he choked out, scrubbing at his eyes and pulling me into an awkward one-armed embrace. "After the accident they gave me all of my parents' things but Dad's cross…they never found it."

"Alice told me," I said as I rested my hand on the back of his neck.

He took the cross from me and laid it in his palm again, smiling softly. "It's perfect."

"I'm glad you like it." I smiled up at him and he leaned down to kiss me softly.

He pressed his forehead to mine and we stayed like that for a long moment.

"You ready to go home?" Edward asked after a moment.

"If we must," I said with a sigh. He grinned and helped me up so we could finish breakfast.

By the time I'd showered and changed, Edward had packed our things and searched the room for any left-behind belongings. The drive was quiet, both of us wrapped up in our own thoughts.

It had been eye-opening for both of us to spend so much time alone without any distractions. We'd even managed to keep our clothes on most of the time.

Though neither one of us said it, I was pretty sure we both knew that things were about to change.

Later, after we'd gotten to our respective houses, unpacked, and visited with our families, we picked up an important conversation that we'd started in the middle of the night at the beach.

"Edward, I don't care what you say – Batman doesn't stand a chance in a fight with Superman."

"But he's got all those cool gadgets and all he'd have to do was pull out some kryptonite." Edward defended his hero and I laughed loudly.

"Oh, please! Where would he even know where to get kryptonite?"

"I don't know! I'm working with what I've got!" He chuckled into the phone, the sound of it warming my body.

"Let's just agree to disagree on this one?" I asked with a yawn.

"Fine. What if we threw Wolverine in, too?"

"Edward…" I groaned.

"I'm kidding, pretty girl. Wolverine is invincible, of course he would win."

"Goodnight, Edward!"

xXx

"Where does this box go, Leah?" Seth asked as he stumbled over the threshold of my apartment. It was Saturday, nearly a week after Edward and I had gotten back from our trip, and I had finally organized and packed everything I had. My family, along with Edward and Alice, had agreed to help me move all of my things.

"Bathroom!" Alice said as she slipped by him and back downstairs to bring more stuff up.

"Leah, come show us where you want this furniture." Edward tried to pull me from the kitchen where I was putting my newly bought dishes away.

"Just use your designer eye, Vern Yip!" I called. Mom snorted delicately next to me and Edward gave me an odd look. "I'm kidding, baby. Just use your best judgment and if I don't like it I'll make you change it later."

He rolled his eyes but left Mom and I alone again.

"You're so mean to him." She shook her head and handed me some coffee cups to put away.

I laughed as I turned away from her. "Believe me, he asks for it most of the time. And dishes it out just as well."

"Oh, I'm sure," she replied quietly. "I'm glad you found him, baby girl."

"Stop that," I said softly, sensing that she was going to get emotional on me.

"Stop what?" she asked innocently.

"I know you, Mom. You're about five seconds away from a sobfest, so knock it off now," I joked, knowing full well that what I said was true.

"You don't know everything…" she trailed off and stalked out of the kitchen. I tried not to laugh, but couldn't help it when she came back into the kitchen with tears in her eyes.

"Aw, Mom!" I pulled her into a tight hug and felt a little sob escape from her.

"I'm just so proud of you," she whispered into my hair. I let go and wiped my own eyes.

"I haven't even done anything to be proud of yet," I told her. I went back to unpacking silverware.

"Yet," Mom said firmly.

I sighed but dropped my argument. It was really no use when she got on her "Proud Mama" horse.

A few hours later, everything was finally out of the moving truck, and boxes were piled in every corner of my small apartment.

"You want us to stay and help you unpack?" Edward asked after my family had left. Alice groaned from the closet where she'd insisted on organizing my shoes. I laughed but shook my head.

"No, you should go home. You need to be bright-eyed and bushy-tailed for church," I told him, leaning up to kiss him softly. "I've got to go through everything anyways."

"Can I have these?" Alice popped out of the closet with a pair of hot pink patent-leather heels I didn't even remember buying. Edward glared at the shoes, then at me when I shrugged and told her she could have them.

"I can't believe you just gave my fifteen-year-old sister stripper shoes," he muttered with his arm tight around my waist.

"What? They are _not_ stripper shoes!" I defended the defenseless shoes with a laugh.

"They're super cute!" Alice chimed in when she finally emerged from the bedroom with a huge grin, wobbling like a newborn fawn on the high heels.

"C'mon, Stretch," Edward said, giving Alice a slight push toward the door. She slapped his hand away and hugged me tightly.

"Can I drive?" Alice asked with pleading blue eyes. Edward sighed and handed her the keys. "Bye, Leah!"

Edward sighed and watched her practically skip out of the apartment.

"Deep breaths, baby," I said softly. He let his head drop onto my shoulder as his arms snaked around my waist.

"She's driving me nuts," he whispered. I ran my fingers through his hair and tried not to laugh at his frustration.

"She's a teenager, she's supposed to drive you nuts," I told him. He laughed and dug his fingers into my ribs.

"Yeah, what's your excuse?"

"You love me, so you let me." I grinned up at him.

"Mmhm. I've got to go before Alice drives off without me," he said before dipping his head and kissing me softly.

"That might not be a bad thing," I murmured against his lips. He sighed and pulled away.

"I've got to go. Love you," Edward said with a quick kiss to my forehead. I frowned and watched him walk out the door before I locked it behind him.

"Love you," I muttered to the door.

I spent that night unpacking and organizing and realizing just how much _junk_ I had. There was a box of stuff that I'd kept from when Sam and I were dating that promptly went into an oversized black trash bag. It was a little after two in the morning when I found the box I'd hidden away for almost five years.

I sat in the middle of my closet and opened the box with shaking hands. My father's face smiled up at me from the box, and I couldn't help but smile back. I don't know how long I sat there and went through the photos. There were photos of my childhood and of my parents before they were married. Photos that my father had taken and that I'd ceremoniously stole from him when he was finished with them. He always knew I took them, but he never said anything. I loved that about him.

My smile felt permanently glued to my face as I flipped through the photos. Seth making funny faces at me after I stole Dad's camera during our road trip to Arizona. The ones Seth had taken of us at the Grand Canyon only he cut off everyone's head in every picture. Then there was the one that I took of Mom and Dad, arms wrapped around each other and huge smiles on their faces, like no one else existed in the world.

I wanted that. No, I _had_ that. God, I wished my dad could have met Edward.

I don't know how long I sat in the bottom of my closet, but I woke up sometime later clutching one brown boot and a picture of my father. I crawled into bed, thankful that my mother had already made it up for me, and set my dad's picture on my nightstand.

" 'Night, Daddy," I whispered, and fell asleep again with a smile on my face.

xXx

"You can do this. Don't be a wimp," I told myself for the third time. I'd been sitting in the car parked along a dirt path for the better part of an hour. I sighed and turned off the car, then slipped out. It had been four years since I'd been to see him, but I knew it was time.

It was time to see him, to tell him what was going on in my life…to tell him about Edward.

My knees shook as I approached Dad's headstone, and before I knew it I was kneeling beside it, my fingers tracing his name and my tears falling faster than I could wipe them away.

"Hey, Dad," I whispered. I took a deep breath and it all came out before I could stop it. My DUI, quitting school, Sam and Embry…everything bad that had happened in the years since he'd died.

Then I told him about Edward. I told him how wonderful and special Edward was and how much he loved me. When I finished telling my dad about Edward I told him about all of the new things that had been going on – my new apartment and starting back to school, my new job at the campus bookstore and how happy I was.

I stayed there for almost an hour until I my phone vibrated in my pocket and I realized it was after noon. I let Edward's call go to voicemail and stood up, letting my fingers trail over the stone as I walked away.

As I got back in the car it felt as if a weight had been lifted from my chest. I hadn't been to the cemetery in so long because I'd always felt so guilty about Dad's death. That feeling was irrational, though it took me some time to realize it was. Edward helped me to figure that out, though. He helped me to let go of the past and the things I couldn't change and to look to the future instead.

I called Edward as I left the cemetery and we made plans for lunch and to spend the afternoon together.

Once I got to his house we ordered pizza and sat around all afternoon watching movies with Alice. When it came time for youth group I bid them both goodnight, though I really wanted to join them. Edward and I had missed the week before and I was so busy packing I didn't get to go Wednesday either.

Edward insisted that I go home though, not wanting me to drive in the dark. I had to remind him that I was a grown woman and perfectly capable of driving home, but then he kissed me and I forgot what my argument was.

Truth was, I missed the kids. I missed seeing Edward work and worship with them. I wanted to see Jess with my own eyes to make sure she was okay and I wanted to hear my brother's insight on some heartbreaking topic that I knew he could handle perfectly.

"But–" I started as he helped me into my car.

"Go home, Leah," Edward said with a small smile.

"I miss them!" I pouted.

"I know, pretty girl. But you've got a big day tomorrow. And you need to get home," he reasoned quietly. He was right, but it only made me pout more. I hated when Edward was right.

"Call me after?"

"Of course." He leaned in the car and kissed me before waving me off. I made a quick stop at the hospital to see my mom and then headed back home, feeling sad.

I was happy about moving out and moving on with my life, but it still upset me that I was so far away from everyone. I knew it wasn't a long drive for any of them either, but it was still disheartening when I had to leave them.

And it had only been a few days since I'd moved. I couldn't imagine what the rest of the summer would be like.

xXx

"Honey, bring those plates in here so we can get set up," Claire called to Quil through the dining room of my apartment.

"Jeez, get a girl pregnant and she can't even carry plates…" Quil muttered as he passed her in the kitchen. She smacked the back of his head and I tried not to laugh. It seemed like the more pregnant Claire got, the grumpier Quil got.

"I stopped putting out," Claire whispered once he was out of earshot.

"Your sex life is on the list of things I never _ever_ need to know about." I shuddered and scooped up the vegetables I'd been chopping into a tray to put out on the table.

I'd been in my apartment a little over a month when Claire decided it was time for me to have everyone over for a housewarming party. I agreed, though a bit reluctantly, considering the weekend was usually when Edward and I spent time together. With my classes and working I hadn't been able to see him as often as either one of us liked; weekends were sacred to us.

My family and Jacob, along with Alice, Edward, Quil, and Claire were all piled into my little apartment. Music played, conversations carried and meshed, but most of all, everyone smiled.

"Claire, Quil needs you to show him how to set the plates up," Edward poked his head around the corner and into the kitchen.

Claire rolled her eyes. "I don't know how the man does anything, honestly." She sighed and left the kitchen. Edward watched her walk away before stalking toward me, a dangerous look in his eyes.

"What's going on?" I asked quietly. (My voice had somehow ceased to work.)

"What's going on is that I've been here for three hours and I haven't even gotten to kiss you yet," he said with a frown.

"You should fix that. Like, now."

He grinned and pulled me against him. His lips were warm and wet against mine and my heartbeat thundered in my ears.

"You look happy tonight," Edward said once he'd pulled away.

"I am happy," I said with a smile but pushed him away. He frowned down at me. "Sorry! I just want to get everything ready."

"What's the rush?" Edward asked as he lifted himself onto the counter.

"What's the rush?" I raised an eyebrow at him and he shrugged. "The rush is that the faster I get rid of _them_ the fast I get to have _you_."

"You…tease me." Edward held a hand over his heart and sighed heavily.

"Get out." I grinned and pushed him out of the kitchen, knowing that I'd never get anything done if he hung around.

"I'm going, I'm going," Edward grumbled. I laughed to myself as I finished my vegetable tray.

At one point during dinner, as I watched all of the people I loved so very much talk and laugh with each other, I felt Edward's fingers slip into mine and I turned to him.

_I love you, _he mouthed. I felt my cheeks heat up and I leaned my head against his shoulder and yawned loudly.

"Way to be subtle, Lee-Lee," Jacob snarked from across the table. Edward chuckled, jostling my body slightly. I was so content I couldn't even manage the special death glare that I usually reserved for Jacob.

I didn't mean it as a hint to anyone, I was honestly just tired. I knew everyone was happy for me but at the moment, I just wanted to sleep. Well, sleep or play with Edward.

It was hard to decide.

After Jacob's outburst the conversation died down a little bit. We started cleaning up and eventually everyone started filing out. Alice asked if she could go home with my family so she could volunteer with my mother in the morning. Watching Edward try to contain his excitement about not having his sister sleep on the couch was a little hilarious.

I stood in the kitchen after they all left and stared at the mountain of dishes we'd been left with.

"Leave 'em," Edward said softly, snaking his arms around my waist and kissing my neck.

"But…" I started to protest but he turned me to him and kissed me, ultimately ending any thought I ever had about washing dishes.

"Thought so," he said smugly, then lifted me into his arms and carried me to my room. I squealed as he dropped me on the bed and I bounced a couple of times. Edward laughed a sort of evil laugh and cannon-balled himself on after me. We bounced a few more times before he grabbed me and pulled me against him, laughing the whole time.

"You're crazy," I whispered and kissed his nose.

"You like it," he retorted. I didn't have a comeback for him, because he was right. Edward was a little bit crazy. He was also a little bit sensitive, a lot caring, and extremely forgiving.

Edward was so many things that I thought I'd never have in my life. But of all the things Edward was, the one thing he _wasn't _was judgmental. He was always open-minded and willing to listen and give someone a second chance.

As we lay together I couldn't help thinking about the second chance that he'd given me, not just with him, but with _life_. I had given up on so many things, and while he (and my family) argued that I had made the changes on my own, I knew that if I hadn't had Edward around it wouldn't have been possible.

Edward was my saving grace.

"I love you," I whispered to his lips. I could barely see it in the darkness of the room but I knew he was smiling.

"I love you, pretty girl."

"I love you in a forever kind of way," I said so quietly he had to think about it for a moment before he responded.

"Ditto," Edward said, just as quietly.

I resisted the urge to smack him for being so blasé in my moment of obvious vulnerability, but I quickly realized that it wasn't vulnerability anymore when it came to Edward, so I laughed instead and pulled him closer to me. I kissed him with all I had and hoped it was enough.

As my clothes were removed and conversations were lost amongst our breaths, I forgave him. Because being with Edward had taught me, if nothing else, about forgiveness. Forgiving myself and others and having the faith to believe in _anything_ again.

Later, when we were dressed in our pajamas and huddled together, he pulled me close and kissed me, very gently.

"I don't think forever is long enough, to be honest." His breath ruffled my hair and I snuggled closer to him.

I smiled and let myself get lost in his words; in that moment when the not-so-perfect boy told the less-than-perfect girl that he wanted to love her longer than forever.

* * *

**Just forewarning - this story is about to get real. Real fluffy. I had no idea it would be so fluffy when I started writing it, but I love it so very much. Thank you for sticking with us this far. The next three updates will be fairly quick considering everything is already written. **

**Thanks again :)**

**Also, I wrote a little Nerdward for the 'Wanna be a Hardcore Nerdward Contest' called 'Mischief Managed'. Check it out! ;) **


	23. Something to Believe In

**Stephenie owns. Killerlashes and IAmToWait beta and put up with me. I should pay them more. Also, I added after they edited so any mistakes are mine.**

**I didn't get to review replies, but I love them (and all of you) so. **

**Thank you for reading. **

* * *

Chapter 23 – Something to Believe In

**Two Years Later**

"Is Edward here yet?" I asked for the third time since I'd arrived at Quil's.

"No." Claire sighed. "Good grief, you're antsy." She ignored my glare and went back to tossing confetti on the tables of the bar. Well, the fancy table-cloth covered tables of the bar-turned-party-hall for the night.

It was a big night and we had plenty to celebrate. Seth and Alice would be leaving the next day, setting out on their own adventures. Adventures that made all of us extremely proud and even more nervous.

"_I just don't understand, Alice!" Edward ran a hand through his hair and stared sadly at his sister. _

_Alice shrugged and looked away, her blue eyes filling with tears. I sat next to her and put my arm around her shoulders, casting a glare at Edward that made him recoil. _

_He shrugged and knelt in front of us. _

"_I don't mean to make you upset, I'm just a little confused. I thought you wanted to go to college," he said softly. _

"_I do, Edward. But you of all people should know that you can't ignore a calling," she replied with a loud sniff before burying her face in my shoulder. He looked to me for help and I gave him a soft smile. _

"_But what will I do without you?" Edward asked softly. I heard Alice laugh, and then a small sob escaped her and she threw herself into Edward's arms. _

"_It's time to let someone else take care of you, big brother," Alice whispered. Edward met my eyes over her head and I raised my eyebrows. He laughed and held her tighter. _

"_I guess so," he whispered back. _

"I can't believe Alice is going overseas," Claire said once she'd finished confetti-ing every surface Quil would allow her to.

"I know. Don't mention anything horrific about it to Edward, please? He's upset enough," I explained with a sigh.

"I won't, I won't. Where's my child?"

"Oh, Mom took her outside. She was trying to eat the confetti you worked so hard on," I said with a laugh. Claire shoved me lightly and turned to leave, but stopped short when the door to the bar opened.

My heart stuttered violently at the image of Edward framed in the doorway with a curly-headed little girl in his arms. It was a beautiful sight, but I wasn't sure it was something I would ever get used to.

"Is this yours?" He pointed to Ruthie with a grin. Claire laughed and tried to take her daughter from Edward but the little girl held tight. She _loved _her Uncle Edward.

"Uh oh, I think you've got some competition, Leah," Claire teased. I just rolled my eyes and kissed my boyfriend hello. Well, I tried to kiss him, but a little hand stopped it from going anywhere.

"Hey, you!" I cried and tickled Ruthie. She squealed with laughter and buried herself further in Edward's arms. "You better watch it."

Edward beamed at me and I could practically read his mind. The older he got, the more he talked about those dirty "M" and "C" words. You know, "marriage" and "children." I let him believe I was indifferent to both of them, when in actuality I found myself closer each day to running off to Vegas with him.

"You've got baby-shaped stars in your eyes, Preacher Boy," I joked. He snorted and set Ruthie down so he could kiss me properly. I melted into him a little too much, but _damn_ it had been so long.

"_We need to talk," Edward said quietly as he pulled on his boxers. I scrounged around for a t-shirt and then sat expectantly in the middle of the bed. _

"_What's wrong?" I asked as my heartbeat absurdly fast. _

"_Nothing. God, nothing's wrong. I didn't mean it like that," he replied quickly as he pulled me into his lap. Edward kissed me and brushed my hair from my face. _

"_Just tell me," I said, tightening my arms around him and kissing his cheek. _

_Edward sighed. "I have this really great opportunity…" _

It turned out that his opportunity was his own church - a chance to be the senior pastor at a small church outside of Tacoma. There were a few things that Edward needed to do first, though. More on his own than what anyone had told him to do. He needed to grow spiritually, to focus on his goal and the ways that he was going to obtain it.

So we did the unthinkable.

We stopped having sex.

It was, for lack of a better term, _hard_.

We still fooled around, kissed and cuddled but it wasn't the same. We stopped spending the night at each other's houses and cut down on blatant public displays of affection. And it was difficult. It was difficult for both of us, but it was something that Edward needed to do. He needed to focus on himself and show others that he was prepared and responsible enough to take on his own church.

Our situation brought us back to the early days of our relationship when the tension was thick and we were both _extremely_ frustrated. Sometimes it caught up with us and we would fight, but then we would realize that our argument couldn't be solved by sex and we talked it out.

It was funny how much the decision to stop having sex _helped_ more than hurt our relationship. That fire that we started with, that deep burning passion that made it hard for us to keep our hands to ourselves, changed. That spark was still there, the passion still in place, but it had become so much more.

The mutual respect and love seemed to multiply as the days wore on. Edward and I came closer to those dirty words every single day. To that "forever kind of love" that we'd promised to each other but hadn't had the guts to take the leap to.

Today was no different either. We were saying goodbye to Alice as she left for the Peace Corps and sending Seth off to Asbury, Edward's alma mater. He still wasn't sure if he would study law or theology, but either way, we were all proud of him.

And we were celebrating Edward. Edward and his new church and his move to Tacoma.

I sighed when he pulled away and kissed my forehead.

Eventually everyone started to file in, ready to celebrate. Our friends and family had gathered a few times over the past two years: Ruthie's birth, mine and Jacob's graduation, various holidays and just-because parties.

Edward hadn't played at Quil's in a few months, so he promised a few songs for old time's sake. He made good on his promise, but when Jacob started to request Tupac, Edward bowed out gracefully and let the jukebox take over.

"Dance with me, pretty girl," he said softly and wrapped his arms around me from behind. I managed to tear myself away from a conversation with my mother and let him lead me to the little makeshift dance floor.

"What's the plan?" I asked softly, resting my head on his shoulder and leading him lead our movements.

"I take Alice to the airport tomorrow morning, early," he explained. I heard his voice crack and held him tighter.

"She'll be fine. You know she will."

"I know." He took a ragged breath, his arms viselike around me. "It's me I'm worried about."

"Why?" I pulled back and cupped his face gently, letting my thumb rub over his cheek. He closed his eyes and leaned into my palm, looking sadder than I'd ever seen him.

"Alice is leaving and I'm moving away from you. I just don't know what to think right now. I don't know how to be without the two of you anymore."

I felt my breath catch at the lump in my throat, so I buried my face in his neck and tried to calm myself.

"What if you don't _have_ to be without me?" I whispered the question to his skin.

Edward pushed me away so he could look at me. Well, so he could _frown_ at me.

"What do you mean?" he asked, confused.

"I mean, you're looking at the newest feature writer for _Tacoma Weekly_," I said with a nervous smile.

"Shut the fuck up."

"Language, Preacher Boy." I grinned a little to myself, proud that I'd been able to keep this a secret from him. "I'm serious."

"No, you aren't," he argued.

"Edward!" I yelled and let my hands drop from around him. It took him a little longer than a second before I was in his arms again, his lips pressed to mine and curved into his pretty smile.

"I love you, I love you, I love you," he murmured over and over until I was laughing, breathless.

"I love you," I told him.

He grinned. "You. You're amazing, you are."

"It's selfish, really. I couldn't imagine being that far away from you." I kissed him again and he lifted me off the ground and into his arms.

"Perfect, you're perfect." Edward's voice was quiet in my ear and I sighed happily.

"I'll have to find an apartment and pack and…" I trailed off as he set me down and took my face between his hands.

"We'll get it done, I promise."

"I know." I nodded and kissed him one last time before pulling him off the dance floor and to the table where Seth and Alice were.

It wasn't hard for me to make the decision to move. I'd been a copy editor for the better part of the year, and when the job at _Tacoma Weekly_ was free I jumped at the chance. I got references together, sent in my resume and portfolio and heard back within the week.

"So, your computer has Skype and everything?" Alice asked. Seth nodded miserably and tore his napkin into little pieces while they talked. My heart broke for my little brother having to say goodbye to his best friend. It had been funny watching their relationship grow as they did. They fought fiercely, hung out with other people, drove both Edward and I absolutely crazy, but always ended the day with a phone call to each other to apologize.

I told Seth many times that maybe they were meant for something more, but he always ignored me. Now, as I watched them fret over leaving each other I was even more sure. Edward's hand on my thigh and stern look reminded me that it wasn't my place and that they were still young, so I bit my tongue.

He knew me well.

In the years that we'd been together, we'd managed to learn far too much about each other. Of course, we wouldn't have had it any other way. I knew what made him angry and sometimes I even did it on purpose. He knew what calmed me and how to take me down a notch when I was being a super-bitch.

In short, he was the peanut butter to my Nutella. Or maybe I was the Nutella. Sometimes it was hard to decide. Either way, we were delicious.

The night wore on with everyone coming by to congratulate Seth and Alice and wish them luck. I watched Edward's expression each time his sister spoke about where she was going and the kind of work she would be doing and where she would be living. He was scared for her, but I knew his faith was unwavering and that he would deal in his own way, so I didn't try to force him to think anything different.

At one point Edward disappeared outside with Charlie, Seth, and Jacob, leaving me alone to explain my new job and move to my mother and Claire. They were both sad for me to go and excited for my new opportunity. It was going to be hard to leave them the most but I knew it was for the best. Edward needed me and, hell, I needed him too.

I had just handed Ruthie off to my mother when Edward walked back into the bar with the rest of the guys following him. He smiled serenely and stepped up to me, then took my hand in his.

"What's going on? What were you guys doing out there?" I glared at my step-dad and brother over his shoulder.

"Talking," Edward said with a shrug.

"About…?" I asked incredulously.

"Um…stuff," Edward muttered and looked over his shoulder at Charlie who simply raised an eyebrow at him.

Edward turned red as he turned back to me and took my other hand, too.

"What in the hell is going on?" I yanked my hands back so I could stick them on my hips and glare at all four of them. Seth and Jacob laughed while Charlie's mustache twitched with the hint of a smile.

I didn't have time to yell at them because before I knew it a silence had settled over the bar. I didn't have to look far to see why everyone had fallen silent. He was there in front of me, settled on one knee and that crooked smile back on his handsome face.

I covered my mouth with my hands in an effort to stop the little gasp that had fallen from my lips, but I wasn't quite expecting anything so extravagant from him. Well, I hadn't really expected _that_ at all.

Edward cleared his throat and pulled my hand from my face, grasping it in both of his and gazing up at me.

"Marry me?" No fancy words, no poetry– just a simple question. One he already knew the answer to.

Part of me rebelled, yelled that maybe we shouldn't – maybe we should wait a little while longer. But I stuffed that part down just like I had when he asked me out for the first time. And, just like then, my answer was a loud and resounding –

"Okay."

Edward snorted and shook his head as I pulled him to his feet. Our bodies met quickly, our faces just centimeters apart.

"You sure?" he whispered, his hopeful green eyes locked with mine.

"Absolutely." I laughed and tried to kiss him. Edward dodged my attempt and reached into his pocket.

"I guess I should give you this…" He pulled my left arm from around his neck and held my hand up in front of his face. With his other hand he held up a ring.

"That's…" I trailed off as I eyed the rock that the held between his fingers.

"It was my mother's," Edward said with a small smile.

"I was going to say _huge,_ but okay," I replied. I watched his face as he slipped the ring, a slim band of gold topped by an obscenely gorgeous, European-cut diamond set in an intricate web, onto my finger, and my cheeks started to hurt from smiling so much.

I placed my hand on the back of his neck and pulled him closer, very aware that everyone was still looking at us.

"Is this about sex?" I whispered when we were nose to nose.

"Of course, silly girl. Well, that and the fact that I'm completely in love with you. And that I plan to spend the rest of my life loving you," he said softly. Ah, _there_ were my sweet, pretty, lovely words. And it was perfect really, there in that dingy little bar that we had come to love so much.

"Then, yes. Si. Absolutely. Indubitably. Definitely. Hell yes. Oui. Yes, yes, _yes_." I could have gone on and on with affirmative responses, but then Edward's lips were pressed to mine and I couldn't speak anymore.

xXx

We waited a little over six months to get married. There really wasn't a reason to wait; we were ready, but we needed Alice and Seth to be there. We needed them to stand up with us when Pastor Weber married us.

So that's exactly what they did on a Saturday in April. We were surrounded by everyone we loved, all the friends we'd made throughout the years gathered on First Beach to celebrate with us.

I don't know why we chose First Beach; it was just a place that we loved together. We'd rented tents, hired a caterer, and Quil agreed to play deejay. Edward walked around barefoot in his khaki-colored linen pants no matter how many times I warned him about tetanus and other dirty, gross things.

"Did you eat, Mrs. Cullen?" Edward wrapped his arms around my waist from behind and rested his chin on my shoulder.

"Does a pound of icing from our cake count, Mr. Clearwater?" I asked. He chuckled, and it shook my body. I pressed myself back against him and felt him sigh.

"No, but I bet you taste delicious." His lips brushed against my ear and I shivered.

"You should find out," I said quietly. He laughed and grabbed my hand.

"C'mon then, wife." Edward pulled me away from the crowd and down the beach.

"Edward, I swear on our hour-old marriage that if you throw me in _that_ water in _this_ gorgeous vintage dress I will murder you." I yanked him to a stop and watched him laugh loudly, his head thrown back. It was really too pretty for him to ruin though. Plus, I was pretty sure he would enjoy removing the white silk later.

"You look…so beautiful." He took a step toward me and touched my face softly.

"You're not so bad yourself, kid," I teased and pressed my face to his white shirt.

"Shut up and kiss me," he whispered and I happily obliged. After a moment, Edward pulled away and cast a quick glance up to the party. "Let's go."

"Go where?" I asked, confused. I glanced down and noticed that he'd put his shoes back on. _Thank God._

"Just…a little to the left… and maybe up this path," Edward explained and pulled me a little ways down the beach. It didn't take me long to figure out where he was taking me.

"My dress better not get dirty," I grumbled and thought more about my strappy sandals and wondered if it would hurt him when I smacked him with in. In case my dress got dirty, you know. Edward laughed and tugged my hand as we made our way up the trail. I smiled when we'd reached the top and he pulled me into his arms. It was too dark to enjoy the view, but the moonlight cast just enough of glare over us. I glanced up at Edward and felt my heart stop.

That beautiful boy had just married me. He'd just agreed to spend the rest of his life with me. He'd promised it in front of God and all of our friends, too. Crazy.

I chuckled and tightened my arms around him.

"What's funny?" He asked with his lips pressed to my hair.

"I can't believe you actually married me, you sucker," I said quietly.

"Hey, you're the one that agreed to take my name." He laughed and kissed me, his hands getting lost in my hair as our lips met feverishly.

"I know." I sighed against his lips. "I should have made you change yours."

"Not a chance, Cullen," Edward said against the skin of my neck.

"But you'd be a fantastic Mr. Clearwater!" I giggled and he laughed and pulled me tighter against him.

"Are you happy?" He asked quietly as he brushed my hair from my face.

"Extremely," I told him. We were in my happy place, after all. Edward had brought me to the place that I had loved for so long, but had lost faith in somewhere down the road. As I stood there with my _husband_, I knew that things would be okay. I knew that this place would always be special to me and that Edward had somehow helped me recover the hope that I'd always felt when I was there.

"I love you, pretty girl. More than you know."

"I'm pretty sure I know," I whispered and pressed my forehead to his cheek.

I did know. I knew that Edward loved me just as much as I loved him. That love helped us to grow, to heal, and to change in all the ways we needed to. It had led us to this moment, when we were able to laugh and kiss and celebrate our love. Nothing else mattered except us, right here, right now. It was perfect.

It had taken us a long time to get here. It'd started years before we'd even met each other. Eventually, though, I understood the words that Edward had said to me our first time together on First Beach. Everything that we'd been through led us to each other.

It took me a long time to believe that: that horrible things happen so we can eventually be happy. Edward always believed it, though. He was always my inspiration. And, in that moment– in _our _moment– I could do nothing but believe. I believed in Edward. I believed in our marriage. But most of all, I believed in myself.

* * *

**I'm working on an EPOV of the... "night". ) **


	24. Something Beautiful

**Steph owns them, you guys own me. I love your love. **

**Killerlashes and IAmToWait make me sound smart. I love them, too. **

**Only the epilogue left after this. **

**PS - Don't forget about the fluff warning. ;) **

* * *

Chapter 24 – Something Beautiful

It was funny, really, for me to be nervous about talking to Edward. He hadn't made me nervous in quite some time. Not after two years of marriage and nearly five years of being together. Of course, he still did other things to me. He made me angry and he made me laugh, he made me feel these little butterflies in my stomach anytime he touched me…okay, he made me nervous sometimes, too.

"Are you just going to stand there and stare or are you going to come in and bother me like I know you want to?"

_Crap. Busted._

"I don't want to bother you, ass," I told him as I slunk into his office. My socks glided over the hardwood floor as I made my way to him.

"Oh, really?" Edward laughed and pushed his glasses on top of his messy hair. After he turned thirty, Edward decided that maybe everything wasn't supposed to be blurry when he read. I honestly didn't know how he survived for so long without them. Plus, he looked really sexy with glasses, which was why I was stalking him outside his office in the first place. You know, the sexiness.

"No, I just wanted to talk to you," I replied, settling myself on his knee and wrapping my arms around his neck.

"About what?" He kissed my shoulder and tossed his pen on his desk. I shrugged and rested my head on his shoulder. "Spill it, nervous girl."

"Shh, I'm not nervous," I whispered to his shirt. Edward sighed and pulled my knees into his lap. I reached down and rubbed my thumb over his wedding band and smiled.

"Leah, I'm not getting any younger," he joked quietly. I closed my eyes and breathed him in, letting his scent soothe me while I mustered up the courage to tell him what I'd came in there for.

"_You okay?" Edward's voice was soft in my ear, his arms tight around my body. _

_I nodded and settled myself against his chest then turned my face to his. His eyes were worried as they searched my face but I gave him a small smile. Edward kissed my temple and sighed. _

"_I'm sorry," he whispered. _

"_It's not your fault," I whispered back, just as softly. I felt my eyes sting with tears and they were falling before I could stop them, hot and wet down my cheeks and onto our entwined arms. _

"_Leah…" Edward turned me in his arms and pulled me against his chest. I felt a little sob escape from my chest as he held me close. _

"_I just don't understand," I mumbled. _

"_Me either," he replied. I pulled away so I could see his face, eyes shining with tears of his own. "But the doctor said some things just…happen. And that there didn't seem to be any other…problems. So we can try again." _

"_I know." I gave a shuddering breath and rested my forehead against his chin. "I was so excited, though." _

"_Me too," Edward said quietly. "But everything – "_

"_Edward, I swear if you are about to give me the 'everything happens for a reason' speech I will castrate you and we won't have to worry about this happening again." _

"_I was going to say that everything will be okay eventually." Edward chuckled and brushed my hair away from his face. _

"_I know it will." I leaned in to kiss him then pulled myself away and stood up. "C'mon. Take me to bed." I held out my hand to help him up from the couch. He smiled and took it and let me lead him upstairs. _

_I knew things would be fine, I did. But it was still devastating. We'd been trying for months to get pregnant but I'd miscarried just two weeks after we'd announced it to the family. _

_Edward's faith was shaken, though anyone outside our home wouldn't have known. I knew him well enough to understand that when he went to work early that morning that it was to be alone with his thoughts and to pray. I also knew that he was right. Eventually, we would be okay. We would try again and hope and pray that everything turned out fine. _

"Okay, now you're making _me_ nervous!" Edward pushed me out of his lap and glared up at me. I ran my hand through my hair and took a deep breath. "Leah, you're driving me nuts."

"I'm pregnant," I blurted and watched Edward's jaw drop. It was hilarious to see his reaction. He stood and pulled me flush against him.

"You're sure?" he asked quietly.

"Well, I'm late so I took a home test which was positive so I made an appointment with Dr. Miller next week…"

I could hardly finish before he grinned, a full-blown melt-your-heart smile and hugged me so tightly he lifted me off the ground.

"It's still _really _early, Edward," I said when he finally let go.

"I know, sweetheart." Edward smiled and kissed my forehead. "I can still be excited though, right?"

"Absolutely. Excited…or terrified. You pick." I sighed and pressed my face into his neck.

"We'll be both." Edward chuckled softly. "I love you so much."

"I'm scared," I whispered.

"Me too," he whispered back. Then he was kissing me, the kind of kiss that used to make me forget everything, only that time it didn't. His kiss _reminded_ me of everything we had. Of our life and the people in it, and of all those things that we could have. Beautiful babies with wavy hair and wide, shining eyes. A perfectly healthy family, the one thing we'd hoped for, for so long.

"We'll be okay," I stated rather than asked. Edward nodded and brushed my hair away.

"Of course we will, pretty girl. We always are."

xXx

"Leah, can you bring that stack of plates in here?" my mother called from the dining room. It was one of those rare Thanksgivings where everyone was home, Alice and Seth included. I was also just out of my first trimester and starting to show a little. But only a little. And I could really only tell because even my fat jeans were a little too tight.

"Give me those!" Edward whispered loudly and took the plates from me. I glared at him over the plates but handed them over.

"I'm not an invalid," I grumbled and went back into the kitchen. Edward followed me.

"I know you aren't, I just want you to be careful."

"Edward," I said his name and took his face between my hands. "I'm fine. I'm past twelve weeks. The doctor said everything is perfect. _Please_ calm down."

He stepped away from my grasp and stuck his hands on his hips, his gaze reproachful. I turned away from him and pulled a pie out of the oven, still feeling his glare on me.

"Um…everything okay in here?" Charlie's gruff voice interrupted our icy silence.

"Fine, Chief," Edward muttered and stalked out of the kitchen.

"What'd you do?" Charlie frowned at me.

I couldn't help it, I burst into tears.

"It's not always my fault, you know!" I wailed and slammed the oven shut.

"Oh, honey…I didn't mean anything…" Charlie pulled me against his chest.

"I know you love Edward, but it'd be really nice if you took my side for once!" I continued while tears poured down my cheeks. There was no point in even wiping them away.

"Sue says – " Edward started but stopped short seeing me wrapped in Charlie's arms, snot-sobbing. "What's wrong? Are you okay? Are you hurt?"

"I'm fine." I sniffled and leaned my head on Charlie's shoulder.

"If this is some sort of lover's spat I'm afraid I'm going to have to step away…" Charlie said uncomfortably.

"No, no. It's fine. We're fine. I'm sorry," I said and hugged Charlie tightly. He patted my back and then stopped, suddenly rigid.

It was almost comical to watch him glare from me to Edward and back again. He must've done it at least three times before kissing my temple and shaking his head.

"Sue! You better get in here!" he called and released me.

Edward laughed softly and held out his hand to me. I took it and let him pull me across the kitchen and wipe my tears away.

"What's going on?" Mom asked from the doorway of the kitchen. She did the same as Charlie had; looking from Edward and me to Charlie until it finally dawned on her.

"Oh, baby…" she smiled widely and pulled me into her arms. I started sobbing again and Edward laughed behind me.

"This is all your fault," I mumbled in his direction.

"She's been like this for weeks," Edward explained.

"My poor baby." Mom smoothed my hair back and I laughed and sobbed at the same time.

"Don't feel sorry for me. I've been giving him a really hard time." I gave my husband an apologetic smile which he returned tenfold.

"It's been worth it," he replied with a shrug. I shook my head and my mom's arms tightened around me.

"How far?" she asked. I met her worried eyes and sighed.

"About thirteen weeks."

"What does the doctor say?" Mom glanced from Edward to me.

"She says everything is perfect. No complications, strong heartbeat, just…perfect," Edward answered with a smile.

"Perfect," she stated with a smile and kissed my head. "Good grief, next year we're going to have a baby!"

"Who's having a baby?" Seth asked loudly.

"Hopefully not you," Alice quipped from beside him.

"Hilarious, you are." He rolled his eyes and wrapped her in a headlock.

"Hey, no violence around my baby, you asshats!"

Edward snorted and pulled me away from my mother. "I'm sorry," he said softly. I nodded and kissed his cheek. He didn't do anything wrong, but he knew that apologizing was the best thing to do.

I definitely married a very smart man.

xXx

"Edward, I swear on my life if one more old lady touches my belly you won't have a congregation left," I whispered not-so-quietly to him after Sunday service one day.

"But you look so cu-" He cut off when he caught sight of my glare.

"If you say _cute_ I'm divorcing you," I said through my teeth. Edward simply smiled and focused his attention on greeting the congregation as they left.

"How much longer, dear?" Mrs. Johnson, one of the first members of the church who was fully supportive of Edward in his new position, asked. _Shit. I couldn't kill her. Maybe she wouldn't touch me. _

"Three weeks from tomorrow." I smiled and rested my hand on top of my stomach. The old lady smiled and patted my hand. Edward raised an eyebrow as she walked away. "She touched my _hand_. And I like her."

"Ah, my wife. Such a lovely woman," he teased and wrapped his arm around what was left of my waist.

"You really should try to be a bit nicer to me," I muttered, but leaned into his side anyways, then yawned loudly. I was tired _all_ the time. The baby was more _nocturnal_ than _normal_ and it was driving me crazy. I hoped things would be different when he was born. But I was just trying to make my self feel better by thinking that. I knew it wouldn't happen.

I think I was more excited than Edward that we were having a boy. I'd seen firsthand what Claire was going through with Ruthie and I had no desire to be a part of raising a girl. Hopefully (if we had more children) they'd all be boys. I had my fingers crossed.

"Is it naptime already?" Edward joked while he gathered his stuff from the pulpit. I side-eyed him and bent down to get my purse. "C'mon, Mama. Let's get you home."

"Um…Edward? I don't think I can go home," I said, feeling a sudden trickle of wetness down my thighs.

"What's wrong? Are you okay?" He rushed to my side as I straightened up. I looked up at him, wide-eyed and worried, and gave him a forced smile.

"I…I think I need to go the hospital." I took a deep breath and Edward gripped my face between his hands.

"Are you sure?"

I nodded but felt my eyes fill with tears. "It's too early. I'm not ready! I– I haven't washed all of his clothes or baby-proofed the house or– "

"Leah!" Edward said my name loudly and I focused on his face. "Deep breaths, baby. We're ready. We've been ready for a long time."

I stared at him for a long moment and let his calmness flow through me, and then I took a deep breath and removed his hands from my face.

I nodded. "We're ready."

He grinned. "Then let's go have a baby, baby."

xXx

I could hear him crying, a loud piercing noise that made my heart ache. I wanted to hold him again, to count his little fingers and toes and breathe him in and tell him how much I loved him.

"How you doing, pretty girl?" Edward's voice was quiet in my ear. I sighed and lifted my hand to touch his face. He smiled and kissed my forehead, then my lips.

People had been bustling around the room for the better part of an hour; cleaning up, stitching, whispering, and calling out measurements. Edward had hovered between both of us the entire time, keeping me updated on the baby and telling me how proud he was and how much he loved me. There was that one awkward moment when he stood at the foot of my bed, head tilted with a perplexed-but-disgusted look on his face while things were being… repaired. After I threatened to kick him out he stayed waist-high and kept his eyes up.

I couldn't help the waterworks that started once he was in my arms again. Edward laughed quietly and kissed my head.

"I thought we were done with all this crying business," he whispered. I didn't even want to glare at him. I was too happy. Too happy and too exhausted.

"He's so beautiful," I said softly, touching his little nose and lips.

"He looks like you," Edward replied. I shook my head and proceeded to unwrap him from the confines of the papoose-like blanket the nurses had wrapped him in. I had to, I wanted to _see_ him.

He was tiny but healthy, even for being a little early. We counted all his fingers and toes and laughed at his little twitches when we touched sensitive spots on his skin. _Great_, we were already being annoying parents and he wasn't even two hours old.

"I can't believe he's real," I murmured and ran hand gently over his thick, dark hair.

"I called everyone earlier," Edward told me quietly as we continued to watch our little boy. His little hands opened and closed and his lips puckered. He was mesmerizing. "They should be here soon."

"Okay." I smiled up at him. He blinked quickly and then leaned down to kiss me.

"Thank you," he whispered. I shook my head because there was no reason for him to thank me. We'd done it together.

"We love you so, so much, Daniel John," I said with my lips to his skin. It took us a while to settle on a name. Originally we thought of family names but then we decided against sticking our son with _Carlisle _or _Harry._ His life was going to be hard enough growing up with _us_ as parents. So, like Edward usually did in times of need - he turned to the Bible.

Daniel was brave and faithful. His faith and strength kept him safe during even the toughest and scariest times of his life. That was what we wanted for our son. A life full of faith and love, and the power to overcome any obstacle in his way.

Soon our family would be joining us so we reveled in our moment while we could. We laughed at Daniel's faces and Edward wondered if he could give him a mohawk. Then we cried when we realized how blessed we were, how we were mistaken a few years earlier when we thought everything in our lives had led us to each other.

And as much as I loved Edward, I felt as though everything we'd been through and felt had led us to that moment. To _that _kind of love, the love we shared for our son.

He was the corporeal embodiment of our love, wrapped up in a perfect package with ten fingers and ten toes, a mess of hair, and a healthy set of lungs.

He was what we'd waited so long for, what I thought I'd never have. A dream that I'd lost a lifetime ago. I pressed my lips to his head and pulled Edward closer, needing to feel them both, to make sure they were both real.

Edward brushed my messy hair from my face and rested his head next to mine. I leaned into him and pressed my lips to his cheek.

"I love you," I whispered. He touched my face and smiled his perfect, pretty smile that I loved so much. I hoped Daniel had that smile. Then I thought about the trouble that smile had gotten Edward out of through the years, and I changed my mind.

"I love you, pretty girl," he replied and then sighed deeply, and rested his hand over mine. "Now, when we can we have another one?"

I gaped at him for a moment before I burst out laughing, waking Daniel in the process.

"I guess I should have seen that one coming," he muttered and took Daniel from my arms. "You better get used to that, kid," he said as he rocked the baby gently. "She's going to laugh at you and tease you and– "

"Hey!" I cried.

"And she's going to teach you how to love and how to be brave. She's going to make you crazy, but you're going to love her so much that sometimes you won't be able to think about anything else."

"Stop telling him your secrets." I laughed as my eyes drooped. The day had exhausted me in the best way possible.

"She's going to be your best friend," he whispered before kissing Daniel's head and placing him in the hospital bassinet.

"You're crazy." I held out my hand and he took it, kissing my palm and holding it to his chest.

"It's true. You did all those things for me."

"Lucky guy," I teased.

"You have no idea," he said quietly.

I did have an idea, because I was just as lucky. I had so much to be grateful for.

Even things I hadn't even known I wanted to begin with.


	25. Dancing in the Minefields

**I don't own them or the song. **

**This is it, kids. **

* * *

Epilogue – Dancing in the Minefields

_"In the face of all this chaos, baby, I can dance with you." _

-Andrew Peterson, "Dancing in the Minefields"

The waves gently broke over my feet and the sun cast a warm glow on my skin. It was hot, even for mid-June weather, but Daniel had yet to wear himself out. I watched as he poked at a mess of seaweed with a piece of driftwood he'd found, fascinated.

That was his normal state, though. Everything about life fascinated him. He was so much like his father sometimes.

A small shriek escaped his mouth as a crab scuttled out from the seaweed and promptly ran back into the ocean. I tried not to laugh as he toppled backwards, ass-first into the sand.

He was resilient though, and he stood, brushed off his backside and ran toward the water. I almost stopped him, but Edward's voice echoed in my head. _He's a boy. He's going to get hurt. Stop babying him._

I couldn't help it. He _was_ my baby.

_Well, for a few more months at least,_ I thought and rubbed my hand over my too-big belly.

Edward and I had always talked about having more children, but as Daniel grew and our careers and life carried on full-speed, the idea fell by the wayside.

It was a pleasant surprise when we found out, though. Daniel was in kindergarten and Edward and I had both begun to miss the days of having a baby. The days of tiny clothes and being up every three hours. Of lullabies and everything smelling sweet (at least until the kid actually got anywhere near them).

We were weird, and we knew it.

When Daniel was a baby, Edward would often sneak into his room and sing to him, something that calmed both of them. I would lie in bed and listen to him on the monitor, silently thanking my lucky stars for the man I loved so much.

So yeah, we missed those days. These days it was about learning to discipline and how to have patience. It was about finding a balance and not having a "good parent/bad parent" relationship. Sometimes we both had to be the "bad parent".

We learned that was okay, though.

The bigger surprise, however, was the fact that I was having twins. _Fucking twins!_ Girls at that. So much for my fairytale life of only sons… I was definitely getting my tubes tied after their birth.

I heard the door slam and turned to see Edward smiling from the back porch. He gave a small wave and took a seat in the shade. I shook my head and reminded myself to tease him later. We'd only just arrived and he was already sunburned. I _told_ him to wear sunscreen the day before.

He simply laughed, tugged on my long braid and called me Pocahontas. Then he carried our son out to the beach and dropped him in the ocean.

Some things _never_ changed.

I could hear Edward's laugh from the porch as Daniel ran by me, aiming himself at a flock of seagulls that were minding their own business. His brown hair stuck out in every direction and his face and body were smattered with sand. The birds took off and he stood and watched, frowning.

"Mommy? Can we get a bird when we get home?" He turned to me with those deep, dark-brown eyes and I almost caved. Then I remembered how fucking creepy birds were and really didn't want them around my children.

"We'll see, baby. Maybe after your sisters get here," I told him. He glanced at my belly, frowning, and sighed.

"Okay." Then, looking sly, "Couldn't we trade the babies in for two birds? Then we'd still have two!"

"Nice try, slick, but that's not exactly a fair trade. Get your stuff together and we'll go have dinner," I called to him as he ran off after some other thing that grabbed his attention. He collected his pails and shovels as I slowly made my up to our beach house. It felt weird, still, after all these years to think that Edward and I actually _owned_ oceanfront property.

We loved Sunset Beach, though. It held plenty of memories for us, including those from an amazing honeymoon, so when the opportunity came we took it. The house was a fixer-upper, but we enjoyed it. We rented it out through the year, but always left a few weeks open in the summer just for us and our family.

They would be there soon, too. Mom and Charlie, or Mimi and Grandpa as they were known these days. Seth and Alice (along with their "are we or aren't we" relationship) were also coming.

Edward had made bets (with himself) about how long it would take me to kick them all out.

I'd told him that he would go too if he didn't stop being such a jerk. To which he smiled, kissed me, and smacked my ass. Things hadn't changed _too_ much in the past few years.

Edward's church had flourished right before our eyes. Our congregation was full of go-getters, of people who wanted nothing more than to spread love throughout the community any way they could. The youth and children's ministries doubled and we were even in the process of building a brand-new preschool on the property.

Edward held AA meetings during the week, too, something he had always wanted to do. It helped him to reach out to people he knew needed it the most and gave him the peace of mind that I knew he'd wished he had so many years ago.

I was still with the paper, though these days I spent more time editing than writing, except for the occasional feature story or editorial I picked up.

We both were able to do what we loved and then come home to _who_ we loved. Things were kind of perfect. Busy, hectic, and sometimes overwhelming…but perfect.

I fell into the chair next to Edward and he took my hand in his, fingers stroking my palm and making my skin tingle.

"Daddy! Look at all these cool shells I found!" Daniel bounded up the stairs with an excited smile. Edward kissed my knuckles and let go of my hand so he could pull our son into the chair with him, bucket and all.

Daniel settled himself between Edward's outstretched legs and started to place the shells for display on his father's skin. I bit my lip as I watched and tried not to laugh. Edward just smiled and nodded and listened to him explain everyone.

"Is that one moving?" I pointed to a little conch-looking shell just above Edward's knee.

"I think we got a live one, kiddo." Edward laughed and held it up. A little hermit crab peeked itself out and Daniel laughed. "Go put him back."

"Aw, do I hafta?" He pouted expertly and took the little shell from Edward's hand. Edward raised an eyebrow and Daniel's eyes dropped, but he did was he was told.

"You know, that's not going to work with these, right?" I asked and pointed to my stomach.

"What? My 'Tough Dad' look is awesome. It better work." He sniffed indignantly and I laughed.

"You're going to be a big puddle of goo the moment they come out," I teased him.

"I've been praying that they're ugly. Is that wrong?" he asked with a grin and leaned over his chair to kiss me.

"Edward Cullen! Don't you dare wish that on my children!" I pushed him away before he could reach.

"Hey, I helped put 'em in there. I can do what I want!" he cried as he struggled to keep a straight face.

"I thought God put the babies in Mommy's tummy." Daniel's voice interrupted our teasing and we both fell silent. I could practically _hear_ the wheels in Edward's head turning. I did tell him that his explanation of where babies come from was going to bite him in the ass, though.

"Well, um…" He trailed off and looked at me for support. I held up my hands and shook my head, then pretended not to notice his glare.

"Isn't that what you said?" Daniel asked as he climbed back into Edward's lap. He started strategically putting his shells back in his bucket. "You said God put the babies in her belly, right? Daddy? Are you God?"

I snorted. I couldn't help it. I loved his mind and the things that went through it. And Edward deserved it, he really did. The eyebrow raise was back, but this time it was a little bit evil and aimed at me. I watched Edward's mouth curve into a smirk and he turned to me before speaking.

"No. But sometimes Mommy calls me that," he said quietly.

I narrowed my eyes at him and glanced at Daniel, who didn't seem to have heard him.

_Asshole,_ I mouthed. Edward laughed and squeezed my hand before helping Daniel out of his lap.

"Go clean up. I'll be right in to help you," he told him with a slight shove toward the door.

"I can't believe you," I huffed.

Edward laughed and brushed my cheek with his fingertips. "What? He didn't even hear me."

I shuddered and moved closer to him, hating the effect he still had on me, even during moments when I wanted nothing more than to be pissed at him. "When he goes back to school in the fall, _you _get to be the one to handle the phone call about why the preacher's son knows that his mom calls his dad _God_." I poked him in the chest.

"Wait, I handled the one when he said _shit_ in front of the principal." Edward frowned and caught my hand in his.

"Ugh, fine." I leaned back in my chair and closed my eyes.

"I guess I should have rephrased it. You don't actually call _me_ God_._ You just say his name a lot," Edward explained. I could practically _see_ the smug smile on his face.

"Not anymore," I muttered.

"You wound me, Leah." He chuckled.

"I'm too fat anyways," I complained and peeked over at him.

"You're beautiful," he whispered. I felt my skin heat up at the look in his eyes as I wondered just how early we could get Daniel to bed. "And these babies, they're going to beautiful… and more trouble than we could ever imagine," he said to my belly.

I laughed and ran my fingers through his hair as he moved the fabric of my shirt up and pressed his lips to my skin. Edward pulled my shirt down and smiled at me, the kind of smile that gave me butterflies and made my heart pound, even after all these years.

I touched his face softly and thought about our life and all that he'd given me, all that we had together. Edward had seen the best in me even when it was nowhere to be found. He saw through all the layers of pain and anger and helped me break through them, to start new.

He gave me the second chance I never knew I had, the happy ending I didn't think I deserved. I, in turn, helped him to discover that it was okay to let people in and to love again.

The funny thing about it all is that making the biggest mistake of my life is what led me to Edward in the first place. Edward had always felt that though; he always trusted that everything we'd been through had led us to each other.

"You ready to go in?" Edward's quiet voice broke me from my reverie. I shook my head and pulled him across the small space between us.

"Not yet," I said softly as I rested my head on his shoulder. He pressed his lips to my temple and laced our fingers together as the sun dipped down, throwing pinks and oranges into the sky above us.

"Hey, pretty girl?" Edward whispered.

I smiled. "Hmm?" I hummed and turned my face to his.

"I love you," he said as he tilted my chin up.

I closed the distance between us and our lips met gently but ardently. He pulled away and brushed my hair from my face, his little smile making my heart do back-flips.

"Ditto," I whispered, and leaned in to kiss him again. He chuckled and I smiled as it vibrated through him.

"You're always going to be difficult, aren't you?" Edward asked.

"Always," I replied as he dipped his head and kissed my cheek.

"I wouldn't have it any other way," he said with his lips to my skin.

I wouldn't have it any other way, either.

* * *

**So, this is where I say thank you and get all ****mushy and stuff. Sarah and Rebekah – thank you for letting me take this stupid, drunken idea and helping me bring it to life. The two of you are amazing friends to put up with me through all of this. I love you.**

**To all of you who have read/rec'd/reviewed/tweeted – whatever the case may be… thank you! I can't even list all of you here but know that I appreciate it so, so much. **

**To the Perv ladies – Christ Almighty, how do I love you? You're all amazing. Thank you for the recs and for such sweet, kind words. And special thanks to Jeanne for writing **_**Confessions**_** and introducing me to the love that is Edward and Leah. **

**I have outtakes planned if you want to keep this on alert. I'll post them right here. Thank you again for reading. **

**I had a ball, y'all. **

**XO - Ash**


	26. Outtake 1: Run

**Hi there. And you thought you were rid of me! **

**Stephenie owns these kids and, as usual, they own me. **

**Killerlashes beta'd. Laura-1025 and RCH81 gave this a preread for me. Thanks ladies! **

* * *

Run

"_I wanna watch you undress_

_I wanna watch you glow_

_Let your hair down_

_All around, cover us both_

_You come in a wave_

_We crash and we roll_

_You surround me, pull me, drown me, swallow me whole"_

_- "Run", Matt Nathanson _

"Tired, pretty girl?" I asked and reached over the center console to take Leah's hand. She shrugged and leaned over to rest her head on my shoulder. I kissed her forehead and squeezed her hand, letting my thumb run over her wedding band.

"I don't want to sleep," she said softly, turning her face to mine. I smiled down at her before turning my attention back to the road. I _had_ to concentrate; it was already hard enough to not pull over to the side of the road and consummate our marriage in the back of her Camaro.

"What are you thinking about?" Leah's voice broke me from my trance. I shifted in my seat and shook my head.

"Nothing," I muttered. My _wife_ laughed and kissed my cheek. She let her fingers run through the hair on the back of my neck, and I sighed.

"I know you very well, Edward Cullen," she whispered and pulled herself closer to me.

"Then you should know that I'm about three seconds away from pulling over if you don't stop doing that, _Mrs. Cullen._" I pulled my hand away from hers and gripped the steering wheel tightly.

Leah chuckled and lifted herself onto her knees in the seat.

"Is that so?" Her lips were close to my ear, breath warm on my face. I shivered and flinched away from her.

"Leah…" I warned her.

"Hmm?" she hummed, and wrapped her arm around the back of my neck with her chest pressed to my arm.

"Woman. Do you really want our first time as husband and wife to be in the back of your car?"

"It's been so long," she answered. I groaned and reached over the seat to touch her, my fingers coming in contact with the soft silk of her dress, that pretty white reminder that she was all mine. A reminder that we were tied together forever.

"C'mon, baby. We're almost there." I sighed and removed her arm from around my neck. She grumbled, pouting; I could hear her muttering something profane about my willpower, but she sat back in her own seat and settled for holding my hand for the rest of the drive.

We finally arrived at the hotel, the same little bed-and-breakfast where we'd spent my birthday week a few years back. And, subsequently, a few other holidays after that.

This time we'd gotten a little bungalow on the beach and were going to spend a whole week there. We checked in and let the valet park the car, the remnants of streamers still trailing from the back bumper. Leah tugged her suitcase from my grasp and set off down the hall that led to the outside rooms. I followed her, enjoying the view from behind.

"Stop staring at my ass," she called over her shoulder. _Damn, busted._

"Well, stop making it move like that," I yelled back. I mean, seriously, she had to know what she was doing to me. The way her body moved under that silk was completely flawless; I needed to have my hands on it…soon.

She sped up her pace with a teasing glance over her shoulder. When I finally caught up, Leah was waiting outside the door to our suite, a quaint little affair with a wrap-around porch. I could hear the surf, but more than that I could hear my own heartbeat in my ears as I watched her. The moonlight hit her perfectly, highlighting her face – those high cheekbones and dark eyes and pretty, pouty lips that were currently curved into a little smirk.

"Took you long enough," she teased, and tugged me to her. We fell against the door as our lips met roughly. I fumbled with the key as her lips pressed against my neck and gave a loud groan when her hands slipped into the waistband of my pants.

"Leah – I need – hold on!" I finally manage to push her away and unlock the door. I set our suitcases just inside the door and stepped out to find her looking at me expectantly. I gestured inside but she set her hands on her hips and glared at me.

I sighed. She smiled.

Then I threw her over my shoulder and carried her over the threshold.

"Real smooth, Mr. Romance," Leah huffed when I dropped her onto the oversized bed. We took a moment to take in the room. I threw open the curtains of the sliding glass doors that led to the porch. It was dark, nothing visible, but if I opened the door I was pretty sure I would have been able to hear the ocean.

I didn't, however, want the neighbors to be able to hear us.

"I'm going to change," Leah announced when I'd turned back to her. She had already lifted her suitcase onto the bed and was digging through it. A mountain of lace and ribbons were beginning to pile up. I stuck my hand in it and came away with a lacy blue… _something_.

"Nosy!" she yelled, smacking my hand, and snatched it away from me. Leah smirked at me as she bounced to the bathroom, ultimately leaving me with the pile of goodies. "Don't touch them!"

"Dammit," I grumbled and quickly repacked her suitcase. What? I needed the bed free. I looked around the room and frowned. I hadn't really thought this through. It wasn't romantic at all. No candles, no champagne (or sparkling cider in our case)… nothing. _Shit. _I was an awful husband.

Or maybe we just didn't _need_ those things. I sighed and sat down on the bed, the day finally catching up with me - I was exhausted. I could imagine that Leah felt the same way.

I lay back against the pillows and closed my eyes, letting the day play out again and again. Leah and I were married. _Married_. It had taken us plenty of time to get to that point, but it was still hard to believe we'd made it. _Married._

"You doing okay in there?" I knocked softly on the bathroom door. I heard a quiet sniffle and opened the door quickly to find Leah sitting on the edge of the tub in nothing but her bra and underwear.

"You're already invading my privacy!" she teased weakly and looked away. Tears stained her cheeks and she shook her head sadly.

"What's the matter?" I asked as I knelt in front of her. I brushed her tears away with my thumbs and she sighed and leaned her head on my shoulder.

"I love you," she muttered.

"And that's a bad thing? I think we need to rethink some recent decisions if that's how you feel," I joked lamely.

"No," she said with a soft laugh. "It's perfect…I just…I'm so tired!" Leah cried and pulled away to rest her head in her hands. I sighed and pulled her to her feet, then unbuttoned my shirt. She watched me with a confused look before meeting my eyes. I slipped my shirt off and wrapped it around her shoulders. She gave me a small smile and slipped her arms in it while I took off her bra and started buttoning the thin white linen over her body. Even though it killed me to cover it all up.

"I know," I whispered and kissed the side of her mouth.

"I'm sorry," she whispered back, just as quietly. I shook my head and brushed her hair away.

I laughed softly. "We're married. You can turn me down any time you want now. And, truth be told, I'm exhausted, too."

She smiled. "Take me to bed then, husband."

I grinned and slipped my arms underneath her, lifting her easily into my arms, and carried her out of the bathroom. We pulled down the comforter and sheets on our own sides. I watched her as she slipped between them, her dark hair spilling across the pillows and her long eyelashes fanning across her cheeks as she closed her eyes.

I took a deep breath to calm myself and slipped off my pants, tossing them over the end of the bed before sliding in next to her. Leah moved toward me without opening her eyes. She rested her head on my shoulder and her hand on my chest. I could see her ring sparkling in the faint moonlight that spilled through the room.

"Good night," she said quietly. I wrapped one arm around her and let the other rest over hers.

"Sleep well, pretty girl," I told her before drifting off.

xXx

I slipped out from under Leah a few hours later, though it felt like I had just fallen asleep. She mumbled something and grabbed my pillow, holding it to her and giving a soft snore. I shook my head and slipped out of the sliding glass door.

With a sigh, I leaned against the wood railing of our little bungalow. My thoughts were moving too fast to sleep as my head tried to catch up with my heart.

Leah and I had been through so much together, and it had finally culminated in one perfect day. But there were so many people we didn't get to share it with. I couldn't help but think about my parents and Leah's father and how they were absent on the most important day of our lives.

"What are you doing out here?" Leah's quiet voice caused me to jump slightly. Her warm hand rested on my back and her face pressed against my arm.

"Thinking," I told her before kissing her forehead.

"About?" she asked and wrapped her arms around my body. I smiled and pulled her closer.

"You, of course."

She smiled and leaned up to kiss me. "You're a horrible liar," she whispered against my lips.

I laughed and kissed her nose. "Just thinking about…people."

"I know. I thought about them, too."

"I just wish they could have met you, you know?" I brushed her hair, messy from sleep, off her face.

"Ditto, Preacher Boy," Leah whispered. She touched my face softly, letting her fingers trail over my skin and into the hair at the back of my neck. She pulled my face to hers and kissed me gently. I let myself get lost in the feel of her against me, my hands in her hair as our lips moved lazily.

I pulled away and buried my face in my wife's hair. I breathed her in and thanked God for the days I would get to spend with her, for the life that we were going to build together.

"Take me back to bed," she said softly. I nodded, dropping a kiss on the top of her head before taking her hand and leading her back inside. I turned away from her and moved to close the blinds but her quiet voice stopped me.

"Leave it open," she said.

"You're sure?" I asked and turned back to her. She stepped to me, her hand on my chest and her eyes locked with mine.

"Yes. I want to see you." Leah's voice was low, but I caught the meaning behind her words.

I stepped closer to her and her hand dropped from my chest. As I cupped her face I watched her begin to unbutton my shirt she was still wearing.

"Leah…" I said her name softly. Her face was worried when she looked up. Leah saw the resignation in my face and quickly wrapped her arms around my neck, pulling me flush against her.

"Make me yours, Edward," she whispered, tugging my face to hers and kissing me.

"You already _are_ mine," I said against her lips. "Have been for a while now, just like I've been yours."

She laughed breathily and let one of her hands slip from around my neck and down my chest. Her fingers rested at the top of my boxers and I held my breath. "Please?" she asked and pressed her lips to my neck.

"Did you really think I was going to say no?" I teased her. Leah laughed and pressed her face to my chest. She placed a quick kiss on my skin before looking back up at me with dark eyes.

"I knew you'd give in," she told me with a smile.

"I always do when it comes to you." I brushed her hair away and kissed her. She let me lead her back to the bed, the excitement buzzing between us. It really had been a long time since we'd been together.

Her legs hit the mattress and I let my fingers undo the rest of the buttons on my shirt and slipped it off her shoulders. She watched the linen fall to the ground before glancing up at me shyly. I smiled and let my hands roam her body, over the swell of her breasts and down to her lace-covered ass. I pulled her against me at the same time she grabbed my shoulders and pulled me to her. We went tumbling onto the mattress in a fit of breathless laughter.

Our bodies melded together perfectly and I could hardly hold in my groan when she wrapped her legs around my waist and pulled me against her.

"Take it easy, baby," I said against the skin of her neck, grimacing. "That is, unless you _want_ this to be over in two minutes flat."

"God, I've missed you," she replied, laughing quietly and wriggling her body underneath mine.

"I know. Me too," I told her. She sighed beneath me as I kissed her skin, tasting her, reveling in her. I let my hands run over her warm skin, enjoying the contrast of our colors and how she felt beneath my fingers.

"I love you," she sighed as I kissed her belly button.

"I love you," I whispered back with a slight chuckle. I slid what little there was of her white lace panties over her thighs and down her legs, stopping to kiss the bottom of her foot before I made my way back up her body.

"You're lucky I wore shoes all night so my feet didn't get dirty," she teased and wiggled her toes. I laughed and kissed her ankle, then her calf, knee, and all the way up until I reached the inside of her thigh.

"Edward…" She whispered my name and I lifted her leg over my shoulder, pushing her sleek thighs apart a little further. I kissed her softly and let my teeth sink into her soft flesh. She squirmed under my hands. I could hear her fingers digging into the sheets and I smiled.

"Relax, baby," I said softly as I touched her gently. A quiet whimper fell from her lips when I slid my fingers inside.

"I am, Edward," she replied through gritted teeth. I laughed and moved closer, holding her tightly with one hand while my fingers moved inside of her. She tried to move her hips, but I held fast. Her free hand slipped into my hair in a silent plea.

I did what she wanted – what _I_ wanted. I wanted to taste her, to make her feel good, to hear my name fall from her lips. She trembled when my mouth met her skin, exploring her with my tongue and lips, tasting and teasing her. Leah's fingers dug into my scalp and I hummed against her skin.

She cried out softly and I felt her body tighten. I smiled against her skin and kissed her thigh, then made my way back up her body. She welcomed me with open arms, wrapping her limbs tightly around me and burying her face in my neck. I pulled away and kissed her gently while I let my fingers trace patterns on her skin.

"Stop teasing me, Edward," she said softly when I moved my lips to her neck. I laughed softly and rested on my elbows above her.

"I'd never, pretty girl." I kissed her forehead. Her hands ran down my sides and she quickly pushed my boxers off. I rolled slightly to help her remove them and she quickly positioned herself over me after tossing my boxers across the room.

"What?" she shrugged and pushed me back against the pillows. "You throw my clothes all the time." I nodded in agreement and sat up to kiss her, positioning her knees on the sides of my body and then gripping her hips tightly. Leah wrapped her arms around my neck and lifted herself up a bit. "Like this?"

"Any way you want," I said with my lips to her chest.

"If you meant that then I could have had you hours ago on the side of road," she teased as her hand slipped down my chest. I muttered some sort of expletive as she wrapped her fingers around me. Leah hummed happily and pressed her lips to my cheek, pulling herself closer with the arm that was around my neck. I kissed her hard, wrapping one arm around her waist and holding her face to mine with the other. I felt her shift in my arms, her grip on me loosening as she moved.

"Please," I breathed, and she nodded. I leaned back just enough so that I could see us and watched as she took me in.

"Finally," Leah whispered. I choked out a laugh and tried to focus on her, on us. It had been almost a year since we'd actually had sex, so this was a big deal for us. Also, it was our first time as a married couple. It had to be good. "Stop thinking about it," she said quietly. "You'll give yourself performance anxiety."

"I can't help it," I told her as we moved together slowly. "This is the end-all, be-all of our encounters." I gripped her shoulders in a desperate attempt to push deeper.

"Why do you – _mmph_ – say that?" she bit her lip and tangled her hands in my hair.

"It's our wedding night, Leah. I've got to – _God _– make it worth the wait," I told her, rolling quickly and pressing her into the pillows. I hooked my elbow behind one of her knees and shifted my hips slightly.

"More," she said, tugging me to her and wrapping her other leg tightly around me. I gave her what she asked for, what we both needed so desperately. I pushed as hard as I could, eager for the sounds that fell from her pretty mouth.

"So perfect." I let go of her leg so I could hold her hands, lacing our fingers together above her head. She planted her feet on the mattress, giving me better access to her body. I watched her face, the way she pulled her lip between her teeth, how her eyes fluttered closed. I needed to see her come undone, to hear her say my name and feel her body tighten around me.

I tried to make sense of the things she was whispering, but it was no use. I couldn't concentrate when we were like this, when every moment was consumed by the desperate passion that we had for each other.

"I can't – ," I started but Leah kissed me quickly, swallowing the words that never left my lips.

"So close," she whispered and pulled her hands from mine. She held my face between her hands and I pressed my forehead to hers. I felt her heels in the backs of my thighs and thought about moving, wanting to see her over me, to touch every inch of her. I couldn't though; it was too much to think about it. The way her body moved with mine and how her hands felt on my skin, it took all I had to keep going. I needed her to finish first. Always.

Our bodies moved together with just the sound of our skin meeting and our breaths filling the room. Our faces were close enough to kiss but we were intent on breathing and whispering, letting each other know that the wait was worth it. When her arms wrapped around my neck and she buried her face in my skin I knew she was there.

I knew nearly everything about her body. When she whispered my name I felt her shudder beneath me and I increased my pace and my grip on her skin. She came quietly and I covered her mouth with my own while I followed.

We stayed quiet for a moment, her hands in my hair and my lips on her skin.

"Not bad," Leah said after a moment. I laughed and kissed her cheek before rolling until we were on our sides.

"Yeah, I guess." I shrugged and squeezed her ass tightly. She sighed and wrapped her leg more securely around me.

"We could always try again," she replied with a sly grin. I shook my head and kissed her lazily.

"Insatiable," I muttered. She nodded.

"When it comes to you? Absolutely," she agreed.

"Give me a few minutes," I whispered before slipping away and into the bathroom. We cleaned ourselves up and resumed our positions, sated and still exhausted. I sang softly, some long forgotten lyrics that made me think of her, just bits and pieces of our life together so far. My hands ran over her body, the soft skin of her stomach, and rested there, just over her belly button.

She touched my face softly. "What are you thinking about, Preacher Boy?"

"Babies," I replied with a kiss to her shoulder.

Leah chuckled lightly and intertwined her fingers with mine over her stomach. "You would."

"I can't help it, pretty girl." I grinned and rested my head next to hers.

"How many do you want?" she asked quietly.

"As many as you'll give me," I shrugged.

"What if I can't?" Her voice was almost inaudible. "What if _we_ can't?" I frowned and leaned forward to kiss her. I knew that was something that plagued her. How she always worried that she wouldn't be enough- that she was inadequate to be a wife or a mother. But she wasn't. She was perfect and it would all work out. That I knew.

"Then we'll adopt as many kids as they'll let us," I told her. "But just in case it _does_ work out, we'll practice as much as possible."

"I want at least a year with you first, though," she said firmly. "You know, before my body is never the same again and you won't want me anymore."

"Oh, of course," I agreed and she slapped me playfully. "I'll always want you, Leah."

"Even when I'm old and wrinkly?"

"Especially when you're old and wrinkly. Then I won't have to fight all the other grumpy old men for you."

She scrunched her face up, trying to be disgusted with me.

"You're gross."

"You love it."

"I do."

"You already said that once today," I teased.

"I'd say it everyday, if I could," she whispered.

I rolled to my back and brought her with me, framing her face with my hands and kissing her gently.

"I'm happy with just the one time."

"Yeah, me too," she agreed before shifting her body over mine, placing her hands on my chest and rolling her hips encouragingly. "Should we…keep practicing?"

I nodded and smiled. "I love you."

"I know." She smiled smugly as she took me inside her.

I was pretty sure we were going to like this whole _married_ thing.

* * *

**Thanks for reading! **


	27. Outtake 2: Edward Exposed

**Hi. Stephenie owns, of course. **

**Thanks to laurnorder and RCH81 for prereading this bad boy and killerlashes for the beta job. **

**I always wanted Leah to "write an article" about Edward while they were dating, but it never fit into the story. That's how this came up. Thank you for reading!**

* * *

_**Tacoma's Top 35 Most Influential People Under 35**_

**_Edward Cullen: Exposed_**

**_By L. C. Cullen_**

_Some people come quietly into your life. It might start with a conversation or a chance meeting, a friendship that grows over weeks, months, or even years. Others come in like a hurricane–a mess of wind and rain that leaves you blinded and left to pick up the aftermath. That was what happened with me and Hurricane Edward. Well, kind of; my life was already a mess. Hurricane Edward helped to blow the pieces back into place. _

_What can I say about Edward Cullen that isn't completely biased and based on my own relationship with him? Absolutely nothing. But I can tell you, from my own personal experience, how utterly faithful, caring, talented, and one-of-a-kind he really is. Too many adjectives to believe? Well, it's the truth. _

"Go see Daddy," I told Daniel as I set him down at the door of Edward's office. I threw a quick greeting to Edward's secretary and then followed my little guy. He'd just started walking and it was the cutest thing I'd ever seen. Seriously. I loved to watch him take those cautious steps on his chubby little legs. He'd made it to the side of Edward's desk, his fingers grabbing and mouth leaving a trail of drool on the side of it. Edward tried not to laugh into the phone and carefully pried Daniel away from the desk and pulled him into his lap.

"Great. Yeah, thanks for calling," he said before hanging up his phone. Then he lifted Daniel into the air and kissed his belly before holding him against his chest. Daniel wrapped his arms around his neck in a hug, burying his face in Edward's neck.

"Hi." I smiled and kissed him softly, smoothing Daniel's wavy hair and settling myself on Edward's desk.

"The editor of your paper just called. Apparently there's some sort of yearly _thing_ they put out about influential people. They want to write about me," he explained with a grin. I tried not to laugh. "Isn't that crazy?"

"Not really." I shrugged.

Edward frowned. "Did you already know about this?" he asked.

"Maybe," I smiled, trying to look as innocent as I could.

"Darn, I can't ever surprise you," he grumbled and proceeded to set Daniel on his desk next to me. Our son leaned into my side, snuggled into my shirt, and yawned.

"Who do you think is going to write the article?" I laughed loudly.

"Oh, sweet baby Jesus. Not you?"

"Of course I am!" I cried and tossed a pencil at him.

"Hey! What'd we say about throwing things in front of the kid?"

"Sorry," I whispered and then pulled Daniel into my arms and kissed his cheek. "Besides, no one knows you like I do."

"Exactly," Edward muttered and then shrugged. "Alright, I've got a ton of stuff to do." He stood up and pulled me from the desk, then took Daniel from me. "I'll walk you out. We'll talk about it at home."

"There's really nothing to talk about. I've been writing the article for years," I told him as we made our way to the parking lot. He sighed and closed the door to the backseat after buckling the baby in.

"That's what scares me," he said before pulling me to him and kissing me enthusiastically. "I love you."

"I'm still writing it."

_Of course, when I first met Edward, I didn't think those things. I thought he was a little odd, kind of neurotic, and incredibly talented. He said things I'd never heard people say before and made me want to believe them. He did things that people I knew didn't do–selfless volunteering, giving money to charity, ministering to the crazed youth of Forks, Washington. You know- weird things. _

_Eventually I came to understand that what Edward was doing wasn't weird or odd or even freakishly annoying. What Edward was doing was absolutely amazing. He was changing lives, changing the world–changing me. _

_That's why he's on this list. That's why Edward Cullen is one of the most influential people in Tacoma. _

"There's really no changing your mind, is there?" Edward asked a few days later during breakfast.

I sipped my coffee and glared at him while he fed Daniel little pieces of toast and bananas. "Nope," I answered.

"Hey, kid. You've got something on your face," I heard Edward say. I looked over just in time to watch my son smear the rest of his banana into his hair.

"Ugh. Will you clean that up?" I pointed to Daniel.

Edward laughed and carefully lifted him from his high chair. "Hear that, kid? You've officially become _that_," he said as he carried him out of the dining room.

"Only when he's dirty!" I yelled.

_Edward is a mover. As in, he moves people. He moves people to do things they wouldn't normally do. Now, don't take that the wrong way. Edward doesn't use his words to trick people into doing the wrong thing. He makes them believe in something better and makes them want to do something about it. _

_When our church needed a new roof, the entire community rallied to help us. When we decided to take on a two-million dollar loan to build a new preschool, they raised the money. Anytime anyone needs anything the congregation gets it done. I like to think that it's all because of Edward. _

_Yeah, so Edward is my husband and you may think that I have to say those things about him. Well, I don't. I could tell you how he never washes his coffee cups and how he leaves his boxers on the bathroom floor. I could tell you how annoying it is every time my ten-month-old bangs his spoon on the table to some rhythm only he can hear because he is just like his father._

_But this isn't about Edward's faults. (Not that I'm going to write about them. I need _some_ nagging material, after all.) It's about the good that Edward's done and how he's making a difference. _

"You're late," I whispered, hearing my husband slip into the bedroom and knowing that it was well past midnight.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly. I felt the bed shift and his body pressed against mine over the comforter. He buried his face in my hair and breathed deeply, like he was breathing in life.

"Everything okay?" I reached behind me and grabbed his hand, tugging him closer and feeling his quiet sigh.

"Sometimes I really hate my job," he replied. Days like this were days when I was at a loss for words. Days when my husband came home stressed and defeated because of something he'd seen or heard or had to help someone through were tough for both of us.

I turned and kissed him, his mouth moving with mine desperately, his fingers getting lost in my hair. We could have stayed like that for hours, but the quiet noise on the baby monitor by the bed caused us to pull away.

"I'll go," he said before kissing me once more. I watched him walk out of our bedroom and then heard his voice on the monitor. I listened carefully while he talked to Daniel about his day. He told him how sometimes things were so sad all he wanted to do was come home and spend time with the two us and forget anything else ever existed. I smiled when he started to sing my favorite song; something that we learned quickly soothed our son back to sleep.

"_Smile though your heart is aching_

_Smile even though it's breaking._

_When there are clouds in the sky_

_you'll get by…"_

A few minutes later Edward rejoined me, undressing silently before slipping into bed.

"He always makes you feel better," I said with a quiet laugh.

"You both do," Edward whispered, wrapping himself around me once more.

_Edward is selfless. That might sound like a cliche way to describe a small town pastor, but it's true. He puts the needs of others, the needs of the church, and the needs of strangers above his own. When Edward was twenty years old, his parents died. He quit school to raise his ten-year-old sister without blinking an eye. She's been working overseas with the Peace Corps for the past three years. Apparently selflessness runs in the family. _

_Edward didn't live a perfect life. He's not a martyr or a saint. Of course, in my own opinion, he's pretty perfect. _

_But that's just me. _

_Like I said before, Edward is a mover. People were skeptical when we first moved to town. They'd heard about Edward, which is not always a good thing. They knew he was young, that he played guitar, and hung out with the youth. They also knew he had a fiancée who was some sort of hoodlum. (The things you can find out on the internet!) _

_It took Edward approximately forty-five minutes to win over his new congregation. Forty-five minutes. He opened his sermon with a song, just his acoustic guitar and a stool in the middle of his new church. I watched from the back of the sanctuary, just as mesmerized as the rest of them. And when he spoke they were captivated, as I knew they would be. _

_It didn't take long after that for everything else to fall into place: fundraisers, get-togethers, huge holiday events. It was amazing to see it all happen right before our eyes. The entire community got involved in almost everything we did. In everything that Edward did. They way he moved people to do things was inspiring. So inspiring that other churches and pastors were calling every day asking how he did it. _

_Funny thing was–he didn't know how he did it. One of the best (and occasionally worst) things about Edward? He's oblivious to the effect he has on people. Edward helped the other pastors, though. He told them about different things our church was doing and how they were handled. Weeks later he would get emails or phone calls thanking him for his help and for his service. _

_Edward would come home and tell me what they'd said to him and how they treated him with so much respect. I'd laugh while he blushed, talking about how embarrassing it was to have older people talk to him that way. But it was true. Edward's vision and dedication helped churches in the neighboring counties as much as it helped our own. His creativity and love for life helped people want to worship and trust in their faith, and want to help others do the same. _

"You aren't going to tell them anything… personal? _Are_ you?" Edward asked over dinner one night.

"Baby, I've already submitted it. You'll just have to wait and see." I shrugged and patted his hand.

"Leah, my entire congregation reads your paper. Are there things I need to warn them about? Do I need to write a sermon on it?"

"Edward Cullen, do you really think I'd throw you under the bus like that?"

"Well… maybe?"

"You're the primary source of income for this family." I smirked and cleaned up our plates. "I've got the kid to think about!"

"I'm just saying, there are things I don't really want the old ladies in the front row to know about me, you catch my drift?"

"Yes, Edward, I catch your drift. Now, load the dishwasher or no dessert…if you catch my drift."

"Rude woman," he muttered. I laughed, and left him alone to stew.

_In short, Edward Cullen is a visionary. Again, I say that in the least biased way I can. _

_Of course, I could tell you how he's a visionary in the bedroom or what an amazing husband and father he is…but I won't. Some things really do need to stay private. _

_(He _is_ really good though. Take that any way you like.) _

"You really had to add that last part in, didn't you?" Edward set the paper down and glared at me.

I grinned into my coffee cup. "You asked for it," I shrugged.

"I should've known," he muttered.


	28. Outtake 3: Lead Me

**Stephenie still owns these kids. **

**RCH81 gave me a preread a while ago and made me want to write more. **

**killerlashes betas and gives me good recipes. **

**As you know I like to throw in lyrics to my favorite Jesus songs and this one was so very Pre-Youth Pastor Edward. **

**Thank you so much for reading!**

* * *

Lead Me

"_Lead __me __to __the __cross__  
__Where __Your __love __poured __out__  
__Bring __me __to __my __knees__  
__Lord __I __lay __me __down__  
__Rid __me __of __myself__  
__I __belong __to __You__  
__Lead __me, __lead __me __to __the __cross.__" _

"Fucking assholes," I muttered as I downed another shot. It burned. I closed my eyes.

Emmett patted me on the shoulder as my head dropped to the bar. "That's completely fucked up, man," he said as he ordered me yet another shot. We were at some hole-in-the-wall pub that didn't check IDs, which was great considering we were both under twenty-one.

"Dear God, Emmett. I can still hear the sounds. Make it stop." I pounded my head against the counter and heard my best friend laugh.

"I mean… you had no idea?"

I sat up and sighed. "None. I guess I should have though. I've just been so…"

"Wasted?" he offered.

"No. Well, kind of." I grinned sheepishly, downed my shot and ordered a beer. "I've been stressed, man."

"And? Your girl found someone to help her out while you were busy partying with me."

"But on my desk? I have the fucking sheet music for some songs I was writing all over it!"

"Yeah, and now Bella's lady juices are all over it." Emmett laughed loudly at the skeeved-out look on my face. "I think you'll survive."

I grimaced. "Sadly, my songs will not."

"Listen, I didn't want to say anything while you were with the girl but… she was a bitch," Emmett said with a pat on my back.

I snorted. "You told me that at least once a week, McCarty."

Emmett grinned. "I'm nothing if not honest, dude."

"I'm crashing at your place this week," I told him.

"No worries." Emmett nodded and threw some bills down on the counter. "C'mon, let's go get your stuff, you poor bastard."

Emmett and I pushed through the crowd on unsteady feet, but I was stopped just before we made it to the door.

"Cullen!" The voice was loud in my ear and the grip on my arm was almost painful. "I need to talk to you."

I turned quickly to see the face of Jasper, my fornicating-with-my-now-ex-girlfriend-son-of-a-bitch roommate.

"I've got nothing to say to you, you jackass." I yanked my arm free and followed Emmett out the door before I gave in to the temptation to punch him.

Emmett and I never made it back to my room that night. Instead we spent the night at a buddy's house, drinking and getting high. The beer was crappy and the weed was weak, but it felt good to be numb, to have nothing to worry about but whatever was right in front of me, and to make sure I got some camera-phone video of Emmett singing "Pass the Dutchie" into a hairbrush microphone.

Of course, the next morning I woke up with a pounding headache and an unfamiliar pain in my chest. I shook it off and grabbed a beer, nudged Emmett awake, and we continued what we'd been doing the night before. It was a vicious cycle, and we both knew it. We knew we'd eventually have to sober up and get ready for the week full of classes ahead of us. But, for the moment we just…didn't think about it. Didn't worry about anything except what was right in front of us.

"Fuck," I muttered and leaned back against the shabby couch. "I've got a paper due tomorrow. It's on my computer."

"I hope Jasper didn't fuck that while you were gone, too."

"God, McCarty." I shook my head in admonishment. "You're really a sick fuck, you know?"

He grinned. "Why, thank you, Edward."

I stood, a little wobbly, and looked at him. "I'm gonna head over there. I'll meet you at your place?"

"Absolutely." Emmett nodded but didn't take his eyes off the television screen and the video game he was playing.

I made my way across campus to the room I shared with Jasper. We'd been friends for two years, ever since we'd been assigned as roommates. He was from Texas, studying engineering. I'd met Bella at the beginning of the semester. Our relationship was mostly casual; she was busy with classes and well, I just wasn't really interested in anything but sex. I was a twenty-year-old guy, after all.

Thankfully, the room was empty when I got to it. I unplugged my phone and turned it on, the three new voicemails from Bella that popped up going unheard before I quickly deleted them. I booted up my computer and started printing my paper, then started throwing things into a duffel bag to take to Emmett's.

Then the phone rang.

I groaned, hoping it wasn't Jasper _or_ Bella. Because, honestly, I didn't give a fuck about either one of them. And I really didn't want to talk to them.

Chicago area code. I picked it up and answered, not recognizing the number.

"Hello?" I grumbled.

"Edward Cullen?" a female voice asked.

"Yes?" my heart thundered in my ears.

"Hi, Edward. My name is Jane. I'm calling you from Mercy Hospital…"

My heart dropped. _Mom__'__s__hospital._

"Is my mother okay?" I asked quickly. I hadn't heard from her or Dad in a few days, but that was normal. We were all busy.

"Edward? Did you hear what I said?"

_She said something?_

"Um, no. I'm sorry, I didn't hear you."

"Edward, you're listed as an emergency contact for Carlisle and Esme, is this correct?"

"That's correct," I said through gritted teeth. I wished she would just _tell_ me.

"What's your relationship to the persons mentioned?"

"I'm their son!"

"Their son?"

"Yes! What the fuck is going on?"

"Edward, I'm sorry… your parents were in an accident last night."

"Accident?" I sank onto my twin bed, feeling my legs turn to jelly. "What kind of accident?" I wasn't sure I really wanted to know.

"A car accident, Edward. I'm sorry but – but they didn't make it."

_They__didn__'__t__make__it_.

What did that even mean?

They didn't make it to dinner? Didn't make it home? I didn't understand.

"Wha-what do you mean?" I choked on the words and pulled at the collar of my shirt, suddenly suffocating.

"They're dead, son. I'm sorry…"

She kept talking, I knew she did. But I didn't hear her. All I heard was: _dead_.

They were dead. As in not alive. Gone. Like, I'd never see them again.

_Alice_.

"What about my sister?" I practically yelled, interrupting whatever the woman was saying.

"She was with a neighbor, sir. She's been taken into custody by the Department of Children and Families and will be placed with a-"

"No!" That time I did yell. "No. She won't be placed anywhere. I'll come and get her, I'll-"

"Edward, it's standard procedure when both parents are deceased and no other adults remain-"

"I don't care about your fucking procedures, _ma__'__am_. I'm coming to get her." I stood, not having a clue what I was doing or where I was going. "Can I get a phone number or something to this Department of… whatever?"

"Yes, Edward." The woman's voice never changed from her polite tone and that annoyed the fuck out of me. My parents were..._dead._Yes. Dead. And she didn't even sound sorry. My parents were dead and my sister was going to be shipped to some home and… no. No, she wouldn't be. I didn't even have time to be sad. I wrote the number down while the woman rattled off a number and then I hung up quickly.

We didn't have any other family. I had to get to Alice. I grabbed the bag I'd just packed to take to Emmett's and practically ran out of the dorm and headed for my car. I ignored the calls from people around me, their voices ringing hollowly in my ears, until someone grabbed my backpack and yanked me backwards.

"Cullen, I said I needed to talk to you." Jasper's voice was low, considering the hurricane that was currently raging in my brain. I couldn't hear anything, _couldn__'__t_ think of anything but getting to Alice.

"Talking to you isn't high on my list right now, Whitlock." I pulled away from him but he blocked my way.

"It's about yesterday," he said, putting his hand on my chest to stop me from walking. I glanced at his hand and then up at his face.

"I don't give a fuck what it's about. _Move_." I pushed his hand away and tried to side-step him.

"No, not until we talk about this. About Bella."

"Are you fucking kidding me? You need to get out of my face. Now." I gritted my teeth and felt my hands clench into fists. He was wasting my time. How could I even care about something as mundane as him and my ex-girlfriend? I pushed past him finally, our shoulders brushing as I walked away.

"C'mon, Edward," Jasper pled as he caught my elbow.

What happened next was a whirlwind of… everything. My emotions got the best of me; I had no control over my body. I could see what was happening but couldn't stop it. I felt my fists connecting with his flesh. I watched him fall to the ground. People shouted around me, but I couldn't stop. My hands ached, but not as much as my chest. The pain was too much; I needed a release.

Jasper didn't even throw a punch.

The arms that were suddenly around me were strong. They pinned my arms to my sides and pulled me away. I thought it was Emmett, coming to save me like a good friend, but it wasn't Emmett.

The handcuffs were the first clue that it wasn't him. The gruff voice in my ear read me my rights and before I knew what was happening I was watching the campus disappear from the backseat of a police car.

I tried to argue that I had to get to my sister but it was no use. I was booked and thrown into a cell. I called Emmett with my phone call and left a message knowing he was in class.

Then I sat. I sat for three days in a cell all by myself. I ate and slept. I went to the bathroom. I yelled. And at night, when there was no one else around, I cried. It wasn't manly or dignified, but it was all I could do. My parents were dead and my little sister was stuck in a home with strangers.

Apparently there was so much alcohol in my system that the officers were surprised I could form a coherent sentence. I blame me trying to beat the living shit out of Jasper on the booze and the fact that I was still pretty stoned.

None of that mattered though. I didn't care what they charged me with as long as they let me out.

I had to get to Alice.

"Cullen!" one of the guards called my name. "You're free to go."

"Just like that?"

"All your fines have been paid, the other kid dropped the charges," he said with a shrug. I gathered my belongings and thirty minutes later I was standing in front of Emmett and Rosalie. Emmett nodded grimly but Rosalie hugged me.

"My dad took care of everything," she said as she pulled away.

"I'll pay you back," I replied, determined. She didn't say anything, just took my hand and led me from the station, Emmett following close behind. He opened the back door but held his arm out in front of me before I could get in.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. I met his eyes and gave him a forced smile. Emmett and I weren't exactly the "touchy-feely" type, but I knew he was trying to be sympathetic.

We drove in silence for a while, Emmett and Rose in the front. I watched the scenery pass by and all I could think about was Alice. I needed her to be safe.

"Rosie's dad pulled some strings with DCF, too. Alice is waiting at their main office," Emmett told me once we were about halfway there.

"Thanks," I muttered, feeling utterly helpless.

"We'll stay with you as long as you need," he added. I met his eyes in the rearview mirror and gave him a quick nod. It was all I could manage without breaking down right then and there.

By the time we'd reach the DCF office I was sweating and ready to puke. I practically burst out of the car and ran across the parking lot. I swung the door open and it banged against the wall with a clatter. Rose and Emmett followed close behind.

She was sitting in one of those hard plastic chairs with a book in her hand. Her clothes were too big for her and a baseball cap was on her head. I went to her slowly and knelt down in front of her. My hands shook as I took the book from her and tipped her face up with my fingers. Alice smiled, though her eyes were red-rimmed and fresh tears were starting to form. She held her arms out and I pulled her to me as a little sob escaped her. The baseball cap came off and I held her tightly, realizing the shortness of her hair.

"Some of the kids weren't very nice," she hiccupped.

Sadness and anger bubbled inside of me. Sadness for her, and anger directed solely at me. This was my fault.

"I'm so sorry," I whispered.

"I want to go home," she sobbed. I nodded and lifted her into my arms. She was still small enough that I could carry her, so I did. All the way to the car. Rosalie stayed inside while we sat and waited. She collected all the paperwork I needed and before I knew I was giving Emmett directions to my house.

Alice clung to my hand as we stepped inside. It was quiet, too quiet. There was always some kind of music playing, something cooking, or something going on in our house.

"Al? Can you stay with Rosalie while I shower? You can show her your room, she likes books, too," I said softly as I bent down to my sister's level. She nodded and held her hand out to Rosalie. "I'll just be a few minutes," I explained.

I showered quickly then made my way back downstairs to find that Emmett had made pancakes for everyone. Pancakes in the middle of the day was a very Emmett thing to do.

I sat next to Alice and watched them eat. While I showered Rosalie had found a pair of scissors and evened out Alice's hair. She'd pulled it back from Alice's pale face and, to be honest, it wasn't half bad.

Emmett was the only one who talked and for that I was grateful. He didn't seem to mind that we only listened, either.

When the sun went down he and Rose left to go back to school. They were going to pack my stuff and bring my car back the next day. I put Alice in bed and then lay in my own for hours, just staring at the ceiling.

Technically, I was now a father. Unless I chose not to be, of course. But I couldn't do that. I _wouldn__'__t_ do that.

When I finally fell asleep my dreams were plagued with my parents' faces.

xXx

"Alice?" I called and knocked on my sister's bedroom door. She didn't answer so I knocked a little louder. When Alice didn't answer again I pushed the door open and peered inside.

Panic immediately took over and I sprinted downstairs in my socks. I called for her again, but to no avail. Finally, I made my way up the stairs to check her room again. The movement in my parents' bedroom stopped me in my tracks. The door was open the night before but I didn't dare step inside the room.

My sister's sleeping form, curled in the middle of my parents' bed, caused what was left of my heart to break into tiny pieces.

"Alice?" I tip-toed into the room and cast a quick glance around it. The room was tidy, like always. The bed was unmade and Alice was covered in an old afghan that Mom always kept on the end of it.

"I couldn't sleep in my bed," Alice mumbled and uncovered her face. I smiled and crawled into the bed with her, resting my head on Dad's pillow and tapping her nose softly.

"Me either, kid."

"I feel like they're going to come home and tease me for being in their bed," Alice whispered. I sighed and closed my eyes then held out my hand. Alice came to me, resting her head under my chin, her little body shaking with sobs.

I wasn't sure how we were going to get through this.

xXx

I don't remember much of the funeral or the days following. I knew that Rose and Emmett had returned with all my stuff and my car. They'd brought me a letter from Bella that I promptly threw in the trash. There was a distant cousin and some neighbors that came by bringing food and sympathetic smiles.

Mostly Alice and I sat alone in silence. Well, I tried to talk to her, but she wouldn't have anything to do with it. It probably had something to do with my mom's cousin Mary saying she would "take her off my hands" if I needed her to. I hesitated for about three seconds before I told her no.

Alice wasn't happy with the hesitation.

"You know you'll never get rid of me, right?" I teased her. She glared at me over her book then stomped upstairs. "Al! C'mon!"

"You're so mean, Edward!" she yelled as she slammed the door.

"Alice! Open the door!" I tried to push the door open and realized she locked it.

"No! I'm packing! I'm going to live with Mary because you don't want me anyways!" I could hear her sobbing and throwing things around.

"Don't make me take it off the hinges!" I yelled.

"You don't know how to use a screwdriver!" she retorted. I stopped trying to push the door open and laughed. Loudly. I laughed hysterically until I was sobbing just as hysterically, all the grief I'd been denying myself in an effort to be strong for Alice finally erupting forth like a geyser.

My parents- our parents- were gone. Passed away. Dead. Yet I still expected the front door to swing open with the song of my mother's laughter tinkling like piano keys, my dad's gentle teasing the warm baritone countermelody. I just couldn't wrap my brain around the idea that I'd never hear them again.

I slumped to the floor and leaned against the door, waiting.

"Please?" I asked quietly. It took a moment, but she eventually opened the door. I fell backward as it opened, and ended up lying on my back and staring up at my kid sister.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, eyes huge in her too-thin face. "I know you miss them, too."

"It's okay, Al. We'll be okay."

"Promise?" she asked, her voice small.

"Promise. And, I do know how to use a screwdriver, you know."

Alice giggled and I sat up and pulled her to me. I heaved myself up to my knees and looked her in the eyes.

"It's me and you, kid. Forever. Got it?"

"I got it." She nodded and hugged me tightly.

"I'm not going _anywhere_," I told her.

"Me either."

"I know. You're ten," I teased. Alice punched me in the shoulder.

Things changed after that. Alice and I worked harder on our relationship. We saw counselors together. Alice went back to school and I worked at the local grocery store. We didn't need the money, but I needed something to do.

Everyone once and a while someone would stop by and drop off some food for us or Pastor Mike would come and hang out. He talked a lot about forgiveness and grace, something neither one of us were ready to give yet. Alice and I also hadn't been to church since Mom and Dad's funeral.

Church was always a regular thing growing up. Mom and Dad were firm believers and always tried to instill those same values in me and Alice. Somewhere down the road I'd forgotten them, though. I knew that I needed to change, however. That if I was going to be there for Alice then I needed to fix… myself.

"What are you going to do with your life, Edward?" Pastor Mike asked me, thoughtfully.

"Um… I'm doing it?" I questioned and leaned back against the couch. What did he want me to do? It had only been a couple of weeks since they'd died. It was still too fresh to think about it. We mostly went through the motions.

"Are you going back to school?" he implored.

"I don't think I can right now. I'm busy with work and I don't want to uproot Alice…"

"You need to think about your future, Edward."

"I just – I can't right now." I looked down at my feet, ashamed. I couldn't think about moving on just yet. I didn't want to leave the house, to leave my memories.

Pastor Mike clapped me on the shoulder as he stood up.

"You'll figure it out, kid," he said before walking out. I watched him go feeling more confused than I was before.

xXx

"Edward? There's a spill on aisle five, can you get that?" My manager rushed by me, thrusting the mop into my hand before disappearing behind the corner.

I groaned and dragged the bucket out of the janitorial closet and across the store, mentally complaining the whole time. After I cleaned up the spill and put the mop and bucket away, I clocked out and headed to pick Alice up from school.

I'd barely gotten out the door of the store before it happened.

"_Edward." _

I looked around for the voice, confused. No one had followed me out and there was no one around either.

Though I only heard my name, what I felt was more intense than anything I'd ever experienced. There was a warm burning in my heart that seemed to speak to me, to tell me what it wanted me to do. I wasn't sure how I knew what it was telling me, but I did.

I drove without knowing where I was going until I'd actually arrived. I walked into the church nervously, unsure of what to expect. The sanctuary was empty, the sun hitting the stained-glass windows perfectly and throwing different colors into the room like the biggest suncatcher I'd ever seen. I felt at peace for the first time in months, since even before my parents' deaths.

As I stood there I knew that there was something bigger for me. Something was out there for me _and_Alice. Someone, something was looking out for us.

Something really, really good.

I sprinted from the church and to my car. There was no time to look back.

xXx

**Five or so years later... **

I knew she was coming to help, but I didn't quite know what to expect from Leah Clearwater. She was beautiful, that was a given. With her dark, clear skin and sleek black hair, she had these eyes that seemed to lure you in and just _something_ that made me want to know more. It made me want to know everything.

"Kind of crazy, huh?" I asked as I leaned beside her.

"Um… a bit." She gave a shaky, nervous laugh and continued to watch the kids in front of her. "Is there any kind of structure here?"

"Sometimes." I laughed. She watched me for a long moment, and I swear she was checking me out. I tried not to smile. Not that I wanted her to check me out, or that I had been checking her out. (I had been.)

"Maybe this new guy will be able to do some good?" Leah asked.

I laughed and ran my hand through my hair. "Hopefully." I pushed myself off the wall. "Excuse me." I touched her arm softly, feeling a jolt as our skin met and left her against the wall.

There was something about her that I needed to figure out. I could see it in those dark eyes and feel it when I talked to her. Even with just a few short sentences.

Leah was different. Special, even though she didn't seem to realize it. And deep down I knew that she was going to save me.

* * *

**So now we've come full circle. I can't promise I won't keep posting outtakes but for the moment this is the last one. These two seriously own me. Thank you so much for all your support with this little adventure. **

**XOXO **


	29. Outtake 4: A Merry Little Christmas

**Steph owns them, they obviously still own me. **

**Killerlashes betas and makes me sound smart-ish.**

**I blame rosellebec for this, you can too. :) **

**Here's a little love and fluff for you, since I love those things... and all of you. **

**I hope you had a lovely Christmas. **

**XOXO, Ash **

* * *

A Merry Little Christmas

I closed the door to Abi and Mara's room and quietly tiptoed back downstairs to the living room. I'd left Edward there once I'd practically pried all the kids away from him. Watching him with the three of them made my heart warm in the best way, but it also annoyed the hell out of me because it was Christmas Eve and we still had a ton of stuff to do. Daniel was easy- he knew the quicker he went to bed, the quicker he could get up and open presents.

"Are they out?" Edward asked once I'd made it to him.

"Finally," I sighed, shoving my hair out of my eyes, and collapsed on the couch. "That took _forever." _

Edward chuckled. "They're just excited. It's the first year they really understand what's going on."

"I know," I agreed, then closed my eyes and leaned back against the couch. "It's sweet that they do get it now, but it's after midnight though."

"Is that a hint?" Edward grinned and moved from his place on the floor where he'd been tirelessly putting together Daniel's new drum set and to the couch with me. He kissed my neck and pulled me against him.

"A hint for what?" I asked innocently, running a hand through his hopelessly rumpled hair, as gravity-defying as ever.

"That you want your Christmas present now?"

I laughed and tugged his face to mine. "I can wait," I told him before kissing him gently.

"Can I have mine?" he whispered, his hand slipping under the band of my sweatshirt as his lips moved to my ear.

"Oh? What exactly do you think _you're_ getting?"

He bit down lightly around my ear. "You."

"Not much of a present," I teased.

"Just let me unwrap you, please?" My husband laughed and I nodded before pushing him away and standing up.

I held out my hand and he let me lead him upstairs, abandoning our "Santa" projects for the time being. We made our way quietly past the kids' rooms and into our bedroom; Edward locked the door behind us. We'd been lucky so far, but we didn't like to take chances. Daniel was nine and the girls had just turned four, but none of them were particularly afraid of spending the night in their own rooms. Occasionally one would sneak in and the others would follow. In the morning we'd wake up, the five of us crammed into our queen-sized bed, little feet sticking out everywhere. We made sure that they didn't make a habit out of it though.

"Are you sure you don't want your _other_ gift?" I asked before tugging off my sweatshirt.

"Nope, all I want for Christmas is you," he said with a laugh and pulled me against his body, hard and warm with desire.

"You've got me, baby," I whispered and kissed his chin.

"Mmhm," Edward hummed as his hands slipped around me. He grabbed the backs of my thighs and lifted me easily, then carried me the extra five steps to our bed. We fell back onto the mattress, giggling quietly.

I took a minute to take him in, handsome and only getting better with age. He had a few gray hairs (I did, too), but I swear it only made him more appealing. Edward's thirties had been very good to him. I, of course, had birthed his three children and had the stretch marks to prove it.

But Edward didn't care about those things. He still worshipped my body and told me I was beautiful. Edward still bought flowers and took me out on "dates". In short, after almost thirteen years, Edward was still perfect.

I tugged his shirt off and tossed it over the side of the bed as he settled his body over mine. His hips shifted and I pulled him closer, running my hands over his lean body and stopping just at the top of his jeans. His eyes flashed to mine and then he was gone. I leaned back on my elbows to glare at him, only to see that he had slipped away to remove his jeans. I smirked and watched him, not moving to help.

"You're getting lazy in your old age, Cullen," Edward teased. I rolled my eyes.

"I'm just enjoying the show, Preacher Boy," I smiled. He waggled his eyebrows and whipped off his belt, making me laugh loudly before yanking him to me again and quickly unbuttoning his jeans and slipping them over his hips. "God, I love you."

"I should hope so," Edward whispered against my lips. His hands ran down my body until he tugged me up and lifted my shirt over my head. He stood up again and pulled my ass to the edge of the bed, then slipped off my sweatpants. Yeah, he still loved me in my sweatpants, too.

I took another moment to watch him: pale hands on my thighs, toned body covered in that black ink that had turned me on all those years ago. I sat up and pulled him between my legs, letting my hand travel to his right side, where my name was tattooed on his ribs opposite of Psalm 13.

"_See? Now you're a part of me, too," he said quietly. _

"_You're an idiot." I shook my head and kissed him until neither one of us could breathe. _

"Did you hear that?" I turned my head to the door; sure I heard little feet outside the room.

"No, you didn't either. Stop trying to c-block me." Edward frowned and nipped at my earlobe.

"Cockblock, Edward. You're thirty-nine. Say the word." I poked him in the chest and grinned.

"I could definitely find a better use for your mouth, you know…" He grinned back evilly before taking my face between his hands and kissing me eagerly.

"You _are_ dirty. I knew it," I muttered and he chuckled.

"You learn something new every day."

"I've always known that, silly boy," I said as I pulled him over me and wrapped my legs around his waist.

Edward pulled away and removed my legs from around him so I could rest them on the floor. He slipped my shirt over my head and went to work on my bra and panties until we were both completely bare. His hands went to my face, cupping it lovingly and kissing my nose.

"I love you," he whispered before nipping at my earlobe. I shuddered and pressed myself closer to him. The heat from his body radiated through mine, so I grabbed his hips and pulled him closer.

"I know," I returned with a smile.

"Turn around." Edward's voice was low in my ear and my knees nearly buckled at the sound of it. It was raw and sexy, full of want and need. "Put your hands on the bed."

I smiled and did as he asked, my heart hammering in my chest. I could feel his body pressed against mine, could feel everything as he stepped closer to me.

"You're beautiful like this," he murmured with his hands on my hips. One of them held tight with the other slid over the curve of my ass and dipped between my thighs. His feet nudged mine apart and I sighed as his fingers slipped inside. They moved at an agonizingly slow pace as his lips met my shoulder and then the back of my neck.

"Please," I practically begged. Edward chuckled softly and removed his hand from between my legs. I whimpered at the loss, but he filled me quickly and left me no more time to complain.

His pace was slow, moving in and out teasingly until I was gasping for breath and pushing back against him. Edward's fingers trailed down my spine until he grabbed my hips roughly, pushing himself even deeper.

I shuddered against him and gripped the bed sheets. I could only hear his breathing and the sounds of our bodies moving together as I tried to block out everything else that had been surrounding us the past few weeks. All I wanted to think about was _us_.

Edward whispered my name and I felt the pressure intensify and warm flash across my skin. He gripped my shoulders as his body moved quickly, filling me over and over again. I let my head drop and felt Edward's arm around my waist, pulling me even closer. His body was bent over mine as he whispered things that were supposed to be sweet but only filled me with a deep burning passion for him.

He straightened his body with his hands tight on my hips again. I bit my lip to keep the sounds from coming out, but it was no use. The pressure was too intense, the feel of him too perfect. A soft moan fell from my lips and my legs nearly gave out on me. He followed quickly with a low grunt that I loved to hear. Anything that let me know what I did to him.

"That is the best way to celebrate Christmas," I said as I fell back onto the bed. He laughed as he crawled on with me, pulling me against his side and kissing my hair.

"Does this mean you don't want your other presents?" he teased.

"Don't think you're getting off that easily," I retorted.

"Oh, I'm not sure about the easy part… just the getting off." Edward grinned and dug his fingers into my side.

"Edward!" I cried, slapping his hand away. He laughed again and pulled me into a kiss.

"We should get back to work. Santa isn't done yet," he said as he slipped out of bed and pulled his clothes back on.

"Well, don't distract me any more, got it? I'd like to sleep tonight," I grumbled as I did the same.

"Baby, if it were up to me you'd never sleep."

"Shush, you." I batted his hands away from me. "Behave. There's still time for Santa to put you on the naughty list."

I could feel his lips curve into a smile against the back of my neck. "You mean I'm not there already? Obviously I haven't tried hard enough."

xXx

The tapping on my forehead was just enough to wake me, though not enough to piss me off… yet. Someone had turned the light on, I could see it behind my eyelids.

"She's not waking up," one of them whispered.

"Try Daddy!" I felt the bed shift and heard Edward groan. I rolled over to see Mara sitting on top of his chest. Abi and Daniel were sitting cross-legged on the end of the bed, waiting. Mara was the baby (by three minutes) and always ended up doing the dirty work.

"Five more minutes," Edward muttered, swatting blindly at Mara's little hands.

"Daa-aad!" they groaned collectively.

Edward laughed and sat up, tickling Mara and lifting her off his chest. She settled in next to me, her big green eyes - Edward's eyes - full of excitement.

"Please, Mommy?" she whispered. I glanced at Edward and the other two at the end of the bed and shrugged. It was five-thirty in the morning, but there was really no way they would be going back to bed.

"Okay," I whispered back, pulling her close and kissing her nose. "Go."

The three of them tumbled off the bed and out the door before Edward and I even had a chance to move.

"Stop at the stairs!" he called as he pulled on his sweatshirt. The pounding on the hardwood floors stopped and I laughed quietly. We quickly brushed our teeth and made ourselves somewhat presentable.

"Merry Christmas," Edward said softly as he pulled me into his arms.

I smiled and kissed him, running my hands through his disheveled hair and thinking about our night together. After we'd finished wrapping all the presents and disposed of the slightly raw cookies for Santa, he'd put some _very_ concerted effort into making his way onto the naughty list. His arms were tight around me, his smell practically intoxicating me all over again. I had to push him away.

"C'mon. They're going to start without us," I said with a laugh before taking his hand in mine. We followed the kids downstairs, both of us just as giddy as they were. We loved Christmas. Everything about it excited us: presents, celebrations, church. It was all so very magical. The kids had somehow inched their way to the bottom of the stairs. They grinned up at us when we reached them. Edward chuckled and waved them forward. Their little feet moved quickly until they reached the living room and stopped.

"Wow," the three of them whispered, awed. Edward smiled and squeezed my hand as we slipped around them. We watched as they made their way into the room with wide eyes. God, they were adorable.

They went cautiously, like something was going to jump out at them. Well, we _had_ gone a little overboard.

Daniel smiled as he stood in front of his new drum set, his fingers gently running over the instruments. He quickly threw himself at Edward, wrapping his arms around his father's waist and burying his face in his chest. Edward laughed and bent down to kiss Daniel's head before releasing him. He came to me next, hugging me tightly and whispering his thanks. Edward slipped off to the kitchen to make coffee.

Abi and Mara were oblivious to our exchange with Daniel, as they stood on either side of their new easel laughing with each other. They were both artistic and very bright, but still avid believers in Santa.

"Can we draw you, Daddy?" Mara asked sweetly when Edward returned to the living room with two cups of coffee. Reading and drawing were their favorite things while Daniel preferred music. They were all so very different, intelligent and funny, stubborn but so very sweet. Like a perfect mix of Edward and I.

"Of course," he replied, handing me my cup and kissing my head. I glanced down at the cup and wrinkled my nose, the smell of coffee completely unappetizing to me. I set the cup down and picked up my camera, knowing that my parents would want to see pictures when they arrived later.

We spent the next hour opening presents and laughing, enjoying our time together and the happiness of our children. The kids had fun posing for pictures and kept us entertained by sticking bows all over their pajamas and rolling around in paper. They were super weird; I blamed Edward's genes.

I'd surprised Edward with a new Eastwood Classic six-string and he was sitting in the middle of the kids' mess tuning it and strumming quietly. I was content with watching the four of them… and admiring my new ring with all of our birthstones.

"Daddy, can we have special pancakes?" Abi wrapped her arms around Edward's neck from behind and kissed his cheek.

Edward turned his head and met her eyes before sighing loudly. "But I want to play with my new toy!" She giggled and ran into the kitchen with Daniel and Mara on her heels.

"No rest for the weary," he said before pulling me up from the couch and into the kitchen with him.

"Special pancakes" turned out to be regular pancakes with way too many chocolate chips to be healthy, but it was a holiday after all.

"I'm going to take a shower," I told Edward after we'd cleaned up breakfast and started on the living room. "Will you make sure at least two-thirds of the children are dressed?"

"I can handle two-thirds." He grinned. I thanked him with a kiss before climbing the stairs. A sudden wave of dizziness washed over and I braced myself on the wall.

"You okay, Mom?" Daniel's voice was worried behind me. I turned quickly and smiled.

"I'm fine, baby," I said, touching his face softly. He nodded before scooting past me and into his room. I watched him go before remembering that I was going upstairs for a reason.

I showered and tried to let the warm water soothe me, though it was a difficult task. The weeks leading up to Christmas had been stressful to say the least. We'd had so much going on between church functions, school programs, and everyday work that we'd hardly had time just be normal. Not that our family was actually normal, but still.

When I finished showering I dressed and got Edward's clothes ready before I went downstairs to check on everyone.

Mara and Abi were sitting on the couch in their matching red dresses and Daniel was tugging at his tie.

"I hate wearing ties," he grumbled. Edward laughed and winked at me from across the room.

"Only for special occasions, I promise," Edward said as he smoothed Daniel's shirt.

Our son frowned. "Are you going to wear a tie?"

"Of course, silly. He has to look pretty in front of everyone!" Abi told her big brother. Daniel just shook his head and shot his father a pleading look.

"You can take it off the second I say 'amen'," Edward told him. Daniel was pleased enough with that answer and went back to digging through his stocking for candy.

Edward showered and I tried to tame the hair of all three kids. I always joked that they got their stubbornness from me and their hair from Edward – thick, wavy, and hopeless. The girls had more of Edward in them than me though. Their skin was a bit lighter than Daniel's, their hair a different hue, and then there were the eyes. That pretty green that I'd hoped I'd get to see in something of _ours_.

"You look pretty, Mommy." Mara's sweet words broke me from my trance. I smiled and pulled her into my arms. She kissed my cheek and hugged me tightly.

It was funny, after they were born, people always warned Edward and I that we were going to end up favoring one or the other. That never happened, though. We had no 'daddy's girls' or 'mama's boys'. We just had three incredibly loved and spoiled children.

"Ready?" Edward called, slipping into his jacket and coming down the stairs.

"Ready!" the kids chorused and ran to the front door. They pulled on their coats and Edward helped me with mine. I smoothed his tie and kissed his cheek before we followed the kids outside. A light snow covered the ground and it crunched beneath our feet as we piled in.

The church service was quiet, though nearly half of our congregation had made it out of the house on a cold Christmas morning. Edward was, as always, perfect in his place at the pulpit. After the service we greeted everyone, and then made the kids take pictures among the Christmas trees on the stage before heading back home.

"These will be great for next year's Christmas cards," Edward said as he drove.

I nodded and cast a glance in the backseat. Three smiling faces stared back at me and I felt tears prick my eyes at some unexpected emotion. Edward squeezed my hand and I turned away before he could see them.

At home we scrambled around getting things ready for our guests. Edward cooked, I cleaned, and the kids stayed confined to the living room, content on playing with all their new goodies. It was best that they were out of the way. We were expecting my parents, Seth and his girlfriend, and Alice with her new husband Peter and adorable baby boy Jack.

The girls were head over heels for Jack. They loved his little hands and funny faces. Daniel could take him or leave him. Edward said it was because he'd gotten double babies with the twins, so babies were an old hat to him. ("Ask for a puppy next time, kiddo" had been Charlie's deadpan advice to Daniel after hearing that we were having twins.)

He did, however, _really_ like Seth's girlfriend Maggie. Apparently it was time for Edward to have the real birds-and-the-bees talk with our son.

"They're here, they're here, they're here!" Abi and Mara flew threw the living, freshly dressed in jeans and matching sweaters. They flung open the door with Daniel right on their heels before Edward and I could make it to the foyer. We made it just in time to see the three of them tackle Charlie, almost bringing him to the ground. My mother grinned from behind them, her arms laden with packages.

"Careful, old man," Edward teased as he held out his hand. Charlie laughed loudly and pulled my husband into a hug. My mother searched my face for a long moment before I smiled and kissed her cheek.

"Come on, let them breathe," I said as Edward closed the door and ushered everyone into the living room. We sat around while the kids opened their presents from my parents. Charlie sat in the middle of the three of them, as enamored by them as they were by him. I felt my eyes well up for the second time that day as I watched them all. I felt my mom's eyes on me again, so I excused myself to check on dinner.

Thankfully, my brother and Maggie showed up and took her focus off of me. It helped a little that she was wearing the diamond ring that Seth had asked Mom for over Thanksgiving.

When Alice and Peter arrived I watched Edward's face light up more than the kids' had that morning. His relationship with Alice was still so special. Alice handed Jack off to Edward and he grinned at the chubby baby in his arms.

"I wasn't sure if we'd have any more of these in our house," he teased. I rolled my eyes and hugged Alice tightly.

"You never know," Alice replied with a sly glance at me.

"No, I think we'll leave it up to you and Seth. We're going to be eaten out of house and home as it is," Edward joked. I gave him a weak smile and excused myself to the kitchen.

"You okay?" Alice I asked from behind me.

"Hm? Yeah, I'm fine," I tried to reassure her. She stepped toward me, but I dodged her.

"We should get back. I want to see the kids open presents," I said quickly as I made my way out of the kitchen just in time to see them ripping open gifts again. I leaned against the back of the couch and felt Mom's hand on mine. She squeezed my fingers tightly and smiled up at me. I looked away, knowing what she was thinking. There had been a time when neither one of us saw this kind of life for me. Now, I couldn't imagine a different life, even if I tried.

"Where're you at?" Seth's voice was soft beside me, his arm wrapped around my shoulders.

"Right here," I replied with a smile. I had to look up at him these days considering he was taller than Edward.

"You looked… lost for a minute," he said. I shrugged and nudged him with my shoulder.

"Don't try to lawyer me, mister," I teased. Seth just laughed with his eyes on Maggie and Alice across the room. "Is it weird?"

"Is what weird?"

"That they're such good friends?" I nodded to the two women and Seth smiled.

"Al will always be my best friend, no matter what happened between us," he explained. Though, what happened between them wasn't much. Just a short term relationship when Alice got back from being overseas. They realized it wasn't for them, that they were better off being friends. Seth even introduced Alice to Peter, his roommate at Asbury. Peter was now a minister, in charge of his own church in Portland.

We were all still close; we still spent every holiday together. With Peter and Maggie in the mix, things were definitely a little more interesting. Peter was a tall, soft-spoken blond who seemed to keep Alice tethered to the ground. Maggie was a feisty little redhead that barely reached Seth's shoulder and kept us all laughing any time she was around.

Sometimes it seemed we were blessed to the point of being spoiled.

We ate and then scattered throughout the house. We sent the boys (big and small) to the living room to play video games and Edward put the girls down for a nap.

"Are you going to tell us what's going on with you today or not?" Mom demanded as she pulled me away from the sink and pushed me down into a kitchen chair. She, Maggie, and Alice all stared down at me with accusing eyes.

"What? Nothing! I'm just tired. It's been a crazy month, you know…" I trailed off and tried to will myself not to get emotional.

"Leah, that's bullshit," Maggie said with a delicate snort. "I mean, I've only known you for a year and I know that you're being a lying bitch right now."

Mom gave her an appraising look while Alice tried to cover up her giggles.

"I have some things on my mind, okay? Now, I really need to get these dishes washed –" I stood up, but was stopped short.

"Don't make me go get Edward." Alice stepped in front of me and I glared at her.

"You wouldn't."

"It's like you don't know me at all," she teased with a smirk. I sat back and hid my face in my hands as my tears started to fall.

"Sweetie, tell us what's wrong," Mom whispered and pried my hands away.

I gave her a watery smile. "Nothing. Everything is perfect," I said quietly.

"Oh, shit. Are you serious?" Alice's voice was a loud whisper and the grin on her face was huge.

I nodded. "About six weeks worth of serious, yes."

"And Edward?" Mom asked.

"Haven't told him." I shrugged.

"What are you waiting for?" Maggie cried.

"I told you, it's been crazy and well… you heard what he said earlier," my voice broke and my mom squeezed my hand.

"You're being ridiculous."

"Probably," I agreed with a sigh.

The three of them continued to stare at me until I rolled my eyes and shooed them away.

"I'll tell him tonight. Just don't ruin it for me, got it?"

They nodded and whispered encouraging words before filing out of the kitchen. I managed to snag Jack away from Charlie once I made sure the others weren't going to talk. I held him close and kissed his head, loving his little baby smell. Edward took the seat next to me and slipped his arm around my shoulders.

"You've got baby-shaped stars in your eyes, Leah," he murmured. I glared at him before kissing Jack's head and handing him off to his uncle. Stupid, intrusive, preacher husband.

The rest of the day past quickly for us. After the girls woke up they insisted on performing their favorite Christmas songs for us and making Edward play the songs along with them. Of course, they really only knew "Jingle Bells" so we convinced them to let their dad lead the songs. Daniel stayed close to my side for the latter part of the day. He was very much like Edward in his ability to see when people were upset. Not that I was "upset"… just worried. Worried about what Edward would think about my news. About how he would feel. We hadn't talked about more kids after the twins' birth. We were happy with three beautiful ones we had. I tried not to worry about it though, as I watched my husband play, laugh, and sing with them.

Eventually we said our goodbyes and promised to get together on New Year's Day. Edward put the kids in bed while I started a fire and curled up on the couch. I glanced at the stockings hanging on our mantel and smiled. All five of them were hand-knitted by me when I was put on bed rest during my last trimester with the girls. Looking at the lumpy, squared-off foot of Edward's stocking, I remembered how it'd taken me to Abi's before I'd finally figured out how to kitchener the toes.

"What a day," Edward groaned and fell to the couch, pulling my feet into his lap and throwing a blanket on top of us.

"It was a good day," I said as I reached out and ran my fingers through the hair on the back of his neck.

"It was," he agreed. He removed my hand from his neck and kissed his softly before turning his eyes on me. "Are you going to tell me what's bothering you?"

"Nothing's bothering me," I replied, threading our fingers together and watching our hands.

"Leah…" Edward whispered and leaned over, tipping my chin up. Before I could respond he kissed me, slow and tender. He pulled away and smiled.

"I forgot to give you one of your presents," I said quickly, before he could ask me again.

"You didn't…"

"It's on the mantel," I told him. I bit my lip to keep from smiling.

"I don't see anything." Edward frowned.

"Look closer," I whispered and pulled my legs from his lap so he could stand up. I watched Edward walk to the mantel with a confused look on his face.

His lips moved as he counted the stockings that I so carefully made almost five years ago. And then there was one I'd made a bit more recently.

"One, two, three, four, five… six." He pointed to the last one, the _new_ one and then turned his eyes on me. "Six?"

I stood up and crossed the room to him, holding my hand out. He took it cautiously and I smiled.

"Six," I said softly.

"Seriously?" His voice was barely a whisper, his arms tight around my body.

I nodded, my eyes focused on his mouth as I hoped he would say the words that I so desperately needed to hear.

"I love you," Edward said before kissing me gently. A little sob fell from my lips when he pulled away and I threw my arms around his neck. "Shh, why are you upset?"

"I was just scared you wouldn't be happy." I gave a little hiccup and he laughed.

"Really? How could I not be happy?" Edward brushed my tears from my cheeks and kissed me again. "Daniel and Mara and Abigail… they are the best part of my life. I couldn't imagine a day without them. And you're telling me we get to have _another_ one? This is truly the best gift you could have ever given me."

I nodded and held him tighter, pressing my lips to his cheek and smiling more than I had all day.

"Best gift ever, huh?" I teased.

"Definitely," he replied.

"Do you want me to return the guitar?"

"Funny, you're funny." Edward rolled his eyes.

"I know." I grinned then tightened my arms around him again.

"I'm going to go with boy, by the way," Edward said as he hand slipped between us and rested over my flat stomach.

"Oh yeah?" I raised an eyebrow at him thinking he was really too good at reading people… especially me.

"Yeah. You've been crying all day, you weren't nearly this emotional with the girls," he said matter-of-factly.

"You don't know everything, Edward Cullen," I huffed.

"I know everything about you." He grinned. I sighed and rested my head on his shoulder, content. "Thank you," he murmured.

"Merry Christmas, Edward," I whispered.

"Merry Christmas, pretty girl."


	30. Outtake 5: Idle Hands

**SM owns them, of course. **

**Killerlashes betas. **

**I wrote this for the Perv Ladies because I love them. **

* * *

Accidental Atonement - Idle Hands

**Day One**

"Seriously, Leah. Who sends a newlywed to a conference two days after their honeymoon?" I grumbled into the phone. It was sad, but true. My wife and I had arrived home just in time for her paper to ship her off to some kind of conference in San Diego for three days.

"Evil, evil people, baby," she said with a laugh. "I miss you."

"It's been the longest six hours of my life," I chuckled.

"We're gross, you know?"

"What? We've been married for a week, it's just wrong. We're supposed to be rolling around naked for at least another month."

"Just a month?" she asked.

"Isn't that how long the honeymoon stage lasts? I don't know, I've never done this before," I explained.

"Oh, Preacher Boy. Our honeymoon stage is going to last longer than that," she whispered seductively. I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose.

"Leah."

"Yes?"

"You're killing me."

Leah giggled breathlessly into the phone.

"Sorry," she replied. "I'm going to get something to eat with the guys I came with, okay?"

"Okay, pretty girl. Call me later."

"I will, don't fall asleep early without me there to keep you up," my wife teased.

"Oh, I'll be _up_ all right," I told her.

"Edward!"

"You asked for that one, sweetheart."

"Fine. I hope you are _up_ later. Maybe I'll take advantage of it."

"Don't tease me, woman!"

"Goodbye, Edward!"

She hung up before I could say anything else. I glared at the phone in my hand and wondered how I was going to survive three damn days without her.

I busied myself with the dirty laundry we'd racked up on our trip, though sifting through Leah's pile of see-through lace and satin (of which I'd taken full advantage on our trip) only made things more difficult for me. I pushed through though, and finished the four loads of laundry we'd come home with.

After a while I searched through the fridge and cabinets, only to come up completely empty and starving. It was too late to go to the grocery store, so I settled for take-out and the couch, but it still felt so wrong.

It was wrong without Leah curled up against my side. Wrong without her knees in my lap and her breath on my neck. Everything was wrong without her there and she hadn't even been gone a day.

Of course, we hadn't technically even been living together for the last six months or so. Ever since we'd moved to Tacoma I'd been living in the parsonage, a four-bedroom two-story house that was way too big for just me. Leah had moved most of her things in before the wedding, but for the most part had been staying in a one-bedroom apartment just down the street from my church.

Though it was nice to be close, the change was hard. We'd already stopped having sex, and now that I was under a microscope, late nights and sleepovers were out of the question.

"_I miss falling asleep with you," Leah muttered into my chest. I sighed and ran a hand through her hair, the strands just brushing the nape of her neck. She claimed the style was easier to take care of, but all I could see was the way it exposed her neck and how I always wanted to have my lips on her skin these days. _

"_Me too," I told her, wrapping my arms tight around her. "One more week." _

"_I can't wait," she yawned. _

_I chuckled. "To marry me?" _

"_Of course," she replied. I could hear the smile in her voice and waited. "And to move in here finally. And to fall asleep in your arms." _

"_That's it?" I asked. _

"_Oh, and the sex. God, do I miss the sex," she groaned and moved quickly until she was straddling me with her hands in my hair. _

"_Leah…" I rested my hands on her hips, which she rolled teasingly. "You're playing with fire." _

"_I know." She grinned. "We need a dry run, baby. To get ready for the wedding." _

_I laughed and pulled her face to mine. "You're awful, you know that?" _

"_You love it." _

"_I love you." _

"_And I love you, now shut up and kiss me." _

My phone vibrated from the coffee table and I grabbed it quickly. Leah's face showed on my screen and I smiled.

"Hey, beautiful," I greeted her.

"Hi. Still miss me?"

"Of course."

"Good, I'd be worried if you didn't," she said with a laugh.

"How was dinner?"

"It was fine. Did you eat?"

"I had take-out. We never went to the grocery store, remember?" I reminded her and felt a shiver run through my body.

"Oh. Right," Leah replied quietly.

"_Come on." I beckoned her forward with a smirk. _

"_This really isn't necessary," she huffed and dropped her bag on the front steps. _

"_It really is, pretty girl. Let me be a cheesy husband, please?" _

"_Oh, honey…you are." Leah giggled and wrapped her arms around my neck. I lifted her into my arms and carried her through the front door. I kicked the door closed and set her on her feet, turning around just long enough for her to bolt up the stairs and leave me alone by the front door. _

_I followed quickly and caught her just before she reached my bedroom – our bedroom. She stopped and pulled me against her, her hands traveling down my chest and to the top of my jeans. The buttons were undone quickly and she quickly pushed the denim over my hips. I let my hands travel up her thighs and under her cotton dress, and then I stopped. _

"_What's wrong?" she pressed her lips to my neck and pulled me closer. _

"_Have you been panty-free all day?" I asked, slipping my hand between her thighs. _

_She whimpered quietly. "No. Just since we stopped for gas." _

"_God, I love you," I muttered as I lifted her up and her legs wrapped around my waist. I pressed her against the wall and she shuddered as I pushed inside…_

"That was your fault, you know," I said, running a hand over my face and trying to shake the memory.

Leah laughed quietly. "I take full responsibility. I enjoyed it very much."

"Me too. Hurry up and come home, there are plenty more walls to christen."

"Oh, we'll get it done, baby. Don't worry."

"What are you wearing?" I asked, feeling mischievous and a little turned on.

"Your Asbury t-shirt," Leah answered simply. I could almost see her shrug.

"And?"

"And what?" she teased.

"Great," I muttered. "You're off in a hotel room half-naked and I'm here all alone."

"You can always take care of yourself."

"Yeah, well. I've done that plenty in the past year," I grumbled.

"Edward!"

"What? We're married now; you're going to know this stuff."

"I know, but…"

"So you're telling me _you_ never took care of yourself while we were…not taking care of each other?"

"Maybe," she muttered into the phone.

"You're blushing. I can tell, dirty girl."

"I have to go now, Edward," she cried.

I chuckled quietly. "Okay, pretty girl. Call me in the morning. I'm going in to work early, so I'll be awake."

"I love you," she whispered.

"I love you, Leah."

I hung up the phone and sighed.

It was going to be a long three days.

**Day Two **

"Hey, Edward. How was the honeymoon?" My secretary, Jane, stuck her head in my office door. I raised an eyebrow at her. For all she (and the rest of the congregation) knew Leah and I were both virgins and had spent the entire week playing checkers. How very far from the truth _that_ would have been.

"It was lovely, Jane. Thank you for asking," I answered with a smile.

"Did Leah go back to work, too?" Jane handed me a cup of coffee and I thanked her with a nod.

"Yesterday, actually. Her paper sent her to San Diego for three days."

"Oh, how awful!" She rested a hand over her heart and looked properly shocked.

I shrugged. "It's okay."

"But you've just gotten married. You poor dear." Jane shook her head and left me in my office alone. I laughed to myself and kept sifting through a week's worth of emails from parishioners and fellow pastors. There were a few that were just congratulatory and some that invited Leah and me over to dinner. Some of them would have to wait until I talked to Leah. I made some appointments and cleaned out my inbox, my desk, and then started working on my sermon for the following Sunday.

Part of me wanted to talk about love and Corinthians to the entire congregation, but I decided against that. I didn't want them to think I'd gone soft after just a week of marriage. Besides, I could save all the love crap for Leah, she'd like it.

Thinking about Leah threw all other thoughts out the window, so I gave it up as a bad job and closed my laptop. I gave my office a quick once over before heading out to finally hit the grocery store. An hour or so later I was finally home. I took my time unloading groceries and then set to work on some of the boxes Leah had brought over before our honeymoon. Most of her clothes were already put away, but there were some odds and end to stash in the office we would share and a few things I put in the guest bedrooms.

Eventually, one of them would serve as a nursery, and later on our children's rooms. That was something I would patiently wait for. I knew Leah was nervous about kids, about if we would be able to get pregnant and how we would be as parents. I wasn't nervous at all, however. I knew that anything we did together, anything we _made_ together would be amazing.

I'd just started unpacking my fourth box when my phone rang. I picked it up, without even glancing at the screen, I already knew who it was.

"This is the most boring conference ever," she grumbled into the phone before I even had a chance to say hello.

"Well, it's lovely to hear your voice," I teased.

"Seriously, Edward. This blows. I wish I was home already."

"Me too, baby," I replied, feeling the stupid smile spread across my face at how much she missed me.

"Stop being so damn smug."

My grin faltered. "I really hate when you do that, you know."

My wife laughed loudly. "Do what?"

"You know…know what I'm thinking and doing and…stuff."

"Hm. Well, you try it. Tell me what I'm wearing."

"Pretty girl, every time I talk to you I imagine that you're naked so this doesn't really work for me," I said, trying to bite back my laugh.

"God, I married a pervert."

That time I did laugh.

"You did."

"Did you go to the grocery store?" she changed the subject.

"Yes ma'am," I told her. "I went after work."

"How was work?"

"Fine. Jane thinks that you being sent off is criminal. I have lots of emails to catch up on. That's about it."

Leah sighed. "What else are you doing without me there to boss you around?"

"I unpacked some of your boxes and organized the office," I explained, leaning back in my desk chair and propping my bare feet up on it.

"Best husband ever," she replied.

"I try, you know," I chuckled.

"I wish we were still hanging out on a beach," Leah whispered.

"_You coming in here or not?" I called to her standing on the shore. _

"_It's cold!" she yelled back. _

"_Come in and I'll warm you up." I grinned as she huffed and waded in. _

"_I can't!" _

"_Leah!" _

"_No! I'm not coming in so you can reenact your favorite scene from _The Notebook_!" she cried, laughing. _

_I rolled my eyes and sloshed up to the shore and pulled her into my arms. _

"_You know, if I'm a bird you're the cat that ate the bird," I teased before leading her into deeper water. _

_Leah shivered against me as she wrapped her arms around my neck. "It's fucking freezing, Edward!" _

"_Well, I should probably warm you up," I whispered and let my hand slip into the front of her bikini. _

"Yeah, I believe you still owe me from our swim," I muttered, closing my eyes and letting my mind drift.

"First thing when I get home, I promise," she said with a slight laugh.

"Uh huh…are you going to dinner soon?"

"Yes. Just waiting on everyone else. They take longer than you to get ready, I swear."

"I like to look my best," I pouted.

"Mmhm," she hummed. "Oh, someone's knocking. I'll call you tomorrow before we get to the airport."

"Okay, pretty girl." We hung up and I stifled a groan and shifted in my chair, annoyed at myself for thinking about our beach encounter.

I tried to unpack more, but everything made me think of Leah. _Everything_. Sitting on the couch, touching her laundry, laying in our bed. Finally, I fell into a frustrated sleep, looking forward to the next day and my wife's return.

**Day Three**

Waking up to an empty bed was something I'd grown accustomed to in the past year or so. Waking up to an empty bed incredibly hard and frustrated…well, that was something I'd also grown accustomed to.

I groaned and kicked the covers off, then dragged myself to the kitchen to make coffee.

"Fourteen hours," I muttered as I set my laptop on the counter. Leah's flight would be in at eight o'clock and she'd driven her own car to the airport in case anyone wanted to hang out after their flight got in.

I really loved my little control freak.

After sifting through some emails while I made breakfast I decided to work from home. I had a sermon to work on: I'd decided a four-week long series on living passionately and not taking any day for granted, something that Leah and I had vowed to do not long after we'd met.

I did some research and worked diligently on my sermon, did a little straightening up and, around lunchtime, finally dragged myself into the shower.

I could feel the hot water falling on my skin, but it wasn't the reason for my the sudden heat running through my body.

"_Edward," she gasped quietly as I slipped an arm around her waist and pressed myself against her back. "We're never going to get clean if you keep this up." _

"_Hm. I prefer you dirty, to be quite honest," I replied, turning her around and pushing her against the tile. _

"Dammit," I muttered and pressed my head against the cool tile, hoping it would help.

It was useless. All I could think about was Leah.

_Covered in white sheets, her hair around her face._

_Copper skin glistening, and covered with sand. _

_Laughing as she sunk to her knees in our kitchen before taking me into her pretty mouth. _

I let out a breath as I _finally_ closed my hand around myself, having put it off for days. Part of me felt guilty for letting my baser urges get the best of me, but I couldn't help it. Everything reminded me of her and everything made me _want _her.

I really hoped that would never change.

Closing my eyes, I gave in, letting my hand slide over my skin. I tightened my grip and thought of her.

Of being buried inside her.

Her lips on my skin.

Of her whispering my name.

Her hands holding me tightly, my hands on every inch of her body.

It wasn't long before my pace increased, working toward my release. My hand slid over my slick skin, over and over again. I could see her, everything about her, like she was there surrounding me with every part of her-

I came with a deep grunt, her name mixed in with it.

A moment later, I took a deep breath and leaned against the wall once more.

"Well," I heard on the other side of the curtain.

I froze.

_No. _

I flung open the curtain to find my wife standing there, her hands on her hips and a smirk on her face.

"What are you doing home?" I managed to ask as I stood in the shower spray, stark naked.

"I took an earlier flight," Leah replied. I eyed her for a moment, taking in the deep color of her skin and the way her chest moved with her breath.

She was turned on.

_Oh, my dirty girl._

"Hm." I ran a hand down my chest and her gaze followed.

"I guess I should be grateful that my husband thinks of me when he…does that." Her face darkened a bit more and she tugged at the strap of her black tank.

"Who else would I think of?" I asked letting my hand travel down and absently stroking myself.

"Jesus Christ, Edward," Leah huffed and tugged her shirt over her head. I watched in amusement as she pulled the rest of her clothes off and stalked toward the shower. "Get back in there before the hot water runs out."

I laughed and yanked the shower curtain closed, really, _really _happy to have my wife back.


	31. Outtake 6: Alternate Epilogue

**So, this was the supposed to be the last chapter (25 - Dancing in the Minefields), but I hated it. Of course, there's no reason for it to just sit around on my computer, so you get to suffer through it. It's the same outcome, just some different words. **

**And it hasn't been beta'd, sorry. **

**XOXO**

* * *

Accidental Atonement - Alternate Epilogue

"Are you ready for today?" I asked Edward as I watched him dress from my spot on our bed. He blew out a puff of air and smiled sadly at me.

"I don't know," he replied in a whisper. I went to him and helped him button his crisp, white shirt. I smoothed down the front of his shirt and fixed his collar.

"You'll be fine," I told him.

"I know." He sighed and leaned down to kiss me, then he leaned down further and kissed my stomach. Well, he kissed one side and then the other. There were two in there, after all. "Be good today, Mary-Kate and Ashley."

I shook my head. "Absolutely not."

Edward shrugged and kissed me again. "It was worth a try."

"We have plenty of time to think of names, Edward," I said as I flipped through his ties in our closet.

"I like to test them out first," he said then shook his head at the tie I held up. "Just give me the black one. I think Alice will like that one most."

"I know. I don't want to do anything to make her mad," I teased. "Will you go make sure Daniel got dressed? He was… distracted."

"SpongeBob?" he asked.

"Guitar." I rolled my eyes. Edward grinned and left the room to check on our son while I tried to squeeze myself into my new black dress. I could hear the quiet strumming down the hall and shook my head. Edward decided that Daniel needed a guitar for his first birthday. I tried to explain to him that he wasn't even walking yet so a guitar was just silly.

The man never listened to me.

"He's getting good." Edward's voice startled me and I turned quickly, forgetting to wipe my fresh tears away. "Leah? What's wrong?"

"I can't zip my dress." I sniffed and hung my head.

"Aw, c'mere pretty girl." Edward chuckled softly and pulled me to his chest.

"I'm not pretty. I'm disgusting!" I cried and pushed myself away from him.

"You're beautiful, turn around." He turned me and zipped up my dress with ease. "See? No problem."

I pulled my hair over my shoulder, it had gotten so long in the past few years, and Edward tugged at it gently.

"Smile, baby. It's a good day." He kissed my forehead. I pulled him to me by his tie and kissed him again. My hands ran over his shoulders and started to tug his shirt from his pants without even noticing what I was doing. "Leah, what are you doing?"

"What?" I asked as I pulled away. His face was confused and I blinked quickly and tried to regain my composure. "Oh, shit. I'm sorry! These damn hormones, Edward!"

He laughed and kissed my forehead then led me out of the closet.

"It's fine, I know I'm irresistible." He smirked at me and sat down to put his shoes on.

"You would think that it would get better after all these years." I sighed and stepped into the bathroom to fix my hair. "Was Daniel dressed?"

"Yes."

"Did you brush his hair?"

"That mop is hopeless." Edward frowned and I laughed.

"At least he gets it honestly!" I called from the bathroom. Edward chuckled and I heard his phone ring. He stepped out of the room to answer it, though I could still hear his conversation.

"Alice said if we're not at the church in fifteen minutes she's calling it all off," Edward said with worried look.

"Edward, your sister is a little bit dramatic." I held up my thumb and forefinger to emphasize "little".

"Well, it's her day. I don't want to cross her."

"Well, I'm six months pregnant with twins; do you want to cross me?" I glared at him. He recoiled slightly and then put on an adorable pout.

"Don't make me choose!"

"Get out of here! I'll be ready in five. Just make sure your son is ready."

"Fiiiine." He leaned in to kiss me but I turned my cheek to him. "Lame."

"Love you!" I called and then laughed to myself. It _was_ Alice's big day, so I was really just teasing him. I knew what I was like on my wedding day and while Alice hasn't been the Bridezilla we all expected… well, let's just say we were waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Ten (not five) minutes later we were piling ourselves in our Suburban to head to the church.

"Ugh," I groaned and rubbed a spot on my belly as Edward pulled out of the driveway.

"Elizabeth and Jessica giving you a hard time?" He asked and reached over to rest a hand on the side of my stomach.

I snorted. "Really? The Wakefield twins?"

"Shut it," he muttered with a small smile.

"This is entirely your fault anyways. You did this to me," I complained. Edward laughed and removed his hand from my stomach and held his palm up to me. I took it, intertwining his fingers with mine and setting them on the center console.

"Mommy? Why did you say Daddy did that to you? I thought God put the babies in your belly?"

I covered up my laugh with a cough and Edward pulled his hand from mine so he could focus on driving. Well, he pretended it was to focus on driving, I knew it was because I told him his explanation of where babies come from was going to bite him in the ass.

"Daddy? Isn't that what you said?" Daniel asked again and I looked pointedly at Edward. He sighed and glanced in the rearview mirror.

"I did."

"But why would you say that if it wasn't true? Are you God?" he asked innocently. I tried not to laugh again, but I couldn't help it, a little giggle slipped out before I could stop it.

Edward side-eyed me and glanced into the mirror again before smirking evilly.

"No, but sometimes Mommy calls me that," he deadpanned.

My jaw dropped and I resisted the urge to smack him. _No violence in front of the child, _I reminded myself.

"I can't believe you said that," I muttered and cast a glance at Daniel. He was looking out the window, completely oblivious to what his father just said.

"It's true," he responded with a shrug.

"Not anymore, that's for sure." I crossed my arms and rested them on top of my stomach.

"Yeah, well… I'll always have this morning in the closet," he teased and pulled into his personalized parking spot at the church. I helped Daniel out while Edward grabbed his suit jacket from the backseat.

"Thank goodness you're here," my mom greeted us once we entered the narthex of the church.

"Right on time." I gave her a small smile. Daniel let go of my hand and ran toward her. My smile grew watching my mother with him because there was a time when she and I both thought that he would never happen.

"You look great, sweetie." Mom tore herself from Daniel and hugged me and then Edward.

"I feel gross," I whined. Edward chuckled and kissed my head.

"You're beautiful, I already told you that," his whispered before he walked away. I shook my head and watched him bend down so Daniel could get on his back, and then I kissed them both before they left my mom and me alone.

"Where's Alice?" I asked. Mom smiled and led me to the large women's bathroom off to the side of the narthex. There was a huge vanity that the brides used when we held weddings so I figured she would be in there fixing herself up.

She wasn't. Alice was sitting in front of the vanity, only she wasn't doing her makeup, she was crying.

"Hey! What's going on?" I tried to kneel next to her chair but ended up just bending slightly. I brushed her hair out of her face and she looked at me with red-rimmed eyes.

"Hi," she whispered quietly. "I'm glad you're here."

"Mom, can you give us a minute?" I asked my mother and reached for a tissue for Alice. Mom nodded and closed the bathroom door behind her.

"What's wrong?" I watched her wipe her tears away and smooth her hair.

"I don't know. It's just… I'm really happy, you know? And I just wish _they_ were here to see how happy I am," she said with a tiny sob.

"Oh, honey." I pulled her from the seat and onto the little sofa in the room (wedding dress and all). "They know you're happy. You know that."

"I know." She sniffed and leaned her head against my shoulder. "I'm just having a moment."

"Do you want me to get Edward?" I moved to stand up but she grabbed my hand to stop me.

"No! No, he'll get all preachy on me; you know how he loves to do that." Alice sighed.

I laughed and wrapped my arm around her shoulders. "He does love that."

"Thank you. You've been… so great all these years."

"Stop talking like that like, you're getting married, not leaving us forever," I said with a frown.

"I know I'm not, I just don't think I've ever told you thank you. You know, for what you've done for Edward."

That made me laugh. A lot. And very, very loudly. Alice looked frightened.

"I'm sorry. It's just – that's ridiculous."

"Is not," she argued. "You love him some much, you've made him so happy and given him everything he's ever dreamed of."

I felt my own eyes fill with tears as I took Alice's hand in mine.

"He's done the same thing for me. And so have you." I brushed her hair away and kissed her forehead. "Now, clean yourself up so we can go get you a husband."

"Hey, the cryfest done yet?" Edward called through the bathroom door.

"And to think, I just said those nice things about you," I teased when he stepped inside.

"Yeah, yeah. I heard most of them." Edward grinned and knelt in front of us. "You okay?" He directed his question at Alice but squeezed my hand gently.

"Better." She gave a weak smile and then looked down her hands. Edward sighed and looked up at me. I knew he needed his moment with Alice so I kissed his head and left them alone.

I found everyone else in the sanctuary, checking on last minute details.

"Mommy! I found Uncle Seth!" Daniel ran to me, his brown eyes shining with excitement. I smiled and kissed his head and gave my brother a quick nod. He came to me quickly and wrapped me in a tight hug. It was hard to believe he was almost twenty-five and about to start law school. It was even odder to see him, so different than the little boy I used to torture. He was taller than Edward now and he looked like a man, not gangly and awkward like he used to be.

"How are Tia and Tamera?" He smirked and rubbed a hand over my stomach. I pushed his hand away and glared at him.

"Have you been talking to Edward?"

"We may have spoken a bit this week," Seth replied with a wide grin. I stalked past him and Daniel followed at my heels. He quickly climbed into the pew with Charlie and they struck up a conversation about fishing. I swear they were each other's biggest fans.

"Seth?" Edward called from the back of the sanctuary. "Alice wants to see you."

"Is that such a good idea?" I put my hand on his chest and he shrugged.

"She wants to talk to him." He leaned down and gave me a quick kiss. "I've got to get ready."

"Hey," I called as he walked away. Edward turned around quickly and I beckoned him back to me.

"Yes?" He asked. I smoothed his shirt and straightened his tie, then brushed his hair from his face and kissed his cheek.

"I love you. You'll do great," I whispered. He smiled and kissed me again.

"Thank you," he said against my lips. "Calm down in there, Patty and Selma. I want Mommy to be able to see the whole ceremony and not have to pee every five minutes."

"Go away now." I gave him a small shove and a wry smile. He laughed and jogged up to the front of the church but stopped to lift Daniel into the air and tickle him into a fit a giggles. I shook my head and made my way back to the bathroom to check on Alice and Seth. Or maybe to spy on them, I wasn't sure.

"Are you ready?" Seth asked quietly.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm definitely ready. Are you?" Alice whispered back.

"Of course. I have the easy job. You're the one that's about to get married." He laughed softly and I smiled.

"I know. I love him, you know."

"Well, I'd be worried if you didn't." I could practically _hear_ the smile in Seth's voice. He would have been worried, too. After all, he was the one that introduced Alice to Peter, his roommate (and best friend) at Asbury.

I leaned against the door and listened to them talk for a few more minutes and thought about how perfect their friendship was and how long it had taken them to get their. I worried about them at times especially sometime after Alice's first year in the Peace Corps when they tried to have a relationship.

It didn't work and Edward and I heard it from both sides. Their breakup was amicable enough but every time the phone rang at our house for months afterwards we both broke out into cold sweats.

When they were comfortable enough to be "friends" again, a trip to Asbury to visit led Alice to Peter. He was a Theology student, level-headed and down-to-earth. He came from a wealthy family, a long line of doctors and lawyers but he had a calling for ministry. Alice brought him home one year for Christmas and we all fell in love. Peter was smart and shy, and quite literally Alice's perfect match. Once he passed the test that was the overbearing-big-brother, he was in.

"Are you guys finished?" I called into the bathroom. "This better not turn into_ Runaway Bride_ situation."

"Since when do you watch movies like that?" Alice asked and opened the door.

I pushed the door opened and gestured for Seth to get out. "Go make sure the groom hasn't climbed out the window."

"Not funny." Alice frowned. Seth chuckled and kissed her head before doing what I told him to.

"Sit down, let's get ready." I pointed to the chair in front of the vanity. Alice sat and finished her makeup while I fixed her hair and put her veil on. Alice and Peter had decided to keep everything small, just a few family and friends and no attendants. They wanted things to be as intimate as possible, to have the focus on their union instead of some flashy wedding.

"It's time," Seth said with a soft knock on the door. Alice stood up and cast one last look in the mirror before she turned to me.

"Do I look okay?" She asked quietly. I nodded and took a deep, calming breath. "Stop that!" She pointed a dainty finger at me but I couldn't stop my tears.

"I'm sorry!" I cried.

"Oh, crap," Seth groaned and put his arm around my shoulders.

"I can't help it, guys. I'm really sorry, I've got to get out of here," I told them, shrugging off Seth's arm and kissing Alice's cheek quickly. "You look beautiful. I love you," I said before rushing out.

I stopped just inside the sanctuary, the sight in front of me not one I ever got used to. Edward was at the front of the church in his black robe that he wore for more traditional services or special events. He was at home there, so confident and peaceful, even on a day like this. Peter was at his side in a classic, black tux, his sandy blond hair combed neatly (sometimes his hair rivaled even Edward's). When he saw me, Edward excused himself and rushed to me.

"She's ready." I sniffled. He smiled and brushed my tears away with his thumbs.

"I love seeing you so sensitive," he whispered in a teasing tone and kissed my forehead.

"Edward, I'm pregnant. I can cry or kill you at any moment. Do you really want to do this now?"

He chuckled quietly and held his arm out to me. I smiled and linked my arm through his and let him escort me to my seat. Edward kissed me softly then tweaked Daniel's nose before he took his place at the altar again.

Moments later the familiar music started and we all stood to watch Alice walk down the aisle on Seth's arm. As we watched I caught sight of so many of our friends that I hadn't had a chance to greet yet. Claire and Quil with Ruthie, Emmett and Rose, and even Jacob were scattered throughout the church. I smiled at all of them and then turned my gaze to Edward. His smile was wide, but I knew that he was sad to see this day come. He had raised Alice for the latter part of her life and today had plagued him for quite some time.

For so long it was just the two of them. After today she would really be grown up.

Edward winked at me just as Alice and Seth approached the altar. He didn't ask who was giving her away; he just took her hand, helped her up and then placed her hand in Peter's. Seth took his seat in the front pew next to me and slipped his arm around my shoulders.

I listened to Edward talk, mesmerized as always. He talked about love, honor, faith and forgiveness; all things that he believed in whole-heartedly - all things that we relied on in our own marriage.

I smiled when he took the rings from the pocket of his robe. He'd been teasing Peter all week that he was going to lose them. I had to reassure Peter that Edward really _did_ like him and just liked to joke a lot. I wasn't quite sure he believed me.

Edward took a deep breath as he watched his sister and Peter exchange rings. When he pronounced them husband and wife the crack in his voice was barely noticeable. Well, to anyone besides myself and Alice. I watched her reach back and squeeze his hand as she and Peter faced their friends and family for the first time as a married couple. Edward smiled and bowed his head as they descended the aisle and exited the sanctuary together.

Moments later everyone joined us in the fellowship hall to welcome and celebrate the new couple. It was so surreal to watch and so hard to wrap my head around the fact that Alice, the little girl I'd watched grow from a cranky teenager to a beautiful young woman was _married._

It took me a while, after greeting friends and situating Daniel with his grandparents to notice that Edward was nowhere to be found. I left the hall and trekked across the church campus, back to the sanctuary because I knew my husband very, _very _well.

He had shed his robe and was sitting cross-legged on the floor in the middle aisle. It was something that he still loved to do and that still made me smile.

"What are you doing in here?" I asked, though I already knew. Edward smiled and beckoned me forward. I stopped in front of him and rested my hands over my too-big belly. "I'd love to come down there, but I'm afraid I wouldn't be able to get back up."

Edward's smile grew to a full-blown grin as he stood and held out his hand to me. I took it and let him pull me into a pew. He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and took my hand in his.

"The first time you took me to the sanctuary in Forks was one of the scariest days of my life," I told him. He turned to me with a beatific smile and nodded.

"I know," he replied.

"How do you know?"

"Because I felt the same way," he explained. "I wanted to share so much with you that day. I wanted to tell you _everything_."

"We'd only just met. I thought you were kind of crazy," I said with a quiet laugh.

"I know that, too." He smiled. I rested my head on his shoulder and rested on hands on top of my stomach. We were quiet for a long moment before I spoke, trying to be encourage him and settle the thoughts I knew where going through his mind.

"He'll take good care of her, Edward. You know he will."

"I'm not worried about her… much," he said quietly.

"Besides, soon enough you'll have two new little girls to worry about," I joked.

"I can't wait for little Phoebe and Ursula to get here." He grinned. I shook my head and sighed.

"When we get home tonight we need to pick real names, deal?"

"Whatever you say, pretty girl." Edward laughed and kissed my head.

"Did you ever think we'd be here?" I asked after a moment.

"Here in this church or here in this life?"

"Both?"

Edward turned to me then, his hands on my face and his eyes searching mine. He didn't say anything but leaned in to kiss me, very gently.

"I always knew that in the end it would be me and you. Always."

"How could you be so sure?" I whispered.

"I told you, Leah. All those things that happened… they led me to you."

I smiled and kissed him, pulling him as closely as I could, given our awkward position. Edward was right. Everything that had happened to us happened for a reason. All the good and bad that we'd conquered helped us find each other – find our happy ending.

Sure, there were struggles and bumps in the road. There were fights and days when we butted heads so hard that one of us left the house so as not to start World War III. But none of that really mattered.

We learned what mattered was that at the end of the day we loved and forgave each other. That our children knew how loved and special they were, because Edward and I both understood that the life we'd built could be taken away without a moment's notice.

We took nothing for granted and lived like our days would never end.

Most of all we learned to have faith in ourselves and in our love.

It was faith, after all, which had gotten us this far in the first place.

Well, faith and one little DUI, of course.


	32. Outtake 7: A Day in the Life

**I obviously don't own these characters and shiz. **

**Thanks to S for the preread and for killerlashes, my eternal beta. **

**XOXO**

* * *

Accidental Atonement – A Day in the Life

"You know, I saw something the other day…" I wrapped my arms around my wife's waist and placed a kiss under her ear.

"Do tell, Preacher Boy," she laughed, and continued to spread peanut butter on three slices of bread before switching to jelly: grape, grape, strawberry.

"It said, 'A real woman never lets her husband leave the house hungry or horny.' It was funny."

"Hilarious. Hand me those apples?" She placed the sandwiches in three different lunchboxes, followed by the apples I handed her. "Water bottles?"

I gave her the water and pulled her toward me by the elbow.

"You are incredibly focused right now, it's very sexy."

"A real woman never lets her three kids out of the house without a well-packed lunch." She grinned and leaned up to kiss me. "I'm going to tell Seth to stop sending you emails."

I laughed and tugged her to me, kissing her gently and brushing her dark hair from her face. "It was _funny_."

"Uh huh. Just for that you can make your own lunch," she teased as we were gently pushed apart by a pair of little hands, followed by the sweet sound of giggling.

"Matty! You have to put on pants!" Mara laughed from the doorway while Abi covered her face with her hand.

"No pants!" Our three-year-old protested, shaking his naked little butt in his sisters' direction.

"I can see your hiney, Matty!" Abi cried.

"And his-"

"Okay, that's enough. Edward- your son, please?" Leah interrupted Mara with a meaningful look that made _me_ recoil, so I scooped up my son and patted his bare bottom.

"Come on, you little exhibitionist. Can't have you scaring the womenfolk off before breakfast."

"I wan' pancakes!" he yelled as I carried him down the hall.

"Only if you put on pants!" his mother yelled back.

"I don' wike pants, Daddy." He pouted as I carried him upstairs to his bedroom. We passed Daniel in the hall, all messy hair and sleepy eyes. He shook his head at his little brother and kept walking. _Teenagers_.

"Daniel wears pants. Don't you want to be like your brother?"

"Him's a big boy. I not."

"Well, you'll be a big boy _one_ day," I tried to reason.

"Not today!" he yelled and pulled his underwear on over his head.

"Matthew Charles," I scolded him gently. He frowned and pulled the little dinosaur underwear from his head and put them on the right way. I handed him a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, smiling at how good he was at dressing himself. Despite his exhibitionist qualities, Matthew was the easiest of the kids. He put himself to bed, was potty-trained quickly, and even slept in his own bed, which was good because it got a little crowded sometimes. Charlie had made some quip about Matthew having to raise himself because there were so many "other damn kids around", but we knew how much he loved our hellions.

"I go to work with you today?" he asked as I lifted him back into my arms, fully dressed. I smoothed his auburn hair down and nodded. Leah had been working from home since he was born, but as the older kids started back at school and Matthew was old enough for preschool, she'd decided to go back to the office.

"You'll be at school while I work, but we'll be in the same building," I explained. The preschool we'd opened at the church had grown by leaps and bounds over the years, all of our kids had attended and loved it.

"Oh." He frowned and rested his head on my shoulder, fingers playing with the buttons on my shirt.

"You like school, right?" I asked. His little shoulders shrugged. "Well, you'll have fun. I promise."

"Hey, naked boy." Leah grinned when I set our son down and he wrapped his arms around her legs.

"I dressed now, Mommy."

"I know you are. Go sit down, Daniel, help your brother, please?"

Daniel nodded and lifted Matthew up, pretending to struggle and causing the girls to giggle.

"Jeez, little guy. What have you been eating?"

"I big and strong!"

"Sure you are, kid." Daniel reached over and mussed his brother's hair.

"Daddy, I need money for my field trip!"

"Oh, me too!"

"Who's taking me to my drum lesson today?"

"Can I have more milk?"

"I need to go to the library!"

"More pancakes!"

"Hurry up and eat or you'll miss the bus."

"I have to potty!"

"Go!" we all yelled in response. Matthew giggled and ran off while the conversation around the table quieted.

"How much?" I turned to the twins.

"Twelve dollars, please," they replied simultaneously. It didn't even faze them when they did it anymore, though it still kind of freaked me out.

"I'm taking you to your lesson," Leah told Daniel, who nodded and stuck an earbud in his ear, head nodding along to the music only he could hear. "We'll go to the library while we wait," she said to one of the girls.

Leah raised an eyebrow at me, so I held my hands up. He may have gotten his love of music from me, but his attitude was all Leah. She cleared her throat; I rolled my eyes and tugged the earbud out. Daniel turned to glare at me with a look that was too much like his mother.

"She's watching you," I stage-whispered. My son gave me a wry smile and tucked the bud into his pocket.

"Sorry, Mom," he muttered, casting an apologetic glance in her direction. She smiled and stood, cleaning up plates and ushering the girls off to wash their faces. Daniel started to help and I took a moment to watch them together. He moved like her, graceful and sure of himself. He sighed and smiled the same way she did, and even in all his newly found teenage angst the way he loved her was evident.

"Go get ready for school, baby," Leah told him once they'd cleared the table and loaded the dishwasher. He agreed and I heard Matthew squeal with laughter, assuming Daniel had something to do with it.

"How much longer will he stay my sweet boy?" Leah asked, watching the place where Daniel left. I laughed and kissed her head, not having a real response. Matthew flew into the kitchen a few moments later, skidded to a stop in front of me, and thrust his little body forward so I could button his jeans. He held his hands up to Leah, so she lifted him into her arms.

"I go to work with Daddy today."

"_I'm_ going, not I," Leah tried to corrected him.

"No, you go to your work, Mommy." He frowned and looked at me, dark eyes searching for clarity. Leah just shook her head and kissed his cheek.

"I love you, you goober."

"I love you," he replied, resting his little head on her shoulder. Leah sighed and glanced at me.

_No more_, I mouthed. She snorted and set our son on his feet.

"Go find your shoes." We watched him run out full-speed before my wife turned back to me. "No more, huh?"

"We're not as young as we once were, pretty girl," I teased placing a kiss on her forehead.

"Speak for yourself, old man."

"You do realize that eventually we're going to have a junior in high school _and _a kindergartner at the same time, right?"

"Don't forget twin girls in middle school and all the hormones that go with it!" She grinned as she poured coffee into two travel mugs.

"This is all your fault, you know."

"How do you figure?" she scoffed.

"You're just too beautiful. I can't keep my hands off you," I told her, lightly teasing her lips with mine.

"Oh, _well_. If that's your reasoning then maybe you should meet me back here at lunchtime," she said while she reached around and gently grabbed my ass.

"That sounds-"

"Mom!"

"Gross, Daddy!"

"Oh, come on people. We're going to be late."

"I wanna ride da bus!"

We pulled away quickly, both of our faces on fire. Oh, the joys of parenthood.

"Lunchtime it is," I sighed and handed out lunchboxes as the kids filed out the front door. I caught Matthew around the waist as he tried to run after everyone. I kissed Leah goodbye and set out for work with Matthew. Things were going fine until I dropped him off at his classroom and he clung to my leg like a kitten about to be dropped in the bathtub.

"I don't wanna go!" he sobbed. I quickly picked him up and carried him out into the breezeway.

"What's wrong?" I asked worriedly.

"I want to be with you!" My son hiccupped and buried his face in my neck.

"Okay. For a little while," I said, rubbing his back gently. "But I don't want you to miss too much."

"Okay," he agreed after wiping his face on my shirt. I didn't flinch…much. After raising his three older siblings, I was used to being covered in _something_.

Matthew spent the majority of the next hour on the floor in my office coloring while I worked on my sermon and made phone calls. Eventually he asked to go back to his classroom, so I led him back smiling as he ran inside like nothing had happened.

At lunchtime I practically raced home, only to get a phone call from Leah halfway there.

"Can you pick up Abi from school? She doesn't feel well, and I'm stuck in a meeting."

"No lunchtime rendezvous, huh?" I muttered, making an illegal u-turn to get back to the elementary school.

Leah laughed. "Sorry, Preacher Boy. Maybe tomorrow. Can you take her to the office with you?"

"Yeah, I'm kind of a big deal around here," I teased.

"Okay. I have to take Daniel to his lesson and Mara to the library and-"

"We're good, pretty girl. Don't worry. I'll see you at dinner."

"I love you, Edward," she said softly and I smiled.

"I love you too, get back to work."

After I picked up Abi (and realized that maybe she was suffering from the same sickness that her brother was) I took her and Matthew home. It was easier for me to work if they had more things to distract them.

Of course, one asking of "Daddy will you play with me?" and those big, sparkling eyes and I all but threw my sermon out the window. After a couple hours of tea parties, tents, and a few games of hide-and-seek I started dinner. Abi tried to help while Matthew rolled racecars under our feet until I ushered them both out of the kitchen before I either started yelling or someone got hurt. Or both.

I went to check on them after a few moments and found Abi sprawled out in my recliner reading a book. Matthew was sitting on the piano bench, frowning at the closed lid.

"I wanna play," he said quietly. I smiled and sat next to him on the bench, lifting the lid and pulling him into my lap.

"Do you want Daddy to teach you?"

"Yes." He nodded and tapped a little finger tentatively against the keys.

"It's hard work. You really have to pay attention."

"I can do it!"

"Okay." I kissed the top of his head and took his hand in mine, spreading out his little fingers over the keys. I helped him play a few scales and smiled when he laughed and clapped.

"You play a song now, Daddy."

"What should I play?" I asked.

"Play Mom's favorite song," Abi spoke from across the room.

"Only if you sing it." I grinned at her and she nodded, quickly making her way across the room and settling herself next to me on the bench. "You want to help me play, Matty?"

He nodded and rested his hands over mine. I smiled as I played and sang, lowly so that I could hear Abi's voice. It was reminiscent of singing with Alice, and it warmed my heart to think that my kids loved music as much as I did because music had done so much for me.

We finished "Smile" and the sound of applause caused us to turn around quickly. Leah came to us quickly, pressing a kiss to Abi's head before kissing me.

"That's my favorite," she whispered as she pulled Matthew from my lap.

"I know," I replied.

"Dinner smells great, did you guys help?"

"I played racecars!" Matthew said with a toothy grin.

"I'll take that as a 'no'," my wife laughed. "C'mon."

We filed into the dining room, sat, prayed, and ate. Leah and I sat across from each other with the children on either side of us and I couldn't help but think that our lives were so full. I laughed at the thought of our earlier conversation and my "no more" comment because, truth be told, the more the merrier. We had plenty of love to share.

"Homework, showers, bed," I said as Leah and I cleared the table. The kids grumbled but obeyed, sprawling out in the living room with books and papers. Daniel had the most and eventually trudged off to his refurbished attic bedroom for some peace and quiet. Though, after I picked up Matthew from where he'd fallen asleep face-down on the floor and took him to bed, I could hear him playing his drums quietly.

I opened the bedroom door, trying to hide my smile.

"It helps me think," he said with a guilty shrug.

"Don't let your mother hear," I warned him.

"Thanks, Dad."

"Anytime, kid." I closed the door and left him to his thinking.

"Hey, Dad?" he called.

"Yes?"

"I love you," my son whispered with his eyes on his snare drum.

"I love you too, Daniel," I replied, my throat feeling unusually thick. I was pretty sure Leah wasn't going to have to worry about her sweet boy.

After we put the girls to bed, we finally found our way to our own bedroom.

"How was work?" I asked as we undressed and climbed into bed.

"It makes me wish I stayed home," Leah chuckled quietly and rested her head on my shoulder. I slipped my arm around her, pulling her closer and kissing her head.

"Then I shouldn't mention your three-year-old's minor breakdown at school?"

"Oh no!" Leah leaned up on her elbow to look at me. "What happened?"

"I let him hang out in my office for a little while, he was fine."

"And then Abi and her 'stomachache' happened," she sighed.

"I think it's time to face the truth, pretty girl."

"Oh, yeah? What's that?"

"Our kids love us. They want to spend time with us. I don't know what we did wrong!" I covered my face with my hand and she laughed.

"It's awful, baby," she said softly and pressed a kiss to my chest.

"It's perfect," I replied.

"Still no more?" she whispered.

I laughed and rolled quickly until I was hovering over her. She wrapped her arms around my neck and drew me into a kiss.

"No more."

"You say that now…" she shifted her hips into mine and ran a hand down my chest.

"You know, I am a firm believer in 'whatever happens…happens'," I said against her lips.

"I'm counting on that, Preacher Boy."

I kissed her gently until she pulled away, her expression suddenly serious.

"What are you thinking?"

"You know," she started, chewing her lip while she thought. "We could always adopt."

I sighed and pressed my face into the crook of her neck.

"Now what are _you_ thinking?" Leah asked softly.

"I'm thinking we're going to need a bigger house."


	33. Outtake 8: Like Father

**Well, why not? Killerlashes betas and says nice things. Thanks for reading. XOXO**

* * *

Accidental Atonement – Like Father (Like Son)

"Daddy? Do you think we can have pizza for dinner? I really want pizza. It's Friday. Will Mommy let us have pizza?"

I sighed and picked up Hannah, our two-year-old we'd adopted from Haiti, as we stepped into the house.

"I don't know, buddy. You'll have to ask her when we get inside," I answered Matthew, but the front door swung open before I could put the key in the lock.

"You _do not_ want to go in there right now," Mara greeted me, and then held out her hands for Hannah. Abi nodded in agreement behind her twin and pushed her wavy hair out of her face.

"Seriously, Dad. It's scary in there." She shuddered as the girls pushed their way past me.

"What happened?" Matthew frowned up at me. I smiled and mussed his hair.

"Just stay out here with your sisters, okay?"

"And then pizza?"

"We'll see," I laughed, and pushed into the house, only to be greeted by the sound of yelling. My wife's yelling, to be exact.

"Fighting? _Fighting? _Of all the things you could get in trouble for, Daniel? Since when do you fight?" she demanded _loudly_, standing with her hands on her hips and glaring at our seventeen-year-old.

"You don't get it, Mom!" he yelled back, his dark eyes clouded over with frustration.

"Then help me understand why I had to pick you up from the principal's office, kid!" Leah lowered her voice and brushed her hair from her face, still oblivious that I was in the room.

"Don't call me a kid!" Daniel yelled, and I half-expected him to stomp his foot. (He was _so_ like his mother.)

"You _are_ a kid. You just so happen to be _my_ kid. My kid who got suspended for punching a classmate. Why don't you explain it to me so I can get it, please?" She took a step toward him, but our son shook his head.

He shook his head stubbornly. "I can't. You wouldn't understand." Leah set her jaw and cast a quick glance at me before speaking again.

"Fine. You're grounded. Hand over your car keys, drumsticks, and any and all electronic devices you own."

"_Mom!"_

"Now." Leah held out her hand and I watched my son hand over the keys to Leah's prized '69 Camaro, and walk away. He returned a moment later, arms laden with his laptop, phone, and iPod. He haphazardly dropped them on the table and straightened up to look his mother in the eye.

"Happy?" Daniel asked coldly.

"Incredibly. Go to your room," she answered through clenched teeth.

"There's nowhere else I'd rather be."

Silence reigned until we heard the slam of Daniel's bedroom door. I waited a moment before speaking, until Leah rested one hand on the table and one hand on her heart, and I knew the tears were about to start.

"I can't believe him," she whispered to my shoulder as I wrapped my arms around her. "I can't believe my baby would do something like that."

"What happened?" I kissed her cheek after she'd pulled away.

"I don't know." Leah shrugged, wiping away tears. "I got a call when I was picking up the girls…fighting, Edward? I don't understand."

"I'll talk to him," I told her softly. "Meanwhile, your other son is really hungry for pizza."

She forced a smile and rubbed her temples. "Are they all outside?"

"Or in the kitchen listening…"

"Their cute butts _better_ be outside," she muttered and walked away.

I made my way upstairs to Daniel's room. We'd moved nearly a year ago, shortly before we brought Hannah home. She came to us shy and curious and was currently learning every word ever and enjoying giving hugs to everyone (including perfect strangers). She was amazing, and fit right in with our crazy bunch.

I knocked on Daniel's door and waited for his muttered "come in", before opening the door. He was lying on his bed, a book open on his chest, and his eyes glued on the ceiling.

I sat on the edge of his bed and heard my son sigh. "You want to talk about it?"

"You won't listen either," he said as he threw his arm over his head.

"I promise I will." I patted his leg. Daniel tossed his book to the side and sat up, swinging his legs over the side of the bed. He was nearly as tall as me, but still favored Leah in his looks: dark, broody eyes, high cheekbones, and a glare that could make anyone recoil.

"What's with the fighting, man? That's not like you." I frowned at him and he rested his head in his hands.

"How do you know that's not like me? Because of you and Mom? Because the two of you are so _good?_ Maybe I'm different that you are!" Daniel pushed himself off the bed and paced his room a few times.

"Trust me, boy. Your mom and I aren't that good."

"Dad. You're a _preacher_."

"I went to jail once," I blurted out, before I could stop myself. My son's eyes widened as he turned to me.

"For what?"

I sighed and scrubbed a hand over my face. "Fighting."

"Dad…"

"I mean it, Daniel. Right after I found out my parents had died. I had a roommate who was…my girlfriend was cheating on me with him. So, he wanted to talk and I didn't."

"Yeah, right. Next you're going to tell me you were on drugs."

I raised an eyebrow at him and he looked at me incredulously.

"Dad!"

"I'm not perfect, Daniel. And neither is your mother. We're here to help you. If there's something you want to talk about, then let's do it now."

Daniel sighed and sat next to me again. "There's this senior at school who's just a jerk, you know? He's always picking on people and today he was saying stuff about this guy I know and I kind of lost it."

"What was he saying?"

"Dad- I can't…I'm not supposed to talk about it," my son mumbled.

"I won't say anything. Pastor's honor, or something." I nudged him with my shoulder and watched his lips curl into a little smile.

"My friend Josh is…well, he's gay. But he hasn't told a lot of people and this guy just wouldn't let up on him about it."

"So you lost it."

"I lost it," he repeated. "And I _know_ that was wrong, but you always talk about how God loves everyone no matter what, and my friend shouldn't be any different because he's gay!"

I swallowed around the lump of pride in my throat, then put my arm around my son's shoulder and pulled him as close as he would let me, pressing a kiss to his hair.

"So, your mother is pissed because you got in trouble for fighting and you were just sticking up for a friend, right?"

"She deserves to be mad," he grumbled.

"Is there anything else you need to tell me?" I asked quietly.

"Like what?" Daniel asked skeptically.

"Why it made you so mad that your friend was being picked on…"

"_Dad_! I'm not gay!" Daniel half-laughed. "I mean, would it matter if I was?"

"Not a bit, kid." I clapped him on the shoulder. "I love you no matter what. Your mother does too. If you were gay? No big. Fighting, on the other hand…"

He laughed for real that time, and then looked down at his hands. "I'll apologize to her."

"You're a good boy."

My son rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, yeah. Tell Mom that."

"I will, after dinner," I teased.

He groaned. "C'mon, Dad!"

"No, really. I'm starving. I'll do it later," I said as I lifted myself off his bed and crossed the room.

Daniel groaned again, but followed me downstairs where everyone was gathered around the kitchen island on stools. Hannah rushed forward to Daniel, who picked her up and kissed her cheek loudly.

"My bubbie," she squealed and he smiled at her, and then shifted his gaze to Leah.

I took Hannah from her brother's arms and watched my wife cross the kitchen to our oldest child. The rest of them watched on, frightened or intrigued by whatever was going to happen.

"I'm sorry," he whispered before wrapped his arms around her, much like I had earlier. He was nearly as tall as me these days.

"Me too," she replied, kissing his cheek and smoothing his hair.

"I love you, Mom."

"I love you too. You're still grounded, though."


	34. Outtake 9: A Full House

**Hi. You know I love them. Thanks to killerlashes, and thank you for reading (if you do!) ;).**

* * *

A Full House

My son grinned over at me. "So, is this where you got arrested?"

I shook my head and shoved his shoulder. Never again would I confide in him. "You're acting just like your mother," I muttered.

He laughed. "I'm just curious, Dad!"

"No," I answered. "That's on the other side of campus. I'll show you where the man pressed me face-down into the concrete and handcuffed me, if you like."

"I'm really enjoying this bonding experience."

I rolled my eyes, ruffling his hair and wrapping my arm around his shoulders. "Just think, in a few months _you_ could be hanging out here."

"Yeah, right. Mom will have a heart attack if I move halfway across the country to go to school. Besides, what about Asbury? Don't you want me to follow in yours- and Jesus'- footsteps?"

That time I laughed. "You can do whatever you want, kid. I just want you to explore all your options, and the music program is great here."

"And if I like it…you'll talk to Mom?"

I pretended to think for a moment, enjoying the nervous expression on my eldest son's face.

"Well…"

"Dad!" he whined.

"I'll talk to Mom about it," I laughed, putting him out of his misery. Daniel let out a relieved whoosh of breath and stepped away from me to read some of the posters on the wall of the building we were in. I stood back a few feet to watch him, a little enthralled at the sight of my almost-adult son and picturing him at college very soon.

"Edward?" I heard my name and turned, feeling my eyes widen as I did. "Edward Cullen?"

With a smile, I stepped forward to the person who called me and held my hand out. She took it, shaking it gently and smiling.

"Bella Dwyer?" I asked and she nodded.

"It's Whitlock now, actually," she said, and I swear she blushed.

"Oh, I heard that. How are you? What are you doing here?"

"I was going to ask you the same thing!" Bella said with a laugh. "I teach English, and you're in my building."

"Am I?" I looked around and laughed when I caught the glare my son was giving me. "I'm here with my son doing a little research on schools." I beckoned Daniel over and he came quickly, shaking Bella's hand and smiling politely. Underneath his sweet smile was totally his mother's attitude, though.

"You graduate this year?"

He nodded. "Yes, ma'am."

"What are you studying?" she asked.

"Music," Daniel answered, and Bella turned back to me.

"Just like your dad, huh?"

"Well, kind of. I mean, Dad's still pretty good with music, but he's super busy with his church and all of us." He shrugged and cast a glance at me.

Bella raised her eyebrow at me and waited for an explanation.

"I'm a pastor now. I have my own church in Tacoma," I explained.

"Really?" She looked skeptical and I chuckled quietly.

"Yeah, really."

"That's…wow."

I grinned. "I know. It's crazy. Why don't we go get a cup of coffee and maybe you can tell Daniel about the school? If you don't mind."

"That'd be great," she agreed, so we made our way to the courtyard and bought coffee from a little cart. Bella talked a little about the school and classes, until eventually the conversation turned personal.

"How are your kids?" I asked, and she smiled.

"Good. My oldest just had a baby, and my youngest is getting ready to graduate from NYU. It's still hard to think of myself as a grandmother!"

Daniel snorted into his coffee and I aimed a glare at him. Probably because of the fact that I could be a grandfather…only my youngest kid was ten months old.

"Do you have any other children?"

"Yeah, you could say that," Daniel muttered. I rolled my eyes.

Bella looked between us, bemused.

"There are six of us," my son explained.

"Wait, _six_?"

"Yep. Six. Dad wants to change our last name to Camden or something," he said with a grin.**  
**

"What'd I tell you about the _7__th__ Heaven _jokes?" I raised an eyebrow at him.

"Only tell them when Mom is around?"

I smiled and winked at him. "You're a good boy."

"Seriously, Edward. Tell me about your six children."

I took a deep breath. "Daniel's the oldest, Mara and Abi are thirteen, Matthew is eight, Hannah's adopted from Haiti and just turned five, James was adopted at six weeks old and will be one in a couple of months."

"Holy shit."

"You're telling me, lady. And my mom is wondering why I want to come all the way out here for school."

"I'm a grandmother and you have a one-year-old!" She laughed and shook her head. "That's nuts!"

"Trust me, Bella. I know," I said with a smile. "Our house is crazy." As if on cue, my phone buzzed in my pocket. "Hey," I answered it and held up a hand to Bella.

"That's how you greet the mother of your six children? _Hey?_ How rude," Leah's voice was tinged with annoyance. I laughed.

"Did we slip back into the early nineties, Stephanie?"

"Now is not the time for _Full_ _House _jokes, Edward!" she cried.

"What's wrong?" I frowned and glanced from Daniel to Bella before stepping away.

"You've been gone for two days," my wife whispered quietly, and I sighed.

"I know, pretty girl. We'll be home soon."

"Tell Daniel I love him," she said.

"I will," I promised.

"And you."

"I know." I smiled.

"Call us tonight, okay?"

"Okay." I hung up and turned around. "Mommy loves you," I said to my son, who simply nodded, doing me the favor of not rolling his eyes.

"I have a lecture now, but why don't we meet up for dinner later and we can catch up some more," Bella suggested. "That little pub we used to go to is still over on Tenth Street…"

"Sounds good," I answered. "Around eight?"

She agreed and we parted ways, my son frowning as we walked back to the rental car.

"She likes you," he said once we were in the car.

"Water under the bridge, kid," I muttered and started the car, trying not to let his words get to me.

It was a few hours later when I was walking into a little pub that I'd frequented many nights in my days at school. Many nights that I couldn't even remember. The place was different, as was I. It was brighter and more modern than it had once been. Not the dingy little place that used to serve underage patrons.

I found Bella in a corner booth and she quickly stood and pulled me into a hug.

"I don't know what you like anymore, so I just ordered for myself," she explained and gestured to the half-empty wineglass in front of her.

"Um, I don't drink anymore, actually," I confessed.

"Oh…is that a religious thing?" she asked skeptically.

I chuckled quietly. "No. After everything that happened with my parents and you know…getting arrested, I had to do some AA meetings. I've been sober ever since."

"I had no idea, I'm sorry," Bella said quietly.

"It was the best thing for me. And for my sister."

"What happened after you left? It was like you disappeared."

I took a deep breath and went through the first few years of my life after my parents' deaths. Bella listened sympathetically and even squeezed my hand in an effort to give comfort, but I didn't need it. Everything that had happened had led me to exactly where I needed to be.

"And your wife? Where did you meet her?" she asked after a waiter refilled her wineglass.

"Leah was actually assigned to do community service at the church I was working at, so it all worked out," I laughed. "How about you? How's Jasper?"

"He's…Jasper. Probably just like you remember." I watched as she fingered the stem of her glass and sighed. "We're separated."

"Oh. I'm sorry to hear that." I frowned.

"After our youngest graduated high school, things started to unravel. I just don't know how to put it back together," her voice shook as she spoke.

"Well, marriage isn't easy," I said as I patted her hand gently. "But if you love him then you should do all you can to make it work."

"How? How do you keep it together? I mean, you've got six kids for Christ's sake!"

I laughed. "I love my wife, Bella. It's that simple for us. Sure, she's stubborn and a complete pain in the ass almost all of the time, but she's what I want. She's the mother of my kids and the best thing that ever happened to me. If you want it to work, you'll make it happen. I know you will."

"Are you sure?"

"Trust me, Bella. I've married a ton of people of people. Most of them are still together…okay, some of them." I grinned and she gave me a weak smile.

"This is not what I expected to talk about tonight," she confessed.

"Yeah. I have that effect on people."

xXx

I watched for a moment before waking her, wanting to enjoy the beauty she held while she slept. The calmness and youth of her face that brought back memories of our first few years together, and I smiled.

"Hey," my wife whispered thickly and reached her hand up to touch my shoulder. Her hand trailed down my arm and her fingers laced through mine.

"Hey, pretty girl," I whispered back and bent down to kiss her.

"Did you just get in?"

"Yeah, just walked in the door."

"Where's Daniel?" she asked as she reached over and turned on her bedside lamp.

"He went to bed, he had a lot on his mind," I explained and brushed her hair from her face.

"He likes it a lot, huh?"

I sighed. "He does."

"It's so far."

"Don't worry," I said as I leaned down to kiss her again. "We have five more heathens to take his place."

Leah laughed and pushed me away, just as I heard James on the monitor beside our bed.

"Speaking of…go get 'em, Daddy." She grinned and rolled over, so I patted her on the ass and went to check on my son.

I picked him up out of his crib and carried him downstairs, hoping he'd take a bottle and go back to sleep. An hour later we were playing with toys in the middle of the living room, and quiet footsteps caused me to look up and smile.

"Hi, Daddy," Mara greeted me and joined us on the floor. She leaned against my side and I pressed a kiss to her hair.

"Hi, beautiful."

"I missed you," she yawned.

"I missed you more," her twin replied from the bottom of the stairs. Mara stuck her tongue out at Abi and soon I was surrounded by my girls.

"Can we watch TV?" Mara asked. I cast a quick glance at James, who wasn't planning on sleeping anytime soon, and nodded.

A few moments later Matthew trudged down the stairs followed by Hannah and eventually they were all sprawled out over the living room. I wasn't surprised when Daniel joined us.

"What are we watching?" He asked as he took a spot between the twins.

"_The Princess Bride_," Abi yawned, and Daniel nodded appreciatively.

"So. Daddy comes home and all the rules disappear, huh?" Leah's voice caused us all to turn and I paused the movie quickly.

"We missed him," Hannah said with a little shrug.

"And it's a _school night_," Leah said, sticking her hands on her hips.

"Can't we stay home tomorrow?" Mara asked. "Please?" She glanced at me and I raised an eyebrow to my wife in silent communication.

She huffed out a little sigh before lifting Hannah into her lap and joining the kids on the couch.

"Hit play, Preacher Boy." She smiled at me over Hannah's head and I felt warmth spread through my chest.

I smiled. "As you wish, pretty girl."


	35. Outtake 10: No Accident

**Thanks to killerlashes for the five minute turnaround with this. This might be goodbye, it might not be. I never know with these guys. XOXO**

* * *

No Accident

It was a rare thing for me to be up before him, let alone up before the alarm, but it was a special day. I smiled as I slipped out of our bed, happy that there were no little bodies tucked in it for once. Not that I didn't love the little bodies, but I didn't want anything or anyone to wake up…not yet.

Edward stirred and rolled over, his left hand landing on his chest as he did. I wanted to reach over and stroke his wedding ring, just because sometimes it was hard to believe he was mine…even after all these years. His copper hair fell over his face, still as pretty as a freshly scrubbed pot with only a few streaks of gray- a few less than me, anyways. I'd become quite a staple at the local hair salon. Edward didn't seem to mind shelling out the money, either. He seemed to know that most of them were his fault.

I sighed as I tiptoed out of the room, ready to wake the savages for the day's preparations. Of course, I was pleasantly surprised to find them already in the kitchen with a fresh pot of coffee waiting.

All six of them, to be more accurate.

"Hi," they all whispered in unison, like some creepy pod children.

I meant to raise an eyebrow at them, but my oldest handed me a cup of coffee, so I smiled instead.

"Hi," I whispered back.

"Are we having pancakes?" Jamie asked, tugging at the front of my pajamas. I set my cup down and pulled him into my arms.

"Yep. Daddy's favorite," I replied before kissing his cheek loudly.

"Can I put in the chocolate chips?" Hannah asked hopefully.

"Whatever you want," I answered.

It didn't take long for the older children to take charge and start tasks. Breakfast wasn't always a big event, but today was going to be a little extra special.

Daniel was home for the summer, though he was thriving in Chicago and doing well in school. Mara and Abi were going to be starting their junior year of high school, identical in looks and completely different in everything else. Abi tended to take after me: loud and outgoing, while Mara buried herself in books and music.

Matthew was in middle school, and loved sports more than Edward or I had ever dreamed he would. (Neither of us tended to be very coordinated.)

The little ones, Hannah and Jamie, not our flesh and blood but each a little part of our hearts, grew so quickly it made my heart ache and swell all at the same time. They fit in from day one, and no one ever cared that they were different…because we all were.

As we cooked they sang quietly, some old song Edward was always caught singing. He loved worship music, and so did the kids. I just loved to hear them all.

It was about the time that Daniel was twirling Abi gracefully through the kitchen when I noticed that we weren't alone.

"How long have you been there?" I smirked in his direction and Edward shrugged.

"Not long," he replied sleepily.

Then I watched. I watched as our children gathered around him. As he took them into his arms and kissed them, one by one. I watched as they whispered their love to their father before they dispersed into the dining room to set the table.

"Happy birthday," I said, after he'd finally made his way to me.

"I'm getting old, pretty girl." Edward grinned, his green eyes crinkling at the corners.

"No, you're just getting better," I told him.

My husband laughed as he leaned down to kiss me.

"You think so?"

"I know so, Preacher Boy."

"Not quite a boy anymore," he whispered against my lips.

"You'll always be my Preacher Boy." I smiled and kissed him again. "You can't get away."

"I wouldn't dream of it."

I let him go and ushered him into the dining room where we passed around chocolate chip pancakes and enough sides to feel the entire congregation at Edward's church. As things settled down, Edward held his hands out and we all joined them around our big table to pray. He thanked God for us, for his family, and for his special day: for getting to walk on the earth for fifty years.

When he was finished he smiled at me, that same damn smile he'd given me twenty-five years ago in the social hall at the church in Forks. His eyes were bright, but older…wiser.

He was beautiful.

I used to think that everything had just brought us together by accident, but Edward always knew better. As we sat surrounded by our family, I knew it, too. It was definitely no accident that we ended up together.


	36. Outtake 11: The Big Day

**Merry Late Christmas, here's a little way-into-the-future-take. Not beta'd, mistakes are extra gifts for you. **

**Peace and love to y'all. Have a fabulous New Year.**

* * *

Accidental Atonement – The Big Day

I took a deep breath and knocked quietly on the door, not wanting to startle the young girl on the other side, even though my heart was pounding, too.

She called a quiet "Come in," so I did, and my heart nearly stopped when I saw her.

"Does it look okay?" Julie asked nervously, and her hands shook as they smoothed down the white silk: the very same dress that I wore on my wedding day nearly thirty years before.

"You look beautiful, sweetheart." I nodded and carefully wrapped her up in my arms like she were my own child.

Well, in just a few minutes she would practically _be_ one of them. After she married my Daniel, of course.

"Will he like it? I'm so nervous!" Julie cried, though her thousand-watt smile negated her words.

"I'm pretty sure you could be wearing a black Hefty bag and he'd still be crazy about you," Abi said as she burst into the room, her long hair piled meticulously on top of her head. Mara smiled and rolled her eyes at her sister, her new pixie cut styled much like Alice used to wear hers.

Julie beamed and then blushed at the entrance of her soon to be sisters-in-law, and turned back to me.

"I can't thank you enough for…everything," she whispered as tears welled up in her big blue eyes. The girls were quick to flank her sides and wrap identical arms around her waist. Abi, my rough-around-the-edges clone, reached up and brushed Julie's hair from her face before kissing her pale cheek.

"You're one of us now," my daughter said softly. "It takes some time getting used to, but you'll be okay."

Julie laughed and I couldn't help but smile as the three of them pressed their heads together. It was true, though. Julie was one of us now. She had been since the first time Daniel had brought her home for Thanksgiving dinner nearly three years ago. It was awkward at first, seeing our grown son bring home a girl for the first time, but the more time she spent with us the more we became to love her.

When Daniel graduated and moved back to Washington, we'd hoped with all our hearts that she would come, too. They'd gotten engaged that Christmas at our house, surrounded by our entire family. We knew it was hard for Julie to be around all of us at first. Our family was large and loud, whereas she'd grown up with no family at all.

We were heartbroken for her when Daniel first told us, but soon realized that her life had been in no way impeded by how she grew up. Julie was sweet, smart, and amazingly talented. She taught art to elementary students and fit right in with our wild bunch. It didn't take Edward and I long to realize that she was perfect for our son.

Daniel even came to us after their engagement and mentioned that they wanted to go to the courthouse and get married because Julie didn't want to be a burden, but we had none of that. It helped to have an in with the pastor of a church, after all.

There was another knock on the door and we all turned, just as my husband entered the room. He smiled at me, but his eyes drifted to our new "daughter" and he held his hand over his heart.

"Wow."

Julie blushed an even deeper red, and it reminded me so much of Edward when we first started dating that I bit back a laugh. Apparently our children do marry like we do.

"Are we ready?" I asked as his hand slipped into mine.

"The groom has successfully been tied to the chancel, just in case." Edward said with a wink and a shrug.

Julie rolled her eyes and the girls laughed, but then she squared her shoulders and looked Edward square in the eyes.

"Well, you'd better get me out there before he gets loose."

"All right, then." He grinned, kissed my cheek, and beckoned for our very adult daughters to follow him out.

I handed Julie her bouquet and held out my arm, leading her out of the room and into the narthex of the church. Music played as we began down the aisle, surrounded by family and friends. Edward and our son stood at the end, wearing matching smiles. Daniel smiled at me briefly, then his gaze settled on the girl walking next to me and I felt my eyes well up with tears. Not only was my baby boy getting married, but I was voluntarily walking the girl of his dreams down the aisle. I could feel the irony pulsing around me.

We reached the end and Edward stepped down, taking Julie's hand and leading her to Daniel. I took my seat and dabbed at my eyes before looked down the row at the rest of the kids: I still had five little birdies in the proverbial nest after all.

I could hear the strain in Edward's voice throughout the ceremony. It had been the same so many years ago at Alice's wedding. He knew he was letting go, as did I. But we also knew that so many doors were about to open for our son. By the time he was pronouncing Daniel and Julie as husband and wife, my softie husband was crying freely, as was I (and three-fifths of our children). He found me just after the newly pronounced couple were making their way back down the aisle to leave the church and meet us at the banquet hall.

"One down…" Edward muttered into my ear, but I shoved him away. He smiled a watery smile and kissed my temple.

"I'm not in a rush to do that again," I replied.

"Okay," he agreed and glared at the twins. "Don't get any ideas."

They both shrugged and exchanged confused glances.

"Daddy?" Jamie asked, tugging at Edward's robe. "When can I get married?"

"Like, not for a really long time, okay?" Edward said solemnly as he scooped our youngest up into his arms.

"Next year?"

"Yeah, kid," Matthew piped up. "Next year."

Jamie looked satisfied with that answer, though Matthew and Hannah just rolled their eyes at their little brother.

"Let's go, my little birdies," I teased as I ushered them all out of the church. We greeted as many people as we could before we finally made it to our car and headed to the reception. My parents were waiting outside, looking too good to be in their seventies. They greeted Edward and I quickly, before the kids surrounded them and we were left alone. People milled in around us, but we'd both found it hard to move in the moment.

"I think that…she will be good for him," Edward finally said.

"She'll be good for all of us," I returned, knowing it was entirely true. Julie was a great addition to our family, and we gave her something she never had.

I squeezed Edward's hand and pulled him into the hall, where we quickly found everyone we'd missed at the church: Alice and Peter, Seth and Maggie, and their not-so-little ones. So long ago, our family had been so small and broken, and now everything had changed.

"Dance with me, pretty girl," Edward whispered into my ear after dinner. I happily obliged and was filled with a memory of us at a dingy little bar, just before he proposed to me. He pulled me into his arms and pressed his cheek against my hair.

"I hope she can make him as happy as you make me," I said quietly and felt Edward's body vibrate with a chuckle.

"Did you just compliment me? You're getting soft in your old age, Leah," my husband teased.

"Don't get sassy, Preacher Boy."

"I hope she doesn't put up with any of his shit, like you don't." Edward smiled and brushed my hair from my face. We both turned to watch Daniel and Julie dancing just a few feet away, completely oblivious to anything around them and looking totally in love.

"I think they'll be fine," I laughed and rested my head on Edward's shoulder.

"Yeah, you know what we get to look forward to now?"

"What's that?"

"Grandkids."

I pulled back, beaming, thinking of how amazing our life had been since we'd had Daniel; since we'd been so blessed with all of our other heathens. Our families _had_ been small and broken once, but Edward and I found each other. We made a new family, bringing everyone closest to us together, and were so lucky to watch it grow and change around us.

"Grandkids, huh? That'll be an adventure."

"Every day is an adventure with you, pretty girl."

"Looks like we're just getting started, too."


End file.
